RE: Submissive in sexless marriage

RE: Submissive in sexless marriage (Full Version)

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SusanofO -> RE: Submissive in sexless marriage (6/21/2006 8:27:22 PM)
You know Reflective Soul, I have had it with you. Why don't you Reflect on THIS?: You are a total and complete B____ch. Yes, I do have a temper. And you have definitely brought it out. If your own husband is ignoring you or something I am sorry for that - but it's no reason to take it out on me. I am not sure just what your problem IS, exactly, but - before this goes ANY FURTHER, I want you, in your ultimate wisdom, to list for me here, right now - all of the reasons you think my situation was my fault. Come on, do it. Then SHUT UP, PLEASE. - Susan

thetammyjo -> RE: Submissive in sexless marriage (6/21/2006 8:29:31 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Reflectivesoul quote: ORIGINAL: thetammyjo And if someone wants sex they are to just either except not having it cause their partner doesn't want it or leave or cheat? Why isn't the other partner responsibilty for trying to work things out or finding other ways for the sexual partner to get what she/he needs? TammyJo, But the person who doesnt want sex is responsible for making sure the other person gets off? not in my eyes at all. If sexual contact is a direct no no to someone why should they have to make sure someone else gets off? Seems to me that it is just imposing something directly linked to a dislike for that person, and shoving it in their face. That's no different than taking a sub with a hard limit and then rubbing that limit in the subs face and saying well you have to make sure I get this even if you hate it. Its wrong and its foul. If these women feel the need to get off then thats what they make toys for. shrugs I quite like Trix's stance that it is your body, your sexual drive, your orgasm, your responsibility. It is very much the partner's responsiblity to not interfere then with her/his attempt to get their needs/desires met. A partner who is asexual or who has stopped wanting sex does not have to provide sex but they should not stand in the way of their partner getting sex. They can either agree to open up the relationship, buy the partner sex toys, or get a divorce. To force the sexual person to become unsexual is very very selfish and cruel! My husband is (if you forgot) asexual. He loves me and because of this he is very open to us being poly and he has bought me sex toys. He takes his role as my partner seriously and knows he has a responsiblity to help me be fulfilled even if he himself cannot offer me what I want. I think some of you are reading into my words some bizarre idea that I'm saying the asexual must provide sex when that is not what I'm saying at all. If you actually read my words and were not so hung up on this unrealistic idea that everyone is an island who is unaffected by others in their life you might see that. I mean really this is an insane idea. You popped out of some womb exactly as you are today? I don't think so. I think you are product of all of the contact you've had in your life. I notice, Reflectivesoul that you keep talking about responsibility as though it is a one person, one way only thing. That is not how good relationships work. Both people hav to make the effort and they have to want what is good and healthy on all levels for each other. Yes, the person who is unhappy should be honest and try to work things out. They should also be strong enough to end things if they can't get what they need or want. But to say that that one person alone is completely responsibility is completely false.

thetammyjo -> RE: Submissive in sexless marriage (6/21/2006 8:33:49 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: CreativeDominant I've been in a sexless marriage with a partner who wanted no part of an open marriage and who kept finding different medical reasons for it. I cheated...until I could not stand myself for being dishonest. I left. Suddenly, her sex drive came back. Seeing that, I moved back. Oddly enough, it went away again. I left for good. So, I've been there, done that. As I said in my original post, the person in question in the original post has a difficult decision to make. But it's way past time to do it. So now...am I judgmental? Well...so are we all, in something. Hello!!!! Don't you think your partner was manipulating then?! I mean, no sex drive, sex drive to get you back, then no sex drive again?!

Reflectivesoul -> RE: Submissive in sexless marriage (6/21/2006 8:37:49 PM)
lash away susan... its just more of the behavior I was talking about... do you feel better? Did it change the situation? <edited to add> did I resprt to name calling and swearing? but yet I am blamed because you lost control of yourself? gee I want a copy of that memo......

MrDiscipline44 -> RE: Submissive in sexless marriage (6/21/2006 8:46:51 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SusanofO You know Reflective Soul, I have had it with you. Why don't you Reflect on THIS?: You are a total and complete B____ch. Yes, I do have a temper. And you have definitely brought it out. If your own husband is ignoring you or something I am sorry for that - but it's no reason to take it out on me. I am not sure just what your problem IS, exactly, but - before this goes ANY FURTHER, I want you, in your ultimate wisdom, to list for me here, right now - all of the reasons you think my situation was my fault. Come on, do it. Then SHUT UP, PLEASE. - Susan Alright, if want to know then I'll tell you. You stayed in the relationship way past the point in which you were unhappy and allowed it to damage you. That is were YOU are to blame susan, and no-one else. No where did I read that you were chained to a post so that you couldn't leave or that he held a gun to your head to keep you from leaving. So don't blame him because you're screwed up and need cousiling. Blame is squarely on you for your part.

akisha -> RE: Submissive in sexless marriage (6/21/2006 8:50:06 PM)
Ok I'll admit I started skimmng after about page 3 or 4. To ever problem in a marriage, hell even in life, it comes down to two avenues of recourse. 1. Accept it, and stay and shut up about it. or 2. Do something about it. He is not willing to help fix the problem probably because he does not see it as a problem. People do not change their base nature. If he was going to do something about it he would have years ago. Quit slamming your head into a brick wall trying to make him or thinking if you yell loud enough he will. Piss or get off the pot. This may sound cold and rude but in reality those are the only choices you have.

Reflectivesoul -> RE: Submissive in sexless marriage (6/21/2006 8:56:39 PM)
TammyJo, I never said that the relationship couldnt be open, I never said that the partner couldnt foot the bill for toys, as a matter of fact I did say that this is what toys are made for. I also never said that no one else has an influence on parts of our lives, what I did say is that how we choose to deal with that influence is our problem not theirs.

Lordandmaster -> RE: Submissive in sexless marriage (6/21/2006 8:59:52 PM)
Hmmm, did you say you're in therapy? quote: ORIGINAL: SusanofO You know Reflective Soul, I have had it with you. Why don't you Reflect on THIS?: You are a total and complete B____ch. Yes, I do have a temper.

Level -> RE: Submissive in sexless marriage (6/21/2006 9:00:17 PM)
A guy backed into my car this morning (really lol). I got pissed off. He didn't make me angry, I did. This doesn't mean he isn't responsible for his actions, it just means he isn't responsible for mine. I am. PS - Headlight assembly, driver's side, 1990 Olds Regency. [&:]

Reflectivesoul -> RE: Submissive in sexless marriage (6/21/2006 9:03:50 PM)
Level, sorry about the car... that sucks! But yes he is responsible for hitting it and yes you're right you are responsible for getting pissed off... he put down the ground work for you to get pissed and you followed that route.... The exact thing I have been saying all along.... while the ground work may be there, you are ultimately responsible for how you deal with it.

SusanofO -> RE: Submissive in sexless marriage (6/21/2006 9:04:38 PM)
Both you and Dedicated Dom dont' have two brain cells to rub together sideways. Why do you for one second believe I would ever care what you think? I just find you annoying. - Susan

Level -> RE: Submissive in sexless marriage (6/21/2006 9:07:45 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Reflectivesoul Level, sorry about the car... that sucks! Thanks rs, and yes, it sucks [:o]....... but on the plus side, when word gets out I have a '90 Olds, I ought to get tons of ladies contacting me [8D]. *he said, jokingly*

SusanofO -> RE: Submissive in sexless marriage (6/21/2006 9:14:19 PM)
Wow, you sure sound like a big tough guy. I must say, I was really moved by that speech. - Susan

Reflectivesoul -> RE: Submissive in sexless marriage (6/21/2006 9:14:38 PM)
lol susan... and you obviously care at some level because you are getting upset and lashing out and trying to get to me.... therefor laying the ground work and you are getting more and more pissed off because I am not buying into it... shakes head I am responsible for my actions, try and atleast be responsible for your own. I did not force you to come here and write negative things or to try and bash me so do not blame me for your actions. you AGAIN did this yourself.

Reflectivesoul -> RE: Submissive in sexless marriage (6/21/2006 9:17:07 PM)
uh huh Level, until something pertinent breaks on it cause they dun make new parts for those anymore lol giggles I can see it now, Level driving down the road flintstone style laughs ahem giggles I shouldnt pick on your car, thats not nice giggles but it WAS funny...

Level -> RE: Submissive in sexless marriage (6/21/2006 9:18:48 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Reflectivesoul uh huh Level, until something pertinent breaks on it cause they dun make new parts for those anymore lol giggles I can see it now, Level driving down the road flintstone style laughs ahem giggles I shouldnt pick on your car, thats not nice giggles but it WAS funny... [;)]

MrDiscipline44 -> RE: Submissive in sexless marriage (6/21/2006 9:19:56 PM)
It's like I've said RS, people never learned to take responsibility as children and grow up thinking EVERYTHING is someone elses fault. Never taking responsibility for their roles they played in thier own misery.

SusanofO -> RE: Submissive in sexless marriage (6/21/2006 9:21:24 PM)
Wow I am just so hurt. It takes my breath away just how (un) affected I am by this. I have to go. I have better things to do - like take a nap. - Susan

Sumimara -> RE: Submissive in sexless marriage (6/21/2006 9:24:12 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SusanofO Both you and Dedicated Dom dont' have two brain cells to rub together sideways. Why do you for one second believe I would ever care what you think? I just find you annoying. - Susan I'm going to guess they believe it because you continue to attempt to justify your opinions and argue about their responses to your opinions. As an very uninterested observer - I think that you should take a moment to re-read what's been said, no one is insulting your original comments and opinions and having an opinion that differs from yours isn't an attack on what you have gone through, it gives you a perspective that lots of people who are posting simply don't have. RS's experience and how she dealt with it may not be how you are coping but it is no less valid. That said... the idea of remaining in a marriage or relationship with someone who does not or cannot fulfill your needs is repugnant to me. I am sure that coming up with rationalizations provides some comfort but it has to be cold comfort indeed. As many have said - make your decision and live with it. I think that there must be some trade offs... something that keeps the woman the OP wrote about in that situation, we can sit around and offer all the advice in the world but in the end the woman will need to decide what it is that she wants and pursue it. No one posting an opinion (myself included though I am wise beyond the telling of it and never wrong) is going to come up with anything that she hasn't already thought of... and chances are there will be no 'EUREKA' moment that will motivate her to make changes she is not willing or able to make at the moment. Sumi

BreakMeShakeMe -> RE: Submissive in sexless marriage (6/21/2006 9:26:30 PM)
<opens a new box of cherrios> Someone pissed in the other one... <giggles> Edited to add.... Used fast reply... not ment for you Sumimara... sorry.

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