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LadyHugs -> RE: A question about play party etiquette and respect (6/21/2006 9:44:10 AM)
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Dear DorkDom, Ladies and Gentlemen;
As to your questions, if you are being unreasonable, I would have to say no. Should your submissive respect your wishes. I would say yes, with several explainations I'll touch on in a later paragraph. Should the community where the submissive and the Domme mention dwell, respect your wishes as it affects/effects your wishes, without tampering with the submissive's present reputation, I would say yes, to which I'll expand on later in this post.
I would explain to my community before your visit there, that the day you visit will be set aside for the two of you. She is the hostess per se and your comfort as a guest on her home turf is most important.
Knowing how judgmental individual groups, cliques and such are, the last thing needed is to add to the 'foe' feeding. All strangers are sized up and extremely judged on every word, every deed done. So, in this case DorkDom is walking into a shark tank.
So, I would agree that not playing the first time at a new place and a sea of strangers, it permits a guest to size up who and what they have to deal with. However, that does not mean that all D/s and or M/s interactions go to the wind. Some of the most hot and sensual scenes are done without a toy in hand but, the voice, the touch, the mind of the dominant. Protocols used, shown and seen can immediately establish the discipline, the authority and submission without much effort.
Respect is earned. You have to establish it on your own with her group and not her's to do for you. By giving respect to her group and it returned, cannot do much to destroy respect however, foster the entire experience to a pleasure based experience.
Indeed, there might be desires for the group to see you at work with whips and skills you have. It is that protective nature of groups. So,
your relationship which is more defined and focused should be seen as an consensual relationship and I would hope that they respect the submissive's judgment as to pick a dominant that is worthy of her as well as yours.
Majority of dominants that I know and or associate, would be thrilled to see a submissive find 'a match' and give a wide berth as to permit that budding relationship grow. But, be there as a support if it is needed.
I am distressed when people feel the need to play when they attend a play party, be it public or private. That isn't the idea of a play party. The idea of a play party is to have fun and play if you wish. There is no obligation to play. If you don't play, it just means a longer time on the dungeon furniture for someone else. Sitting out one play party to see to the comfort of a new guest that happens to be their dominant is more respectful than anything that can be commanded.
It is old fashioned good manners, that those who have invited a guest to attend their familiar assembly of indivduals, will see to their guests from beginning to the end. In my mind's eye, you're are envoking the old fashioned good manners that have been appreciated in vanilla and or BDSM circles for years.
Respectfully submitted for consideration,
Lady Hugs
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