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Chastity devices, collars as jewelery, cuffs, etc - 2/28/2013 1:10:45 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		As many people on the boards know, I am something of a traditionalist. An old fashioned one at that.

Due to this, there are certain items that I don't buy without a purpose. For example, I would never buy a collar without having a person that I was putting it on. Very specifically, somebody that I was in a dynamic with. I wouldn't buy it just because it would be fun to put on somebody for a scene that was just a casual play partner. I'm not buying a set of cuffs for just anybody who comes along who might want to play. I wouldn't buy a key that went to nothing and had no reason behind it except for a piece of jewelry.

Rather regularly, I notice that people create threads where they buy kink related objects such as chastity devices, strap ons, and all sorts of other things that seem empty to Me. What's the point of being in chastity without a keyholder? Why buy a strap-on as a receiver when you have nobody that is in a sexual relationship with you? If you don't have a play partner, why bother purchasing a leash when nobody is holding the end?

Yes, I do think that bottoms who play casually should have a toy bag of their own. Nobody wants to stick a gag in their mouth that has been used by a bunch of people before them (yuck). Certainly, nobody wants any kind of insertable that has been God knows where (double yuck). Toys that are just as enjoyable for use when a person is on their own, such as vibrators, make sense to Me. It's the ones that accentuate the absence of someone else that confuse Me.

I don't see many people buying wedding items (rings, cake toppers, etc) when they aren't even dating anyone. Why are kink related items different?


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The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread
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RE: Chastity devices, collars as jewelery, cuffs, etc - 2/28/2013 1:27:44 AM   
DogTrainr4NewPet


Posts: 6
Joined: 7/25/2010
From: Los Angeles
Status: offline 		:) people like me make collars, leather toys, and other things. We pay our bills and live off that income. People can buy whatever they want. It only supports the industry, the community, and their own personal goals. Sure, there isnt someone to hold the leash. But if it matches the collar, and it's 100% custom fit for the purchaser who wears it... when they find the custom fit partner to hold the loop, their lives and kinky fun will be more fulfilled. So what if a submissive/slave that lacks a top/dom/owner/etc. wants a collar to wear. It's a symbol. Do women not wear nice shoes and belts just because they want to look good and feel good? Do women not buy shoes and jewelry just to look good and feel good? slaves and subs should have the freedom to buy those things just to look and feel the way they want. One day, when they find someone to hold the key, they can replace it, or, just pass over the key. I agree, tradition should be valued. But not everyone conforms. And, I'd have to work a "real job" if people stopped spoiling themselves! :D

I, honestly, dont post often. I probably will never see replies here... you can message me, though, if you wish to chat about this topic...

(in reply to LadyPact)
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RE: Chastity devices, collars as jewelery, cuffs, etc - 2/28/2013 1:56:23 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		No need, really. If you are going to go the path of comparing a pair of shoes (which are a need) vrs a collar (which is a want) I think you're not seeing the focus of the thread.

Of course people can buy what they want. However, if your argument is that it is a symbol, what exactly is it a symbol of?

Sure, I wear shoes that I like. I don't buy shoes because shoes are something that people generally wear with a partner. People don't buy shoes with the thought that the shoes are best used when in a relationship.

Yes, it supports craft makers in the community. People don't run out and buy wedding bands because they are concerned that jewelers need a job. Wouldn't you agree that designers of wedding bands would stay in business because people buy them when they are getting married, rather than single people needing to buy them to support the industry? Are we really worried that the folks who make chastity devices are going to have to work 'real jobs' if the same purchase habits applied?


_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

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RE: Chastity devices, collars as jewelery, cuffs, etc - 2/28/2013 3:50:02 AM   
ThePony


Posts: 1
Joined: 2/27/2013
Status: offline 		i see you point and it is valid . however we are dealing with, at times, powerful yearnings here, the realm of desire leads us to exploring, and one of the ways to connect better with those feelings is to have objects connected to our passions...

however on the other hand it could just be along the lines of it just makes people happy . * shrugs* i have a rubber duck collection... kinda pointless. all they do is sit there.. but i like them nonetheless.

< Message edited by ThePony -- 2/28/2013 3:53:21 AM >

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RE: Chastity devices, collars as jewelery, cuffs, etc - 2/28/2013 4:35:49 AM   
AthenaSurrenders


Posts: 3582
Joined: 3/15/2012
Status: offline 		grrrr I wrote a long post and lost it.

I think it relates to sub frenzy in a way. Billy-bob discovers a new kink, or discovers that others share his kink and he might be able to act it out, and he doesn't want to wait the months or years until he finds a compatible partner, he wants to try it right now. There's also the fear of rejection or shame in opening up to a partner about wanting to be in chastity. He can buy a device online and try out the physical sensation without having to wait or to risk hurt feelings. It might not be the same, but the prop plus the fantasy might still be better than the fantasy alone. And if he's new to the idea, it might be enough to satisfy him for a while. From there he might find someone online or a pro or a casual play partner who is willing to go through the script about keeping him locked away - even if they aren't actually dom and sub - and that might satisfy him for a little while too.

And then if and when he does find the keyholder of his dreams there's no delay! They can jump right into playing with it, knowing it already fits right and he knows how to use it. I suppose an argument could be made that it might even be wise to figure out that you do at least like it (as much as is possible) before you get involved with someone who is crazy about the idea.

And then there are those who think having an extensive toy collection makes them seem more serious or more experienced, and so will attract more partners. I think we see this more with doms than subs, who have a huge collection of toys proudly displayed in their profile, despite having very little real-life experience. Now maybe that does work and does attract the desired audience. I know it wouldn't work for me, because I'd be afraid that they had built up the fantasy to great heights without the knowledge or hands-on time to carry it through to reality. Also the big collections of insertables only make me think how expensive they would be to replace, since there's no way I'm using a dildo that I didn't see come out of the packaging. Anyway, I digress. I think some people believe they need to have these things ready to prove their domliness/submisiveness.

Collars are a tougher one to discuss since some people think of them as no more than quirky decoration and some see them as a wedding ring. I don't really mind someone having a collar but no partner to go with it, since the only time I wear a literal collar is for play anyway. It doesn't stand out to me as odd. But I'd bet that some of the above mentioned over-excitement and/or trying to gain status comes into it with certain people too.

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RE: Chastity devices, collars as jewelery, cuffs, etc - 2/28/2013 5:55:51 AM   
poise


Posts: 9509
Joined: 7/3/2010
Status: offline 		It wasn't that long ago that women coming of age were given a "hope chest",
in which to collect and save items for an eventual marriage.
Perhaps what you describe is just a very kink related version of that tradition.

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RE: Chastity devices, collars as jewelery, cuffs, etc - 2/28/2013 8:11:46 AM   
Rochsub2009


Posts: 2536
Status: offline 		I think that some of it also has to do with fear and masturbatory fantasies. Some guys are afraid to step out and actually meet a potential Domme in real life. Instead, they like to pretend that they have a Domme. They tie themselves up, or place themselves in a chastity device, or dress themselves in feminine clothing, and then offer themselves to Dommes on the internet as a finished product. It's like they're saying, "See, I'm already locked in a chastity device. All you have to do is take the key".

I think many (most?) if these people will remain alone with their fantasies. Most will never venture out and actually meet a potential Domme. Why go through all of that work, when they can simply stick the strap-on up their own ass, and then send e-mails to Dommes like you, telling you about how "well trained" they already are.

It probably sounds silly to you, but they are guaranteed to cum if they do it their way. If they do it your way, and wait until they actually find a Domme, then many of them will die having never found a Domme, nor ever being locked up in that cool chastity device that they purchased.

As sad as it may sound, masturbation, self-locking, self-collaring, self-pegging, and spamming Dommes on the internet, is about as close to being dominated as many will ever get.

I'm not suggesting that it has to be that way, but merely that some will allow fear to prevent them from ever finding what they desire so badly.

< Message edited by Rochsub2009 -- 2/28/2013 8:12:20 AM >

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RE: Chastity devices, collars as jewelery, cuffs, etc - 2/28/2013 8:30:52 AM   
JeffBC


Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact
Of course people can buy what they want. However, if your argument is that it is a symbol, what exactly is it a symbol of?

That, I think is the real question. But I'm kind of confused why you'd even wonder.

Humans all across the globe use wardrobe and appearance as a way to express affiliation. It seems obvious to me that if a sub buys a collar for him/herself then what they are doing by wearing it is stating, "I'm a sub". In a broader sense wearing a collar marks one out as "alternative" -- although that might be goth or some other alternative. Then, of course, there is my friend who is dominant in his marriage who bought a collar for himself because he bought one for her and he saw it as "team affiliation" with his wife (he was new to BDSM). When he was told that gesture was likely to confuse BDSM folks he saw that as yet another reason to do it. So in his case, his collar symbolizes "I'm with her and I have an active sense of humor and I'm pretty damned secure in my self."

This all gets back to: "It supports their personal goals".

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RE: Chastity devices, collars as jewelery, cuffs, etc - 2/28/2013 8:56:40 AM   
GotSteel


Posts: 5871
Joined: 2/19/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact
As many people on the boards know, I am something of a traditionalist. An old fashioned one at that.



Not everyone is looking to be an old fashioned traditionalist.

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Chastity devices, collars as jewelery, cuffs, etc - 2/28/2013 10:15:42 AM   
njlauren


Posts: 1577
Joined: 10/1/2011
Status: offline 		Lot of it comes down to viewpoint, I have met young women wearing a jeweled lock on a chain around their neck, and it was fashion, in some circles that has serious meaning. Heck, women wear heels and boots these days that 15 years ago I saw only at fetish parties, 5, 6" heels, boots with serious hardware on them, thigh highs and so forth....

I understand what the OP was saying, when you place specific meaning about a collar or a toy, it isn't something they would go out and buy, because it makes no sense. A domme may have a special slave and have a strap on she only uses on him, the size, the color, whatever, is important to their relationship, and buying them without someone in mind is kind of like buying a set of mechanics tools when you don't have a car and don't have a garage..a collar, likewise, is not a fashion statement, it is specific to the domme (and sub) and signifies their relationship (to the OP and frankly to myself as well).

On the other hand, someone might see a collar as simply being a sign they are 'in the scene' or want to be in it, as others say. Self imposed chastity seems kind of pointless to me, but to someone not in a relationship, they might feel like it is them testing themselves....

I thin people can buy what they want. I do laugh when I have seen young women , out on a friday night in NYC, wearing things like collars and arm bracers and the like, and know if they knew what they meant to some people, they couldn't get them off fast enough...which kind of to me is cool, it is to me something I can chuckle over...and heck, the guys who make the stuff stay in business, so if I ever need a collar or whatever again, I'll be able to get it:)

(in reply to GotSteel)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Chastity devices, collars as jewelery, cuffs, etc - 2/28/2013 12:58:10 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		I have to say I have always wondered the same thing. When Master and I came together we both had a small bag of stuff from previous relationships such as canes or spreaders and some cuffs and such but in general, all our our toys have been bought while we have been together because we both wanted it or he wanted it to use on me.

When I was single I never once bought any toys. I could never understand the reason why I would. I thought it would be presumptuous of me that whoever I ended up with would want to use it and being I am not into casual play, I never had that reason to buy either.

I remember when Master and I started to get serious I remember telling him how I felt about toys being used on me from a previous partner. It always felt odd to me. It was the energy and vibes that came from those toys knowing he used them with someone else, like those toys belonged to the other person and had nothing to do with me.

If we ever broke up I would either allow him to have all the toys or I would just toss them. I would not want them to be used by someone else on me. They would only remind me of Master and who wants that? That's just too weird for me and keeps that connection with him that I would not want in a new relationship.


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RE: Chastity devices, collars as jewelery, cuffs, etc - 2/28/2013 1:56:42 PM   
SlightlyScared


Posts: 24
Joined: 2/25/2013
From: The Middle bit of the UK
Status: offline 		Hello, I don't know that I'd be able to explain adequately but I’ll give it a go. I have a small collection of secret things that I have to hide; in my collection are a couple of insertables, some wrist and ankle cuffs and a collar and lead. When I was living away at uni (now back in the family house with parents) I found that in order to sleep I had to have pressure on my wrists, so I’d use scarves and belts and wrap them around my wrists, it became apparent to me that could be a risky proposition. I used to sleep with a scarf around my neck as well. The feeling of restriction is soothing and calming to me. This was before I became sexually active.

I had been speaking to a friend of mine who was openly interested, participating in and vocal about the sort of things that get discussed on this forum and she said that it would be best if I don’t risk winding them too tight. She suggested that I go to a website that makes these things to order, that I should get a set that fit me so I don’t have to worry about it.
So when I could risk not getting caught, I’d wear them to go to sleep (basically curing my insomnia) and I wear them when I can’t get calm (I suffer with severe anxiety attacks). The best way to get calm and get to sleep would be to wear the cuffs and collar and tie myself to the desk next to my bed.

If I was to be lucky enough to find a man who could control me, someone to play with and commit to, if I was to find a Master, I would get a different collar, one that was just his. Different toys for just him. As it stands I don’t have the comfort of a Master, so I take comfort from my cuffs and collar when I know I won’t be found.

I don’t know enough to be a traditionalist; I do know that this explains anything in a way that is useful to you or if it just shows my inexperience.

I apologise if I've broken the rules by posting here before introducing myself in the appropriate subforum. I'll go do that now.

EDIT: I don't want to hijack the thread, so I'll say here, thanks for the greeting ^_^ I made a thread anyway, it is the done thing, after all

< Message edited by SlightlyScared -- 2/28/2013 2:13:58 PM >

(in reply to littlewonder)
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RE: Chastity devices, collars as jewelery, cuffs, etc - 2/28/2013 2:00:27 PM   
Rochsub2009


Posts: 2536
Status: offline 		Slightly Scared,
No need to introduce yourself first. Just jump right in.

Very good first post.



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RE: Chastity devices, collars as jewelery, cuffs, etc - 2/28/2013 3:15:51 PM   
piccante


Posts: 52
Joined: 10/3/2012
Status: offline 		~FR~

I also tend not to buy kinky items - well, other than vibrators and the like, but I'm not sure they count as "kinky" these days - when I find myself without a partner, although I doubt that's because I'm a traditionalist. Like SlightlyScared, I probably don't know enough to be considered one. Anyway, the main reason for keeping the purchase of kink-related items to a minimum when I'm single is that I sometimes feel that having a pre-prepared "bag of tricks" can influence the development of a dynamic in a negative way. Basically, to me it says, "I was constructing this fantasy while I was single and, now that I'm not single, we're damn well sticking to the fantasy anyway!" instead of allowing for a natural evolution through mutual experimentation with different techniques and toys. Mind you, that could be an unjust opinion created on the fact that the men I've met who have had sackloads of kinky things seemed to focus on one item and its variations, rather than building an array of items that could allow for some experimentation. "Don't like these? Well tough shit, sunshine!" was the unattractive message I took from them, although I'm sure there are many people with bags of kinky things - and somewhat more imagination - who don't deserve such a harsh judgement from me.

Plus, I agree wholeheartedly with Littlewonder that a lot of things used in play can become deeply personal; I'm definitely another of those who likes to "start fresh" with new partners.

That said, I do keep things for quite a while after breaking up with someone I was in a D/s relationship with. Collars in particular, even if they were only used for play and had no significant meaning beyond that. I keep them for as long as it takes me to process and be at ease with myself again, and then I throw them away. I work well with symbolism, it seems


< Message edited by piccante -- 2/28/2013 3:34:59 PM >

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RE: Chastity devices, collars as jewelery, cuffs, etc - 2/28/2013 3:44:42 PM   
peppermint


Posts: 5171
Joined: 10/18/2005
From: Montana
Status: offline 		Way back when I attended my first event I loved looking at all those lovely cuffs with matching collars on vendor's row.  So I bought the full set for myself...because...well...they were such a pretty purple color.  Gary thought they were just fine so we still use the ankle and wrist cuffs.  The collar he replaced with one of his own. 

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RE: Chastity devices, collars as jewelery, cuffs, etc - 2/28/2013 8:05:22 PM   
catize


Posts: 3020
Joined: 3/7/2006
Status: offline 		I buy my own canes and paddles, if I'm cut then it is my own blood.  Cuffs are pretty interchangeable, but I would want my own collar; if I am ever collared I would like te dominant to buy it just for me. 
I did know a dominant who had 'play collars' but he took them off me when he was done.

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RE: Chastity devices, collars as jewelery, cuffs, etc - 3/1/2013 12:10:08 AM   
BuddyUnholy


Posts: 5
Joined: 2/17/2013
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact
Rather regularly, I notice that people create threads where they buy kink related objects such as chastity devices, strap ons, and all sorts of other things that seem empty to Me. What's the point of being in chastity without a keyholder? Why buy a strap-on as a receiver when you have nobody that is in a sexual relationship with you? If you don't have a play partner, why bother purchasing a leash when nobody is holding the end?


I always assumed these people were bad at managing money

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Chastity devices, collars as jewelery, cuffs, etc - 3/1/2013 3:26:33 AM   
Lucifyre


Posts: 1067
Joined: 3/27/2012
Status: offline 		I think it's much more simple than most of the replies above....it comes down to "wishful thinking".
But then, folks gotta start somewhere, whos to say buying those things for ones self is wrong?

I have to add also, being on the /s side of the slash in my dynamic, I am the one who buys everything we use. He is not really the imaginitive one in our relationship, I am the one who has to suggest new ideas into our sessions and there for buys the toys and lets Him know the intention behind the purchase. Some may see that as lazy domming, or topping from the bottom...but it works for Him and I so, fuck what everyone else says LOL.

Luci

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RE: Chastity devices, collars as jewelery, cuffs, etc - 3/1/2013 11:19:17 AM   
hlen5


Posts: 5890
Joined: 3/2/2008
Status: offline 		I would love to have a set of cuffs and a matching collar, but think it would be weird to buy them for myself with no one to share them with. It would kind of feel like playing dress-up to me. If I were in a relationship, wouldn't it seem odd for the Dom to use mine? If I were in a committed relationship I would hope the Dom would have those things for me specifically.

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RE: Chastity devices, collars as jewelery, cuffs, etc - 3/1/2013 2:17:32 PM   
SpyUnderCover


Posts: 208
Joined: 6/21/2010
Status: offline
I can't speak for the s-types, but I know I've purchased a few things (collar, cuffs, whip, crop, etc.) while single just because I wanted to have them "at the ready" for when I did meet someone. Also when I saw a toy I liked for a good price, I'd buy it then just for the bargain.

Spy

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Profile   Post #: 20
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