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The begging paradox - 6/20/2006 7:37:05 AM   
gooddogbenji


Posts: 5094
Joined: 11/15/2005
From: Toronto
Status: offline 		I have a question for the general Collarme population, Doms, Dommes, subs, slaves, switches, you name it.

Many people have a thing for begging.  To me, even if it may be enjoyable within a scene, there is an inherent paradox:

If I want something from my Mistress(let's pretend I have one) and she doesn't want to give it to me, I should drop it.  After all, Mistress knows best, and pestering by begging is prolly gonna earn me a whipping or an ignoring.

If I want something from my Mistress, and she does want to give it to me, no begging needed.

If Mistress wants me to have something, and I don't want it, I take it anyway, because Mistress knows best.

If Mistress doesn't want me to have something, and I don't either, I hope we're not bickering over it.

So in which case in day to day life would begging be appropriate?  I understand that it is a kink, and so within a "scene," or as a "game" to be played, it may be very enjoyable.  But actual begging - is it ever the right thing to do?

I am simply asking this to get a discussion started, not for my own understanding.  I would love to hear people's thoughts.

Yours,


benji

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RE: The begging paradox - 6/20/2006 7:48:39 AM   
crouchingtigress


Posts: 4387
Joined: 3/19/2006
From: Maui
Status: offline 		I only really ever appreciate my submisives begging if I have requested it from them..unsolicited begging does nothing for me, and is seen as a sign of disrespect more often then not.

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RE: The begging paradox - 6/20/2006 7:49:10 AM   
missturbation


Posts: 8290
Joined: 2/12/2006
From: another planet
Status: offline 		Begging as part of a scene - yep all for it.
Begging for any other reason - pointless.

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RE: The begging paradox - 6/20/2006 7:51:19 AM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline 		The only time it is acceptable for me to bed (because he actually enjoys it) is when he has me teetering on the edge of an orgasm for so long I can hardly bear it any longer and I am begging for release.  Sometimes he grants it, sometimes he doesn't.

As for all other requests, I ask once.  No means no.  A repeated question is referred to as nagging, and never warrants good results. 

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RE: The begging paradox - 6/20/2006 7:56:14 AM   
mstrjx


Posts: 2045
Joined: 11/27/2005
Status: offline 		Benji,

I think for the most part it is part of the communication between members of a partnership.  The 'enjoyable within the scene' style of begging is when the submissive partner 'understands' that the begging is a reaction that the dominant partner is trying to draw out of them.  Kinda a 'wink and a nod' interplay between the two.

The other sort that I can see falls more into the 'topping from the bottom' category, and this one I have problems with.  If there's a lack of communication that needs to be addressed, then 'begging' shouldn't be the action that drives the communication.  If it's just as a means of drawing out attention or affection, I'm not certain how appropriate I find the begging.

Both of these situations you fairly well covered, with different words in your post.  Good boy!!!

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RE: The begging paradox - 6/20/2006 7:57:04 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		Reposted:
Unless someone creates a real NEED for me to beg, whether it's making me starve or in pain or deny me going to the bathroom, then it won't feel real to me.

It's not necessarily that hard or need to go to those extremes to create the feeling of NEED in someone, but it does take a bit of effort.

Otherwise they will have to deal with your awkward and half-meant pleas.

http://www.collarchat.com/m_368887/mpage_1/key_begging/tm.htm#368887
Begging Question

http://www.collarchat.com/m_367458/mpage_1/key_begging/tm.htm#367458
Begging to Serve

http://www.collarchat.com/m_237173/mpage_1/key_begging/tm.htm#237173
begging and pleading and worship

http://www.collarchat.com/m_205274/mpage_1/key_begging/tm.htm#205274
the begging of slaves

http://www.collarchat.com/m_124248/mpage_1/key_begging/tm.htm#124248
Begging...

http://www.collarchat.com/m_67584/mpage_1/key_begging/tm.htm#67584
subs...asking/begging

http://www.collarchat.com/m_49406/mpage_1/key_begging/tm.htm#49406
the act of begging



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RE: The begging paradox - 6/20/2006 7:58:52 AM   
enigmabrat


Posts: 2383
Joined: 8/1/2004
Status: offline 		begging in a scene and fun as part of play
begging in general just annoying nothing to do with being Mistress or Masters begging to anyone is annoying
in the vinella world is someone doesnt want to do something or give something to you begging would be annoying and get you smacked upside the head or ignored

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RE: The begging paradox - 6/20/2006 8:03:14 AM   
LadyHugs


Posts: 2299
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		Dear gooddogbenji, Ladies and Gentlemen;
 
Begging and how it is approached is important in my mind's eye.
 
Often we have begging in conversation, such as "I beg your pardon," "I beg your leave;" and similar oral forms of being excused and or forgiven.
 
Silent begging, to which eyes, facial expression and or body language aids the one who is begging to do so with gesture and isn't prone to be seen as nagging.  So, if a slave kneels with the whip in his open palms and raised up, handle in their weak hand and tails in the strong hand; I know the slave begs that whip to be used on him at that moment.  I would most likely take that hint and act positive and give them a pleasure and or maintaining whip work.
 
Begging is a petition and or plea.  So, to me it is up for my choice to act or not.  However, I see begging as slightly more intense and or passionate as a request.
 
Respectfully submitted for consideration,
Lady Hugs

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RE: The begging paradox - 6/20/2006 8:04:43 AM   
gooddogbenji


Posts: 5094
Joined: 11/15/2005
From: Toronto
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

Unless someone creates a real NEED for me to beg, whether it's making me starve or in pain or deny me going to the bathroom, then it won't feel real to me.



That is probably one of the reasons it doesn't really appeal to me.

However, if someone makes me starve, unless it's within a scene and is done "safely," it's prolly a relationship I don't NEED to be in.

Yours,


benji

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RE: The begging paradox - 6/20/2006 8:16:27 AM   
LadyHugs


Posts: 2299
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		Dear gooddogbenji, Ladies and Gentlemen;
 
Benji, I do understand that if the whole relationship is bent on begging to an excess for everything, then indeed it isn't a relationship that won't work, as your needs aren't being noticed and or considered.
 
In the sense of begging in my mind's eye, is when the slave needs to be filled/touched and or something I can give him/her that is more immediate then, the timing of the slave's needs, e.g. Need to just feel the flogger just for the want/need to, at the moment and or impromptu, to beg silently is a wake up to the immediate need over a request.  The stage of importance.
 
To beg to 'function' as a human is not flattering to any relationship of mine but, requests are nice.  I rather have a slave ask permission to be excused to do human maintenance (go to the bathroom, hydrate, shave, shower, etc), if they are in the middle of serving me and or my guests but, they shouldn't feel the need to do so when alone in our private times as we're about our respective business.  I don't want to be a mother or warden over a slave.
 
Respectfully submitted for consideration,
Lady Hugs

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RE: The begging paradox - 6/20/2006 8:36:16 AM   
twicehappy


Posts: 2706
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: gooddogbenji


However, if someone makes me starve, unless it's within a scene and is done "safely," it's prolly a relationship I don't NEED to be in.


Lol. that would depend on what they left me starving for.............

Once recently Master teased me beyond belief then attempted to hide the ummm.... ahhhhh........????...... !!!  slave treats from me again, i distinctly remember growling and telling him" i'll eat that shirt!".

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RE: The begging paradox - 6/20/2006 8:48:42 AM   
APerfectParadox


Posts: 95
Joined: 11/1/2005
Status: offline 		Awwww Benji I thought this post was all about me... 

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RE: The begging paradox - 6/20/2006 8:49:56 AM   
gooddogbenji


Posts: 5094
Joined: 11/15/2005
From: Toronto
Status: offline 		It is, but I had to make it subtle.  Glad you caught on though.

Yours,


benji

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RE: The begging paradox - 6/20/2006 8:52:33 AM   
OedipusRexIt


Posts: 634
Joined: 11/15/2005
Status: offline 		For my 2 cents, I do not care at all for begging.  It turns me off, in a big way.

Others feel free to to disagree.  You could always beg me to change my mind.

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RE: The begging paradox - 6/20/2006 8:57:42 AM   
APerfectParadox


Posts: 95
Joined: 11/1/2005
Status: offline 		LOL, Benji you lways make me laugh....you are one of my favorite posters ...ever consider switching??hmmmm? winks

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“Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.”

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RE: The begging paradox - 6/20/2006 9:07:26 AM   
littlelostbunny


Posts: 141
Joined: 6/15/2006
Status: offline 		Fast reply, in regards to the OP:

I was taught at a very early age that begging (or, as was most often in my case, WHINING) was not tolerated and would get me nowhere. So, if I'm told "no," I usually let the matter drop unless it's important.


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RE: The begging paradox - 6/20/2006 1:16:24 PM   
BlkTallFullfig


Posts: 5585
Joined: 6/25/2004
Status: offline 		I enjoy begging when it's something I would give him/do for him anyway.  So I encourage it by saying "I don't think so, unless you beg for it;"  or I say, "I don't really feel like it and you certainly don't seem to want it bad enough", and that is his cue to grovel.   I love begging as I've come to discover. 
I don't like begging as a form of manipulation with which he could beat me to override my wishes.   M

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RE: The begging paradox - 6/20/2006 1:26:03 PM   
trippingdaisy


Posts: 113
Joined: 6/3/2006
From: Georgia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: OedipusRexIt

For my 2 cents, I do not care at all for begging.  It turns me off, in a big way.

Others feel free to to disagree.  You could always beg me to change my mind.


This made me laugh, thanks. :D

In response to the OP:

It may just be me, but in my relationship with my Master, it's fairly clear when it's appropriate for me to beg. Usually it's during play time, but sometimes it's not. i have learned to read His intentions well enough to know if a further plea is appropriate. :)



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RE: The begging paradox - 6/20/2006 6:27:24 PM   
CreativeDominant


Posts: 11032
Joined: 3/11/2006
Status: offline 		I have to say I agree with the way this was stated by missturbation and by ownedgirlie.

I love to hear my submissive beg in a scene, especially when there has been the statement made that "I never beg". 

Outside the scene, it is a big turn-off.  Reminds me too much of those people who won't take "No" for an answer and want to manipulate you through repetition/aural irritation (yanno...the "voice")/cuteness into doing what they want.  At a certain point, in MOO, begging like this outside of a scene could come to be seen as "topping from the bottom".  Not my thing.

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RE: The begging paradox - 6/20/2006 6:31:44 PM   
LadiesBladewing


Posts: 944
Joined: 8/31/2005
Status: offline 		In any of those circumstances, I don't usually leave this up to the servant to guess -- If I am willing to accept the begging, I will say "You may beg, if you wish." or "My word is final, and further begging will not be positively considered."

ZWD



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