RE: Master wants a threesome... (Full Version)

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DarkSteven -> RE: Master wants a threesome... (2/21/2013 5:19:47 AM)

For those folks who keep saying that if he's her Master, she should obey without question - give her a break. She's brand new to all this stuff and is clearly not using the word "Master" in its general sense. Reading her writing clearly shows that, while her role may evolve to being a slave some day, right now she's a sub and not tremendously sure of her role in a very new relationship.

quote:

ORIGINAL: descrite

Yeah, here's the funny thing: nobody has considered the possiblity that the absence of threesomes/multiples is a hard limit for him.



The impression I got was that he let her know of this AFTER they agreed on a relationship, not before. If he had let her know that threesomes were a must-have prior to the relationship starting, then I'd agree with you. But I don't get that feeling.



cordeliasub -> RE: Master wants a threesome... (2/21/2013 5:21:47 AM)

I think that you have gotten some very good, non-misogynistic advice from quite a few wise people.....many of whom have their real photos up ;) I'd listen to them. You didn't say a 3-some is forever out of the question. Someone (be they Dom or not) with an ounce of compassion who can see anyone besides themselves would be patient and help you through dealing with the past trauma. Sounds like you two have talked more and he understands....which means he is probably a better Dom than anyone who would tell you to suck it up ;)

Oh, and when you are talking to yourself in that mirror....remind yourself that you are a woman...which means "she" and not "it."



Exidor -> RE: Master wants a threesome... (2/21/2013 5:24:25 AM)

I'm not seeing a problem here.

The dom has clearly expressed a wish.

The sub has expressed opposition.

From here, it looks like communication has been achieved.

Past this point, it's either negotiation or resuming the search for a more compatible partner. Same old stuff, doesn't matter if it's a threesome or what to have for lunch.



DarkSteven -> RE: Master wants a threesome... (2/21/2013 5:41:42 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: cordeliasub

Oh, and when you are talking to yourself in that mirror....remind yourself that you are a woman...which means "she" and not "it."


cordelia, master4bornslv is gay. I believe that in some gay M/s circles, it's customary to refer to slave men as "it". I wish LadyPact were here - she understands their customs better than I do.

But, yeah, using "it" for a person rubs me the wrong way too.



cordeliasub -> RE: Master wants a threesome... (2/21/2013 6:32:10 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven


quote:

ORIGINAL: cordeliasub

Oh, and when you are talking to yourself in that mirror....remind yourself that you are a woman...which means "she" and not "it."


cordelia, master4bornslv is gay. I believe that in some gay M/s circles, it's customary to refer to slave men as "it". I wish LadyPact were here - she understands their customs better than I do.

But, yeah, using "it" for a person rubs me the wrong way too.


Thank you for telling me this. I am still green when it comes to certain protocols. In that case I hope what I said will be disregarded. I learned something today :)



LookieNoNookie -> RE: Master wants a threesome... (2/21/2013 6:44:36 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: cordeliasub

I think that you have gotten some very good, non-misogynistic advice from quite a few wise people.....many of whom have their real photos up ;) I'd listen to them. You didn't say a 3-some is forever out of the question. Someone (be they Dom or not) with an ounce of compassion who can see anyone besides themselves would be patient and help you through dealing with the past trauma. Sounds like you two have talked more and he understands....which means he is probably a better Dom than anyone who would tell you to suck it up ;)

Oh, and when you are talking to yourself in that mirror....remind yourself that you are a woman...which means "she" and not "it."


That IS my real photo!



cordeliasub -> RE: Master wants a threesome... (2/21/2013 6:46:24 AM)

I wasn't talking about you....I LIKE you even if you do look like a cute little monkey ;)



DaddySatyr -> RE: Master wants a threesome... (2/21/2013 6:56:26 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LookieNoNookie


quote:

ORIGINAL: cordeliasub

I think that you have gotten some very good, non-misogynistic advice from quite a few wise people.....many of whom have their real photos up ;) I'd listen to them. You didn't say a 3-some is forever out of the question. Someone (be they Dom or not) with an ounce of compassion who can see anyone besides themselves would be patient and help you through dealing with the past trauma. Sounds like you two have talked more and he understands....which means he is probably a better Dom than anyone who would tell you to suck it up ;)

Oh, and when you are talking to yourself in that mirror....remind yourself that you are a woman...which means "she" and not "it."


That IS my real photo!


I'm not quite sure that I understand the significance of having a photo up. There are many threads (one pretty recent) about people not being ABLE to post a photo for various reasons.

Cordelia, can you help me, please? What does the person having a photo up signify to you?



Peace and comfort,



Michael



OsideGirl -> RE: Master wants a threesome... (2/21/2013 6:57:59 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

For those folks who keep saying that if he's her Master, she should obey without question - give her a break. She's brand new to all this stuff and is clearly not using the word "Master" in its general sense. Reading her writing clearly shows that, while her role may evolve to being a slave some day, right now she's a sub and not tremendously sure of her role in a very new relationship.

quote:

ORIGINAL: descrite

Yeah, here's the funny thing: nobody has considered the possiblity that the absence of threesomes/multiples is a hard limit for him.



The impression I got was that he let her know of this AFTER they agreed on a relationship, not before. If he had let her know that threesomes were a must-have prior to the relationship starting, then I'd agree with you. But I don't get that feeling.


I think these points are crucial to this discussion. She's 19 and this is very likely her first adult relationship, never mind D/s BDSM relationship. Hell, in another thread she said she didn't know what being "collared" entailed. Being submissive isn't like throwing a switch - and BAM! - everything works perfectly. It's a learning curve and expecting a 19 year old to know everything about how to handle a relationship is unrealistic.

The second part, if he didn't make his expectations of poly known before hand, then he's made his own bed.



AthenaSurrenders -> RE: Master wants a threesome... (2/21/2013 7:12:16 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

The second part, if he didn't make his expectations of poly known before hand, then he's made his own bed.



Right. Good or bad, monogamy is the cultural default. It was on him to bring it up if poly/open relationships/threesomes is crucial to his happiness. It's unreasonable just to assume it will be ok with your partner. It makes you wonder if it was deliberately not brought up until she agreed to him being her dom so that he could then pull the 'I'm in charge now' line.

Of course that's just complete guesswork on my part.

That she's done it before is irrelevant. I've done things in the past that I know I never want to do again. If she's tried it and found it makes her unhappy then she's learned from her experiences and doesn't want to repeat them. That's the sign of a sensible human being.



cordeliasub -> RE: Master wants a threesome... (2/21/2013 7:15:36 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: DaddySatyr

quote:

ORIGINAL: LookieNoNookie


quote:

ORIGINAL: cordeliasub

I think that you have gotten some very good, non-misogynistic advice from quite a few wise people.....many of whom have their real photos up ;) I'd listen to them. You didn't say a 3-some is forever out of the question. Someone (be they Dom or not) with an ounce of compassion who can see anyone besides themselves would be patient and help you through dealing with the past trauma. Sounds like you two have talked more and he understands....which means he is probably a better Dom than anyone who would tell you to suck it up ;)

Oh, and when you are talking to yourself in that mirror....remind yourself that you are a woman...which means "she" and not "it."


That IS my real photo!


I'm not quite sure that I understand the significance of having a photo up. There are many threads (one pretty recent) about people not being ABLE to post a photo for various reasons.

Cordelia, can you help me, please? What does the person having a photo up signify to you?



Peace and comfort,



Michael


I was being a bitty, sorry. It really had nothing to do with the thread, just a particular poster who gets on my nerves. I blame my hormones....or global warming...or manbearpig.....



chatterbox24 -> RE: Master wants a threesome... (2/21/2013 9:18:24 AM)

My advice would to be to make a list of "THINGS I DONT WANT TO DO NOW OR IF EVER" Take any feelings off the table you have for master, cause your want of pleasing him can influence that.
THen stick your guns.

Don't damage yourself to please someone else. THose very things that are limits to you know may change, but after trust is built, not before.

You want to see what you mean to someone, whether your important or a mere kink fetish? Respect yourself and your limits, and know what they are. If that person doesnt respect them, and keeps pressuring you or even up and leaves and moves on to another. BINGO, size it up to a learning experience and move on. Your strength, emotional stability, and pride in yourself will stay in tact and you will be on the journey to find a better person for you.

Its good your DOm (wouldnt call him your master yet) had a change of heart. Dont do anything you dont feel comfortable yet, unless it is something positive to improve yourself. THats what should be worried about now in my opinion, not threesomes.



theRose4U -> RE: Master wants a threesome... (2/21/2013 9:24:11 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: master4bornslv

What is this some mamby pamby vanila site? For chist sake this sub/slave has suposedly comitted itself to serving a Master.
It has done multiple three ways before with others in the past by its own admission.
And no where does it try to say that there was any mention of discussion and/or agreement to a limit against three ways when it committing itself to its Master.
But now it is too good to submit to doing it again with some one that it's Master chooses to because it doent want to? that is Bull shit!
Most of those who talk like they agree with the slave not doing what it's Master desires sound like they want the slave for themselves, with them talking about how cute the slave is, how itis sweat and is such eye candy and is so young, and old the Master is old.
None of those things has a thing to do with ther fact that this cute, sweet, young slave volentarily chose to commit to serving this Master and is now refusing to obey his decision to try a three way to see if He likes it.
If this sub/slave believed it was too cute, sweet or young to do what the Master wants it should not have committed to serve this Master.
But it did commit itself to serve this Master and did not try to set a limit conserning not doing this service before committing itself to serve Him.
The only issue should be that the slave suposedly committed to serve the Master who simply wants the slave to do something that ithe sub/slave has done before and did not seek to set as a limit before commiting itslef to this Master.
I have to wonder who this sub/slave thinks is the Dominant in this relationship, the slave who thinks it has the right to deny its Master a simple desire that was never set as a limit , Or the Master who wants a simple service the sub/slave has given to others before?
Clearly this sub/slave is in the wrong, and should comply with what is'e Master has told it that He wants!

Oh gakk[:'(][:'(][:'(]
Try reading the thread instead of tossing "the world of gor laws of all that's holy" at a child in what appears to be their first D/s experience. Face it he didn't ask, she didn't know to tell & its blown up in his face!!! This isn't some 10 year gor slave this is a newbie by a couple months (if that) moving too fast, too soon & too desperate to be all things to an equally damaged dom (as her 2nd post says).
This obey or else crap isn't for someone in over their head with a piss poor example of a dom that insults the term "master". The smartest thing either of them could do is get her quickly to a kink aware therapist to work on her issues before she continues bull dozing herself into a hole too big to escape



theRose4U -> RE: Master wants a threesome... (2/21/2013 9:30:56 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: ChatteParfaitt

FR:
Welcome to the forums, Alic, please stick around !! Your ability to take the advise you asked for and make it work for you speaks volumes about your maturity level.

Can we keep her, please please ??

Yes but you have to be responsible for feeding, walking & brushing her. You will have to help clean up her mess as well.
Maybe we can put her out with jake (?new lil sweetie) think they'd be cute together. Though haven't seen him in a while



needlesandpins -> RE: Master wants a threesome... (2/21/2013 10:26:57 AM)

op, you are young, and look even younger. that may sound very patronising, and if so i'm sorry, it's not meant to be. however, you just don't have the experience that is needed for all this. doing stuff does not mean experience that allows you to enjoy something, or put up with it for someone else's cheap gratification.

if this guy is worthy of his self imposed title then he'll listen to you, and respect your wishes as a person first instead of treating you like a fuck toy. you don't have to do this. you are not the enabler of his wank bank to make it a reality unless you want to.

any person that tells you differently is spouting crap. you are a person, your body-your rules. he only gets to do what he likes with you within those bounds. if he doesn't respect that then walk away and save yourself the heart ache.

stay on the forums because there are some really good people here that can give you some great advice. the 'do it or you are a shit slave' people need their heads extracting from their own arses, and are best ignored.

needles



stephINca -> RE: Master wants a threesome... (2/21/2013 10:31:37 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: DaddySatyr

"The love doesn't go away with him fuckinging someone else. The pain felt, the tears shed, and the struggle in trying to decide how to deal with it are evidence of that. What is gone is the trust."

Interesting take but, not exactly what I was meaning.

Obviously, whenever there's dishonesty, there's going to be a loss of trust. That's a no-brainer.

No, what I meant was the demand that monogamy makes. People that are monogamous, whether they say the words I typed or not, are making that demand and treating love in just that way; conditionally. And that's fine. People can believe that love is conditional. I don't.

So, I am not speaking about someone being dishonest. I am speaking about the condition that is put on loving someone. If I love someone, it's (choose your words;) in spite of/because of/notwithstanding all their foibles and "failures".



Peace and comfort,



Michael


I think its the relationship that is conditional not the love. That is where talking before committing comes in. My ex cheated...I still love him very much and always will but I decide not to live with pain in myheart because that is who he is and we both failed to communicate this until 2 YEARS in and then it was to late to change the rules.



LadyPact -> RE: Master wants a threesome... (2/21/2013 11:12:18 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

For those folks who keep saying that if he's her Master, she should obey without question - give her a break. She's brand new to all this stuff and is clearly not using the word "Master" in its general sense. Reading her writing clearly shows that, while her role may evolve to being a slave some day, right now she's a sub and not tremendously sure of her role in a very new relationship.

I think you misunderstand that My harshness is directed toward her. It's not. It's directed towards him. If he's worth being called master, shouldn't he have been the one to use some of that grey matter between the ears to deal with this before she had to come to a bunch of strangers on the internet because this subject was upsetting her? Sure, she's young, inexperienced, and impressionable. Wanna know who I think is using that to his advantage?


quote:

The impression I got was that he let her know of this AFTER they agreed on a relationship, not before. If he had let her know that threesomes were a must-have prior to the relationship starting, then I'd agree with you. But I don't get that feeling.
After the two threads started by this author, I'm wondering exactly what else he hasn't let her know.

quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven
cordelia, master4bornslv is gay. I believe that in some gay M/s circles, it's customary to refer to slave men as "it". I wish LadyPact were here - she understands their customs better than I do.

But, yeah, using "it" for a person rubs me the wrong way too.
I wouldn't necessarily call it customary, but those who choose to refer themselves from non-personhood (i.e., it, etc) are a little more common from that culture. Master Tanio includes the subject in one of his presentations on why it is so prevalent.






DarkSteven -> RE: Master wants a threesome... (2/21/2013 11:22:43 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

For those folks who keep saying that if he's her Master, she should obey without question - give her a break. She's brand new to all this stuff and is clearly not using the word "Master" in its general sense. Reading her writing clearly shows that, while her role may evolve to being a slave some day, right now she's a sub and not tremendously sure of her role in a very new relationship.

I think you misunderstand that My harshness is directed toward her. It's not. It's directed towards him. If he's worth being called master, shouldn't he have been the one to use some of that grey matter between the ears to deal with this before she had to come to a bunch of strangers on the internet because this subject was upsetting her? Sure, she's young, inexperienced, and impressionable. Wanna know who I think is using that to his advantage?




Sorry for the confusion, LadyPact. I was not referring to your posts. If you read all the way through the thread, there were some posts that basically said "He's your Master. Shut up and do whatever he asks of you." They clearly thought that once she called him Master, she had signed up for a 24/7 no limits TPE when she had no intention of doing so and may not have been aware 24'7 TPE even existed.



xssve -> RE: Master wants a threesome... (2/21/2013 12:25:17 PM)

quote:

One male two females has to be the single most popular male fantasy, so it's no big surprise that many male D-types seek to make this fantasy a reality.
Not at all uncommon among women either - which suggests the obvious short term stall solution: tell him you'll do it if he'll do it with another guy.

He clearly has harem fantasy, but if you are looking for a relatively safe monogamous relationship, and it sounds like you are, you need to figure out right now if you are into poly at all at the moment anyway, and how much that means to you.

We don't all meet ms./mr. right the first time, obviously, and you are correct in assuming this has all the potential of history repeating itself, getting into a poly thing right after you've been deceived by another sounds a lot like shock therapy, when it sounds like you might be happier dipping your toes in the water.

Nothing wrong with that, you're obviously a very attractive young lady, and you get to the point, i.e., I would be thinking it would probably be worth building trust with you than playing out some harem fantasy, but then I'm not 18 any more either.

I think I'm with the faction that is advising you work to assert your independence a little - this is a trust thing, just like any relationship, and when it goes to shit, it goes to shit just like anything else, when you land in the shit you have to learn to keep your head above it.

Eventually, you start building up a tolerance to the shit, but it's your trip, and there's no real rush, look for what's in it for you.

My Two centavos.



angelikaJ -> RE: Master wants a threesome... (2/21/2013 12:42:23 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: master4bornslv

What is this some mamby pamby vanila site? For chist sake this sub/slave has suposedly comitted itself to serving a Master.
It has done multiple three ways before with others in the past by its own admission.
And no where does it try to say that there was any mention of discussion and/or agreement to a limit against three ways when it committing itself to its Master.
But now it is too good to submit to doing it again with some one that it's Master chooses to because it doent want to? that is Bull shit!
Most of those who talk like they agree with the slave not doing what it's Master desires sound like they want the slave for themselves, with them talking about how cute the slave is, how itis sweat and is such eye candy and is so young, and old the Master is old.
None of those things has a thing to do with ther fact that this cute, sweet, young slave volentarily chose to commit to serving this Master and is now refusing to obey his decision to try a three way to see if He likes it.
If this sub/slave believed it was too cute, sweet or young to do what the Master wants it should not have committed to serve this Master.
But it did commit itself to serve this Master and did not try to set a limit conserning not doing this service before committing itself to serve Him.
The only issue should be that the slave suposedly committed to serve the Master who simply wants the slave to do something that ithe sub/slave has done before and did not seek to set as a limit before commiting itslef to this Master.
I have to wonder who this sub/slave thinks is the Dominant in this relationship, the slave who thinks it has the right to deny its Master a simple desire that was never set as a limit , Or the Master who wants a simple service the sub/slave has given to others before?
Clearly this sub/slave is in the wrong, and should comply with what is'e Master has told it that He wants!


I am [my] Master's slave.
He would never refer to me as an "it".

That may be how you see it but to expect that all Masters and slaves share the same view is below cluelessness and is extremely disrespectful.
I am not putting down the kink of objectification; I am merely affirming that not everyone handles or views his or her relationship dynamic the same way.

We all have baggage.
My Master is well aware of mine and He does not do things that would possibly injure or harm His most Prized possession.
He takes care not to 'break His toys' as it were.

Should the OP decide that engaging in another 3-some is not for her, she is not being disobedient; she is realising a basic incompatibility. Not only is that is a perfectly valid choice, but it is her responsibility to choose partners that she is compatible with.

edit: clarity



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