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Training - 2/9/2013 7:07:22 AM

chatterbox24

Posts: 2182
Joined: 1/22/2012
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Are there any subs who dont mind this word or description?
Are there Doms on here that use that word?

If you take offense to the word please describe why, and if you do not , why not?

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Post #: 1

RE: Training - 2/9/2013 7:12:00 AM

rhymeswithcupid

Posts: 52
Joined: 6/2/2012
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Honestly, for me it has a lot to do with context. If a dominant approaches me and immediately starts in about how I need training or he'll train me to suit him, its a big turn off. I'm not a thing. I have a personality and I expect a man to take the time to get to know me before he decides whether or not I require "training" in one aspect or another.

However, if he actually does know me and we're in a relationship or even beginning one and he mentions wanting to train me in a specific fashion, then it can be kind of hot. The idea of being molded to my lover's specifications is a hot button to push. Its just got to be handled in the right way.

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(in reply to chatterbox24)

Post #: 2

RE: Training - 2/9/2013 7:25:26 AM

myotherself

Posts: 7157
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From: The cold bit of the UK
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I really hate the word, mostly because none could explain really what I was being trained in and for. When I was looking, I would ask guys what they meant and usually got the answer "I'll train you to be a sub". Well, sorry, but I'm ALREADY submissive. It's nothing to do with training and everything to do with 'me'.

For me, BDSM is core to a relationship. It's not really a job, it's a way of life. I have the vast majority of the skills needed to make a successful relationship, both practical and emotional. So does he.

Any others that we need, we'll learn. But unless he's an expert and I'm not, then it'll not be training. It'll be finding out and applying.

Outside of high protocol relationships (leather, gor), or unless the dominant wants the sub to acquire another skill such as book-keeping or silver-service waiting, I can't see how one can be trained to be what they already are.

< Message edited by myotherself -- 2/9/2013 7:26:55 AM >

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Post #: 3

RE: Training - 2/9/2013 7:27:55 AM

MissBlueangel

Posts: 147
Joined: 6/28/2012
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I hate the word. Im a human being not a chimp.
Teach me...dont try to train me

(in reply to chatterbox24)

Post #: 4

RE: Training - 2/9/2013 7:36:58 AM

SinFix

Posts: 866
Joined: 4/1/2011
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I don't hate it, but do use it as a filter for those that would say they want to train me as not being compatible as I have found most have no clue what they are doing and just throwing around a word to look self important and Domly

(in reply to MissBlueangel)

Post #: 5

RE: Training - 2/9/2013 8:02:07 AM

Kaliko

Posts: 3381
Joined: 9/25/2010
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To train: to develop or form the habits, thoughts, or behavior of by discipline and instruction.

Goodness, what's there to be offended about? :)

(in reply to chatterbox24)

Post #: 6

RE: Training - 2/9/2013 8:13:24 AM

JennyDevine

Posts: 21
Joined: 11/20/2009
Status: offline

A brilliant dom I've known for a while has been saying (suggesting) the same thing to me.

You train dogs or cats he tells me. People you teach and he has taught me volumes.

(in reply to SinFix)

Post #: 7

RE: Training - 2/9/2013 9:02:19 AM

Missokyst

Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
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I don't like the term coming from strangers. I probably know more than they do kinkwise and otherwise I am well educated and know how to cook. For a stranger to tell me he will train me is kind of puffery. If I ask what, they usually say, train me to please them, to be a submissive/slave. Unless we have been chatting for a while and I really want to become intimate with them, training is not gonna happen.

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Post #: 8

RE: Training - 2/9/2013 9:18:13 AM

agent0fchaos

Posts: 34
Joined: 1/31/2013
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I like the word "training" in a -very specific- context. If you're telling me you're going to train me in, say, knitting, or how to make beef bourguignon, I don't instantly seize up.

To me, you train in a specific skill, that you already know how to do and can pass on to the person you're training, sort of like job training. When it comes to generally "slave training" It doesn't work for me. Tell me you want me to learn how to please you, that you want me to learn how to anticipate your needs, that you're going to teach me. Not train me.

(in reply to Missokyst)

Post #: 9

RE: Training - 2/9/2013 9:26:02 AM

SeekingTrinity

Posts: 1834
Joined: 5/29/2012
From: The 'burbs of Portland, OR
Status: offline

~FRing it~

I dont use the term personally because Ive always felt it was largely one of those "full of shit" terms when it comes to BDSM. I see the term "training" used in profiles and its almost like an involuntary eye roll response. I guess Ive always looked at the term "training" as someone passing on their knowledge to someone else. When you are being trained on the job...you are being shown by someone who has experience with the job training you how to do it. When I train someone who is new to my favorite craft hobby (cross stitching), Im passing on my knowledge and experience to someone new to the art. How does a dominant train a submissive/slave in something that we dont usually have any sort of experience in ourselves? The exception to this would be switches of course

(in reply to agent0fchaos)

Post #: 10

RE: Training - 2/9/2013 9:52:54 AM

muhly22222

Posts: 463
Joined: 3/25/2010
Status: offline

I sometimes use it, but generally as a synonym for teaching. To limit it even more, when I use it, it's in a context that makes it clear that I'd be teaching the person about me.

(in reply to chatterbox24)

Post #: 11

RE: Training - 2/9/2013 9:58:42 AM

thracia

Posts: 38
Joined: 1/12/2013
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Wow. I had thought it a wholly innocuous word.

(in reply to muhly22222)

Post #: 12

RE: Training - 2/9/2013 10:00:25 AM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

The objection most of us have with it is that it is a way for guys to claim they want a relationship while not actually having one, but getting their cocks sucked off on demand anyway. Which shouldn't be happening unless you're in a relationship which has agreed to him having sex on demand.

Usually when you get a first email that says he wants to train you, what he's really saying is he wants to sneak around on his wife to get you to give him a blowjob. But you shouldn't count on being able to call him for help if your car breaks down because he won't answer the phone.

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Post #: 13

RE: Training - 2/9/2013 10:26:13 AM

Kaliko

Posts: 3381
Joined: 9/25/2010
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quote:

ORIGINAL: thracia

Wow. I had thought it a wholly innocuous word.

Well, men (and women, I suppose) who post in their profiles that a submissive has to go through extensive amounts of training before being allowed the opportunity to serve as that person's 24/7 fuck slut have tarnished it a bit. It's kind of up there with "True Dom" and "Real Master."

But in proper context - which for me, means within a relationship in which I'm submissive and my goal is to please him - no, I don't find "training" offensive at all.

(in reply to thracia)

Post #: 14

RE: Training - 2/9/2013 10:35:37 AM

OsideGirl

Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
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99% of the people use it as an euphemism for "tie you up, beat you and fuck you". They're not training you for anything. They're using it to make submissive think that they need to do it in order to be a good submissive, when the reality is that it's just kinky sex.

In the leather community training is actually needed. There's an etiquette and protocol that's easy to mess up.

Or lastly, I have known submissives that have actually been sent for training in a specific skill. ie: A Domme in our area sent her submissive to butler school.

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The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to Kaliko)

Post #: 15

RE: Training - 2/9/2013 10:45:16 AM

myotherself

Posts: 7157
Joined: 3/9/2006
From: The cold bit of the UK
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Kaliko

But in proper context - which for me, means within a relationship in which I'm submissive and my goal is to please him - no, I don't find "training" offensive at all.

Yup, it's all in the context. "Training" in an email from a stranger is very different from "training" in a relationship. But for me, the word has been tarnished by all the bullshit that it was coated in by the many, many wannadoms who contacted me on the other side

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Post #: 16

RE: Training - 2/9/2013 11:02:58 AM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

Yes, I use it. As a leather person, I'm very comfortable with the term. Leather protocol is a little more extensive than "do that" when it comes to serving in a household. I don't call it "DM Teaching Class" when I give that presentation, either. Is there anybody out there that doesn't call it "DM Training" for their dungeon?

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Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to myotherself)

Post #: 17

RE: Training - 2/9/2013 12:13:15 PM

JeffBC

Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: thracia
Wow. I had thought it a wholly innocuous word.

It would be except for Oside's comment:

99% of the people use it as an euphemism for "tie you up, beat you and fuck you". They're not training you for anything. They're using it to make submissive think that they need to do it in order to be a good submissive, when the reality is that it's just kinky sex.

Generally it's pretty funny when you ask one of these trainers what, exactly, they are planning on training? How will they measure improvement? How have they determined there is a skills gap which requires training to start with? There's seldom any detail which is a sure fire sign it isn't training.

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"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd

(in reply to thracia)

Post #: 18

RE: Training - 2/9/2013 12:40:55 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: JeffBC
It would be except for Oside's comment:

99% of the people use it as an euphemism for "tie you up, beat you and fuck you". They're not training you for anything. They're using it to make submissive think that they need to do it in order to be a good submissive, when the reality is that it's just kinky sex.

Generally it's pretty funny when you ask one of these trainers what, exactly, they are planning on training? How will they measure improvement? How have they determined there is a skills gap which requires training to start with? There's seldom any detail which is a sure fire sign it isn't training.

Do you want the full list or the general idea?

DM training. There's actually a lot more to training somebody to be a DM for a public play space than "hey, that person said red". There's also first aid, how to check equipment for safety, acclimating people who are new to the space, preventative measures, etc, etc.

The leather/protocol stuff are various areas. Some of it is about things like formal service. Other parts are things like leather care that a person might not be familiar with. Differences between private and public protocol for various events. Stuff like that.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to JeffBC)

Post #: 19

RE: Training - 2/9/2013 1:14:28 PM

sexyred1

Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: thracia

Wow. I had thought it a wholly innocuous word.

Of course, that is why context is always important.

If some random stranger instaDom writes and says, I have 15 years of experience to train you with, I roll my eyes.

If I am in the middle of a intense thing with someone I am involved with and he says, I will train you to _____, then it is hot.

Context, the new black.

(in reply to thracia)

Post #: 20

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