RE: help

RE: help (Full Version)

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SylvereApLeanan -> RE: help (2/10/2013 3:29:35 PM)
Okay, so you and your partner are both interested in a trans* woman. From the sound of it, you want her to be pre-operative or non-op. Please correct me if I'm wrong. Is a post-operative trans* woman okay? If not, why not? If you specifically want her to have a penis, will you be okay with it if she's on HRT? Some trans* woman cannot get and/or maintain an erection because of the hormones. If that isn't okay, have you thought about why? Also, will you address any issues of body dysphoria she may have and be sensitive to her needs if she isn't comfortable engaging in cis-normative sexual activity (e.g. penetration using her penis)? This is where non-consensual objectification comes into play. You need to really think about these issues and be honest about the answers before you try to date a trans* person.

AthenaSurrenders -> RE: help (2/10/2013 10:53:03 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SylvereApLeanan Okay, so you and your partner are both interested in a trans* woman. From the sound of it, you want her to be pre-operative or non-op. Please correct me if I'm wrong. Is a post-operative trans* woman okay? If not, why not? If you specifically want her to have a penis, will you be okay with it if she's on HRT? Some trans* woman cannot get and/or maintain an erection because of the hormones. If that isn't okay, have you thought about why? Also, will you address any issues of body dysphoria she may have and be sensitive to her needs if she isn't comfortable engaging in cis-normative sexual activity (e.g. penetration using her penis)? This is where non-consensual objectification comes into play. You need to really think about these issues and be honest about the answers before you try to date a trans* person. This is such good advice please read it twice. You really do need to do lots of reading up and have lots of discussions about this as a couple (as you would with any situation where you are adding a third, but even more so since it seems you don't really know any trans people in real life and perhaps don't know what issues your potential future playmate might have been through in the past). I think the part about cis-normative sexual activity is the main one to consider. I'm guessing that you've got the term 'shemale' from porn, and porn tends to focus on what is effectively a woman with a penis penetrating somebody. The (admittedly few) trans women I have known who do have a penis didn't want to penetrate somebody with it, because that was an act that belonged to the male body they were seeking to leave behind. So you and your husband need to be honest with yourself and her if that is the fantasy because it may not be enjoyable or even physically attainable for your playmate - and unless everyone is having fun, what's the point?

DarkSteven -> RE: help (2/11/2013 5:08:28 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: GoddessBych21 I do not wish to seek a person just to use as a thing none of you know me as a person so please do not judge me. I admited I made a mistake I realy honestly did and just because I still have that journal entry up does not mean I was not sincere in my apology maybe it means that I had something to do and haven't got to deleteing it yet. Did any of you think of that before you accused my appology? I do understand that I made a mistake and I do understand what my original post made me sound like a horrible person but I truly am not. I appologize to all that were offended by that. It is both of us who are interested (not just for a toy) I am not heartless I am not perfect I do not know everything. As I stated I am still new at all the terms and rules. Again I am sorry Relax. You've apologized. Let's move on. But you still haven't answered the following questions: quote: ORIGINAL: DarkSteven 1. Is this attraction something that both of you feel? 2. Just what about MtFs is it that you like? 3. What kind of help do you want? How to meet them? How to approach them? What?

GoddessBych21 -> RE: help (2/11/2013 6:43:03 AM)
Ok first of all I don't ever remember saying I wanted to have sex with a trans woman so where y'all are getting these "fantesies" from I don't know. I said I was interested in trans women meaning id like to know/learn more maybe get to know some . We are both interested in trans women not just for sex as y'all think we are. Everything about trans women interests me. I just want to learn

AthenaSurrenders -> RE: help (2/11/2013 6:55:03 AM)
how did you not expect us to come to that conclusion? You have a profile looking for a play partner. You've posted before about your disappointment at the lack of contact you are getting. Then you post a vague 'I'm interested in shemales'. Of course we will assume you mean interested as a play partner, since that's all we know about you. I honestly can't believe that this surprises you. We can only go off what you give us. If you are interested in what the different terminology means, what the process is of becoming a woman, the legal requirements for gender reassignment, the emotional impact of gender dysphoria (is it dysphoria or dysmorphia, I can't remember?).... then there's a million questions you could have asked to get those kind of answers. Also you asked for 'advice', rather than information. You got some good advice, based on what you put out there. If everyone misunderstood then you need to look at your own communication.

TheLilSquaw -> RE: help (2/11/2013 7:15:04 AM)
OP, Your post and your profile give the impression that you are looking for play partner(s). Your OP stated and I quote " I am interested in shemales any advice." If your goal with this thread was to learn about Trans Women, then why not ask specific questions that you would like to know rather than be vague. When you are vague, you force people to come to their own conclusions using the facts that YOU give them. (posts, profile and journal) So don't get upset because of the conclusion that people draw from the facts you have given. Perhaps you should be upset with how you present and communicate things. If all you are is interested in playing with a trans woman, there is nothing wrong with that. Some people don't mind being "used" by other's to get their fix for "strange". Btw.. I am using "strange" in the sense that it is not normal to them or their relationship. To ME a couple could get a "strange" fix by picking up a chick at the bar to join them.

AthenaSurrenders -> RE: help (2/11/2013 7:26:18 AM)
By the way OP, I like your updated profile much better. I know I'd be much more interested if I were looking that with your old one.

PeonForHer -> RE: help (2/11/2013 8:15:04 AM)
Yep - agreed.

SylvereApLeanan -> RE: help (2/11/2013 11:08:15 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: GoddessBych21 Ok first of all I don't ever remember saying I wanted to have sex with a trans woman so where y'all are getting these "fantesies" from I don't know. I said I was interested in trans women meaning id like to know/learn more maybe get to know some . We are both interested in trans women not just for sex as y'all think we are. Everything about trans women interests me. I just want to learn Oh for fuck's sake... As others have pointed out, your profile and entire posting history to date all paint a very clear picture of someone who wants kinky play, including sex. Your OP uses a derogatory term for trans* women that is used only in porn and NOWHERE else. At no time did you ask a specific question or even request resources to learn about general trans* issues. What else did you expect people to think? You know the saying "if it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck, it's probably a duck" right? Well, in this case, if it posts like a horny trans chaser it probably is one. Are you really that stupid or are you just backpedaling because you got called out? You're in luck, though, because now you have plenty of information at your fingertips in just a handful of posts. If you want more resources, we've got that. If you want information based on experience, we've got that too. My girlfriend is trans, there are a number of other regular posters in relationships with trans people, and we even have some wonderful trans* folks who have demonstrated amazing patience for educating clueless cis people. But to get that information, you have to make more effort than some vague innuendo and narcissistic "look at me, look at me" posts.

GoddessBych21 -> RE: help (2/11/2013 11:55:08 AM)
Thank you. And thank you AthenaSurrenders

Subano -> RE: help (2/11/2013 12:07:41 PM)
Love what DS said!

Missokyst -> RE: help (2/11/2013 12:14:12 PM)
Hmmm... I wonder if it ever occurs to people on this side of CM that some people ARE looking for playmates and not ltr's? As someone who is currently keeping my eyes open for a physical connection, I don't necessarily care if someone is paying more attention to the activity and less to getting to know me as a person. The getting to know them part comes before the play for me, but not before the interest. I don't need people to inquire into my life until "I" want them there. quote: ORIGINAL: lizi quote: ORIGINAL: TNDommeK I will say, I was ignorant on facts of how to address, amount other things, transgendered people. Thank goodness for the people I have met on here that help me out when I sound clueless. I think the op made a mistake that she had no idea she was making. We can't always be perfect. Op I advise you to read that trans 101 link, and see if it helps you out. And then try to seek with new knowledge. However, once a post has been posted, it can only be removed with the help of a mod. So don't be discouraged but learn from your mistake and move forward. She did say she made a mistake, what is rubbing me the wrong way though is that she seems to be looking for a certain type of human being like a toy that she wants to play with. It's the same as when younger men start threads on wanting an older woman, or anyone is looking for a characteristic instead of a person. Those threads don't generally go well for the reason that the objectified group wants to be seen and valued as a person and not as a pair of tits, a big penis, or as young/old/white/black. Btw, she's still got up in her profile a journal entry about looking for a shemale, makes you wonder if her apology here was sincere or if she was being snarky about making a mistake. OP, I wish you luck, I think you need to understand that this site is for people that are interested in BDSM, it doesn't necessarily mean that we're all easy or looking for sex with anyone making an offer. Most of us, regardless of what flavor we are, want to be approached like a human being, have meaningful conversation, and form friendships before getting naked. Whatever you are looking for can be approached much like dating. Approach the object of your interest like a person that you want to get to know and get to know them.

LafayetteLady -> RE: help (2/11/2013 2:29:35 PM)
Which is fine. Remember though, you don't make posts like the OP has that would have people inquiring in your life.

Missokyst -> RE: help (2/11/2013 3:23:56 PM)
Her post just seemed ill-worded to me. Most of the profiles I see on the other side tend to be looking for someone, play or otherwise. And heck, I didn't know she-males is no longer an acceptable term. I know a number of men who enjoy playing the female role without necessarily going to the end role of trans. Sometimes when I read stuff here it just looks like people are grabbing a bone and not letting go for nothing.

SylvereApLeanan -> RE: help (2/11/2013 4:40:24 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Missokyst And heck, I didn't know she-males is no longer an acceptable term. When was it ever acceptable? (That's rhetorical, btw. The answer is "never.") Regardless, there is a difference between wanting a playmate and a plaything. The OP has given no indication that she comprehends the difference. She might manage a straight/bi male cross-dresser, if he likes non-consensual objectification, but she certainly isn't educated/aware enough to even meet a trans* woman for coffee let alone play with one.

GoddessBych21 -> RE: help (2/11/2013 6:24:10 PM)
Im sorry but I do know the differance

TNDommeK -> RE: help (2/11/2013 7:44:59 PM)
I think that's why it's important to learn from mistakes. She was told, she corrected it. I would hope she is learning along the way. Maybe she doesn't know how to correctly word what she wants. I think it would do her some good to research and read, ask questions, etc. I'm sure she knows what she has in mind but might have a hard time explaining to us exactly what that may be.

SylvereApLeanan -> RE: help (2/11/2013 8:05:16 PM)
Honestly, I haven't really seen the OP trying to learn anything. She's had ample opportunity to rephrase and clarify her original question and to ask new ones. That's what someone who sincerely wants to learn does. She hasn't even bothered to answer the questions people have put to her. All I see her doing is backpedaling after the being called out for being a chaser. This is my not impressed face. [sm=m23.gif]

SeekingTrinity -> RE: help (2/11/2013 9:29:31 PM)
~FRing it~ OP, I think what you honestly have to recognize is the vagueness in which you ask things, then get your undies all tangled in your ass when people arent certain what you are asking based on the vagueness. You said you were interested in [trans women] (Im changing the term you used because I do not use what are considered derogatory terms for those who are transgendered...I do know you clarified because you didnt know), but you didnt say anything about what you were interested in her for. And then when people made the natural assumption that you were looking for something sexual, you got all sorts of butthurt about it. Clarity on your part will go a long way to helping all of us figure out the best way we can help address your questions. Want to get to know a trans woman? Its very simple. Avail yourself to the places that those women might be and you have all the opportunities in the world to get to know someone. But you have to figure out in your own mind just what the heck you are hoping to find her for. Because she's going to ask...and if you stumble around like you did here...it wont go very well.

TNDommeK -> RE: help (2/11/2013 11:56:22 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SylvereApLeanan Honestly, I haven't really seen the OP trying to learn anything. She's had ample opportunity to rephrase and clarify her original question and to ask new ones. That's what someone who sincerely wants to learn does. She hasn't even bothered to answer the questions people have put to her. All I see her doing is backpedaling after the being called out for being a chaser. This is my not impressed face. [sm=m23.gif] This is true; now that I look back on it.

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