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Webcam - Good, Bad, and the Ugly? - 11/9/2004 10:35:55 AM   
Voltare


Posts: 841
Joined: 1/1/2004
From: Santiago, Chile
Status: offline 		Well, about five months ago, I had been talking with a woman quite some ways away. We had talked about a meeting real time in the not too distant future, and spoke often on the internet and on voice chat.

As some know here, I advocate the use of a webcam before a face to face meeting (that requires any significant financial investment at any rate.) We had been speaking for about four months at this point, and she agreed to pick up a cam. The next day she vanished.... and was online three times the following month (that I could tell.) I chalked it up to normal internet bs, and went on my way.

Two months later, I spoke with a fellow who had lived with her real time. Turns out, the photos she had sent of a lovely 27 year old girl were of her daughter.

I have a good dozen stories like this one, but it's just another drop in the bucket. I advocate the use of webcams before any real money is spent on this sort of relationship. Granted, I wasn't looking for a casual play partner, nor was she within my zip code (or hemisphere.) Naturally, lots of things can go wrong, and people are here for many many many different reasons - so my situation is only relavent to my circumstances. Today, I am pretty happy where I am, and am not seeking any sort of relationship beyond friendship from the net - thus if someone wanted to visit South America (hey, it could happen right?) I wouldn't be particularly hung up on their looks or how 'real' they were, as there would be no expectation of any sort of relationship to grow from the meeting - on the other hand, because there would be no fantasy of falling in love, there would likely be less of a chance of the person in question living out the rest of the fantasy.

Any thoughts?

Stephan

DISCLAIMER: This isn't intended to be a war, but rather a place to voice opinions. Seems there are people with strong opinions both pro and con for this - I hope we can keep this thread civil.



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"There is always some madness in love, but there is always some reason in madness." - F. Nietzsche
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RE: Webcam - Good, Bad, and the Ugly? - 11/9/2004 10:54:18 AM   
MistressFire70


Posts: 378
Joined: 7/25/2004
From: North Carolina
Status: offline 		Stephen,

As we both know, this happens time and time again, but, for various reasons. One reason is that these people enjoy living the fantasy life that the internet allows easily these days. Another is that they just enjoy fucking with people. A third is that they really do want these kinds of relationships, but are just too scared, nervous or psychological unable to turn the fantasy into reality.

Given all that, how do we figure out who they are and do this in the shortest amount of time possible? I have no idea, really. Most of the time the ones that contact me are living the fantasy life (according to me) and I send them on there way within a few emails. I have, however, run into some that I really, really liked and thought they had good potential only to be disappointed. The most annoying was even after meeting face-to-face! If the relationship ends or continues down another path (perhaps friendship) due to incompatibility, that’s fine. But to just drop off the face of the Earth? Arg!

I guess all we can really do is to keep trying. If we stop looking for the ones we want, we KNOW we won’t find them. If we keep looking, keep weeding through the people who aren’t matched to us (and some who aren’t matched to anyone sane), we at least have a chance.

Fire

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you have come to a great chasm. Jump. It's not as wide as you think.

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RE: Webcam - Good, Bad, and the Ugly? - 11/9/2004 10:56:16 AM   
MsGothUk


Posts: 53
Joined: 10/25/2004
From: Nw London/UK
Status: offline 		its why I only seek local, & I meet them before I even invest my internet time, its alot easier for me, the UK only being afew hours drive where ever you go here.
I'm sure there will be a day I meet someone abroad & have to deal with some of these issues, til then I can't really voice my views or experiences, its a damn shame it happens, thats all

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RE: Webcam - Good, Bad, and the Ugly? - 11/9/2004 10:57:06 AM   
sweetpleaser


Posts: 689
Joined: 8/5/2004
From: Florida
Status: offline 		I think webcams are a good idea for online users. You can weed out the fakes from the real people. I personally do not like webcams because they drive me nuts; too slow. I want the image to be like tv, yanno. I don't understand people who lie, like the woman in your post. Surely she is one of only a few who have deceived you. I have to believe there are real people out there.

_____________________________

~ann~

It's not the men in my life that count, it's the life in my men.--Mae West

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RE: Webcam - Good, Bad, and the Ugly? - 11/9/2004 11:02:50 AM   
Voltare


Posts: 841
Joined: 1/1/2004
From: Santiago, Chile
Status: offline 		I didnt mean to come down like there's never been anything positive in my online experiences - I really have learned a lot and made some good friends. The internet does work for some people, though and I´ve had some very successful relationships from it. I just also know that today, I would have missed out on a lot if I had not continued to pursue more traditional ways of meeting.

Stephan

(Edited because I am typing on a "·$%&/(ing spanish keyboard where ñ?¿Çç¬ÑÏ and º are common characters)

< Message edited by Voltare -- 11/9/2004 11:21:04 AM >

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"There is always some madness in love, but there is always some reason in madness." - F. Nietzsche

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RE: Webcam - Good, Bad, and the Ugly? - 11/9/2004 11:13:54 AM   
LadyShoshin


Posts: 492
Joined: 7/19/2004
From: Burlington, Ontario
Status: offline 		As a Domme I am often approached by men claiming to be submissive and wanting to relocate from another country/continent to serve me. Once (just to see what he would say) I offered to relocate to be near him. As I thought, he had numerous reasons why not. So my stock answer now is "Once you have relocated near me, have a job and a place to live, you may contact me again." So far, no takers.

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RE: Webcam - Good, Bad, and the Ugly? - 11/9/2004 11:48:49 AM   
sub4hire


Posts: 6775
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline
quote:

Edited because I am typing on a "·$%&/(ing spanish keyboard where ñ?¿Çç¬ÑÏ and º are common characters


Here I was about to ask if you were still in Chile? I know a lot of people who use webcams. I'm not one...anyway you would assume finding a person who did would be relatively easy.
Then again I suppose finding someone compatible enough is the hard part?

(in reply to Voltare)
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RE: Webcam - Good, Bad, and the Ugly? - 11/9/2004 11:56:34 AM   
perverseangelic


Posts: 2625
Joined: 2/2/2004
From: Davis, Ca
Status: offline 		I personally don't dig webcams.

Then again, my partner and I are looking for either realtime people or online friends. In the first case, we prefer to meet relativly quickly, before huge amounts of time are invested, and in the second, I don't really care about appearance.

In the situations most of the above posters describe, though, I'd wholeheartdly support webcam use.

< rant >

I get frustrated by people who get mad at me for not having a webcam, especially if I've already offered to meet them in realtime. Why should I be considered a liar for not having a camera when you're the one unwilling to actually -meet- me face to face?

< /rant >

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RE: Webcam - Good, Bad, and the Ugly? - 11/9/2004 11:58:17 AM   
Voltare


Posts: 841
Joined: 1/1/2004
From: Santiago, Chile
Status: offline 		Yep, still here in Chile, alive, and well.

And yep, finding someone compatible is pretty difficult, methinks. Then again, it stands to reason a woman compatible with me would probably agree that the sound of one hand clapping is pretty quiet, popcorn should have butter and salt (they put sugar on it here.... grrrrr) and that webcams are naturally a part of online long distance communication.

As it is, I think I might have found someone already, so it's not really an issue for me anymore.... (grin.)

Stephan

_____________________________

http://www.vv3b.com/

"There is always some madness in love, but there is always some reason in madness." - F. Nietzsche

(in reply to sub4hire)
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RE: Webcam - Good, Bad, and the Ugly? - 11/9/2004 12:02:09 PM   
sub4hire


Posts: 6775
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		Stephan,
Congrats. Please keep us updated if it all works out for you. You're one of the "clear and reasonable" thinkers here. Even if you only post once every 3 months or so.

I hope it all works out for you.

quote:

As it is, I think I might have found someone already, so it's not really an issue for me anymore.... (grin.)

(in reply to Voltare)
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RE: Webcam - Good, Bad, and the Ugly? - 11/9/2004 12:41:19 PM   
rubytuesday


Posts: 180
Joined: 10/22/2004
Status: offline 		Congrats Stephan with having found someone - damn I guess it means best I cancel those air tickets to Chile :-( Thems the breaks lol

I have a webcam altho have to say I havent used it for other than clean chat - I just cant get the hang of wanting to do more than chat "face to face" online - I dont know how to weed out the honest people from the ones just wanting to fuck with someones mind - the more honest and upfront you are the more you tend to attract the weirdos (and I use that term in the worst sense of the word). If i was going to meet someone and invest a lot of time and effort and possibly money I would like to know what Im getting but even with a webcam I dont believe you can be truly sure - and I know there are some out there that will tell you even after meeting face to face some people still arent the real deal.

Still lets not get too cynical about it - just enjoy what you have and best wishes for your future.

Smiles
ruby

(in reply to Voltare)
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RE: Webcam - Good, Bad, and the Ugly? - 11/9/2004 12:45:27 PM   
MaitresseEden


Posts: 477
Joined: 8/8/2004
From: Houston, Texas
Status: offline 		I don't play via webcam, but I often use them.. ACTUALLY I use my video camera attached to my PC instead of a webcam. You simply have to put a video capture card in your PC to make it work, the picture is much better and clearer.

Webcam's come in all price points, and while they are a modest investment it is one I advocate. I want people to see me, as I am, not just as how I am in my photos. I think it is imperative to see a persons surrounding, etc. It is amazeing the little things you can learn via webcam, and I'm not just talking about the physical. If they tell me they are financially well off, but balk about spending the $47 for a cheap cam, then red flags go off. I've had the cam reveal peoples neatness habits, their undisclosed spouses, Confirm thier professions, and confirm personailities and body language. I think they are GREAT!.


What I don't think they are good for is sceneing, and having a relationship via.
Ms. Eden.

_____________________________

"If I didnt define myself for myself, I would be crunched into other peoples fantasies for me and eaten alive. - Audre Lorde"

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RE: Webcam - Good, Bad, and the Ugly? - 11/9/2004 12:59:26 PM   
srahfox


Posts: 261
Joined: 10/17/2004
Status: offline 		I get a kick out of the things you can see just in people's profile pictures. I have a back drop in one of my rooms to avoid that. I don't think a lot of people think about what's in the back ground.
One note I did want to toss out there was maybe she didn't think she looked good enough. I still think it's a crummy thing to do, and I don't really care for people out there 'pretending', but if she was a big girl she might have thought no one whole have wanted her.
just a thought.

(in reply to MaitresseEden)
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RE: Webcam - Good, Bad, and the Ugly? - 11/9/2004 1:08:59 PM   
slavewithnoname


Posts: 24
Joined: 8/24/2004
Status: offline
quote:

I've had the cam reveal peoples neatness habits, their undisclosed spouses, Confirm thier professions, and confirm personailities and body language. I think they are GREAT!.


What I don't think they are good for is sceneing, and having a relationship via.


I agree here... although I'm not currently looking, I have on rare occassion traced the cord to my webcam and fired the old beast up... It can tell a lot about someone, as well as hint (or outright prove/disprove) things they have said. I wouldn't scene on one though... as a scene (my opinion) takes two (or more) people. If I wanted to scene alone, I would... without a webcam. I have made a few friends online, and the cam just puts a face and body language to the words I may have read for so long, but it's no substitute for face to face. A good prelim though, as a pic could be of anyone... try faking a webcam session... lol. With all the posers, wanna be's, trolls and HNG's out there... I think it's only common sense to "see" someone as real as one can (webcam) before meeting.. I know if I was thinking about meeting someone, I sure would want them to show me the real them in motion, not a still photo that could be 15 years old or of someone else. Just one more saftey precaution I think we should really consider using in this day and age...
....... just my opinion.
slavegirl

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(in reply to MaitresseEden)
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RE: Webcam - Good, Bad, and the Ugly? - 11/9/2004 3:31:18 PM   
Voltare


Posts: 841
Joined: 1/1/2004
From: Santiago, Chile
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sub4hire

Stephan,
Congrats. Please keep us updated if it all works out for you. You're one of the "clear and reasonable" thinkers here. Even if you only post once every 3 months or so.

I hope it all works out for you.



Garsh, thanks!

She had absolutely no experience in the lifestyle, but has no reservations of trying anything new. I think the most important thing -I've- learned, is that 'It' (referring to the other thread) in a sub, slave, bottom, etc isn't something that you learn exactly, but rather it's part of who you are. 'It' seems to be compatibility, and not just in negotiations, tastes on a sexual interest chart, or a mutual enjoyment of leather. It means enjoying each others cooking, each others music, or just plain each other's company. Again, am speaking strictly from the standard one on one, run of the mill D/s typie relationship without a lot of frills (can't wait for the explosion.)

I suppose the rest belongs on the 'converting vanilla' thread(s) that I am sure is somewhere on this site.

Eden, you made a great point on something I never mentioned - you learn about as much about a person by what you see in the background and how they do their hair (either perfectly combed, a little frazzled, or unwashed in two weeks) etc etc. Their mannerisms and habits come through (like chain smoking, for example) that you would not learn from online.

People use online to varying degrees, to offer themselvs varying degrees of 'virtual reality.' Unfortunately, they also use online as a shield and mask to hide from reality as well, and while fantasy is great in appropriate doses, when the fantasies end up hurting other peoples realities (as the woman in my first post, who I assure you pulled this trick on more then just me ((and no, she isnt from this site)) demonstrated.)

Stephan


_____________________________

http://www.vv3b.com/

"There is always some madness in love, but there is always some reason in madness." - F. Nietzsche

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RE: Webcam - Good, Bad, and the Ugly? - 11/9/2004 3:58:49 PM   
proudsub


Posts: 6142
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Washington
Status: offline 		I have to tell a funny story here. When i had an online dom we used to play via web cam. My computer is in a tight corner of the room. I was leaning back in my chair to give him a good view one time and the chair fell over backwards. I was wedged in the corner in such a way i could hardly move LOL. I bet it took 10 minutes to untangle myself and sit up agian. Having a bad knee didn't help things.

_____________________________

proudsub

"Without goals you become what you were. With goals you become what you wish." .

"You are entitled to your own opinions but not your own facts"--Alan Greenspan


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RE: Webcam - Good, Bad, and the Ugly? - 11/9/2004 4:45:36 PM   
subbiejenn


Posts: 631
Joined: 7/12/2004
Status: offline
quote:

I've had the cam reveal peoples neatness habits, their undisclosed spouses, Confirm thier professions, and confirm personailities and body language. I think they are GREAT!.


*LOL* i always find it so funny to see pictures of someone and the room is a mess... bad enough they are slobs but at least they could try and hide it for a picture! It ruins everything for me if i can see a mess in the picture sent to me. *grins*

JMO



_____________________________

~Subspace is my perfect paradise vacation from busy-mind... blessed be to the Dominant who can stamp my ticket there.~

"Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away"

(in reply to MaitresseEden)
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RE: Webcam - Good, Bad, and the Ugly? - 11/9/2004 4:47:46 PM   
subbiejenn


Posts: 631
Joined: 7/12/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: proudsub

I have to tell a funny story here. When i had an online dom we used to play via web cam. My computer is in a tight corner of the room. I was leaning back in my chair to give him a good view one time and the chair fell over backwards. I was wedged in the corner in such a way i could hardly move LOL. I bet it took 10 minutes to untangle myself and sit up agian. Having a bad knee didn't help things.


*giggles* bet that kinda ruined the mood eh?




_____________________________

~Subspace is my perfect paradise vacation from busy-mind... blessed be to the Dominant who can stamp my ticket there.~

"Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away"

(in reply to proudsub)
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RE: Webcam - Good, Bad, and the Ugly? - 11/9/2004 4:57:10 PM   
proudsub


Posts: 6142
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Washington
Status: offline
quote:

*giggles* bet that kinda ruined the mood eh?


Oh yea it did, but he was very nice about it and didn't even laugh.

_____________________________

proudsub

"Without goals you become what you were. With goals you become what you wish." .

"You are entitled to your own opinions but not your own facts"--Alan Greenspan


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RE: Webcam - Good, Bad, and the Ugly? - 11/9/2004 6:12:08 PM   
juicycute


Posts: 42
Joined: 10/6/2004
From: Hemet, CA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Voltare

Then again, it stands to reason a woman compatible with me would probably agree that the sound of one hand clapping is pretty quiet, popcorn should have butter and salt (they put sugar on it here.... grrrrr)


Sugar?!? *shudder*
Wow, that's something. I am in agreement on all your compatibility criteria. LOL

~juicycute

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