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Online experience- he or she? - 2/23/2013 3:23:11 AM

subbiedude

Posts: 50
Joined: 11/7/2010
Status: offline

This is a bit long, but forgive me i have to brief abt the background b4 asking my questions

I met this person in CM, this person's profile said she is a mistress, main contents of her profile is as follows

- in her profile she had mentioned that she is looking for a slave who is creative, who can write stories as per her plots or her liking for
her entertainment
- she also said she will not use the stories for publications (Monetary purpose)
- she mentioned that she gets entertained with custom stories written by her slave rather than stories available on internet
- she is genuine mistress who doesn't seek any money
- she will only cam or share pic on her terms,
- finally she mentioned in her profile that if things go fine online, we might meet for real (LTR).

I approached this person, we chatted on yahoo, soon i was writing custom stories for her as per her interest, from beginning this person was very strict in her (or his) demands, i actually believed (Still believe) that i was chatting with a mistress, i almost wrote 7 diff stories for her over a period of 2 months, by this time she had all my trust, after at one point i asked this person that i want to see her pic or cam or mic, just to reinforce our relationship. but she bluntly denied & told me " i am a domme, so i will share pic only on my terms" she also told she will not show cam or pic at slave's request because it hurts her domme ego, so we stopped chatting for some time.

I also got busy with other work & didn't try to contact her. After few weeks i checked my mail, she had sent couple of short messages like hmmm huh etc, so again i sent a msg from yahoo, she said, she was in my city, wanted to meet me & hence had dropped a mail, but i was too late, i had checked the mail many days after her mail had arrived. So i asked her to at least cam online, she said she had bad experience in the past after video chat as the screenshot was captured & misused. I told her to cam without her face just to confirm that i was chatting with a mistress & not a master. i even said it doesn't matter if she was actually he (master) rather than mistress. but she denied it & said i am loser, i am fit for use & throw, Finally she blocked me completely from yahoo.

So i would like to ask Dominants, what do you think about my story, whether i was chatting with a Mistress or Master, or is it that i was rude to her in asking to prove herself (gender)?.

Post #: 1

RE: Online experience- he or she? - 2/23/2013 3:49:07 AM

peppermint

Posts: 5170
Joined: 10/18/2005
From: Montana
Status: offline

First, after chatting for 7 weeks there should have been no problem with showing on a cam. I can't think how a captured face pic could be misused. You didn't even ask for a face cam. Not showing was just an excuse.

Second, it sure sounds as if you were chatting with a male wanker, not a Mistress or a Master. Men and women don't usually enjoy the same type of erotica. Look over the themes you were required to write your stories about. In general (not always, of course) women and men read different types of erotica.

In the future I would suggest that you don't put up with the "I am too Domme to show myself to a sub" attitude. I know it's difficult to do that as there as so few Dommes compared to the many male submissives. However, you just wasted 2 months online and hours of your time composing stories. The chances those stories were written for a horny man are high.

When yahoo still had chat rooms I would sometimes be IMed by someone who said they were a woman. Guys think a woman will be more likely to share her personal private infomation with a woman rather than a guy. They were easy to spot just because of the information they wanted. They were just male wankers lying and hoping to find an easy mark.

edited to add

This is a good reason to attend munches and events. It is difficult to hide gender in person.

< Message edited by peppermint -- 2/23/2013 3:52:39 AM >

_____________________________

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(in reply to subbiedude)

Post #: 2

RE: Online experience- he or she? - 2/23/2013 3:59:00 AM

subbiedude

Posts: 50
Joined: 11/7/2010
Status: offline

Thnx for the reply.

I am not regretting that i asked to prove her or his identity. but i am highly regretting the fact that i wasted so many man hours in writing for a person who didnt have simple courtesy of parting ways gracefully rather than abruptly blocking me & abusing.

(in reply to peppermint)

Post #: 3

RE: Online experience- he or she? - 2/23/2013 4:03:40 AM

subbiedude

Posts: 50
Joined: 11/7/2010
Status: offline

One more question i wanna ask is

Should I sound an alert in my profile naming this person as not trustworthy, so that other people like me doesn't fall prey to this person again?[/b]

(in reply to subbiedude)

Post #: 4

RE: Online experience- he or she? - 2/23/2013 4:07:59 AM

TheLilSquaw

Posts: 2340
Joined: 10/24/2012
From: Middle River, MD
Status: offline

Simply because someone doesn't "cam verify" doesn't mean they are fake.

Webcams are recorded and reposted ALL the time.

I would NEVER cam verify or do a photo to verify.

Why not ask to meet in person before such a length of time passes?

_____________________________

LilSquaw
Lifestyle & ProSwitch
Fetish Model, Producer, and Website Owner

http://www.clips4sale.com/69201
http://www.kinkbomb.com/studio/Sadistic_Babygirl_

(in reply to subbiedude)

Post #: 5

RE: Online experience- he or she? - 2/23/2013 4:08:59 AM

MsGypsey

Posts: 113
Joined: 8/23/2011
Status: offline

I don't think you were rude to ask for verification. The outcome of it all is that you learned something and that you will remember for next time, that for you perhaps it's important to know whether you are communicating with a Dominant woman before you do things for her. It doesn't really matter now if it was a man or a woman you had this recent interaction with. The cost was her (or him) using up your man hours for their entertainment, but at the time you were happy to do what they asked.

I think the fact that you only wasted 'man hours' on this person was a decent price to pay. I presume you didn't lose anything else (fingers crossed) and you haven't lost hope in finding what it is you're looking for.

(in reply to subbiedude)

Post #: 6

RE: Online experience- he or she? - 2/23/2013 4:14:34 AM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

I can't tell you whether you were chatting with a man or not. I think peppermint had a good suggestion about looking back at the content of the stories you were writing. If it was mostly sexual and/or erotic content, I'd lean more with the thought that you were interacting with a male.

With that said, I don't cam with people that I don't know. By don't know, I mean that I've never met them face to face. I'm not even real big on the phrasing of "I met" somebody on the internet. You didn't meet a person. You met a screen name. Even here, you're not even sure of the person's gender.

So, why don't I cam? It's really simple. I'm exceptionally easy to verify. Over the course of eight weeks, if a person couldn't learn enough about My life to be able to do some background research and reference checking, that doesn't put the onus on Me to prove to them who I am. (Shoot, spend eight seconds in the Positive Experiences section and you'll find tons of threads from people who have met Me.) Granted, not everybody has that kind of internet trail, but I do, so I really do consider Myself pretty well proven.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to peppermint)

Post #: 7

RE: Online experience- he or she? - 2/23/2013 4:15:52 AM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: subbiedude

One more question i wanna ask is

Should I sound an alert in my profile naming this person as not trustworthy, so that other people like me doesn't fall prey to this person again?[/b]

No, that's called blacklisting and it's against ToS.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to subbiedude)

Post #: 8

RE: Online experience- he or she? - 2/23/2013 4:19:36 AM

subbiedude

Posts: 50
Joined: 11/7/2010
Status: offline

Well i didnt ask her to cam with face, after chatting for so many times, her reason for not camming was not convincing enough for me, but was she a Fake? i dont know, thats why im seeking expert opinion, But i strongly felt she (or he) was not trustworthy.

(in reply to TheLilSquaw)

Post #: 9

RE: Online experience- he or she? - 2/23/2013 4:25:32 AM

subbiedude

Posts: 50
Joined: 11/7/2010
Status: offline

Well i not only wasted my time, im feeling i lost a bit of hope too, more than that i have to start afresh from scratch with a new domme

(in reply to MsGypsey)

Post #: 10

RE: Online experience- he or she? - 2/23/2013 4:28:42 AM

TheLilSquaw

Posts: 2340
Joined: 10/24/2012
From: Middle River, MD
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: subbiedude

Well i didnt ask her to cam with face, after chatting for so many times, her reason for not camming was not convincing enough for me, but was she a Fake? i dont know, thats why im seeking expert opinion, But i strongly felt she (or he) was not trustworthy.

If you didn't want to see her face on cam what did you ask to see?

We aren't "experts" we simply strangers on a forum giving you our POV and opinions.

Again MANY people don't cam verify and webcams can be and are recorded even if your face isn't shown and reposted and misused.

_____________________________

LilSquaw
Lifestyle & ProSwitch
Fetish Model, Producer, and Website Owner

http://www.clips4sale.com/69201
http://www.kinkbomb.com/studio/Sadistic_Babygirl_

(in reply to subbiedude)

Post #: 11

RE: Online experience- he or she? - 2/23/2013 4:31:31 AM

ChatteParfaitt

Posts: 6562
Joined: 3/22/2011
From: The t'aint of the Midwest -- Indiana
Status: offline

When it comes to online, I have this to say: Either keep it simple and carefree and don't care too much about the gender (or much else) of those you're interacting with, or step away from the computer.

If you find you've grown serious about someone despite your best intentions, then you make plans to meet. There are many people (not all of them female) who won't exchange much personal information before meeting someone.

If you can't meet right away due to long distance, I would see a few things as a red flag: not getting a phone number, them not being able to answer the phone during hours their (unknown to you) spouse is home and awake, being too mistrustful, not being mistrustful enough (there's fine line, right?).

Asking someone, anyone, to verify who they are is saying: You are a liar, I want proof you are not. Can you see how that's never going to work for you? (Unless someone wants money.)

You were so desperate to have a domme you allowed her to establish an authority dynamic w/o knowing who she really was -- hopefully you learned your lesson about that.

And yeah, you were talking to a guy. How can I say that? The second you said, 'I don't care of your a Mistress or a Master,' he called you a loser and blocked you. That sounds like BUSTED to me.

Do they have munches and meetings in India? B/c I think you would do really well there. You are bright and articulate and willing to learn, all great subbie attributes.

_____________________________

(in reply to subbiedude)

Post #: 12

RE: Online experience- he or she? - 2/23/2013 4:41:12 AM

subbiedude

Posts: 50
Joined: 11/7/2010
Status: offline

she could have just cam for 2-3 secs not showing her face just her fully clothed body would have sufficed to verify whether she was a male or female. if she cant even do that, how can she meet me for real f2f, moreover what is the guarantee that i will not take her pics or video when we meet. somehow her (or his) whole reasoning sounded very lame for me.

(in reply to TheLilSquaw)

Post #: 13

RE: Online experience- he or she? - 2/23/2013 4:44:04 AM

MommySparkles

Posts: 45
Joined: 10/19/2012
Status: offline

I am an experienced Dominatrix with over ten years of experience. I personally will never provide pictures or cam anything because as a Dominatrix the slave is there for my pleasure and I am not there to prove anything. I know my real gender. That is proven by my Aunt Flo visiting every month to me so I'm not about to justify or prove it to anyone else. If any of my slaves persist I drop them meaning no contact and instant blocking. I also forbid any kind of intimacy as well so I do agree with the person you were talking too. Whether they are female or male does not depend on whether or not they pic or cam verify. Maybe like me they have the attitude of none of your business. Thats my input. Take it or leave it.

_____________________________

-MommySparkles-

(in reply to ChatteParfaitt)

Post #: 14

RE: Online experience- he or she? - 2/23/2013 4:57:23 AM

subbiedude

Posts: 50
Joined: 11/7/2010
Status: offline

Thnx for ur inputs.

I agree that i was a bit desperate to have a domme. but most of the times finding a mistress (That too in India) is like finding an oasis in desert, with so less mistress & so many male sub (My competitors) one will eventually tend to become desperate (thats natural i guess).

Regarding BDSM munches in india....

its not even like finding oasis in desert but like finding water on mars or moon, very difficult to find them.

(in reply to ChatteParfaitt)

Post #: 15

RE: Online experience- he or she? - 2/23/2013 5:00:02 AM

subbiedude

Posts: 50
Joined: 11/7/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

quote:

ORIGINAL: subbiedude

One more question i wanna ask is

Should I sound an alert in my profile naming this person as not trustworthy, so that other people like me doesn't fall prey to this person again?[/b]

No, that's called blacklisting and it's against ToS.

Oops Ok. I thought it will help others, but if its not right. fine.

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 16

RE: Online experience- he or she? - 2/23/2013 5:18:07 AM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: subbiedude

she could have just cam for 2-3 secs not showing her face just her fully clothed body would have sufficed to verify whether she was a male or female. if she cant even do that, how can she meet me for real f2f, moreover what is the guarantee that i will not take her pics or video when we meet. somehow her (or his) whole reasoning sounded very lame for me.

If you were to take a pic of someone during meeting for coffee, it doesn't have the same connection to a screen name or a kinky internet site. She's just a gal sipping coffee. It's not like she's going to show up for a first meet decked out in fetish gear.

It's people who come up with the idea of taking pics or recording cam without the other person's consent which is *exactly* why a lot of women won't cam. In other words, you just proved precisely why she shouldn't have gone on cam and take that risk.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to subbiedude)

Post #: 17

RE: Online experience- he or she? - 2/23/2013 5:20:22 AM

subbiedude

Posts: 50
Joined: 11/7/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

I can't tell you whether you were chatting with a man or not. I think peppermint had a good suggestion about looking back at the content of the stories you were writing. If it was mostly sexual and/or erotic content, I'd lean more with the thought that you were interacting with a male.

With that said, I don't cam with people that I don't know. By don't know, I mean that I've never met them face to face. I'm not even real big on the phrasing of "I met" somebody on the internet. You didn't meet a person. You met a screen name. Even here, you're not even sure of the person's gender.

So, why don't I cam? It's really simple. I'm exceptionally easy to verify. Over the course of eight weeks, if a person couldn't learn enough about My life to be able to do some background research and reference checking, that doesn't put the onus on Me to prove to them who I am. (Shoot, spend eight seconds in the Positive Experiences section and you'll find tons of threads from people who have met Me.) Granted, not everybody has that kind of internet trail, but I do, so I really do consider Myself pretty well proven.

Well the kind of story she liked was long stories like a novel or like a mega tele serial, usually it involved young women dominating & subjugating helpless victims & their family, so it was not like straight off getting onto erotic scenes, she used to emphasize more on character's details such as costume, atmosphere, body language etc so at times i used to wonder whether she (or he) is actually a professional story writer or avid story reader, but once she told me that she is a medical student, but one thing which i noticed was she was 24X7 online, i asked her this once, she said, she stays in hostel & hence she is always online.

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 18

RE: Online experience- he or she? - 2/23/2013 5:26:00 AM

AthenaSurrenders

Posts: 3582
Joined: 3/15/2012
Status: offline

fast reply

OP, when you think about it, does it really matter whether or not this person was a 'fake'. Either way, you feel used and that your time was wasted. Maybe there really was a dominant woman behind that computer, maybe not. Either way s/he didn't give you what you wanted and then ditched you in a rude way. It's not about 'fake' it's about 'bad online experience'. So what can you learn from this?

You could learn that if photos or cam verification is important to you, you make this clear upfront and set yourself a boundary - ie if she won't show me a picture after a week, I'm moving on.
You could learn not to get serious about someone until you have met them.
You could learn that a prompt real-life meeting will filter out a lot of time wasters.

_____________________________

Being your slave, what should I do but tend
Upon the hours and times of your desire?

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 19

RE: Online experience- he or she? - 2/23/2013 5:30:38 AM

MommySparkles

Posts: 45
Joined: 10/19/2012
Status: offline

Athena, if people refuse to cam that does not make them timewasters. I value my privacy and answer to no one. So if a sub did that to Me because I refuse to cam verify they would be blocked and laughed at. Their loss not mine.

_____________________________

-MommySparkles-

(in reply to AthenaSurrenders)

Post #: 20

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