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njlauren -> RE: Is a BDSM relationship possible without the looks (2/24/2013 1:59:57 PM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Charles6682
There is a reason why I brouht this topic up and its based on my own experience from a month ago.I shot a video at this Ladies house.For anyone whos shot a video,its simple,the top/bottom and camera person.The Lady I was shooting with is sort of known in the local fetish arena.When I shoot a video with a Lady,I don't expect anything other than doing a good video.Anything beyond that,is a a one on one basis.Halfway through the video,the Lady mentions to me if I would like to be Her slave.Naturally,she is attractive and I thought about the idea.I figured I would see what happens.
I didn't hear from Her for over a month and I finally got a hold of Her on Fetlife.She said after thinking about it for awhile,that I wasn't Her "type".It was quite clear to me what exactly that meant.I really would not have cared so much if it wasn't for the fact that SHE brought up the idea of me being Her slave.I am almost to the point where I am ready to just give up.If its true that the odds are stacked against me this much,then I do need to start to consider all options.My problem is that I am a nice guy and my kindness has been taken advantage of for really the last time.I know this last experience was with one girl but I've had simliar reactions from other girls too.I get it,I'm not that good looking.I can live with that.I can't live wih my emotions getting pulled all the time.I love who I am but it is sort of useless living this way alone.
My first thought to be honest is what the heck did she mean asking you if you wanted to be her slave? I realize people's use of the term varies, but to my ears that sounded a bit ridiculous to be saying casually like that...I really wonder if she meant a relationship, or did she perhaps wonder about you as her personal photographer slave? Maybe it is me, but sounded more like a casual throw out rather then real.....My guess, she wasn't really serious, she threw it out there and never had any intention..but what do I know?
But I also see something else wrong here, and it is something I fought hard in my own life to correct in myself, I tend to be passive. You may be sub, but unless it is certain Islands in the south pacific and certain bars in greeenwich village (to quote Oscar Madison on the "Odd Couple", rip Jack Klugman), men chase women.....:). Seriously, she might be dominant, but that doesn't mean she is necessarily going to pursue or woo her, you may be sub, but it is your job to pursue her. If someone said that to me, I would show interest, and say something like "could I have your number? I would love to take you out to dinner someplace nice sometime to talk about it or dinner and dancing, whatever. I have known a bunch of dommes, and even the most wacked out one appreciates being shown interest, attention, as a woman and as a person. You seemed to have sat back and waited for her to make a move, and she probably thought 'geez, another 'sub' expecting me to treat him like a little boy and bring him along'. I doubt it was your looks (if it were, she wouldn't have even suggested it), I suspect it was she saw your were passive and didn't want to deal with that..it comes along with the self confidence and such.
I have a suggestion for you, and please, take it for what it is, a suggestion with all good intentions in the world. Have you thought about talking to a relationship counselor, to talk through these things, preferable someone aware of domme/sub relationships? There are a lot of wonderful people on here, fascinating people, who know a lot, are very expressive, but working with a professional can be a game changer. It isn't that you have anything wrong with you, you simply need to learn what is inside yourself, what you want, and they can help guide you to do that. I sense your frustration and understand it, this is channeling the frustration into something positive:)
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