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LadyHugs -> RE: The experience... beyond kinky play! (6/21/2006 4:21:36 PM)
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Dear Proprietrix, Ladies and Gentlemen;
My first rule of thumb in dealing with a novice as newbie is a bit 'raw' in my eyes so, prefer lifestyle/scene virgin; is not to 'tell' them anything they don't ask first. The reason being, I don't want them to loose control and me 'preaching.'
I choose my words carefully. Perhaps some have seen such, as to allow others to form their own conclusions but, provoke thoughts and different way of thinking.
I do attempt to find something that they can understand as to give examples and having them wrestle with questions and information, knowledge, skills and the application of such.
That said; we borrow from so much on the outside of BDSM, M/s and or D/s so, it is easy to credit areas where we borrow things from; such as history, present day and how to use what is learned in the scene as to enhance our skills in every day life.
I'm always interested in pointing out communication, mutual consent, the search for our joy/bliss, crisis management, problem solving, relationships and relationship rescues by knowing there is a problem and it is ok to speak about it, not letting things fester and explode. I also enjoy sharing how honor can be something that is popular again, to be concerned for others and giving to others, without being considered weak. I enjoy confirming trust and respect is earned, so is one's reputation. I am also able to give examples that safety is very high on the list of responsibilities of both dominants and submissives, so we're keen on things that just are gut instinct wrong, to which we embrace and applaud it's use. We're also good about sharing health of the body in all we do but, in addition we're concerned about spiritual health, mental and emotional health and the 'spirit' of the person themselves. We have doctors for everything but, how does a person tune in to their own 'self' to be their own best advocate.
The BDSM, D/s, M/s, S&M aspects can be transposed to our lives on the outside, as we can read who is submissive or dominant, to which can work to our favor, as to handle either dominant or submissive, to which speaks to their nature. It is also something we can use as office managers or leaders, to team pairs and not team two submissives or two dominants together to which causes issues. If there is such a case, then to groom one for the leadership role and or perhaps tap into the strengths as to create harmony and production in the office task.
We also learn to listen. Something rarely done these days. Communications is not just talking to talk but, also be worthwhile to listen.
This is why I like to ask questions to cause them to feel included and accepted. What people say matters, until they have a track record to prove otherwise. This can help in work, parenting, inter-relationships.
In life, we all may come to the point where kink is not possible. But, I believe in networking, making friends and or giving opportunities in education and or support in the lifestyle gives good skills to carry any where one goes in life in general.
Respectfully submitted for consideration,
Lady Hugs
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