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The experience... beyond kinky play! - 6/21/2006 10:18:06 AM   
Proprietrix


Posts: 756
Joined: 7/15/2005
From: Ohio/West Virginia
Status: offline
I was inspired to write this based on a comment a Lady made on the Mistress forum. We were discussing our searches and why people haven’t been successful. A point made over and over again was that many Dominant women aren’t successful because many male submissives live in a fantasy land. This Lady replied:
quote:

most of the subs/slaves I have encountered just live in fantasy land and only here for their pleasure and have no clue what it is to truly submit....and they have no idea what they are missing.....from Me as well as the experinces I offer to them....


My reply was this:
quote:

This is so true!
Life is SO much more than just getting hot kinky sex every weekend. It's so sad that so many submissives have that tunnel vision and believe that being anally taken is the best thing that can possibly happen in life.
Life, even BDSM life, is so much more...
The experiences, the friendships made with people, the trying new things, all the many types of play, getting to be part of a group, the sense of belonging with peers and in a household, the subspace, the good times, the wonders it does to one's emotions to worship that special Lady, the trips with friends to events, the intellectual conversations, saving up for this and spending on that, spiritual awakenings, growth... I could go on and on.
It's really very sad that so many boys want to give up ALL OF THAT AND MORE, just because a woman won't make him wear panties, or because she's not rich or thin, or because she doesn't own a strapon.
It makes me stand back and blink.
It's exactly what you said...
they have no clue what they're missing out on.



So, in this thread, I’d like folks to offer some insight from their experiences. Online, offline, in local groups, at parties, with play partners, with life partners….

If you were going to sit down with a newbie and explain to them "All this lifestyle offers", what would you say?
If you were to look beyond "hot kinky sex" and talk to someone about what they could achieve in BDSM on other levels, what would you give them to look forward to?
Emotionally… spiritually… philosophically… educationally… socially…. psychologically… etc…
What can be found here besides a great orgasm?
What do we offer besides sexual climax?
Have you experienced things so majestic it totally out-powered even the best sex?
Were there emotions so commanding and phenomenal that it made ‘getting your kink on’ seem trivial?
Have you made such tight friendships or relationships that you would continue to be with these people even if the kink vanished?
Talk about your experiences and what you’ve gained from BDSM, above and beyond the spanking.

_____________________________

IMO, IMHO, YMMV, AFAIK, to me, I see it as, from my perspective, it's been my experience, I only speak for myself, (and all other disclaimers here).
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RE: The experience... beyond kinky play! - 6/21/2006 10:25:27 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Proprietrix
If you were going to sit down with a newbie and explain to them "All this lifestyle offers", what would you say?

I'd say "It's just like the vanilla world you've always been in"

If I wanted to get them involved with me, I'd tell them to give me time.  In time they would see exactly what it was for themselves.

quote:

If you were to look beyond "hot kinky sex" and talk to someone about what they could achieve in BDSM on other levels, what would you give them to look forward to?

For me its not BEYOND hot kinky sex, it's INCLUDING hot kinky sex.  I know people put kinky sex as something dorky and low and not lofty and all high like "other" motivations.  But I choose not to choose.

However, I'd let them know that when I mean relationship, I mean everything good about life that vanillas also have.  It's about being true to themselves and giving themselves the choice to be who they are.
quote:


Have you experienced things so majestic it totally out-powered even the best sex?

Can't sex be majestic and out-powering?
quote:


Were there emotions so commanding and phenomenal that it made ‘getting your kink on’ seem trivial?

Aren't there kinky experiences that make some emotions seem pathetic and wastes of energy?
quote:


Have you made such tight friendships or relationships that you would continue to be with these people even if the kink vanished?

Have you made such tight friendships that you would continue to be with these people even if you no longer stopped reading books together?

BDSM and kinky sex is not some LOW form of activity.  You can have it ALL. 

I love reading, I love kinky sex, I love kinks in general, I love going to the movies, I love kissing, I love playing with my nephews.

Why should I rank them?  Why should I give ANY of them up?  Why can't I include ALL of them?

Newbies have the problem of seeing ONLY the hot kinky sex as valuable.  While some other people have the problem of seeing ONLY the hard relationship stuff as valuable.

I have it all.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

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RE: The experience... beyond kinky play! - 6/21/2006 10:27:36 AM   
Taylore


Posts: 121
Joined: 6/19/2006
Status: offline 		Very interesting question.
So, aside from the sexual aspect, what has my slavery given to me?
An added sense of security. When something difficult comes along, I can now not only rely on myself, but also go to Master for his imput.
An added sense of peace within my life. I was content before I met Master, but now I feel complete.
A feeling of usefullness. Though I am independent, I feel wonderful knowing that I am doing something to make his life easier, and happier.
 
Not sure if that was what you were looking for or not?
 
Sitting down with a new person and trying to explain such things would not be easy. All I could say to them was to think of this is terms of a platonic relationship. What would you want from that? If they could not answer, then I would advise that maybe they should reevaluate being here.
 
Of course, that is just my own opinion.
 

_____________________________

Taylore

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RE: The experience... beyond kinky play! - 6/21/2006 10:50:58 AM   
NINASHARP


Posts: 295
Joined: 4/23/2006
From: NJ/NYC
Status: offline 		Great Topic, Proprietrix,

Can't wait to read all the replies on this thread!

I would have to say that exchanging power/control of one's self can be its own reward. What comes to my mind is when you have to bark out orders all day and maintain a position of authority in job and/or family, it is nice not to be the boss or have the responsibility and to have someone take over and let them have control.

Sometimes its hard to follow your heart and through a certain amount of exploring, it can be a way to learn and also accept youself for the innate desire you have.

Another way to explain it would be do you derive pleasure on pleasing others?? If the answer is yes, then through devotion and loyalty, even menial tasks are pleasurable, because it is pleasing the one you serve. 

Nina

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RE: The experience... beyond kinky play! - 6/21/2006 11:42:32 AM   
darkinshadows


Posts: 4145
Joined: 6/2/2004
From: UK
Status: offline
I would say it is life.  It's not some magical place that will take you to some higher place - it is something that exists inside of everyone who embraces it.  It's not any different from being 'vanilla'... its a place that enhances it.  Its the vanilla that runs down the outside of the cone or the bowl that gets you messy and dirty and you can lick it and taste it without having to worry about the social norms that it isn't 'polite'.
 
Its freedom to be.
I can have it all - I can lick the bowl clean and come back for more.  If I have a cone, I can munch that too and not waste a bit.
 
The kink - the sex is included - if you want it.  The sex isn't better than the holding hands - it's just a seperate part.  Why do we have to seperate them?  Why should we deny the sexual, to make BDSM more acceptable?  BDSM isn't kink... it is everything.  Its the holding and the painful pleasure and the hugging and the fucking and the torture.  Its all the toppings on your pizza, but you don't have to have it all - but you CAN.
 
And I do.
 
Peace and Rapture


_____________________________
.dark.



...i surrender to gravity and the unknown...

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RE: The experience... beyond kinky play! - 6/21/2006 11:55:57 AM   
lisa1978


Posts: 224
Joined: 5/19/2006
From: Kansas City
Status: offline 		First I would have to go into detail explaining the difference between bedroom BDSM and D/s or M/s that includes BDSM.

I would explain that for the person to be interested in being submissive in a D/s relationship that they must naturally enjoy pleasing other people above themselves and really talk about power exchange and the levels that it can go.

I would explain the freedom and emotional honesty this life can bring to someone who is sincerely submissive and how so much stress we feel in our day to day life and in our regular relationships can be greatly reduced or vanish if you have met the right person and live this life.

At the end I would just ask them if they understand that between quick moments of kinky sex there are the day to day service that requires a person to enjoy/put up without complaint mundane chores and lots of massages. My final question would be, would a smile and/or thank you from your significant other can fuel your happiness?


_____________________________

It hurts sometimes more than we can bear. If we could live without passion, maybe we'd know some kind of peace. But we would be hollow. Empty rooms, shuttered and dank. Without passion, we'd be truly dead.

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RE: The experience... beyond kinky play! - 6/21/2006 12:15:48 PM   
agirl


Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline 		I don't think I'd make a good job of explaining what *this lifestyle* has to offer. Knowing what *I* get from living this way seems terribly difficult to translate to someone else's life.

This would be the closest I could get....  Deciding to live within a PE relationship has probably been the craziest, most fascinating adventure that I ever chose to undertake...but frankly, it's all about the *man*, not about the *lifestyle*. Take him out of the equation and I really couldn't be bothered.

agirl


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RE: The experience... beyond kinky play! - 6/21/2006 12:55:36 PM   
happypervert


Posts: 2203
Joined: 5/11/2004
From: Scranton, PA
Status: offline
quote:

I don't think I'd make a good job of explaining what *this lifestyle* has to offer. Knowing what *I* get from living this way seems terribly difficult to translate to someone else's life.

Ditto!

I couldn't explain what a submissive would get out of it because I don't know from experience, but if there was mutual interest I could try and let her experience some stuff to see if it floats her boat. And since my tastes are usually out of the mainstream I'd be reluctant to try and describe what a dominant could get out of it because it's likely our interests aren't the same. I've gotten enough blank stares trying to describe movies I like to folks who haven't seen them to start describing what I enjoy about my perversions.

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RE: The experience... beyond kinky play! - 6/21/2006 1:35:44 PM   
Kree


Posts: 118
Joined: 6/13/2006
Status: offline 		I don't think this lifestyle offers anything.  People offer each other things that embrace different aspects of this lifestyle, but the lifestyle just sits there like an empty train waiting for people to buy a ticket and ride to whatever stop they want to go to that minute.  Individuals offer different things, thus this is a very difficult topic to address as a whole, but easy to address if one looks at what they feel is important and what they offer.
For me, this lifestyle is about growth.  It is about entering another person's life space (or allowing them to enter yours) and being there to applaud their triumphs, or pick them up when their butt hits the ground.  It is about answering questions.  A submissive's life is filled with questions and doubts, followed by times of crystal clarity.  Being there to guide and help answer those questions and doubts is what allows someone to move from long periods of questions and doubts to long periods of clarity.  As clarity replaces the questions and doubts, growth can procede at a faster pace.  There will always be questions and doubts, but they become easier to answer and easier to understand. In my opinion, that ability is what separates a Master from a dominant.  If questions and doubts are allowed to fester, they defeat the tranquility the growth brings.
The lifestyle doesnt offer screaming orgasms or pain induced space.  People who have studied the various triggers learn to create those experiences.  The lifestyle offers somewhat of a place to meet others with similar leanings to learn these things, but WE must be willing to listen and learn.  A good example I have used in other places is this:  I could train a chimpanzee to flog a partner until she went into space, but what would he do from there? 

If the lifestyle had a pre-set agenda and hard and fast rules, we would all have an easier time of wandering through the lifestyle, but who would want cookie cutter dominants or submissives?  It is the people, not the lifestyle that matters.    

< Message edited by Kree -- 6/21/2006 1:36:44 PM >

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Power whispers, it has no reason to yell

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RE: The experience... beyond kinky play! - 6/21/2006 3:48:03 PM   
LokisBrat


Posts: 431
Joined: 12/5/2005
From: Mayberry, Illinois
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Kree

I don't think this lifestyle offers anything.  People offer each other things that embrace different aspects of this lifestyle, but the lifestyle just sits there like an empty train waiting for people to buy a ticket and ride to whatever stop they want to go to that minute.  Individuals offer different things, thus this is a very difficult topic to address as a whole, but easy to address if one looks at what they feel is important and what they offer.
For me, this lifestyle is about growth.  It is about entering another person's life space (or allowing them to enter yours) and being there to applaud their triumphs, or pick them up when their butt hits the ground.  It is about answering questions.  A submissive's life is filled with questions and doubts, followed by times of crystal clarity.  Being there to guide and help answer those questions and doubts is what allows someone to move from long periods of questions and doubts to long periods of clarity.  As clarity replaces the questions and doubts, growth can procede at a faster pace.  There will always be questions and doubts, but they become easier to answer and easier to understand. In my opinion, that ability is what separates a Master from a dominant.  If questions and doubts are allowed to fester, they defeat the tranquility the growth brings.
The lifestyle doesnt offer screaming orgasms or pain induced space.  People who have studied the various triggers learn to create those experiences.  The lifestyle offers somewhat of a place to meet others with similar leanings to learn these things, but WE must be willing to listen and learn.  A good example I have used in other places is this:  I could train a chimpanzee to flog a partner until she went into space, but what would he do from there? 

If the lifestyle had a pre-set agenda and hard and fast rules, we would all have an easier time of wandering through the lifestyle, but who would want cookie cutter dominants or submissives?  It is the people, not the lifestyle that matters.    



Would have to say, very excellent reply.

LOKI


_____________________________

"My pleasure, your pain. Doesn't matter, its all the same"

-Loki

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RE: The experience... beyond kinky play! - 6/21/2006 4:01:38 PM   
slavejali


Posts: 2918
Status: offline 		Imagining myself sitting down with a person who was a total bdsm virgin submissive.

It's about kinky sex and fun and games and fetishes honey. If you just want a D/s relationship you could find that with anyone who has a knoweldge of self and is confident in the role they take up in relationship and what kinda role they would like their partner to take up for them to be compatable, it doesnt have to be bdsm. In fact, if you dont want sex point blank, why not join a monastery, it would fulfill your need to serve, let you lead a humble life and you wouldnt even have to worry about sex at all. (sorry...but I think its really what I think when it all comes down to it).

_____________________________

Freedom in Bondage

Different Strokes for Different Folks

"I'll always have a *soft spot* for Sadists"

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RE: The experience... beyond kinky play! - 6/21/2006 4:21:36 PM   
LadyHugs


Posts: 2299
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		Dear Proprietrix, Ladies and Gentlemen;
 
My first rule of thumb in dealing with a novice as newbie is a bit 'raw' in my eyes so, prefer lifestyle/scene virgin; is not to 'tell' them anything they don't ask first.  The reason being, I don't want them to loose control and me 'preaching.'
 
I choose my words carefully.  Perhaps some have seen such, as to allow others to form their own conclusions but, provoke thoughts and different way of thinking.
 
I do attempt to find something that they can understand as to give examples and having them wrestle with questions and information, knowledge, skills and the application of such.
 
That said; we borrow from so much on the outside of BDSM, M/s and or D/s so, it is easy to credit areas where we borrow things from; such as history, present day and how to use what is learned in the scene as to enhance our skills in every day life.
 
I'm always interested in pointing out communication, mutual consent, the search for our joy/bliss, crisis management, problem solving, relationships and relationship rescues by knowing there is a problem and it is ok to speak about it, not letting things fester and explode.  I also enjoy sharing how honor can be something that is popular again, to be concerned for others and giving to others, without being considered weak.  I enjoy confirming trust and respect is earned, so is one's reputation.  I am also able to give examples that safety is very high on the list of responsibilities of both dominants and submissives, so we're keen on things that just are gut instinct wrong, to which we embrace and applaud it's use.  We're also good about sharing health of the body in all we do but, in addition we're concerned about spiritual health, mental and emotional health and the 'spirit' of the person themselves.  We have doctors for everything but, how does a person tune in to their own 'self' to be their own best advocate.

The BDSM, D/s, M/s, S&M aspects can be transposed to our lives on the outside, as we can read who is submissive or dominant, to which can work to our favor, as to handle either dominant or submissive, to which speaks to their nature.  It is also something we can use as office managers or leaders, to team pairs and not team two submissives or two dominants together to which causes issues.  If there is such a case, then to groom one for the leadership role and or perhaps tap into the strengths as to create harmony and production in the office task.

We also learn to listen.  Something rarely done these days.  Communications is not just talking to talk but, also be worthwhile to listen.
This is why I like to ask questions to cause them to feel included and accepted.  What people say matters, until they have a track record to prove otherwise.  This can help in work, parenting, inter-relationships.

In life, we all may come to the point where kink is not possible.  But, I believe in networking, making  friends and or giving opportunities in education and or support in the lifestyle gives good skills to carry any where one goes in life in general.

Respectfully submitted for consideration,
Lady Hugs




 
 
 

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RE: The experience... beyond kinky play! - 6/21/2006 4:30:10 PM   
KennelDeSade2


Posts: 210
Joined: 9/19/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross
For me its not BEYOND hot kinky sex, it's INCLUDING hot kinky sex. 
Can't sex be majestic and out-powering?
Aren't there kinky experiences that make some emotions seem pathetic and wastes of energy?
Have you made such tight friendships that you would continue to be with these people even if you no longer stopped reading books together?
BDSM and kinky sex is not some LOW form of activity.  You can have it ALL.
I have it all.


OK, you beat me to most of the good points again.  But I figure the points are important enough that they should be reinforced.

Sex is an integral part of the human experience, and trying to separate it into a "just" category seems an attempt to diminish it's importance because somebody doesn't feel comfortable admitting it is.  Some of my most profound moments take place during kinky sex.  There are few things I can imagine (OK, none) that are more profound than being male and having an orgasm that lasts for more than a minute.

Some of my best friends are people I no longer play with for reasons of distance or status change.  Just because we where had sex and it was wonderful doesn't mean if I see them now I've got to have sex with them again.  We did, it was great, we may again some day, we may not.  What we DO have, is friendship and kinky sex is an interest that is one more interest we share, among many others.

I don't choose either A or B.  I'll have both, thank you.


_____________________________

Rules? Just one: I say, she does.
Everything else, is just details.

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RE: The experience... beyond kinky play! - 6/21/2006 4:41:31 PM   
WyrdRich


Posts: 1733
Joined: 1/3/2005
Status: offline 		     Take away the kinky sex and it's like living with a complete bitch who expects you to pay the rent but never puts your name on the lease. (That one can backfire on you)

     It's turning left instead of right because she said to even though she's never been there either and doesn't understand that the street numbers go up in one direction and down in the other.

     I seem to be a bit cynical about the 24/7 lifestyle today.....

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RE: The experience... beyond kinky play! - 6/21/2006 4:56:41 PM   
iliv2servher


Posts: 228
Joined: 5/17/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Proprietrix



[Much good stuff snipped...]

quote:



So, in this thread, I’d like folks to offer some insight from their experiences. Online, offline, in local groups, at parties, with play partners, with life partners….

If you were going to sit down with a newbie and explain to them "All this lifestyle offers", what would you say?
If you were to look beyond "hot kinky sex" and talk to someone about what they could achieve in BDSM on other levels, what would you give them to look forward to?
Emotionally… spiritually… philosophically… educationally… socially…. psychologically… etc…
What can be found here besides a great orgasm?
What do we offer besides sexual climax?
Have you experienced things so majestic it totally out-powered even the best sex?
Were there emotions so commanding and phenomenal that it made ‘getting your kink on’ seem trivial?
Have you made such tight friendships or relationships that you would continue to be with these people even if the kink vanished?
Talk about your experiences and what you’ve gained from BDSM, above and beyond the spanking.


A great topic, Proprietrix!  I couldn't even begin to address all of your questions, but in my experience, I have seen people come and go, get involved and then uninvolve themselves, get collared and then uncollared in a very short time...and all of this in the real world of munches, play parties, as well as with close, personal friendships between members of our group.

What makes someone fall in and then fall out so quickly?  It seems like the true lifestylers and those who's earliest memories consisted of dominance and submission stay together, or at least try to stay together, but the curiosity-seekers soon loose interest. I think this chosen path of BDSM is imprinted on some of our brains, and possibly in some of our DNA, and that is why we may leave, but then we always return.

It would seem that, for some, the grass always looks greener until one gets to the other side and sees the reality of what really lurks there.  And perhaps the reality of facing that is what scares some people off.

Yeah, sure, people do move away for various reasons, but if there was a true basis for friendship, then we would probably stay in touch.  But personally, that has only happened to me in rare instances.

-liv2


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RE: The experience... beyond kinky play! - 6/21/2006 5:48:42 PM   
KnightofMists


Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline 		Personal Empowerment and Self-Actualization of oneself.

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

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RE: The experience... beyond kinky play! - 6/22/2006 2:05:10 AM   
meatcleaver


Posts: 9030
Joined: 3/13/2006
Status: offline 		I once took a woman at face value when she said the life style was so much more than kinky sex, that philosophy, psychology and a lot of other high brow subject matter and processes were involved.

In reality she just wanted kinky sex but because she had such fucked up morals she needed to shroud the kinky sex in pseudo intellectualism. She really didn't mind what she did to people as long as she got her itch scratched in the way she wanted it scratched.

I've never taken the intellectual side of BDSM seriously since then but see it as just an excuse for kinky sex by those who have problems because they were brought up with fucked up moral values.

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RE: The experience... beyond kinky play! - 6/22/2006 6:14:43 AM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline 		I do not know if this is focused on male submissives or not. It seems to me that it is an odd thing for anyone to be as focused on a kink as the mistresses claim the male subs they own are. I know some females are like this, my dom has told me his first submissive viewed him as a life support system for a flogger. Or women can have other motives for submitting, such as social status of having a dom in the lifestyle. But I think as in the rest of the world, some people are just more shallow than others. Here are my answers.. and yes this took a long time!
 
If you were going to sit down with a newbie and explain to them "All this lifestyle offers", what would you say? To sum this upin a few words - I would tell them that it was going to take years to find out all the lifestyle has to offer, if they ever do. I do not think I have ever met anyone that knew all of what is had to offer.
 
If you were to look beyond "hot kinky sex" and talk to someone about what they could achieve in BDSM on other levels, what would you give them to look forward to? I would tell them that if this is the way they were meant to live, meaning the way that made them the happiest, then they would feel a lot of the struggles they had in vanilla relationships fall away. These relationships are not easier, but they are intuitively more understandable to us. It is like one quit swimming up  stream.
 
Emotionally… spiritually… philosophically… educationally… socially…. psychologically… etc…
What can be found here besides a great orgasm? For me. I think that there is much to find out about one's self by being submissive (which is what I am, so I cannot answer for other roles). Your levels of endurance, your willingness to think of others instead of self both serve  to uplift a person. When I am being submissive I feel like I am relating the way I was meant to in my relationship. For me it requires I feel trust in someone that I did not know I was capable of feeling, it requires I do not play the games we seem to play in vanilla life. I cannot keep things away from him. Educationally speaking, I love exploring culture, and I plan on exploring this one. Socially, I havent had many social experiences offline outsid of my relationships with dominants. Love and great climaxes are not the same thing. I think love can be found, and an acceptance of my true nature.

What do we offer besides sexual climax? I have been dominated without climaxing. It had its own intrinsic rewards that were just as fulfilling for me as getting off. I think what you as dominants have to offer outside your domination depends on the individual. In other words, my dominant is going to offer different things from you.
 
Have you experienced things so majestic it totally out-powered even the best sex? Oh hell yes! The birth of my son to name but one.
 
Were there emotions so commanding and phenomenal that it made ‘getting your kink on’ seem trivial? Most of my "kinks" are not necessary for me to enjoy my sexuality. The only kink I have that is very important is being told what to do, and since my dom likes me to service him without that at times, I do not always get my kink. Most emotions that are positive that are shared with another make sex seem trivial as an isolated experience. It is the totality of my sexuality in relation to the person I am exploring that makes kinky sex phenomenal, otherwise I have fingers to get off and a creative mind.
 

Have you made such tight friendships or relationships that you would continue to be with these people even if the kink vanished? Yes, my best friend was my friend before we even knew of our submissiveness, and we have much in common.
 
Talk about your experiences and what you’ve gained from BDSM, above and beyond the spanking.Most of my experiences with BDSM have nothing to do with spanking. Most are D/s dynamic experiences.. too much to go into here.










_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

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RE: The experience... beyond kinky play! - 6/22/2006 6:35:14 AM   
hizgeorgiapeach


Posts: 1672
Status: offline 		While I typically hate to simply jump on the proverbial bandwagon - I gotta agree with what several have already said, LA doing so most eloquently.
 
Why would I exclude what I personally see as one of the perks, and Admit I consider one of the perks?  Beyond kinky sex?  Instead of kinky sex?  Newp - for me it's very definately Including kinky sex, and I wouldn't bother to stay for "the rest" if there were none of the kinky sex. 
 
I can have a relationship that gives me everything I need Except kinky sex with a person who has no interest in any form of kink, as long as we have other things in common, a solid friendship to start, and a mutual commitment to each other.  That simply isn't something that I've ever noted to be "more stable" or "better" when connected to BDSM.  The sex, though - now that I HAVE noted to be significantly better connected to BDSM. 
 
A great deal of my best self exploration within bdsm over the years has been directly attributable to Kinky Sex.  I was introduced to bdsm through Kinky Sex.  Seperating the two of them is simply not at all concievable to me - and therefore something I don't bother to try and do on any sort of regular basis.  I want - and Deserve - to have it ALL.  That being the case, why should I Cheat myself (or some hapless newb) by making myself Choose.... or giving them the mistaken impression that THEY have to somehow Choose?
 
I am a brutally honest woman, at the best of times.  (Hint - don't take me shopping with you, if what you want is validation on your choices, rather than an absolutely honest opinion of how I think something makes you look.  I'm not gonna bother politely lying to make you feel good about yourself!)  It would be dishonesty of the highest order on my part, if I were to try and convince someone that BDSM was somehow "more" if it were something other than "merely" kinky sex, if what they were seeking was my personal experiences and opinions.

_____________________________

Rhi
Light travels faster than sound, which is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
Essential Scentsations

(in reply to meatcleaver)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: The experience... beyond kinky play! - 6/22/2006 9:37:25 AM   
chellekitty


Posts: 3923
Joined: 3/27/2005
Status: offline 		I think the greatest thing about this lifestyle that it is so simple and i can answer your questions in one line -- This lifestyle is what you want it to be, as long as you follow SSC and/or RACK.

Now this may be over simplifying it but who's to say it can't just be hot kinky sex or never include hot kinky sex, who am i to lable anyone as "not getting" it?  I recently had the privallege of sitting in on someone explaining the difference between Top and bottom and Dominant and submissive to a newbie, and it was baffling how hard it was to explain that just because one enjoys sensation that they are not a sub or bottom, they are merely experiencing sensation...and btw some might call that bottoming...

perhaps i am getting into another topic and i have to go to school...might write more later
chelle

(in reply to hizgeorgiapeach)
Profile   Post #: 20
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