RE: Beyond peeve and getting to fury....

RE: Beyond peeve and getting to fury.... (Full Version)

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion

Message

JeffBC -> RE: Beyond peeve and getting to fury.... (2/5/2013 9:19:16 AM)
We had a thread about "not touching" a while ago that confused the crap out of me. So since we have a real life victim here I'd like to ask some questions. At the time I was envisioning a public play party much like any other public function... a fair number of people squeezed into a reasonably snug package into some space. That means, to me anyway, that some amount of touching is inevitable... in the same way that I touch random strangers when I get onto a bus. Even that, I was told, was worthy of predator status. Happily, my RL BDSM friends indicated that normal social rules apply and BDSM chicks are not all walking land mines. So now I ask you... what sort of touching are you talking about? Are you talking about the random sort of jostling that happens when you put a bunch of folks into a room or are you talking something more directed? Insofar as the giving you commands shit, why isn't that simply laughable?

Thaz -> RE: Beyond peeve and getting to fury.... (2/5/2013 9:24:45 AM)
Submission is a gift to be accepted not taken without prior consent. Once you have consent and know the limits THEN its game on.

TheLilSquaw -> RE: Beyond peeve and getting to fury.... (2/5/2013 9:28:03 AM)
I've been to many parties both private and at lifestyle clubs as well as munches. I've never been to one that was as crowded as a subway or public bus. Lol

JeffBC -> RE: Beyond peeve and getting to fury.... (2/5/2013 9:35:37 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: TheLilSquaw I've been to many parties both private and at lifestyle clubs as well as munches. I've never been to one that was as crowded as a subway or public bus. Lol laughs Lending credence to the idea that at some point I should go. But still... simply going over to my friend's house for dinner it's quite likely I will touch the sub at some point... handing out dishes to set the table perhaps? That's what I was trying to get a bead on. The answers I got online (predictably) were very different than the ones I got offline.

TheLilSquaw -> RE: Beyond peeve and getting to fury.... (2/5/2013 9:42:16 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: JeffBC quote: ORIGINAL: TheLilSquaw I've been to many parties both private and at lifestyle clubs as well as munches. I've never been to one that was as crowded as a subway or public bus. Lol laughs Lending credence to the idea that at some point I should go. But still... simply going over to my friend's house for dinner it's quite likely I will touch the sub at some point... handing out dishes to set the table perhaps? That's what I was trying to get a bead on. The answers I got online (predictably) were very different than the ones I got offline. There is a difference between a casual touch due to a crowded room and GRABBING someone or purposefully touching someone. Using your subway example. There is a difference in someone bumping me because it's crowded. And a man grabbing my ass or tit. Even with your dinner example. There is a difference between touching someone when handing them a plate. And grabbing someone.

Switcheroo1983 -> RE: Beyond peeve and getting to fury.... (2/5/2013 9:42:36 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Thaz Submission is a gift to be accepted not taken without prior consent. Once you have consent and know the limits THEN its game on. Well said. If I am just meeting someone to get to know them, say over coffee, chess, ect. that I am interested in playing with, hands off completely. The rule goes both ways and must always be respected. Now, if I decide "this person isn't sending off alarm bells" and agree to play and I am in a submissive role, yes, game on.

JeffBC -> RE: Beyond peeve and getting to fury.... (2/5/2013 9:43:49 AM)
I completely agree LilSquaw. There was no such difference in the eyes of the posters online. That immediately made me think that going to a public play party or even associating with any subs in real life was simply asking to go to prison. My real life friends agreed with you and seemed perfectly able to make such distinctions.

theRose4U -> RE: Beyond peeve and getting to fury.... (2/5/2013 9:46:01 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Notsweet quote: ORIGINAL: TheLilSquaw Men playing grab ass isn't just a "lifestyle" thing. I have more men try to play grab ass and touch me in "vanilla" settings than in lifestyle ones. Heck, even women do this. So it isn't only men. I wish I was talking about grab ass. I'm talking about "grab my hair and pull me with it." Something is wrong with the communication here, any "friend" of mine would clearly know especially after years that a tazer to the genitals is a possible outcome if they try this with me!!

TheLilSquaw -> RE: Beyond peeve and getting to fury.... (2/5/2013 9:46:13 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: JeffBC I completely agree LilSquaw. There was no such difference in the eyes of the posters online. That immediately made me think that going to a public play party or even associating with any subs in real life was simply asking to go to prison. My real life friends agreed with you and seemed perfectly able to make such distinctions. A personal example. Last time I went to a friend's bar. It was crowded. People brushing against me as they walked by didn't bother me. However, when a man went to pet my black widow tattoo on my chest. I put him to the ground. HUGE difference. ETA: I've don't recall encountering people online or off who didn't see and understand that distinction. Although there are those who simply live in a fantasy land and they can't be helped. Lol

LadyPact -> RE: Beyond peeve and getting to fury.... (2/5/2013 9:54:29 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: TheLilSquaw I've been to many parties both private and at lifestyle clubs as well as munches. I've never been to one that was as crowded as a subway or public bus. Lol I have. 1763 is absolutely PACKED after SELF and DomCon.

JeffBC -> RE: Beyond peeve and getting to fury.... (2/5/2013 9:56:06 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: TheLilSquaw ETA: I've don't recall encountering people online or off who didn't see and understand that distinction. Although there are those who simply live in a fantasy land and they can't be helped. Lol Nobody on collarme was clear on that distinction -- hence my alarm. Offline, I haven't met a single person who is unclear. Once again, my impression of online BDSM is that it bears zero resemblance to offline BDSM. That all being said, had I read the OP's follow-ups I would have understood the answer to my question. We are talking highly inappropriate touch here along with some ridiculous sense of personal boundaries and an attachment to "friends" who should more reasonably be considered "felons".

TheLilSquaw -> RE: Beyond peeve and getting to fury.... (2/5/2013 10:02:48 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyPact quote: ORIGINAL: TheLilSquaw I've been to many parties both private and at lifestyle clubs as well as munches. I've never been to one that was as crowded as a subway or public bus. Lol I have. 1763 is absolutely PACKED after SELF and DomCon. If a place is that packed it is just socialized or does play actually happen?

LadyPact -> RE: Beyond peeve and getting to fury.... (2/5/2013 10:33:21 AM)
Play happens. Those with a brain in their head treat it like a crowded pool hall. Don't walk behind the person holding the pool cue lining up to take a shot. (Jeff has heard this particular story from clip about the guy who got nailed because he walked too closely behind Me with a whip in My hand.)

TheLilSquaw -> RE: Beyond peeve and getting to fury.... (2/5/2013 10:41:29 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyPact (Jeff has heard this particular story from clip about the guy who got nailed because he walked too closely behind Me with a whip in My hand.) Ok.. I laughed at the idea of getting hit with a whip because you walked to close.

Notsweet -> RE: Beyond peeve and getting to fury.... (2/5/2013 10:50:26 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: TheLilSquaw Have you had a conversation with him and told him what's bothering you and why? Not confrontational but blunt and honest? If you honestly think that to HIM this is a joke and acceptable, Perhaps the issue is that you have not communicated to him that it isn't acceptable and why. Btw.. you said you hate to whine to management but you might whine to his sub/ wife. I think having an honest discussion with HIM would be far more effective. If he can't respect your boundaries then you have choices to make. Oh, yeah. First it was a smiling and calm conversation. Then it was "Knock it the fuck off." Then it was the butt of my palm and his jewels. He and his wife were close friends of mine. I still am with her, but he's trying to get back in my good graces now. Gonna see how he behaves from now on.

Notsweet -> RE: Beyond peeve and getting to fury.... (2/5/2013 10:54:18 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: JeffBC We had a thread about "not touching" a while ago that confused the crap out of me. So since we have a real life victim here I'd like to ask some questions. At the time I was envisioning a public play party much like any other public function... a fair number of people squeezed into a reasonably snug package into some space. That means, to me anyway, that some amount of touching is inevitable... in the same way that I touch random strangers when I get onto a bus. Even that, I was told, was worthy of predator status. Happily, my RL BDSM friends indicated that normal social rules apply and BDSM chicks are not all walking land mines. So now I ask you... what sort of touching are you talking about? Are you talking about the random sort of jostling that happens when you put a bunch of folks into a room or are you talking something more directed? Insofar as the giving you commands shit, why isn't that simply laughable? Giant event, and plenty of room to move. I mean, he had to walk over to me to get there. I'm talking about giant fist full of my hair, while talking to me as though he had authority over me because I am a sub. Wasn't an accident. My point was, have other people encountered this, and what do they do? I believe in warnings and then punishment. As far as the talking to me like I'm a personal sub, A LOT of doms do that. I usually answer, "I'm sorry, baby, what did you say?"

Notsweet -> RE: Beyond peeve and getting to fury.... (2/5/2013 10:55:21 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: TheLilSquaw I've been to many parties both private and at lifestyle clubs as well as munches. I've never been to one that was as crowded as a subway or public bus. Lol OMG, back in the day when we used to hide in each other's tiny houses.... Wonder we all didn't get knocked up.

Notsweet -> RE: Beyond peeve and getting to fury.... (2/5/2013 10:56:52 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Switcheroo1983 quote: ORIGINAL: Thaz Submission is a gift to be accepted not taken without prior consent. Once you have consent and know the limits THEN its game on. Well said. If I am just meeting someone to get to know them, say over coffee, chess, ect. that I am interested in playing with, hands off completely. The rule goes both ways and must always be respected. Now, if I decide "this person isn't sending off alarm bells" and agree to play and I am in a submissive role, yes, game on. Oh, yeah--on a first meet, that GUARANTEES it's a last meet.

Notsweet -> RE: Beyond peeve and getting to fury.... (2/5/2013 11:00:00 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyPact Play happens. Those with a brain in their head treat it like a crowded pool hall. Don't walk behind the person holding the pool cue lining up to take a shot. (Jeff has heard this particular story from clip about the guy who got nailed because he walked too closely behind Me with a whip in My hand.) LOL--around here, that's a given. I go to Dark Odyssey dungeons, and places that are the size of auditoriums. Sometimes THAT'S so packed, you have to be careful. But to just plain dumb walk behind a whipping scene? Those are the people you see with a lash mark to the cheek. And usually a completely unsympathetic audience and an unrepentant top <grin>.

saundrakitty -> RE: Beyond peeve and getting to fury.... (2/5/2013 11:31:57 AM)
We had a similar incident happen at one of our of Our Munches to an unattached submissive happen just ONCE-and both Me and another Switch who is as High Protical as I am took that Master in Hand and We handled it right then and there and trust Me His face went white with what We said to Him and the evil look and yep the smile that told Him He was about to be a canary to 2 very Vicious Cats- Lol. After that We had Him between the both of Us the rest of the night and He learned His Manners very fast. My Master and Her Master both just sat back and watched the show and died laughing at his discomfort. We had Him squirming all Night with both of us using Mind Fuck Games on Him. The next time He came to our Munch His behavior was sooo much better and we never had another incident. Oh We laugh and cut up and yes play around- but every one asks first to invade another s space , even if it was just to give them a Hug until they know its OK.

Page: << < prev 1 [2] 3 4 next > >>

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

4.296875E-02