RE: love and respect

RE: love and respect (Full Version)

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OsideGirl -> RE: love and respect (2/15/2013 11:22:28 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Notsweet Does that make sense? I get that's what you're getting from that one section. But, he said a whole bunch more than that and stating that all women should submit is sexist.

Notsweet -> RE: love and respect (2/15/2013 11:24:22 AM)
Well, my opinion and two bucks will get you a cup of coffee. But as long as I'm still paying for the worthless degree, figure I might as well say something once in awhile.

Notsweet -> RE: love and respect (2/15/2013 11:25:22 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: OsideGirl quote: ORIGINAL: Notsweet Does that make sense? I get that's what you're getting from that one section. But, he said a whole bunch more than that and stating that all women should submit is sexist. I know. But he's a man trying to communicate his thoughts to women. And dammit....some of them just aren't really talented in that way.

searching4mysir -> RE: love and respect (2/15/2013 11:40:37 AM)
FR OP, until a woman is YOUR submissive, she doesn't owe you anything, not even respect. You are a stranger, and while your views on men/women and their communication styles may work for you, they won't work for everyone nor in every situation. And, quite frankly, not everyone here is even LOOKING for a relationship. Some of us are already in one and/or here only for the forums.

OsideGirl -> RE: love and respect (2/15/2013 12:05:12 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Notsweet I know. But he's a man trying to communicate his thoughts to women. And dammit....some of them just aren't really talented in that way. That is very true and I'm spoiled because Master communicates and listens very well.

LordKonstantine -> RE: love and respect (2/15/2013 12:22:08 PM)
What they really want to hear is "Yes Dear"....., Instead of the reality that Both members have to work for each others affections. Men favor respect more than love, women favor love more than respect. While both are important each favors one more than the other. Its how we read and interpret these notions and feelings that makes us compatible with the partners we choose. Whether you read this post thru pink glasses or blue glasses. Like one poster said, it is my opinion not a fact. It is how I feel, not a scientific theory. Am i chauvinistic, perhaps. Am I an old school kind of guy, yes I am. I do believe a womans place is in the home, as nurturer and caregiver. A mans place is provider and protector. One poster condemned me for being single, that is true. I am a widower. I raise my only child on my own. I believe in God and Christ. I am not a preacher, nor a super christian but I believe. I do not condemn other peoples religion nor their beliefs, but perhaps the ones who condemn mine should take a good long look at themselves and seek the source of their hatred for me and my beliefs. I am not too proud to admit when I am wrong, or to change my point of view if I have evidence to show I am wrong. My original posting was a conglomeration of serveral books I have read over the past year and a rambling I had. When my wife was alive, she was the most patient, kind hearted woman a man could ever have. She was never disrespectful or mouthy. If I was wrong about something and alot of times I was, she would wait until the appropriate time and pull me aside and tell me. One example in point, once we were having dinner with some friends and I offended my friends wife with something I said. As a man I quickly apologized and dropped the subject. On the way home my wife looked at me and told me "Honey, what you said was right, the way you said it was wrong." She approached that subject very respectfully and waited until we were away from everyone to correct what I had done. That was one of the ways she showed me respect. And I loved her for that. How many of you would have said something at the table in front of everyone or waited until you were in the car?

Rule -> RE: love and respect (2/15/2013 12:27:58 PM)
Do you happen to be a narcissist? I wonder.

TNDommeK -> RE: love and respect (2/15/2013 12:32:30 PM)
~FR~ I would never call my husband out on something in front of anyone. I would wait and explain later. However, I'm not submissive and neither is he. He gets respect bc he has earned it from the get go, not because God put the stem on the apple. But I'm not sure that has anything to do with D/s, I think that's a human husband/wife thing.

OsideGirl -> RE: love and respect (2/15/2013 12:46:49 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LordKonstantine What they really want to hear is "Yes Dear"..... Again, with sweeping generalizations and wrong assumptions. quote: How many of you would have said something at the table in front of everyone or waited until you were in the car? I would not have said anything at the table. But, then again, I also would not have said anything at the table to a friend, male or female.

RedMagic1 -> RE: love and respect (2/15/2013 12:51:02 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LordKonstantine Men favor respect more than love, women favor love more than respect. I think you'll find this is heavily dependent on economic and social standing, much more so than whether someone is male or female. Not to sound like a jackass, but I think this is relevant: I have more respect than I need, and I'd gladly turn some of it in for twu love. Love's definitely more important to me. On the other hand, I put a woman into subspace on Wednesday, and a big part of the reason she got naked in my bed was that I respected her mind and her accomplishments when lots of other people did not. She wanted respect more than almost anything in the world, almost more than food. Not exaggerating. She had been working in a third world country, and had been shut down (unless she slept with a politican) because she was female. So my acknowledging her mind and her profession was what got her into my bed. People are upset by you because you are taking your own life and projecting it onto everyone else. Maybe learn more about how the lives of others work, and then you'll get less static, on the internet, and in real life too.

OsideGirl -> RE: love and respect (2/15/2013 5:39:46 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: RedMagic1 Maybe learn more about how the lives of others work, and then you'll get less static, on the internet, and in real life too. Yeah, and maybe not make wide sweeping generalizations and act like they're fact.

ShaharThorne -> RE: love and respect (2/15/2013 5:45:53 PM)
Gees...someone using a book written by several men as a backdrop for the lifestyle? Excuse me while I consult the Quran, the Torah and the New Testament...nothing there about how to respect people... Respect is to be earned, not given automatically. Equally on both parties. I am going to wait on Kana on this one. I need a good dose of chocolate.

OsideGirl -> RE: love and respect (2/15/2013 5:59:27 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ShaharThorne I am going to wait on Kana on this one. I was waiting on Lady Pact. I have the popcorn popped and waiting.

Aylee -> RE: love and respect (2/15/2013 6:00:51 PM)
FR Crap! I had better get on the phone and let the other half know that we are doing our marriage and family WRONG, because a guy read some books and said so on the interwebz. Ya know, maybe someone should lend him a book about how not all families are the same. He could start with an easy one like, "Heather Has Two Mommies."

ShaharThorne -> RE: love and respect (2/15/2013 6:10:12 PM)
I'll join you! Besides CSI:NY is on and I don't feel like playing MMORPGs tonight.

littlewonder -> RE: love and respect (2/15/2013 6:20:15 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LordKonstantine I see it all the time, females want to be cherished, loved and appreciated by that one dom/master who they can submit to. If that is what you truly want, women, stop being bitches! Men shut down when they are not respected, they take their love and bury it. If you truly want a man to love you and give you the attention you crave, respect him. Not in the way you recognize respect, but in the way he recognizes respect. Thank him for providing for you, protecting you, leading you. When men are disrespected, they shut down, turn off etc. When women dont feel the love, they disrespect a man. It keeps going around and around in a crazy circle. We are both hard wired like that. Ladies, if you want your man to "get it", you need to "get it" too. A womans place is in the home, submitting to her man, and being respectful. The bible orders men to love their wives, it does not order them to respect their wives. Because men show respect when given respect. The bible also orders women to submit and respect their their husbands, not to love their husbands. Because women are hard wired to love naturally. They are the nurturers and caregivers. Its their job to love and care. If a soldier is willing to die for his battle buddy on a field of combat, yet will walk away from a contentious woman, what does that tell you? No greater love hath a man than to lay his life down for another. Men reciprocate love thru their respect, a woman who is mean, mouthy, disrespectful, demeaning, complaining, etc.... will get no love from her husband. He will just walk away and say, "I dont need this shit". Women if you want men to treat you the way you want to be treated, treat them that way first. Why am I picturing a Southern backwoods church pastor holding snakes? And the lord sayeth women are the evil of the earth. Repent woman or I shall strike you down as God has commanded of me! [8\|]

littlewonder -> RE: love and respect (2/15/2013 6:24:41 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Notsweet It's unfortunate that the OP presented it quite that way, because what he says actually does make sense. We all know that men process stuff differently than women. I'd say that of the men I have known, they valued respect a great deal more than they valued what I saw as acts of love. Case in point: You ask him to do something. He says ok and ignores you (you think). You ask again. He says "I said OK," and then ignores you (you think). Finally, you ask again, so now it's nagging and disrespecting what he said (he thinks). The issue--you didn't say when you needed it, so he's going to do it when the game's over, or after his nap, or after whatever. I know this is a real simplification and over generalization of how the problem of love/respect comes up, but if anything, I occasionally learn from experience. What he's talking about is communication, and how when it breaks down, men feel disrespected and women feel unloved. There's a theory here. YMMV, and I'm certain I'll hear about it now, LOL.... Here's the thing, I ask Master to do something once. He says "ok". After that I leave it alone. He will either do it or he won't. Now if it's getting close to the time when it needs done then I will just respectfully approach him and say something "did you remember about what I asked?" Sometimes he just gets busy and forgets. We both do. Most times though I don't have to ask him more than once and rarely have to remind him. When I was young I did the nagging thing but I grew up and learned to trust my partner.

littlewonder -> RE: love and respect (2/15/2013 6:29:50 PM)
Dude, quit comparing other women to your wife. I'm sorry you lost your wife, but you will never find someone else if all you ever do is try to pretend the other women are your wife or very similar. I'm a widow also. I understand how that happens. I don't think you are done grieving since this is how you are approaching women. I would think about talking to a counselor or your pastor/priest. It really can help. But really, they are not your wife and they never will be.

Aylee -> RE: love and respect (2/15/2013 6:58:39 PM)
Good point, littlewonder. He is asking all women to compete with a dead woman. I think that would be a "hard limit" for me.

LadyPact -> RE: love and respect (2/15/2013 8:40:37 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LordKonstantine I see it all the time, females want to be cherished, loved and appreciated by that one dom/master who they can submit to. If that is what you truly want, women, stop being bitches! Men shut down when they are not respected, they take their love and bury it. If you truly want a man to love you and give you the attention you crave, respect him. Not in the way you recognize respect, but in the way he recognizes respect. Thank him for providing for you, protecting you, leading you. When men are disrespected, they shut down, turn off etc. When women dont feel the love, they disrespect a man. It keeps going around and around in a crazy circle. We are both hard wired like that. Ladies, if you want your man to "get it", you need to "get it" too. A womans place is in the home, submitting to her man, and being respectful. The bible orders men to love their wives, it does not order them to respect their wives. Because men show respect when given respect. The bible also orders women to submit and respect their their husbands, not to love their husbands. Because women are hard wired to love naturally. They are the nurturers and caregivers. Its their job to love and care. If a soldier is willing to die for his battle buddy on a field of combat, yet will walk away from a contentious woman, what does that tell you? No greater love hath a man than to lay his life down for another. Men reciprocate love thru their respect, a woman who is mean, mouthy, disrespectful, demeaning, complaining, etc.... will get no love from her husband. He will just walk away and say, "I dont need this shit". Women if you want men to treat you the way you want to be treated, treat them that way first. I'm not sure how much I can help on this one. I get that your comments were directed towards submissive women. I do have to ask you though, OP, if you have ever met any Dominant women? I happen to be one. I also happen to be a person of faith. I want you to think really hard about where and when the bible was written and the fact that women were treated like second class citizens back then. We're not talking about consensual dynamics where a power structure was the desired situation. We're talking about literal stuff like women being stoned to death for having sex and all kinds of other fun things. From what you are saying here, your marriage to your wife had the kind of respect, etc that you wanted. That's cool. I'm glad you had a happy marriage with her. However, that was a woman who knew you and one that you had probably earned her respect. Random strangers aren't going to hand you that so easily. Common courtesy, yes. Actual respect, no. And the whole "I'm man/Dom so I deserve respect" drill isn't going to go over here and it doesn't work that way in the real life community. If you told Me that I had to respect you or otherwise I was a bitch, I'd take the bitch comment and wear it with pride, and in the meantime, more folks would respect Me out of the exchange because I gave it to you straight. On the net, you aren't protecting, providing, or leading anyone. All you are really doing is hoping to do those things for someone in the future. If you are the type of man that wants to do that, GREAT. Until you actually do, it doesn't mean much. In a sense, a Dominant with no one submitting to them is basically just a responsible adult who likes things their own way. It's the submissive in your life that allows you to lead and any decent Dominant is always going to remember that. My men, (yes, plural, I'm poly) do happen to be damn good men. Loyal to the core, both of them. I've been married to My husband for eleven years in March and clip's been collared to Me for darn near five and a half years now. I have their love and respect and from where I sit, they treat Me pretty darn well. They are treated well by Me, too, but that's because I appreciate who they are as people. It wasn't the same when they were still strangers and they hadn't earned that love and respect yet. Edited to add - Please remember something. It's a line from the movie "Ghost" paraphrased. "It's easy for someone dead to be perfect. They aren't around anymore to make mistakes."

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