TwoHeartsBeatOne
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This is the article that addresses the issues my poorly worded questions referred to in my OP. I've bolded a few sentences to show what I was trying to ask about.
© Angela Lewis COUNSELLING AUSTRALIA Vol 11, No.2, 2011
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Ageplay: an adults only game
By Dr. Angela Lewis
Every baby needs a da-da-daddy to keep her worry-free,
but where's the one for me?
Every baby needs a da-da-daddy – could my da-daddy be you?
Every baby needs a da-da-daddy with silver in his hair,
Some sweet daddy who enjoys
bringing home to baby little diamond toys…
(Lyrics to Every Baby Needs a Daddy as sung by Marilyn Monroe)
Ageplay (also written as age play) is a form of roleplay in which one person takes the role of
an older, authority figure (whether they are chronologically older or not) and the other
takes the role of a younger person (say infant, child or teenager), including the appropriate
dress, demeanour and behaviour of that age group. These roles are acted out by adults and
are based on consensual agreement. While people who enjoy age play do so with other
adult, consenting partners, it is common for them to keep these practices very private, given
that the first thought of those outside this interest is to label players as having paedophilic
tendencies. However, professional psychologists such as Aggrawal (1998) and Bader (2002)
do not consider this automatically to be the case. Ageplay is often regarded as edgeplay,
given that it reminds people of real-life incest or paedophilia, and for some enthusiasts this
taboo aspect is exactly why they enjoy it.
Ageplay can be divided into two distinct categories: it can be purely regressive with no
erotic undertones, with the partners enjoying the re-experience of childhood (sometimes
referred to as inner child); or sexual, in which partners enact sexual roles with people of
pretend ages. Common roleplays in either category are Daddy/girl (also referred to as
Daddy/daughter), Mummy/boy (or son), teacher/student, aunt/nephew or uncle/niece.
Non-sexual Ageplay
In non-sexual Ageplay the couple chooses a dynamic, which appears to be most commonly
parent/child. The Daddy role in these scenarios (in this play Daddy is almost always
capitalised), is always of a caring, loving type, and this relationship is not predicated on sex
or punishment, but rather on the desire to give and receive nurturing and attention, with
the submissive partner often referring to themselves as a ‘little’ or ‘lil’. The sorts of things
that littles (who anecdotally tend to be female) enjoy are stereotypical childish activities.
These include but are not limited to playing with dolls and toys, having tea parties, being
read to, having the Daddy put the little’s hair in plaits or pigtails, watching children's shows
through the mind of a child and putting on shows with dolls or hand puppets. © Angela Lewis COUNSELLING AUSTRALIA Vol 11, No.2, 2011
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Dianne is in her late thirties and she nominates the following as favourite activities with her
Daddy:
Speaking in a childlike voice, listening to Daddy sing to me, listening to Daddy teach
me right from wrong, Daddy giving me baths, a whole lot of snuggling, my nappy
being patted, my tummy being rubbed, being fed sweet treats by Daddy if I'm good,
dress up and other general silliness.
It is fairly common for the person who takes the child role to have a specific preferred age,
for example between 8–10 or 6–7 years old, and this may also be the case in sexual roleplay;
however some men who enjoy Daddy/girl play will refuse to play with partners who are
blatantly underage in their representation, particularly if they are themselves parents of
daughters. In terms of the ages of men and women who roleplay this dynamic, anecdotally
men are likely to be in the forty-plus age group and the women much younger.
Sexual Ageplay
This is a type of sexual behaviour between two people in which they take on erotic roles in
order to carry out a sexual fantasy based on age difference. The depth and extent of the
roleplay depends on the couple, and the scenario may be anything, from simple and
makeshift with a couple of props, to detailed and elaborate, complete with costumes, a
specified period in time and even a script. What is common to sexual roleplays is that they
involve a power differential, and in Ageplay that differential comes from one partner
pretending to be markedly younger and therefore having less power. The pretend age of the
submissive partner will depend on the age he or she prefers to play and how the older
partner feels about sex with a particular aged ‘child’, as mentioned above. To those who
partake, the appeal of Ageplay, like other forms of submission, is said to be in giving up
responsibility, allowing oneself to be vulnerable and to give and receive affection freely.
One of those interviewed for this article was an Australian Prodomme (professional female
dominant). In her experience, an enjoyment of Ageplay can be attributed to the freedom it
gives participants to transgress boundaries and play out a taboo topic in an explicit way that
is not possible in real life—particularly the Daddy/girl scenario, which far outnumbers
Mummy/boy play. In her experience it is rarely a smokescreen for veiled incestuous desires,
but a form of taboo sexual play, which is enjoyed for its subversive dynamic. However, she
hastens to add that there is no denying that there will always be a percentage of people
who do this because they have unresolved childhood issues which they like to play out in a
sexual way. Mistress Michelle, an American Prodomme with many years of experience,
worked for a number of years as a telephone sex operator. She also reports the Daddy/girl
dynamic to be particularly sought after, saying that the two most popular characters she
roleplayed during that time were young girls. © Angela Lewis COUNSELLING AUSTRALIA Vol 11, No.2, 2011
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Ageplay in general may include:
• Teaching (about the body, about sex)
• Spanking/punishments (e.g. corner time, no dessert, writing out lines, all depending
on the roleplay being enacted)
• Diapering (i.e. putting the submissive partner in a nappy as though he or she were an
infant)
• Bottle feeding, spoon feeding, hand feeding
• Wearing child-type clothing; uniforms or female clothing for the male (in
Mummy/boy, having the boy dress in feminine clothing is also a punishment for
perceived misdemeanours)
• Using a giant crib or turning a single bed into a child’s bed, which may include
restraints and straps for those who enjoy some bondage play
• Washing/inspecting genitals
• Humiliating medical procedures such as using rectal thermometers or administering
enemas
• Using accoutrements such as colouring books, stuffed toys or children’s movies.
Daddy/girl and Mummy/boy appears to be primarily a heterosexual dynamic, although
similar roleplays are carried out in the gay and lesbian community, but based on Daddy/boy
and Mummy/girl. Whether it is known as Daddy/girl or Daddy/daughter depends on the
couple and whether they find the incestuous element important, but for the purposes of
this article I will use the term girl. Common scenarios for Daddy/girl play are the girl dressing
up in girly clothing, including the archetypal wearing of hair in pigtails, anklet socks, short
skirt, ribbons, bows or school uniform. Mixing adult clothing with this look (e.g. wearing
fishnets or high heels with the school uniform or pinafore, for example) is not part of the
fantasy. The girl is more likely to be wearing full-brief cottontails and laced-up school shoes.
She may speak in a little girl voice, suck her thumb, sit on Daddy’s lap, take on disingenuous
behaviour such as asking Daddy to tie her shoelaces or button her cardigan, or have
tantrums or act bratty—for which Daddy must punish her (spanking over the knee is the
most common). Daddy in turn is expected to be firm, but nurturing and generous, and it is
expected that he will buy his little angel gifts or spoil her if she is a good girl, so the play may
include the Daddy ‘forcing’ the girl to perform sexual acts and then rewarding her with a
lollypop or trinket. It is also common to supervise her going to the toilet (or going potty, as
they like to say...), as this forty-something Daddy explains:
This Daddy loves ordering his lil girl onto the potty. She gets all bashful knowing
Daddy is watching so she blushes, wriggles her little butt around and pouts at me.
With those cute lil ruffled panties at her ankles, it’s just such a precious picture.
Other common activities are washing her, teaching her about her body and teaching her
how she must please a man sexually, ‘just like mummy’. There is liberal use of the word
‘daddy’ by both partners, as couples who enjoy this play find using the term highly erotic. © Angela Lewis COUNSELLING AUSTRALIA Vol 11, No.2, 2011
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Other common phrases such as ‘who’s my little girl‘, ‘baby girl‘, ‘Daddy’s girl‘ or ‘good girl‘
are all used liberally, both in and out of the bedroom.
K.W. is in her late twenties and has a highly stressful job in international banking. Her
boyfriend is a married banker to whom she was initially attracted precisely because he
fulfilled her vision of a ‘Daddy’, someone older, with silver at his temples and an air of
authority. Being spanked may not be something that is readily associated with an adult
woman with a senior corporate role, but when K.W. is being ‘a little girl’, she feels she has
permission to, in her words, ‘let go’ and have the spanking she really craves:
I love spankings! I'm such a fanatic for it. My Daddy spanks me at least once a
week—mostly just for fun and play but every now and then I do need to be punished
for real. I love funishments (slang for fun punishment) the best though, and I’ll be a
pest or act bratty to bring one on, because Daddy is the perfect spanker as his hand
never tires out. I love when I can cry during a spanking and then crawl into his arms
afterwards for pets and loveys; it's such a wonderful emotional release.
Many women also report enjoying Daddy/girl fantasies (whether in real life or through
online fantasy play) because these allow them to be submissive and enjoy sex without
feeling any guilt or shame. Despite how far feminism has come, the stigma of being a socalled slut is still very prevalent when it comes to women’s sexuality. For a woman who
struggles with voicing her desires for domination or some type of corporal punishment,
Daddy/girl is a way to enjoy sex without owning her desires, as she is ‘just’ a little girl doing
what her daddy wants. Other women enjoy playing Lolita (the tempting teen from
Nabokov’s 1955 novel of the same name), the naughty little girl whom no man can resist
(note that this is not to be confused with Lolita fashion, a form of dressing that Japanese
girls favour, a cross between Gothic and Victorian with ribbons, bows and ruffles which is in
no way deemed to be sexual).
In K.W.’s case, she believes that Ageplay is her way of seeking the affection she believes she
missed out on when growing up, as she describes her parents as unable to demonstrate
their feelings. K.W. says she no interest in her own father; instead her Daddy/daughter
fantasy is about letting go and affection, and not about latent incest as many assume. She
states that her childhood was non-eventful, and that if she thought about her own father
during play, it would very quickly ruin her pleasure in its enactment (a common response
from those I spoke with). For many Ageplayers, the connotation of incest is so off-putting
that they deliberately choose ancillary roles for their play; as long as the roles meet the
criteria of one person holding a position of power and the other one of submission and
vulnerability. This might be teacher/student, strict school mistress/naughty schoolboy/girl,
prison warden/inmate, babysitter or governess with teen, child or baby, older
boss/employee.
There are also women who call themselves ‘babygirls’ or who refer to the play as ‘babydoll’
(in the Marilyn Monroe, Gentlemen Prefer Blondes type of way). While they still call their © Angela Lewis COUNSELLING AUSTRALIA Vol 11, No.2, 2011
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partner Daddy, they do not completely emulate childlike behaviours but see themselves as
an adult babygirl. In these partnerships Daddy/ girl do not refer to the ages, real or pretend,
of the participants, but to the environment they create; the Daddy is so named because of
his qualities and what he gives the girl. He expects to provide for her every need and care,
and she in turn is expected to respect him, take discipline and acknowledge him as the
loving, dominant protector:
Putting an 'age' to my 'babygirl' kind of creeps me out. I don't wallow around on the
floor colouring with crayons or keep a dummy in my mouth, don’t shave my genitals
and I don't use baby talk with my Daddy. I will dress up in my little red riding hood
outfit, but underneath it all, I am all woman. I love the nurturing that I get from
Daddy, and calling him that and him treating me like a princess, like his babygirl who
he has taken under his wing, that’s what attracts me.
This also differs from Doll Fetish, or Dollification, which is about the process of a woman
evolving mentally and physically into a ‘living doll‘ and the partners enjoying the process of
objectification and transformation. The nature of this interest means it is very much based
on a Master/slave/ or Dom/sub relationship. The man is known as the Owner or Dollmaster,
as he directs the way the woman transforms into a doll. Accessories include but are not
limited to corsets for a tiny waist and accentuated hips, heavy mask-like makeup (if not an
actual mask), doll-like wigs, false eyelashes and the use of rubber, vinyl or plastic outfits.
The role also requires the woman to have no ability to speak and no free will in how she
moves or positions her body, so the Dollmaster acts somewhat like a puppetmaster. The
doll also commonly shows no emotion, pain or enjoyment during play and is expected to
remain silent.
There are thriving online communities where men and women can enjoy Daddy/girl and
Mummy/boy roles by writing fantasy scenarios that they create in tandem, either in real
time in chat rooms, or through emails or text messages. They take the form of one person
writing a paragraph or couple of lines to introduce the scenario and the other person
responding; they go back and forth until the script is completed. In this type of roleplay it is
not uncommon for players to play with a partner who may not be biologically the same as
the role they are playing—so for example a woman may advertise (also known as an
adoption) for someone to be her Daddy and state that gender is not important, provided
the person is able to roleplay convincingly as a daddy.
To ensure the physical and emotional safety of both parties, people who are experienced in
Ageplay caution that dialogue and planning need to occur prior to racing off to grab a
lollypop or put on anklet socks. Key areas of discussion include setting ground rules and
boundaries that are mutually agreed upon, such as having particular words or actions that
are not permissible or are compulsory—for example, agreement on the use of humiliation
and name calling, whether corporal punishment is allowed, and if so what type and to what
degree; whether being tied up is to be part of the scene. Also to be agreed upon is what
powers and privileges the submissive person must give up, such as the ability to talk or © Angela Lewis COUNSELLING AUSTRALIA Vol 11, No.2, 2011
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choose their own clothing; and whether the child may only walk around when holding
Mummy’s hand, or only use the potty when daddy supervises. A very important aspect for
couples in real-life representations of this play is in being clear in the difference between
soft rules (the made up play rules that say that the child gets punished for being bratty so
gets a spanking) and the real rules—those negotiated by the couple ahead of time that
cover safewords, limits and acceptable punishments. Both people need to know the play
(and it is intended to be a game, and fun) can be stopped at any point and emotional or
physical needs attended to.
Playing a childlike role may cause unintended mental distress or trigger some association or
memory that can be upsetting to one of the partners. Couples should take this possibility
into account, be vigilant in this respect and keep the channels of communication open.
Media representations such as the sexy school girl look, or shops overflowing with baby-doll
lingerie (especially around Valentine’s Day) are common, and we don’t have to look far for
advertisements featuring teenage girls in suggestive poses selling everything from ice-cream
to cars, while flirtatious baby-talk between adult couples is not exactly new. Western
culture is overflowing with these and similar images of sexualized youth, so it probably isn’t
strange that these same images make their way into people’s fantasies. However, those
who are troubled by the association of age and sex argue that only a paedophile would
bring this particular fantasy into real life or online play, and that partaking of these types of
roleplays desensitises the individual so that they are more likely to view child porn or
perform illegal acts. ‘Dr. Gregg’, a medical doctor and Ageplay enthusiast himself, agrees
that this is a grey area. He acknowledges that the underlying stimulation derives from the
taboo nature of sexual encounters with a person who is underage, and this in turn means it
is difficult to argue it is outside paedophilic desires. However, as he goes on to say,
The big caveat is that it is roleplay and as such is no more in violation of societal
mores that watching a pornographic movie depicting highly graphic sexual activity.
One young woman in her late twenties, whose request for a counselling referral actually
started this research, broke off her Daddy/daughter relationship (which she pursued for
nurturing purposes) because she became concerned that her boyfriend’s preoccupation
with her taking the ‘girl’ role might be an indication that he wanted to have sex with minors.
Tony’s partner G (Tony shares his story at the end of this article), had a similar experience
when she came to the realisation that her previous roleplay partner was actually interested
in teenage and younger girls, and not in a roleplay experience with an adult woman.
Others such as researcher Russell (2011), in her examination of paedophilia online suggest
otherwise:
Fantasies are not reality. The man who fantasizes about children or acts out those
fantasies with his partner is often not the same man who molests actual children. © Angela Lewis COUNSELLING AUSTRALIA Vol 11, No.2, 2011
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Moreover, there is no proof that the man who is stimulated by cybersex with a
virtual child is any more likely to seek out real sex with a real child. In fact, there may
be some therapeutic value in indulging such fantasies. For instance, psychologist
Michael J. Bader (Arousal: The Secret Logic of Sexual Fantasies 2002), claims that
sexual fantasies are specifically crafted by people's subconscious minds to help them
feel comfortable expressing their sexuality. He argues that those fantasies should be
explored rather than suppressed, and indulging them may be productive rather than
psychologically detrimental. Bader further points out those fantasies involving
youthful participants are not necessarily about children per se, but may be
representative of something more subtle.
Tony is a dominant man who has been in many Dom/sub relationships over the years. He
says he finds it curious how judgemental some of his peers in the BDSM scene can be in
respect to Ageplayers, accusing them of being paedophiles and similar, while at the same
time indulging in their own personal kinks such ‘puppy play’ or ‘religious play’, without
applying similar standards to their own behaviour:
In this line of thinking, if a couple are doing puppy play does having sex with the one
acting as a human puppy automatically mean a person wants to have sex with a real
dog? Ask them and they will jump up and down and defend themselves saying it's
completely different. In my view, a roleplay is just that—playing a role—and it's a
type of fetish or play that remains in fantasy and has nothing to do with reality.
Tony’s Story
I’m in my forties and have been in the BDSM scene for most of my adult life.
I’ve come to understand this style of play[Ageplay], through my current
girlfriend G, who is also in her forties. She roleplays 3 different
characters, Karen who is 8, Beth who is in her forties and Macey who is a
baby.
Karen is very girly, aged around 8 or is very cheeky. She loves really tiny
skirts, knee high socks and being the age that she is, has no need for a bra.
She enjoys wearing mummy's heels, putting her hair in piggy tails and ribbons
and she talks a lot. Karen likes to wear a nappy too, especially when being
taken out in public. She likes to sit in daddy's lap and listen to him read to
her whilst he puts his hand down inside her nappy. She knows what she is doing
would really upset her mum, but she doesn't care because she doesn't like her,
so being ‘naughty’ with daddy is her way of paying back mum.
Then there’s Mummy Beth who is married to Daddy. Beth is a very posh woman
from the affluent side of town, prim and proper and all that stuff. Beth is
also very religious, a born again Christian type that does everything as the
Bible says. Beth likes to play with her son Joe (Karen’s twin brother) and
when I say play I mean Beth like to play with Joe’s boy bits whilst he reads
passages of the Bible and stuff like that. One of Karen’s favourite things is
seducing her twin brother and doing stuff like mummy and daddy do...© Angela Lewis COUNSELLING AUSTRALIA Vol 11, No.2, 2011
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On top of this, G has another alter ego called Baby Macey. Macey is 2 years
old, wears a nappy and not much else, sucks on a dummy and lies around not
doing much at all. She likes being spoon fed and basically treated like a baby
of that age would be. We haven't explored this side of life too much as yet.
I’ve tried the daddy/baby girl thing a couple of times previously but was
firstly repulsed and secondly realised I was doing this with someone who had
some serious issues with her relationship with her father, which totally
freaked me out. When G brought Ageplay up we talked lots about it, and played
with Karen first of all; the other alter egos came along as we developed. I
found it very difficult at first to get into it, but she was experienced in
this type of play, well read and an expert compared to me, so she was able to
help me to understand it.
Having 2 daughters of my own (aged 16 & 10) I found it really difficult to
comprehend that sort of play because of them. I kept thinking I was with an 8
year old girl, however as we tried it a few times, each time it got easier and
simpler because I stopped thinking of her as an 8 year old and saw her as a
woman roleplaying an 8 year old.
Added to that, I never liked young women—especially young girls—and I don't
find teenage girls attractive at all. I need mental stimulation firstly, and
secondly I find women 30+ so much sexier. G was the first woman over 40 I got
involved with and now I would never go back to anyone under 40! I like that
the older a woman, the more her sexuality has developed; and with life
experiences under her belt they make for much better lovers, sexual partners
and relationship partners.
Age play is a difficult roleplay to grasp if you want to do it properly. It is
about getting the right headspace or mindset, it's a roleplay far from
reality. As with most fetishes there can be a fine line between reality and
fantasy, which is dependent on the life experiences of the partners. If either
partner has ‘issues’ or a past of actual incest, child molestation or other
such incidents then it's no longer roleplay, nor is it a fantasy. I have
spoken to several women about this sort of play and a few mentioned they
wanted to do ageplay because of their past, whether they were molested as
children or because they used to do something like that with a father figure
(one even said she used to have sex with her father—whether true or not I
don't know, but it was enough for me to not pursue anything with any of them).
While I believe I can differentiate between fantasy and reality, I do however
see issues with using a fetish of any kind as a substitute for dealing with
issues from childhood, just as I see anyone that has actual fantasies of sex
with a minor and using ageplay as a way to get that fix. Anyone with any
thoughts of sex with a minor and engaging in ageplay is a no-go zone for me.
Special thanks to the following people:
‘Dr Gregg’ and all those on the Facebook page ‘Roleplaying Sexual Fantasies and Secrets’
who were kind enough to dialogue with me on this topic.
Mistress Michelle of drainyourwallet.com.
Both Tony and K.W. for their generosity in sharing their stories.© Angela Lewis COUNSELLING AUSTRALIA Vol 11, No.2, 2011
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REFERENCES.
Aggrawal, A. (1998) Forensic and Medico-legal Aspects of Sexual Crimes and Unusual Sexual
Practices. CRC Press, Taylor and Francis Group, London and New York.
Bader, Michael J. (2002) Arousal: The Secret Logic of Sexual Fantasies, Thomas Dunne, USA.
Russell, G. (2001) Pedophiles in wonderland: censoring the sinful in cyberspace. Journal of
Criminal Law and Criminology.
http://findarticles.com/p/articles/mi_hb6700/is_4_98/ai_n31374534 accessed Feb,
2011.
Dr. Angela Lewis has written extensively on alternate sexualities and her book My Other
Self: sexual fantasies, fetishes and kinks, as well as a regular blog can be accessed at
www.myotherself.com.au
_____________________________
"Anything I can not transform into something marvelous, I let go. Reality doesn't impress me. I only believe in intoxication, in ecstasy, and when ordinary life shackles me, I escape, one way or another. No more walls.”
― Anaïs Nin
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RE: Daddy Dom? Pedophile? The difference is....? - 
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