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Return funds - 6/20/2006 1:03:13 PM

badpaliden

Posts: 96
Joined: 4/18/2005
Status: offline

I had an intresting talk with a friend the other night and she said something that made me wonder if others do this..She said that the next time she was going to consider someone to come serve in her house,they'd have to prove that they had the funds to either secure a seperate place of their own , or the funds to return home.
So I'm wondering how many of you have that requirment ? just wondering , as this seemed to dovetail into the thread about relocating, and such.

Post #: 1

RE: Return funds - 6/20/2006 1:06:04 PM

Lashra

Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline

Personally I think its a great idea, that way if it doesn't work out the person has some money to get home on. I think people who move without meeting prior particulary need to have some money banked away just in case. Let's face no matter how much you talk to someone on the phone or online you don't REALLY know them until you've been around each other IRL. It pays to take precautions.

~Lashra

(in reply to badpaliden)

Post #: 2

RE: Return funds - 6/20/2006 1:09:34 PM

MistressOfGa

Posts: 2929
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lashra

Personally I think its a great idea, that way if it doesn't work out the person has some money to get home on. I think people who move without meeting prior particulary need to have some money banked away just in case. Let's face no matter how much you talk to someone on the phone or online you don't REALLY know them until you've been around each other IRL. It pays to take precautions.

~Lashra

_____________________________

(in reply to Lashra)

Post #: 3

RE: Return funds - 6/20/2006 1:12:59 PM

Calandra

Posts: 725
Joined: 11/22/2004
Status: offline

~shakes head~

You turkey... go ahead, steal my idea.... *mumble mumble*

And I discussed it with Mine last night... with the price of inflation, we've definitely decided they have to have $2000 in savings that they are not allowed to touch for the first year (unless they are moving out of course - that's what it's for).

I endured six months with that unsuccessful relationship when I knew after two that she wasn't a match... I feel I was emotionally blackmailed - not by her, by MY OWN humanitarian code of ethics.... If there ever is a next time, I can say get the hell out, and still sleep peacefully at night...

Big blue puppy dog eyes, my ass.... ~wandering off to cause some trubble~

Hey BP, I love your pic by the way... very flattering... We need to schedule a D&D night sometime soon I feel the need to kill monsters....

(in reply to badpaliden)

Post #: 4

RE: Return funds - 6/20/2006 1:14:47 PM

gypsyssoul

Posts: 127
Joined: 5/19/2006
From: Balti., Maryland, living in Summerville SC
Status: offline

i can see .. the call of being totally owned ...

having completely submitted

by going to their house and under their roof

but i agree ... there should be set aside ...

the money with which to leave

because life isn't perfect

and sometimes ... things just go wrong ...

enough said ..

back to my corner

_____________________________

~~"I have always sought this other side, but like a flame I dare not touch, For like forbidden fruits of wild .. just one taste would be to much"...
~~ blessed be

(in reply to Lashra)

Post #: 5

RE: Return funds - 6/20/2006 1:19:04 PM

Calandra

Posts: 725
Joined: 11/22/2004
Status: offline

I think it would also help to weed out those who aren't maybe as sincere in their quest...

I've seen a fairly new brand of Dom and sub recently... the ones who don't EXPECT longevity in their relationships... they float from one person to the next and find a new "victim" while they're still taking advantage of the good nature of their current connection...

If I expect a specified amount to be in the bank for their own safety, and they are not really serious about a relationship (just looking for a place to flop a while) they won't be williung or able to comply with my demand...

(in reply to gypsyssoul)

Post #: 6

RE: Return funds - 6/20/2006 1:34:08 PM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

Personally if I am going to go live with someone as a submissive it only makes sense I would handle my life as any other vanilla person would in such situation. If I am going to start a life with someone, well that means that I am merging my life with theirs. I should have a saftey net for myself of course, as should they

Would you demand the same thing of a vanilla person? If you were going to move in a vanilla person into your home I am thinking you would want to know they were able to pay their bills, keep a job, have a saftey net and not be a total flake. You would want to be aware of their financial history and if they have bankrupcty in their past. You would probably want to make sure they had no history of fraud or identity theft in their past.

I would ask these questions of a dom as a submissive entering their home. I would want to know that the dom isnt a flake. I would not judge them by their bank balance, but the totality of their financial life. Have they had a divorce, are they educated (yes this is a financial asset), do they have retirement plans, do they have health insurance, how much debt do they have, are they renting or buying their home, do they aspire to home ownership? My desire to be with someone is not economic, but I definitely do not want to be with someone that thinks it is ok to go over my finances with a fine-toothed comb and not be as transparent about their own situation.

I do not know why this irks me, but it does. I guess it is because I would not live with someone that did not love me. To me it is like saying "Well I am planning for the fact having you with me just might be a pain in the ass, so lets make sure you can bail your own ass out of the relationship". This attitude isnt one I find attractive and it is like a prenup... planning for failure. As an adult human being I have been self supporting for years as a single mother, I guess I resent the implication that I cannot take care of myself because I have for so long. I wouldnt live with anyone that didnt know that I could survive without them, because if worse comes to worse there would always be people I could call to come to my aid, I never have had to call them, but I know they would. If a dom had any doubt of my ability to get where I need to go in life, well I just wouldnt be with a dominant that didnt know better about me by getting to know my family, friends, work history, and the totality of my life.

Just me...etc

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to badpaliden)

Post #: 7

RE: Return funds - 6/20/2006 1:41:02 PM

lisa1978

Posts: 224
Joined: 5/19/2006
From: Kansas City
Status: offline

Having money set aside that the other person cannot touch is just very smart and basic common sense and it is certainly something I have and will do. For a dominant to insist on it before the submisssive moves in with them sounds great in theory.

Now tell me how practical it is? To grow attached to someone and care about them to where you want to live in the same house but then going, sorry but I need to see $2,000 before we go any farther. Something tells me theory sounds better than practice.

_____________________________

It hurts sometimes more than we can bear. If we could live without passion, maybe we'd know some kind of peace. But we would be hollow. Empty rooms, shuttered and dank. Without passion, we'd be truly dead.

(in reply to Calandra)

Post #: 8

RE: Return funds - 6/20/2006 1:49:38 PM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

Most people owe money, very few can seem to save it in this world. I always carry a bank balance that exceeds 2k, but I have a serious question in my mind about moving in with someone that I have to keep money aside from or trust implicitly. I think the situation this thread probably deals with is someone relocating after a long distance romance where all parties do not know each other well. I guess it might be necessary, but if you expect to get into my financial life, you best let me look at yours.

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to lisa1978)

Post #: 9

RE: Return funds - 6/20/2006 1:49:56 PM

Taylore

Posts: 121
Joined: 6/19/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: badpaliden

I had an intresting talk with a friend the other night and she said something that made me wonder if others do this..She said that the next time she was going to consider someone to come serve in her house,they'd have to prove that they had the funds to either secure a seperate place of their own , or the funds to return home.
So I'm wondering how many of you have that requirment ? just wondering , as this seemed to dovetail into the thread about relocating, and such.

Master requires that I not only work outside our relationship, but I also maintain a seperate apartment. However, all money that I make from work, is mine alone. I have my own accounts, my own car, etc; just as he has his.

_____________________________

Taylore

(in reply to badpaliden)

Post #: 10

RE: Return funds - 6/20/2006 1:54:44 PM

spankmepink11

Posts: 1310
Joined: 9/28/2005
Status: offline

I'm a firm believer in "safety nets"

(in reply to Taylore)

Post #: 11

RE: Return funds - 6/20/2006 1:56:49 PM

amayos

Posts: 1553
Joined: 6/2/2004
From: New England
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: badpaliden

I had an intresting talk with a friend the other night and she said something that made me wonder if others do this..She said that the next time she was going to consider someone to come serve in her house,they'd have to prove that they had the funds to either secure a seperate place of their own , or the funds to return home.
So I'm wondering how many of you have that requirment ? just wondering , as this seemed to dovetail into the thread about relocating, and such.

A good question. While all possessions of the slave technically become those of her Owner, I will convert those possessions—in addition to any monetary assets they may have—to an account for when or if she may be released. I do not require a previously fixed sum for a slave's safe return to society as law before accepting her, but will ensure she earns it enough under my care over time if coming to me broken and possessionless.

< Message edited by amayos -- 6/20/2006 2:32:46 PM >

(in reply to badpaliden)

Post #: 12

RE: Return funds - 6/20/2006 2:01:14 PM

Calandra

Posts: 725
Joined: 11/22/2004
Status: offline

Oh julia, I don't see it as a prenup at all!!!

I wouldn't ask the same thing of a vanilla person, but here's why:
Accepting a sub/slave into my home is rife with potential misunderstanding that simply aren't there with vanilla because of the power exchange.

I'd be happy to hold the bank book... I'd be happy NOT to... the thing is this: I have connected emotionally a number of times before and then the emotion interfered with the logistical side of things. (connection being friendship, love, lust, or sometimes sympathy)

I was telling Paliden yesterday that I am trying desperately not to get jaded... I don't expect to keep my innocence, but I DO want to keep my optimism. I tend to feel my heart go out to the lost lambs who have nowhere else to go, only to discover later that they were using me, as they'd used countless others before. I don't deserve that... I deserve to be loved and served because thats what someone truly needs to do.

I've worked and supported subs/slaves at times, happily. I've also stayed home while they worked (I'm currently disabled and cannot work), so money isn't the issue. But the power to tell someone to get out if they simply lied to me or willfully misled me, is something I need to factor in in the future. As is KNOWING that if they have a way to leave, but they stay it's because they WANT to be with me. I then know they are CHOOSING to be with me, and not just looking for a free lunch. I don't need a safety net, since they're moving into an already stable household.

Notice I also said the first year... I think that having a safety net that lasts until after the "honeymoon phase" is over is prudent. submissive emotions can get very confused sometimes and I don't want someone to ever look back, and regret they spent one day in my life.

Also... I think you and I have a very different approach to "moving in". I have a training collar. I will sometimes allow someone to join my household for a period of time to feel it out, and see if LIVING this is really what they thought it would be like. My first contract is three months, renewable for an additional three months. If that goes well, My next contract is six months. I allow re-negotiation at each juncture. After that, I offer a formal collar renewable every year.

Not every person in my home is a "love match". If I, the sub/slave, and the rest of my family can benefit from the arrangement, fine - regardless of the dynamics.

See, I don't have to be a love match to have feelings for the person, and one of the reasons I would require this bank account is to make very sure that everyone has an escape clause, so that once a formal collar is in place, the questions are all answered.

Does that make sense?

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 13

RE: Return funds - 6/20/2006 2:02:19 PM

badpaliden

Posts: 96
Joined: 4/18/2005
Status: offline

Hey there Calandra!
LOL, nanner nanner . I got it first..
Sure thing about the game.

(in reply to lisa1978)

Post #: 14

RE: Return funds - 6/20/2006 2:08:11 PM

sweetnessforsir

Posts: 70
Joined: 1/5/2006
Status: offline

Having a financial safety net is something I find desirable on the "s" side. It makes sense that there should be a contigency plan. Not just to keep me safe, but to keep the D from feeling trapped as well. It would be horrific to think that I was being "kept" simply because there was no money to put me somewhere else.

However, I am not so sure that this financial burden should fall entirely on the "s" (be it slave or submissive). Relocation will have already been an expense. I believe, at the very least, it should be shared in some way.

s.

(in reply to badpaliden)

Post #: 15

RE: Return funds - 6/20/2006 2:11:37 PM

badpaliden

Posts: 96
Joined: 4/18/2005
Status: offline

Well I hate to say it , but we live in a time where deceit and hidden truth seem to be rampant. I dont think its at all a bad thing if a sub/slave has their "bolt hole"monies. I think it removes that hidden sword of damaclies hanging over their heads about keeping a place to live , even tho they cant stand the person their serving any more.
I feel its best to be a bit ,shall we say , demanding (me? naw!) and explain to them that I dont want the interferance of that aspect dangling over the relationship. Well least thats my opinion

(in reply to badpaliden)

Post #: 16

RE: Return funds - 6/20/2006 2:13:45 PM

Calandra

Posts: 725
Joined: 11/22/2004
Status: offline

but lisa, if someone knows up front that this is a condition of joining my household (not serving me if they are already local, by the way) then they can begin saving as they wish, and however long it takes to save that amount gives us time to know each other better...

I don't know that I would be absolutely arbitrary either (lets say they have options of where to go should it not be what they wanted - or perhaps they have the ability to transfer their existing job thereby ensuring that their retirement fund and insurance and such is insured) I'd perhaps be more flexible. But to just take in someone I've met a few times and known online and open my home to them without a safety net... I've found it to be a mixed bag for them and me in the past...

My cubby came by bus from Baltimore to SC and never left... but after three months, he called his mom and got a bus ticket home... I took him to the station, and resolutely refused to cry or show anything that might be construed as pressure or manipulation... (I loved him with all of my heart by then) Bus was loading... he walked through the station to the bus, put his hand on the railing to board, turned and ran back to me. He said "this is wrong, I can't leave you!"

That was seven years ago. Knowing he could have left, but didn't is precious to me...

(in reply to lisa1978)

Post #: 17

RE: Return funds - 6/20/2006 2:24:03 PM

Calandra

Posts: 725
Joined: 11/22/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: sweetnessforsir
However, I am not so sure that this financial burden should fall entirely on the "s" (be it slave or submissive). Relocation will have already been an expense. I believe, at the very least, it should be shared in some way.
s.

I have no problem helping with moving expenses etc... but I don't think that I should be the one to set back money for their safety net since that is basically THEIRS to do with when they leave.

I had a girl in my home six months last year... paid her way the entire time. She worked about one month of that time and paid her car payment, and a few credit card bills. While she was in my home, I paid the rent, utilities, groceries, and her insurance on months that she couldn't cover it herself. While she was there, if the family went out to eat or to the movies, she came along. I bought a $450 glamour photo package one day when she was dealing with feelings of low self worth and that she was ugly. I took her out for her 21st birthday, and spent several hundreds on her (lunch, manicure, pedicure, facial, makeover, highlights, a wardrobe complete with accessories and jewelry - not to mention the party)

I'm not whining or complaining, I am glad I could do those things... but I think it adds context that money wasn't the issue for me - her taking responsibility with the money she did earn was... I'd have passed her by if I'd seen that she didn't have maturity and responsibility before she joined my household...

She literally stayed in my home about three months too long simply because I was worried about where she'd end up if I asked her to leave... and I have the right to consent too... and the right to a peaceful home...

a safety net in place will prevent situations like this I hope

(in reply to sweetnessforsir)

Post #: 18

RE: Return funds - 6/20/2006 2:30:15 PM

lisa1978

Posts: 224
Joined: 5/19/2006
From: Kansas City
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Calandra

but lisa, if someone knows up front that this is a condition of joining my household (not serving me if they are already local, by the way) then they can begin saving as they wish, and however long it takes to save that amount gives us time to know each other better...

I don't know that I would be absolutely arbitrary either (lets say they have options of where to go should it not be what they wanted - or perhaps they have the ability to transfer their existing job thereby ensuring that their retirement fund and insurance and such is insured) I'd perhaps be more flexible. But to just take in someone I've met a few times and known online and open my home to them without a safety net... I've found it to be a mixed bag for them and me in the past...

My cubby came by bus from Baltimore to SC and never left... but after three months, he called his mom and got a bus ticket home... I took him to the station, and resolutely refused to cry or show anything that might be construed as pressure or manipulation... (I loved him with all of my heart by then) Bus was loading... he walked through the station to the bus, put his hand on the railing to board, turned and ran back to me. He said "this is wrong, I can't leave you!"

That was seven years ago. Knowing he could have left, but didn't is precious to me...

In your specific case where it sounds so fluid and not at all any promises of a long stay or permancy than in your shoes I would certainly make that a requirement. I would not want a person that you might kick out in days/weeks/months that could not support themselves either. That would be dangerous for your family.

My comments are not based on a more pure service non emotional hookup, but with people who have developed feeling for each other and are hoping and striving for something permanment.

_____________________________

It hurts sometimes more than we can bear. If we could live without passion, maybe we'd know some kind of peace. But we would be hollow. Empty rooms, shuttered and dank. Without passion, we'd be truly dead.

(in reply to Calandra)

Post #: 19

RE: Return funds - 6/20/2006 2:32:00 PM

APerfectParadox

Posts: 95
Joined: 11/1/2005
Status: offline

I do not have alot of money ... putting $2000 away would be unrealistic for someone like me. However I would have enough for a return ticket before i would ever consider relocating anywhere, for anyone. I have family that would help me out of a jam, for which I am very grateful of course. But I wouldn't feel I had any right to ask for help if I couldn't show at least a minimum amount of responsibility for my choices and their possible consequences.

_____________________________

“Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.”

If there were dreams to sell, what would you buy?

(in reply to Calandra)

Post #: 20

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