RE: I'm going into the SSI office tomorow to ask about retesting for new disabilities.

RE: I'm going into the SSI office tomorow to ask about retesting for new disabilities. (Full Version)

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Toppingfrmbottom -> RE: I'm going into the SSI office tomorow to ask about retesting for new disabilities. (3/2/2013 7:33:18 PM)
The SSI review lady, because since I was going to be due for a review soon anyway an they said I might as well have it done now while I was there, they said SSI doesn't do updating the tests, my primary dr will have to put in a referral, She was supposed to call me Friday, and she never did, and she was supposed to call me today and she never did. So I called in and I find out the receptionist who sent the message for my dr to call me mis managed the call, an didn't correctly tell the dr why I was asking for a phone appointment, an then they never called me back to say that the dr had heard my message. so I insisted that I get a phone appointment to speak to her on Monday, and they set me one. My parents believe I am disabled, but they do not trust the system and think the system is so corrupt that if I bring attention to myself it will only end negatively. My parents were not allowed to visit me while I was in a group home. My mom was allowed un supervised visits, but the very first visit she ever got with me , she tried to convince me to tell the social workers I was mad because my dad wouldn't let me have my own way with an issue we had at home, so to get back at him I ran and told every one he was molesting me. That I am sorry and I made it all up and I want to go home now please. Well when I told the case manager of the house what she had done, they promptly put a stop to all un supervised visits, and from then on her visits were tightly controlled. quote: ORIGINAL: littlewonder The parents have already been shown that they think she's just fine. They were never there for her while she was growing up and in a home. She was abused by her father if I'm not mistaken from what she has said in the past and her mother I think just overlooks it all and pretends nothing is wrong. And I'm going to guess, from my own experience with my own family members, the parents are just as mentally incapacitated as she she is but just a little less so. Her "daddy"....he is also mentally incapable but again, a little less so...enough to work but that's about it. He has just as many problems as the rest of them. That's most likely why they became a couple. As for tftb, she has no education. She can't learn what adults can learn. While everyone has told her the same things time and again, the thing is she has no one to turn to and no one to help her in real life. She is one of the mentally ill who has fallen through the cracks. Does anyone here REALLY know how difficult it can be to get mental help, even on SSI?? I've been trying for years, just for myself and the doors close constantly on me that I'm to the point where I have given up and I try to do what I can to save myself. It's not always so easy. Thankfully though, I have Master and I have my daughter who are there for me. Tftb does not have that. Hopefully once she meets with the SSI people, they can help her to get the help she needs and possibly they will see that not only mental help but elect a guardian, someone to look over her and help her in life. Obviously, not her parents or her "daddy". As for why she's on collarme as an adult? Personally, I don't think she should be but we can't keep mentally incapacitated adults from being on here. Only their guardian can do that and we already know she does not have one even though, imo, she needs one.

littlewonder -> RE: I'm going into the SSI office tomorow to ask about retesting for new disabilities. (3/2/2013 7:54:49 PM)
Yup, that's exactly what I thought. Been there. When my stepfather tried to molest me, I told my mother. My mother completely ignored me and that was the end of it. She really didn't care and I don't think she didn't really NOT care, but she's mentally not able to understand such things. I was mentally capable of helping myself though and moved in with my dad who only lived less than a mile from my mom, until he became too sick to care for me and the courts were trying to force me to move back with my mom. So I moved out on my own and I had a boyfriend/future husband who was there for me. Unfortunately you are not able to do either of those or have that type of person there for you. Get the help you need. Keep calling those numbers. Keep on top of it. Take all the information everyone has given here and keep using it. You're doing great right now. Don't let it all drop by the wayside. If you need motivation, feel free to email me or continue to write here. Hopefully those of us who understand will be able to give you an extra push when needed.

TheLilSquaw -> RE: I'm going into the SSI office tomorow to ask about retesting for new disabilities. (3/2/2013 7:59:15 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: littlewonder Like I said, I have more than my own fair share of family exactly like her's. It's one of the things that no one in my family talks about because they are too embarrassed to do so but I don't. I feel it should be said because we need to make a big deal about mental health and getting people the help they need. I have family like hers too. Mine ignored it or self medicated, myself included for awhile. I also agree, it is something that needs to be openly discussed so the stigma surrounding mental health issues continues to go away.

TheLilSquaw -> RE: I'm going into the SSI office tomorow to ask about retesting for new disabilities. (3/2/2013 8:14:05 PM)
TFB, I think that you are trying to make some positive changes. So you don't get over whelmed or forget what needs to done. A simple suggestion that I find personally helpful. A to do list. I have a daily to do list that I keep. It has anything outside of my normal routine that I need to do for that day. From making phone calls, to paying bills, to reminding my primary to do something. When I was taking daily meds, I would leave myself notes where I would see them. Saying, " Did ya take your meds yet?" When I was in that dark place due to my bio-polar disorder and PTSD I had notes up reminding myself of positive things about myself. This list not only reminds you of what you need to do but you can mark them off as you do them and it will remind you of what you have accomplished and done for that day.

Toppingfrmbottom -> RE: I'm going into the SSI office tomorow to ask about retesting for new disabilities. (3/2/2013 8:49:19 PM)
My mom knew. And she even made sure it could happen, with out giving to much information. She was molested all her young life all 6 kids were, and got pregnant at 22 by her uncle against her will , so she claims that she never knew it was ok to put a stop to my dad doing that to me. She claims she didn't know it was wrong to let it happen and turn a blind eye to it or even participate in making sure the molestation could happen. But honestly I do not believe her. she wouldn't have given me talks and coached me so many times that if any one asks are you being sexually molested you say NO! I don't know what you are talking about if she didn't know on some level what she was doing was wrong. I asked her once because I can't ask my dad why he did that to me, because he'd just get angry and stomp around an make things tense, and she said I don't think he knew any better, his mother never taught him not to molest people. Which is a total bullshit answer, but it's honestly to god what she believes. quote: ORIGINAL: littlewonder Yup, that's exactly what I thought. Been there. When my stepfather tried to molest me, I told my mother. My mother completely ignored me and that was the end of it. She really didn't care and I don't think she didn't really NOT care, but she's mentally not able to understand such things. Get the help you need. Keep calling those numbers. Keep on top of it. Take all the information everyone has given here and keep using it. You're doing great right now. Don't let it all drop by the wayside. If you need motivation, feel free to email me or continue to write here. Hopefully those of us who understand will be able to give you an extra push when needed. quote: dn't really NOT care, but she's mentally not able to understand

littlewonder -> RE: I'm going into the SSI office tomorow to ask about retesting for new disabilities. (3/2/2013 8:55:48 PM)
let's just say that my mom's mentality is that of about a 15-16 year old in about the 1940's. They know about sex but....they don't know ABOUT sex. She had no idea what a blowjob was until about 20 years ago when me and my sisters were sitting around and laughing about our sex lives with our husbands and boyfriends. She overheard us as she walked in the room and asked and we all just kinda looked at each other in astonishment. Thankfully my oldest sister and not me, explained it to her. So that's what I meant about she does not quite understand fully. She knew it was wrong but puzzled I think about what to do or how to approach it. Her mentality is just not developed enough for it.

Toppingfrmbottom -> RE: I'm going into the SSI office tomorow to ask about retesting for new disabilities. (3/2/2013 8:56:27 PM)
I will do that! Because there's times I can't remember if I had taken my meds at all that day,Or if I had done I was supposed to do. And like today I wanted to scrub the sink in the bathroom so I sprayed it with the scrubbing bubbles, walked off to let it sit, and promptly forgot I was waiting to scrub the sink. it took me like four hours to remember I was wanting to clean the sink. I am also going to set timers. If the laundry has to pre soak for 10 minutes, set the timer, walk off do something else an when the timer goes off, go back, try not to dawddle. quote: ORIGINAL: TheLilSquaw TFB, I think that you are trying to make some positive changes. So you don't get over whelmed or forget what needs to done. A simple suggestion that I find personally helpful. A to do list. I have a daily to do list that I keep. It has anything outside of my normal routine that I need to do for that day. From making phone calls, to paying bills, to reminding my primary to do something. When I was taking daily meds, I would leave myself notes where I would see them. Saying, " Did ya take your meds yet?" When I was in that dark place due to my bio-polar disorder and PTSD I had notes up reminding myself of positive things about myself. This list not only reminds you of what you need to do but you can mark them off as you do them and it will remind you of what you have accomplished and done for that day. quote: reminds you of what you need to do but you can mark them off a

Toppingfrmbottom -> RE: I'm going into the SSI office tomorow to ask about retesting for new disabilities. (3/2/2013 8:59:07 PM)
LittleWonder, yeah, I know what you mean, I think my mom is mentally retarded , to a certain extent.

TheLilSquaw -> RE: I'm going into the SSI office tomorow to ask about retesting for new disabilities. (3/2/2013 9:06:11 PM)
TFB, My mother is the queen of denial. Even after BOTH times my father was convicted of molesting children all under the age of 7 she refuses to admit he did anything. When I try to talk to her about the abuse that she inflicted on me she gets angry. Several months ago, when I confronted her and told her why I had to set boundaries for our relationship. For my well being. She admitted to hitting me across the knees with a 2x4 but said that was the ONLY time she abused me. Hello, I now have pins in my knee because that! Lol I've realized that for my mom, she can't admit what my father did to my cousin, his step sister, those other girls. Or to the emotional and physical abuse that went on in their home because to do that would mean facing some truths about herself. Some nasty, foul truths. She can't do that.. she doesn't have the strength to do that. I've realized like my father never owned his behavior, even in death. Neither will my mother.

TheLilSquaw -> RE: I'm going into the SSI office tomorow to ask about retesting for new disabilities. (3/2/2013 9:13:57 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Toppingfrmbottom I will do that! Because there's times I can't remember if I had taken my meds at all that day,Or if I had done I was supposed to do. And like today I wanted to scrub the sink in the bathroom so I sprayed it with the scrubbing bubbles, walked off to let it sit, and promptly forgot I was waiting to scrub the sink. it took me like four hours to remember I was wanting to clean the sink. I am also going to set timers. If the laundry has to pre soak for 10 minutes, set the timer, walk off do something else an when the timer goes off, go back, try not to dawddle. EXACTLY! And on your to do list...if say you call the doctor and he's supposed to call you back. Write that down next to it on the to do list. That way you can see what's supposed to happen. That also helps make your list for the following day. So you remember what you need to follow up on. Plus, if you leave the positive notes for yourself like on the mirror, computer screen, any place you will see them. Those days where you feel beat up, like you just wanna curl up. It does help. Make them something like... I love myself because.....

Toppingfrmbottom -> RE: I'm going into the SSI office tomorow to ask about retesting for new disabilities. (3/2/2013 9:35:30 PM)
Ls, is your mom taking notes from mine and my dad lol? Its not funny I know, but I have to see some humor in it or "go mad" As I already said my dad gets snappy and annoyed if I ask questions he is uncomfortable with, and my mom will hotly deny she ever slapped us across our faces, or told us to go to hell, or made fun of me. She still takes pot shots at me to this day, and tries to pass it off as "im just joking jeeze" and gets mad and pissy with/at me when I defemd myself. She doesnt respect my boundaries either. But I keep "putting her in check" everytime she tries to not respect me or my boundaries, It takes a very long time but she eventually gets it an stops. At least for that paryicular boundry.

Toppingfrmbottom -> RE: I'm going into the SSI office tomorow to ask about retesting for new disabilities. (3/2/2013 9:37:40 PM)
Litylewonder I sent you a pm

TheLilSquaw -> RE: I'm going into the SSI office tomorow to ask about retesting for new disabilities. (3/2/2013 9:52:30 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Toppingfrmbottom She still takes pot shots at me to this day, and tries to pass it off as "im just joking jeeze" and gets mad and pissy with/at me when I defemd myself. She doesnt respect my boundaries either. But I keep "putting her in check" everytime she tries to not respect me or my boundaries, It takes a very long time but she eventually gets it an stops. At least for that paryicular boundry. I understand because you live with your mother that is a harder to do. Not respecting my boundaries isn't an option for my mother. If she doesn't respect them I cut off communication until she starts to respect them. If she crosses boundaries with my son, she looses her opportunity to communicate with him. There was a point where it was hard because I craved that mother daughter relationship so much. But someone doesn't respect your personal boundaries they don't respect you. If they don't respect you, why keep them in your life?

Toppingfrmbottom -> RE: I'm going into the SSI office tomorow to ask about retesting for new disabilities. (3/2/2013 9:53:44 PM)
My mom knows for example I am drowning in debt because I abused my credit cards, I have a spending addiction, that I have poor impulse control when it comes to buy what you need and noyhing more. She is s aways telling me chris, you have to get your spending under control- yiu are wasting your money o/ stupid things ANDThen SHE HARRASSES ME TO GO OUT SHOPPING WITH HER. I tell her mom, I dont want to go shopping, you know I have impulsd control issues and wilk buy everything I can get my hands on. She says well just go window shopping, I can go window shopping and not buy anything so I dont see y u cant. I said mom, thats like telling an alcoholic and recoveing drunk I can sit at a bar and not drink so can you, to go to a bar knowing their a drunk then when I have no interest in shopping then somehow it means I have no interest or desire to hang out with her. That I do not want mother daughter time. I think the only way my mom knows how to offer mnd time is either with food or shopping lol, cause shes always pushing eating out or shopping, or both!

littlewonder -> RE: I'm going into the SSI office tomorow to ask about retesting for new disabilities. (3/2/2013 11:24:56 PM)
You're most likely right. It's always worked before so she still uses it and she simply does not know any other way. That's what a lot of people do when they are trying to ignore their issues....eat and shop. Hell, even I do that. When I'm stressed I shop and eat. Now I do the opposite with my daughter. I will ask her if she wants to go shopping or get lunch together but I do it to ask her a ton of questions about her life in a setting where she's not gonna scream and yell and throw things at me. [8D] hhmm...maybe that's why she hasn't wanted to go get lunch together recently. [:D]

Toppingfrmbottom -> RE: I'm going into the SSI office tomorow to ask about retesting for new disabilities. (3/2/2013 11:35:36 PM)
Could be, could be LittleWonder hehe.

erieangel -> RE: I'm going into the SSI office tomorow to ask about retesting for new disabilities. (3/2/2013 11:38:24 PM)
My grandmother was like that. I was a teenager when it came out that my grandfather had molested my mother from the time she was 5 until she got married at the age of 15. Apparently, everybody in the family knew about it, too. Everybody, that is, except my grandmother...or so she would have everybody believe. I was never able to look at either one of them the same after it had all come out because my mother had had problems my entire life. For years mom didn't even remember the abuse until she underwent electric shock therapy for an unrelated problem. It was almost a blessing when 10 years later she forgot it all again when lithium toxicity sent her into a brief coma and she came out of it with virtually no memory. Unfortunately, she forgot all of the people who loved her, too.

ChatteParfaitt -> RE: I'm going into the SSI office tomorow to ask about retesting for new disabilities. (3/2/2013 11:48:38 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Level Are you saying she only has learning disabilities? Are you really expecting me to make a professional diagnosis based on her online interactions? I can't do that, I'm not qualified to do it. But from basic things she tells me, she has learning disabilities. Of what nature I don't know. There are many, many different kinds of learning disabilities. For instance, my son has auditory discrimination issues. He's not deaf, it has nothing to do with his ability to hear. His brain does not adequately discriminate sound for him to be able to pay attention to which sound is important. Rather hard in a classroom situation when you are supposed to be focused on what the teacher is saying. I learned to get his attention, to touch him lightly (on the shoulder perhaps). He wasn't ignoring me when I tried to talk to him, his brain wasn't unscrambling sounds well enough to know he should focus on me. That's just one example of a learning disability that can make large group learning time (most classrooms) pure hell. TFB has also been abused from an early age. What that did to her developmentally I don't know, but that she's back living with her parents and has been for many years is a prime example of how fucked up the system is. Her recent posts make it clear how toxic her parents are. She has shopping addiction, yet her mother encourages her to go shopping. She's also addicted to food, and they push unhealthy food on her. That's abusive under a thinly veiled guise of caring, in my opinion. Unfortunately, she was badly abused in a group home situation, and she's not looking to go back, though I think a solid group home program would serve her well. In one or two years she might be able to make it on her own. I'm glad others with more knowledge than I have are trying to help her find programs. We should all be encouraging her to follow through, to get on waiting lists, etc. For all of you that were abused and got out on your own and made something of yourselves, more power to you. For whatever reason you had the mental ability to do that, she does not. Jebus, be grateful. Do I think she's incredibly lazy? Sure, she's been encouraged to be her entire life. I'm sure her parents find it's much easier to do things for her than to teach her how to do them. She's 30 for pity's sake. And she's being 'housed' in the garage where they don't have to confront the results of their inadequate parenting except when they want to encourage her in her addictions, or make her paranoid about her benefits. Those who think she can get up and walk away from the only home she's ever known are delusional, JMO, YMMV, and all.

ShaharThorne -> RE: I'm going into the SSI office tomorow to ask about retesting for new disabilities. (3/3/2013 5:49:53 AM)
I know how the Ticket to Work info can be discouraging...they never update the info on the mailings. I found an old one about my student loans and they had the wrong information on it. I had to go to the internet to find the right information, address and phone number. I have to call them tomorrow to see if they receive my information at all. Also, having a LD is bad...the bullies can sense if you have one and you become a victim. I had to deal with taking special classes until they finally tested me and found out that my IQ was that of a college junior and I was only 14. Got mainstreamed but still had to take speech therapy classes. I slur my "Rs" quite a bit. I dealt with the bullies in my own way. I am on SSI mainly due to bipolar. I fought to get it for 2 and a half years. I also have fibromyalgia, PTSD and BPD. I take Depokate ER as my mood stabilizer (lithium did not do a thing for me). I also take Geodon for the PTSD. Because my SSI is low, I get Medicaid as well as Medicare. I do pay for my Medicare part D insurance, which helps covers my script medicine (cheap co-pays...YEA!). I live with my Mom, who is my payee. She does get on my case about my spending habits. I haven't brought yarn in quite a while and I only brought 3 books in the past month (I collect certain authors). I am selling quite a few books on ebay to clean out my library so the ones in Grandma's house can come in and be read (if I am not reading on my Kindle). I did not really know my father until I was 9. Reason was he was a long haul trucker and was away from home a lot. Mom had to raise us and work. When dad had a back injury, he got operated on and went to nursing school to get his LVN license. He was old school parent and I got my share of whippings with the leather belt from him. That taught me not to do the same thing again. Now, CPS considers that abuse. Hell, he tried to kick my ass when I was 16. I caught his foot and told him that I was not going to take his shit anymore. That ended that form of abuse. I agree that Top's parents and BF are toxic relationships. I had my share yet I was able to get out of them. I am not in one now. My father died 5 and a half years ago and I have been living with Mom for 4 years now. Section 8 and HUD housing has a line, usually a long one. I would love to have my own place but my brother wants it in one town where he works at and I want it in another town where there is a grocery store in walking distance. I am depended on my family to help me out. Mom does the driving and main grocery shopping. I help watch the kids if possible (Baby M is my little girl though she is my niece...she is a hellion like me...LOL!). I try to do my share of the chores but when you got lumbar back trouble, it hurts to work. The best thing Top can do is to get a caseworker who can get her going in the right direction. California is vastly different from Texas so I don't know the bylaws.

Phoenixpower -> RE: I'm going into the SSI office tomorow to ask about retesting for new disabilities. (3/3/2013 7:24:18 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: TheLilSquaw My mother is the queen of denial. Are you sure??? Just asking cause I was always convinced that mine is that particular queen [:D] It always amused me (meant as sarcasm) how good my parents were in living in their big pink bubble, in which only other families have problems, in our family is everything fine [8\|] Recently she told me about one of those documentaries where kids were abused in the foster placements they got placed in and she said "of course with such families in the background they have no-one to talk to"...well....my tongue is still swollen from biting it, just thinking "when were you or dad ever approachable[8\|]" But that's her....her perrrrfect and everything is so fine in he family....nasty things only happen to people which we don't know....if we don't want anything we just ignore it until that problem pooooofs away[8\|]

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