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Forced Bi: Lesbian sub - 2/20/2013 4:11:22 PM   
notusually


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First off, I am NOT into bi, forced or otherwise for myself. I do know that if a Dom/Domme (most likely Domme) wants their sub to perform a bi act and the sub does not want to,.... but does it because it pleases the D, then that is the essence of D/s. Or so I've been told.
And if someone wants to be "forced" to perform a bi act, then the act of being "forced" is more so they can rationalize their behavior and tell themselves they aren't really bi.

Okay, I get that. What I'm curious about is how many Dom/Dommes have a sub that is lesbian and they have her perform some sexual act on a guy or let a guy fuck her? I'm guessing this is not common but I'm wondering how that plays out. And how the sub handles the emotions that come afterwards.
And I'm sure it's not uncommon that a Dom forces his sub to go Bi w/ another woman; women seem more likely to have gray areas on the sexual continuum then men so I'm guessing they might not find it as objectionable.

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RE: Forced Bi: Lesbian sub - 2/20/2013 8:12:23 PM   
LadyPact


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First post after joining two years ago. I'm going to give you a little bit of benefit of the doubt. That's with the understanding that you could have gained a lot of knowledge in the real time community since that time.

I do not own a female s-type, Myself. I have no interest in owning women or anybody who wants to present as female in any way. I'm straight, so that doesn't appeal to Me. With this in mind, please understand that what I have witnessed is mostly because of those friends, etc that I know through the pansexual leather community mixed with some personal opinion.

Yes, there are most certainly those who own lesbian slaves who will set up these scenarios. However, it doesn't seem nearly as common as it is in the straight population. It's a lot harder to push somebody in this area when they have been coping with issues relating to their sexuality all of their life than somebody who has had it so much easier because their attraction on an everyday basis is what most consider the 'norm'. Imagine having this part of yourself that has had to struggle against everyone else's idea of who you are supposed to *want* to have sex with, having people say that they could change you if you just had the right experience, (oh, yes, there are twatwaffles out there who do this) and all of the other things that a person has to deal with on a personal level due to being lesbian. Then, somebody wants you to do the exact thing that you have had to deal with all of the emotions that you've said were so much in opposition to your identity.

On top of this, if you happen to have a lesbian owner, that person may not want their slave doing it because they have the empathy to know how *they* would feel if forced into that position. Knowing exactly what it is like to have to find their own identity. Maybe losing their family and friends because they weren't accepted because they weren't straight. Not being able to sacrifice who they are and engage in sex acts with the opposite gender in order to put up a front to the world. Having those issues built into the additional complications due to the long term, preexisting mindset doesn't make that easy.

Anybody who puts their s-type into the situation where they are going to be hetero-flexible knows there are potential issues. That's whether the person was really bi-curious to begin with or if it was an act of obedience. There is so much tied up in this that people would get bored if I tried to list it all. Some of it is societal. Some of it is religious. Some of it relates to questioning identity. Some of it has to do with how much significance a person places on an act as opposed to an orientation.

Sometimes, the gender of the submissive when we are talking about straight folks can make this easier. Bi-sexuality in women or women engaging in bi-sexual acts, by societal standards, for example, is more widely accepted. Males aren't quite at that same level. Males, unfortunately, are more judged.

The same holds true for the other side of the kneel. While there are a number of men who are strictly monogamous when it comes to their partner, no matter what the gender of the other party might be, there's no denying that a significant majority of men will say that it's exceptionally hot to watch two women together sexually. This is ridiculously emanated in porn, where the target audience is male. That does drop significantly when you start talking about what women want to see in an erotic film. How many flicks do you see that are marketed to straight women that include male on male scenes? There's one thing that I'll always give the porn industry. They know what makes money. The content of films reflects this.

All of this ties into your question about how the s-type deals with the emotions that they have after such an experience. Really, there is no standard answer. All of this is going to effect people to different degrees and it's imperative for the owner to know that person well enough to see how these many factors will have an impact.


_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

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RE: Forced Bi: Lesbian sub - 2/20/2013 10:54:39 PM   
AthenaSurrenders


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Great post LadyP.

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RE: Forced Bi: Lesbian sub - 2/21/2013 2:04:47 AM   
LadyPact


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Thank you, Athena. I appreciate that.

I do hope that other folks will chime in. Human behavior in regard to sexuality can be such a fascinating subject.


_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to AthenaSurrenders)
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RE: Forced Bi: Lesbian sub - 2/21/2013 2:41:56 AM   
johnsmith13


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i am relatively new to the scene. my two thoughts on this subject are: first, when you are being interviewed by your dom/domme, would not this be a topic that you cover, as being a hard limit or not? and second once you are selected by that dom/domme, have you not given them the right to choose for you?

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RE: Forced Bi: Lesbian sub - 2/21/2013 3:00:53 AM   
myotherself


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From: The cold bit of the UK
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quote:

ORIGINAL: johnsmith13

i am relatively new to the scene. my two thoughts on this subject are: first, when you are being interviewed by your dom/domme, would not this be a topic that you cover, as being a hard limit or not?


In my experience (and I have dated several Doms and am now in a committed relationship) there has never been an interview. There have been a few I've met for coffee who have used that word, but as I was looking for a relationship and not a job, I didn't hang around long enough to submit my cv

When dating people I made sure we talked about all sorts of stuff, including limits. If he wanted to share me out with other men or women, again I realised we weren't compatible and I moved on.

quote:


and second once you are selected by that dom/domme, have you not given them the right to choose for you?


No. At least, not until you know them well enough to know they'll choose wisely for you. Selection is a two-way process, and it's as much the responsibility of the sub to select a dom/me who is worth being with than it is for the dom/me to find a compatible sub.

At the beginning of any relationship the submissive needs to make sure they will be safe by retaining the right to 'safeword' or say 'no'.

Let me give you an example. Right at the beginning of my previous relationship, the Dom mentioned getting me tattooed with some kind of symbol. We hadn't really discussed this, and it wasn't something I wanted because at that point neither of us really knew if it was going to be long-term. So I said no. Although he wasn't happy about it, he accepted my decision. The relationship ran its natural course and we split a year later.

Now I'm with Master. We're committed to each other (been together 3 years nearly) and it's only very recently that I've handed over my right to say 'no'. He is aware that this is a huge responsibility on him and he doesn't want to damage me. So when he suggested me play with another woman, I accepted it. He realised I wasn't happy about it and we discussed it in great detail. He decided that the emotional damage that would likely result from this encounter far outweighed the fun he would have, and would even possibly have irreparably damaged our relationship. So he decided it wasn't going to happen.

He has also mentioned a tattoo and maybe some piercings. At this point it's up to him to decide if and when it happens. I will accept the decision. The difference is, we're planning on being together a long time and I trust his judgement.

My point is, I know Master. We've been together a good length of time. I may have handed over my choices to him, but I wouldn't have done so if I didn't trust him to look beyond the obedience and put our relationship and happiness first.




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RE: Forced Bi: Lesbian sub - 2/21/2013 3:32:24 AM   
AthenaSurrenders


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quote:

ORIGINAL: myotherself

Now I'm with Master. We're committed to each other (been together 3 years nearly) and it's only very recently that I've handed over my right to say 'no'. He is aware that this is a huge responsibility on him and he doesn't want to damage me. So when he suggested me play with another woman, I accepted it. He realised I wasn't happy about it and we discussed it in great detail. He decided that the emotional damage that would likely result from this encounter far outweighed the fun he would have, and would even possibly have irreparably damaged our relationship. So he decided it wasn't going to happen.

He has also mentioned a tattoo and maybe some piercings. At this point it's up to him to decide if and when it happens. I will accept the decision. The difference is, we're planning on being together a long time and I trust his judgement.

My point is, I know Master. We've been together a good length of time. I may have handed over my choices to him, but I wouldn't have done so if I didn't trust him to look beyond the obedience and put our relationship and happiness first.




This gives me a chance to repeat my favourite line; never give a dominant a level of authority which is greater than their level of investment in your life.

'Forcing' someone to do something outside their sexual orientation is a big deal. If you (the generic 'you') are going to give someone the power to make that decision, you'd better be damn sure that they know you very well and will consider your feelings, needs and mental health. You'd also better be sure that they care enough about your wellbeing that they won't take risks with you lightly.

The issues which may arise from making a lesbian engage in straight sex are varied and complicated and there is no simple answer about how people will react. Some people will be fine with it, some will find it devastating. This is why it all comes down to the basic point that it's a decision that needs to be taken carefully and with more thought that 'man this is hot' or 'me dom, you sub, I can have whatever I want'. A good, invested dominant will be in a good position to make a good choice and to deal with possible consequences. A sub with a brain will only give that level of authority to a good, invested dom.

/soapbox

_____________________________

Being your slave, what should I do but tend
Upon the hours and times of your desire?

(in reply to myotherself)
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RE: Forced Bi: Lesbian sub - 2/21/2013 3:57:37 AM   
ChatteParfaitt


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In my mind these are issues of limits and how a dominant handles them.

If being forced to have sex with a person of the same gender is a limit, I would expect the D and s in this equation to have discussed that. Is it s a hard limit or a soft one? Is the D-type one of those committed to 'pushing limits?' Is the s-type one of those with a long laundry list of limits?

As others have mentioned, the Dominant needs to be well enough invested in the submissive to be very careful about pushing limits and have the foresight and good judgement (as the bunny's dom obviously does) to weigh his or her own pleasure against potential emotional damage.

You know, just because you have 'total' control over someone, that doesn't mean you have to use it. In my mind it means you have to use it wisely.

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RE: Forced Bi: Lesbian sub - 2/21/2013 8:06:42 AM   
DarkSteven


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Joined: 5/2/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: johnsmith13

i am relatively new to the scene. my two thoughts on this subject are: first, when you are being interviewed by your dom/domme, would not this be a topic that you cover, as being a hard limit or not? and second once you are selected by that dom/domme, have you not given them the right to choose for you?


I agree with this, except instead of saying "interview", I'd prefer to say before-relationship discussion.

And my take on limits is that once the relationship starts, they're administered by the Dominant. If he or she wants to change/push them, he or she takes responsibility for doing do in a manner that the sub won't freak out about. If the sub wants to change them, he or she discusses with the Dominant.

I once had a sub that decided that she wanted to unilaterally add a limit to a previously agreed-upon activity. She got punished for doing that. I'm the Dom, I decide what's best, not the sub.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to johnsmith13)
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RE: Forced Bi: Lesbian sub - 2/21/2013 12:23:41 PM   
SeekingTrinity


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From: The 'burbs of Portland, OR
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I myself am bisexual and a number of years ago I was involved in a D/s relationship with a lesbian submissive. She had very strong feelings against being with a male, but was well aware of my bisexuality from the very start. I was aware of her feelings against contact with a male from the beginning as well and it was part of our negotiated dynamic with each other when we began the D/s part of our relationship. As a result, males were never brought around when she and I were together.

For me personally, any benefit I would get (if forcing her to go against her identity just to please me was how I hypothetically operated) was just not worth the risk of the infliction of emotional damage I would have made her suffer because that was a place she did not want to go. For me, I take the responsibility of caring for my submissive's emotional/physical/mental well-being very seriously.

< Message edited by SeekingTrinity -- 2/21/2013 12:25:55 PM >

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RE: Forced Bi: Lesbian sub - 2/21/2013 3:34:25 PM   
LafayetteLady


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From: Northern New Jersey
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I see how you responded to that as being a caring responsible dominant. The OP's question though did give me pause for thought.

It's not uncommon for straight male dominants to want their straight female submissives to be with another man or another woman. Also not uncommon for them to be dismissive of the female's sexual orientation and using the concept that as the dominant, they make the rules.

As previously mentioned, female/female sexual encounters seem to be the biggest fantasy for guys and many women seem to be more open to the idea.

It's also not uncommon for female dominants to have the similar desires with male submissives, although I don't often hear about dommes' wanting their male subs to be with other women (but I'm sure it happens on occasion). Primarily, it is them wanting to have sexual contact with other males. They take the same stance as the male dominants that the female dominant is in charge and makes the rules.

While I agree with LP that society tends to be more accepting of two women being together than two men, I don't agree that lesbian women (or gay men for that matter should that situation arise) should have special consideration when it comes to being "forced" to have sexual contact with someone that goes against their sexual orientation. Straight or homosexual, a strong position against sexual contact with someone against your sexual orientation deserves equal respect.

Now I know that LP is a respected Mistress and that she is responsible and caring about her slaves and does take their concerns seriously. I just find that the concept of giving a lesbian more consideration over a strong desire to not have sex with a man than the consideration given to a straight man's strong desire not to have sex with another man unacceptable. Both situations should be given equal consideration.

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RE: Forced Bi: Lesbian sub - 2/21/2013 3:50:16 PM   
SeekingTrinity


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Very true, LafayetteLady. Each dominant is going to definitely be different and I probably should have added the fact that I havent ever been one of those "my way or the highway" type of dominants on certain issues. On some things, yes. Same sex contact is one of those places that I respect regardless of the gender or sexual identity of the submissive in question. There are often times very deep seeded factors that come into play when it comes to same sex contact. Dont get me wrong...I happen to think two women together is a beautiful thing to watch. Same as two men together. But for me personally, my own desire to observe it just isnt ultimately that important to me in the grand scheme of things. I know, I know...someone is probably going to revoke my "weal twue DOMME" card for saying that.

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RE: Forced Bi: Lesbian sub - 2/21/2013 11:26:35 PM   
LafayetteLady


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LOL. Well, considering I'm a switch who is leaning more towards dominant these days, I guess I will never get my card at all, since I get nothing out of seeing either. I will say that threesomes with two guys has its advantages though, lol. However, I'm a bit greedy and certainly would expect all of their attention to be on me, not each other!

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RE: Forced Bi: Lesbian sub - 2/22/2013 1:09:59 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LafayetteLady
Now I know that LP is a respected Mistress and that she is responsible and caring about her slaves and does take their concerns seriously. I just find that the concept of giving a lesbian more consideration over a strong desire to not have sex with a man than the consideration given to a straight man's strong desire not to have sex with another man unacceptable. Both situations should be given equal consideration.
Thank you, LL. I appreciate the compliment.

I hope I don't word the following so poorly that I mess up My intentions. I wanted to say a word or two here about self-identity for the s-type.

What I'm trying to call self-identity is referring to a person's sexual identity. I think a responsible D-type has to examine this when it comes to this area. No matter what sexual orientation a person would be, a little bit of fun and games is never worth screwing up their world. I hate to generalize, but there are some straight guys from the South, who were born and raised with certain cultural atmospheres, that this kind of scenario would mess them up so bad that I wouldn't want to touch it with a ten foot pole. It would (excuse My language here) fuck with their concept of manhood so bad that I sure wouldn't want to be responsible for it.

(Southern Gents, please don't be offended by that. It's just that I've lived there and I've seen what you are up against on this subject.)

I think any time that we start talking about this particular kink and we're dealing with anybody who is an absolute zero or six on the Kinsey scale, (I don't personally believe that thing about 'everybody is at least a little bit bi' stuff) you have to take a lot of things into account. Believe it or not, part of "My way or the highway" also includes making sure the person traveling with Me isn't going to crash and burn.

Human behavior is such a fascinating subject. I don't even have the words for it.



_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to LafayetteLady)
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RE: Forced Bi: Lesbian sub - 2/22/2013 5:23:35 AM   
DarkSteven


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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact
I think a responsible D-type has to examine this when it comes to this area. No matter what sexual orientation a person would be, a little bit of fun and games is never worth screwing up their world.
[/color]



I love this sentiment. A Dom/me is given control over his or her sub. It's the D's responsibility to use that power wisely. What's best for the sub, what's best for the D, what's best for their relationship.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to LadyPact)
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RE: Forced Bi: Lesbian sub - 2/22/2013 10:40:01 AM   
LafayetteLady


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You didn't screw it up at all, and it makes perfect sense. I will say that I know quite a few men it would seriously mess up, and I'm in the North.

I think my point is that I see so many straight male and female subs who really, really don't like the idea of being with someone of the same gender, but seem to have dominants that are really forcing the issue. It doesn't appear those dominants are taking their s-types feelings, views, concerns into consideration at all, but rather take the the "you will do it because I'm the dominant, and I say so." Sometimes it comes in the "domly dom" tactic like that, others are more subtle making the s-type think that this is the type of behavior ALL s-types engage in and they will be "less than" if they don't.

I mean for those who truly want to do it to please their d-type, great. But as you said, there are many for whom such activities would really cause some emotional damage, and it isn't just the males either.

Now I realize that for the most part, I'm talking to a wall in the sense that those d-types who use such nefarious tactics don't read the boards, but it just bugs me when there is little concern for the well being of the s-type who would engage in this activity.

(in reply to LadyPact)
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RE: Forced Bi: Lesbian sub - 2/22/2013 11:13:06 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
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You mean that 'Me Tarzan (Dom)/you jane (sub)' type mentality? (Change genders as appropriate.) Yeah, there's some of that going around. You know, if people were as reckless with a physical type of play, such as using a whip on someone for their kicks and had the potential for scarring them on the outside, people would never allow that. You have to consider if something is going to scar someone on the inside just as much.

Of course, not all folks are going to be traumatized by a hetero-flexible experience. Some are just in the position of not liking it or not something they would seek out on their own. Then you can have fun from the obedience angle. Not to mention, the live show is fun to watch, too.

I've always been pretty big on the concept of, as a Dominant, I own My sexuality and that of My slave as well. Owning that is like owning anything else. You have to be responsible about it.


_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to LafayetteLady)
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RE: Forced Bi: Lesbian sub - 2/22/2013 3:10:28 PM   
notusually


Posts: 4
Joined: 2/11/2011
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Some very good answers here! I agree wholeheartedly that a D has an obligation to know whether something will negatively affect their s. I wouldn't want someone using me for their particular kink w/ no regard to how it would impact me and I wouldn't force someone to do something that would destroy them. That said, if the s truly wanted to please their D, I'm curious is any D had a discussion w/ their s and said, look, I play w/ this male s and I find the idea of telling both of you to screw like rabbits while I watch and tell you what to do HUGELY EROTIC. Would you do this for me or is that beyond our hard limits?

And yes, LP, my first post. Don't spend much time here but lately have met someone that wants to play w/ me so I'm back to checking out the boards!

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RE: Forced Bi: Lesbian sub - 2/22/2013 8:41:14 PM   
LafayetteLady


Posts: 7683
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From: Northern New Jersey
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Ok, look. This is not as difficult as you seem to be making it. You openly stated, you are not into bi, forced or otherwise in your first post. A conversation regarding the need for a dominant to be concerned about the emotional well being of their sub followed.

Now, what I get from your post is that you met someone you are interested in and she has said:

quote:


I play w/ this male s and I find the idea of telling both of you to screw like rabbits while I watch and tell you what to do HUGELY EROTIC.


Followed by asking if anyone has this discussion and asks if it is beyond their hard limits.

First, a discussion of hard limits should have taken place before you agree to be someone's sub. Yes, it can be difficult to cover absolutely everything in that list, and things will come up that are forgotten, however, being with others usually tops the list of first hard limits (if it is indeed a hard limit).

Now if you screwing like a rabbit with another guy is going to seriously mess with your head, then don't do it. If your domme isn't interested in whether it will mess with your head, dump her.

(in reply to notusually)
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RE: Forced Bi: Lesbian sub - 2/22/2013 11:24:37 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
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quote:

ORIGINAL: notusually

Some very good answers here! I agree wholeheartedly that a D has an obligation to know whether something will negatively affect their s. I wouldn't want someone using me for their particular kink w/ no regard to how it would impact me and I wouldn't force someone to do something that would destroy them. That said, if the s truly wanted to please their D, I'm curious is any D had a discussion w/ their s and said, look, I play w/ this male s and I find the idea of telling both of you to screw like rabbits while I watch and tell you what to do HUGELY EROTIC. Would you do this for me or is that beyond our hard limits?

And yes, LP, my first post. Don't spend much time here but lately have met someone that wants to play w/ me so I'm back to checking out the boards!

I'm guessing the highlighted above is a follow up question?

Personally, I don't put it quite that way. I'm way more into m/m oral for My viewing pleasure. That's what I find highly erotic. How much instruction I want to give will vary according to My mood. For Me, these kinds of scenes aren't all exactly the same.

This is the first time that I've had a look at your profile. Is the person who is looking to engage with you the Dominant of a lesbian sub? Is your concern that if you and she would be encouraged to be in this kind of scene together that you have questions about her welfare? Have you discussed it with the two of them?



_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to notusually)
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