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A question about gifts... - 6/21/2006 4:26:01 PM   
joyinslavery


Posts: 955
Joined: 6/21/2005
Status: offline 		I just read a thread in 'Ask a Master' about gifts and it made me wonder about bringing a small gift to an initial meeting with a prospective Domme.  I wondered how She might react to that...I'm sure it would vary based on the individual but would that be considered bad form?  Might it be viewed as something less than sincere?  Of course, I'm talking about something of nominal value, NOT a diamond ring or Tiffany tennis bracelet (lol).  Would You be flattered?  Put off?  Is it too much?  Leave it out?  Would love to hear Your opinions on it! 
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RE: A question about gifts... - 6/21/2006 4:32:50 PM   
ladylexington


Posts: 117
Joined: 6/7/2005
Status: offline 		As long as it is small, I enjoy receiving a token when I meet a potential submissive. In my case, flowers have been the most common gift. Once, I won an online bet with a sub, and when we met, he paid up. Best Diet Coke ever.

_____________________________

If you must gamble your lives sexually, don't play a lone hand too much. -- Mark Twain

(in reply to joyinslavery)
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RE: A question about gifts... - 6/21/2006 4:52:54 PM   
MysticFireTopaz


Posts: 50939
Joined: 4/23/2005
From: Dallas/Ft. Worth, TX
Status: offline 		I think a gift of nominal value is a nice touch and I would be flattered.
 
The only thing that makes Me uncomfortable is when a prospective sub tries to give Me an expensive gift right off the bat, before I have even decided to get involved with him.  I see that as a attempt at bribery and it makes Me very uncomfortable.  I won't even accept a gift like that.
 
Otherwise, a small gift is fine, but certainly optional.
 
Lady Topaz

(in reply to joyinslavery)
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RE: A question about gifts... - 6/21/2006 6:08:45 PM   
thetammyjo


Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline 		Well a first meeting with me would come after weeks of talking so by then someone should know enough about me to get me something for me and not some generic "female" gift. In that case, as long as I didn't feel it came with expectations beyond the meeting I'd accept it graciously and happily.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

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RE: A question about gifts... - 6/21/2006 6:29:19 PM   
Aimtoplease101


Posts: 319
Joined: 2/8/2006
From: San Diego, California
Status: offline 		How funny-- I was just going to post a similar inquiry myself.  I have such a meeting coming up, and I was thinking a bottle of champagne and some chocolate might be a nice touch.  I am interested in input-- does this in any way seem too presumptious, or "date like," for the occassion?

Regards, ATP

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Pleasing you pleases me.

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RE: A question about gifts... - 6/21/2006 7:20:45 PM   
SweetDommes


Posts: 3313
Joined: 10/5/2004
Status: offline 		It depends on who you are meeting as to whether they will think it's "too date like" or not.

Personally, a small gift, such as my (or Holly's) favorite flowers, a book by one of our favorite authors, a cute animal picture (you know, the type they sell at walmart for $5 or so ...), something like that would be great.

Things that are off limits are anything expensive (that being relative, but basically, anything over about $15), and anything "play-oriented."  If you show up with a set of cuffs, a strap-on, a flogger, etc - those are totally out of line, in our opinions.  Those are things that should be purchased after a relationship is established. 

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RE: A question about gifts... - 6/21/2006 7:39:55 PM   
LadiesBladewing


Posts: 944
Joined: 8/31/2005
Status: offline 		We would be flattered, actually.

As an analogy, when we go to someone's house whom we haven't met before, we often bring a house-warming gift of a bottle of wine, a loaf of bread, and a small container of salt. It is an Italian custom to bring prosperity to our host's home.

In the same way, when we are approached by a potential servant, we would certainly appreciate some small token that represented his or her sincerity and pleasure in the potential opportunity opening before hir.

ZWD

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"Should have", "could have", "would have" and "can't" may be the most dangerous phrases in the English language.
Bladewing Enclave

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RE: A question about gifts... - 6/21/2006 7:46:09 PM   
slavejlb


Posts: 446
Joined: 5/19/2006
Status: offline 		my first present to my first real time Master was pair of handcuffs, that he wanted
later in my realtionship with both my masters since we were in poly was going to be a ring, with each of their itinals, and their birthday stones, i had design them myself, and had them price,
take care and be safe
slave jlb

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RE: A question about gifts... - 6/21/2006 7:48:15 PM   
MisPandora


Posts: 2911
Joined: 4/7/2004
From: Philadelphia, PA
Status: offline 		Doing research to find a simple favorite of mine is always appreciated and regarded as "extra style points" in my book.

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Pandora
Ms World Leather 2004
Ms Philadelphia Leather 2004

"Simply put, if you want a real femdom to love you, give her reasons to love you." Gloria Brame

(in reply to joyinslavery)
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RE: A question about gifts... - 6/21/2006 7:49:04 PM   
Calandra


Posts: 725
Joined: 11/22/2004
Status: offline 		hi joy, great question!
 
I think gifts can be one sure way to ruin a fist meeting or cement one...
 
I am very outspoken and open about likes dislikes and just general life... it is very very easy to discover the things that mean a lot to me on a day to day basis, and if a gift expresses that someone noticed and paid attention to detail, I'd be very flattered.
 
On the other hand, I tend to be turned off by flowers (unless you discover my favorite flowers), chocolates (unless you find something unique or know my favorite ones), perfumes (I'm alergic to some of them), and alcohols (once again, unless it's unique and/or you've discerend what My basic tastes are).
 
Lifestyle gifts are perceived as hints that you want to play...
 
Expensive gifts can be taken to be boastful or showy.
 
Some of the most endearing gifts I've received were:
 
1.)Teas - One sub went to their local health food store and hand picked and blended various teas and dried fruits to assist me in relaxation, energizing, etc. He had researched the effects of each ingredient, and asked for help online in a chat forum. He'd then created a basket lined with beautiful fabric, natural dried grasses, and matching bows. He'd made unique labels naming each tea and describing it's effect.
 
2.) Rose Petal Wine - I'd mentioned in passing that I'd visited a wonderful winery in Indianapolis once, and enjoyed this interesting wine made from rose petals. The sub researched the wineries in the area, discovered that even though the wine was no longer made, a few bottled were still available local to Indianapolis. He ordered two bottles (maybe $12 each) and since he couldn't legally get them shipped to Georgia, had them shipped to himself and then re-wrapped them for shipment to me.
 
3.) A gift certificate to a local day spa - The certificate entitled me to a manicure, pedicure, facial, massage, and hairdressing. This one did cost $99 but the person who gave it to me was fairly well off and I knew that the focus was not the price, but the fact that they could pamper me while he could not... it was very sweet.
 
Most of the time I look at what the INTENTION is behind a gift... Is it to impress me? To make me feel indebted? To help me feel as wonderful as the person thinks I am? To help comfort me or pamper me? Is it just a way to show the person is thinking of me?
 
There aren't any hard and fast rules in gift giving, but I know one thing I'll send back without using - A gift card... so impersonal!!!

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RE: A question about gifts... - 6/22/2006 7:20:49 AM   
Lashra


Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline 		I wouldn't accept a real expensive gift right away, I view that as trying to buy my affections or whip But if you were to bring flowers, I'd be very happy as I love flowers and would view that postively.

~Lashra

(in reply to Calandra)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: A question about gifts... - 6/22/2006 8:00:31 AM   
mistressrose10


Posts: 56
Joined: 3/15/2006
Status: offline 		I am always a little disappointed when meeting a sub who shows up empty handed.Like the other Mistresses have suggested, flowers are usually a good bet and they would please me immensely.Small thoughtful gifts show good faith and indicate that a prospective sub is willing to take the time and make the effort to please a prospective Domme.Cheap subs who can't be bothered make me shudder,if they are cheap they probably don't possess the personality  for service and sacrifice that separates the true subs from the thrill seekers.Subs on the other hand who would give expensive gifts right off the bat are to be viewed with suspicion

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RE: A question about gifts... - 6/22/2006 9:02:36 AM   
BlkTallFullfig


Posts: 5585
Joined: 6/25/2004
Status: offline 		I think it's a great idea, as long as it isn't hugte/presumptuous.   Wait a couple of months before the Tiffany tennis bracelet aaight?  LMAO,  M

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a.k.a. SexyBossyBBW
""Touching was, and still is, and will always be, the true revolution" Nikki Giovanni

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RE: A question about gifts... - 6/22/2006 9:13:38 AM   
thetammyjo


Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Aimtoplease101

How funny-- I was just going to post a similar inquiry myself. I have such a meeting coming up, and I was thinking a bottle of champagne and some chocolate might be a nice touch. I am interested in input-- does this in any way seem too presumptious, or "date like," for the occassion?

Regards, ATP


Do you know if she drinks? Not everyone drink alcohol. If so, does she like champagne?

What about chocolate? Does she like it? Is so, what type? Is she on a diet and this might be a temptation she doesn't want? Is she allegeric to it?



_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to Aimtoplease101)
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RE: A question about gifts... - 6/22/2006 9:16:50 AM   
RosaB


Posts: 852
Joined: 1/10/2005
Status: offline 		A Jag will be just fine.

Ok, let me be serious, (though, I'm not sure I'd be able to tear myself away from the Jag.,)  A man that shows up with flowers always causes my heart to skip a beat cause no matter what it comes down to, I'm still a romantic at heart.  So bottom line, learn something about the woman first, don't rush into the meet.  Get an idea of some of her vanilla likes as well as her bdsm likes and sure a small gift relating to something of her liking most likely would go over well.

Rosa, ( who thinks she can be bought for that Jag.  You might have to throw in the condo by the beach, oh and a lifetime access your credit cards and etc.  Ok, Just for the Jag I can be had for 6 months. LOL)  Disclaimer this is me kidding  

< Message edited by RosaB -- 6/22/2006 9:27:15 AM >

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RE: A question about gifts... - 6/22/2006 9:32:58 AM   
DivaZya


Posts: 103
Joined: 2/15/2005
Status: offline 		Just take a moment to find out something about the One you are meeting.
True Most like flowers, but I don't like dead flowers.  A great touch for Me was a mini rose growing in a coffeecup, I still keep in touch with that submissive , even though he moved out of state.
A gamble was official handcuffs, delivered from the company..  I only had occasion and interest to use them on him once. alas for him, he's faded, but I still like the gift.
Point is, the initial meeting gift is not meant to be a bribe.
If you wish to donate to My play bag, it's at your own risk of never even seeing the item again - and the idea that I will be coerced or feel guilty so I'll play with it on you is also beneath My notice.
Next point is - it is  your personality and intent that makes all the difference in any situation.
The Ladies here really tell it like it is - the forums are the BEST way to tell a REAL Domina!
Always the best Diva~Zya

(in reply to BlkTallFullfig)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: A question about gifts... - 6/22/2006 9:48:10 AM   
takingwhatiwant


Posts: 6
Joined: 5/29/2006
From: NC
Status: offline 		Personally, I perfer when they show up at my door with things I like. That tells me if the person initialy paid attention during our conversations. Like many before me have said, take your time and get to know the person your going to meet.

It doesnt have to be exspensive. Hell I could careless if its homemade. After all it is the thought that counts. But get to know me first.

Mistress Lori




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Unleash your hidden desires!

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RE: A question about gifts... - 6/22/2006 1:12:06 PM   
GoddessDustyGold


Posts: 2822
Joined: 4/11/2004
From: Arizona
Status: offline 		Fast reply...
 
I do enjoy receiving a little something when I meet.  One boy showed up at My munch, and brought me a single rose.  I was very touched.  I also love Brach's peppermints or the latest issue of Reader's Digest.  It doesn't have to be expensive.  Little things can be some of life's greatest pleasures.  I also like to idea of a gift certificate that allows for long distance pampering.  I have received a massage before, and it was much appreciated, even though the boy himself was not the masseur.
The biggest hint is to pay attention.  Get to know a Lady's likes and dislikes.  Some Ladies don't like flowers.  I do.  Others might not eat chocolate, or prefer specific types.  As to the gift cards, I agree they can be impersonal, but they are also practical.  Especially if coming from a long distance.  One boy knows I love to treat Myself once a week or so to a Starbucks delectible.  He sent a Starbucks card, and I do think of him each time I use it. 
A big no-no for Me is a toy or personal leather wear.  I do find it presumptious, but, as already stated, if you do such a thing, I will accept it with a smile, and you most likely will never see it again.  Whether you mean to or not, it is usually taken as a hint for play.  If I make a play date, and the submissive needs to provide something specific that is of a more personal nature, I will let him/her know, and that article will belong to the submissive anyway.   *Smile*
Hope this helps! 

_____________________________

Dusty
They that give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety
B Franklin
Don't blame Me ~ I didn't vote for either of them
The Hidden Kingdom


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RE: A question about gifts... - 6/22/2006 7:29:29 PM   
MHOO314


Posts: 3628
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline 		I always tell My submissives to bring a white rose, it takes the angst about gift or no gift, makes them think of something for Me, allows Me to find them quickly and I have a great remembrance a few days after!

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SLUTS: Southern Ladies Under Tremendous Stress...

Mistress Hathor


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RE: A question about gifts... - 6/22/2006 10:44:45 PM   
Misstoyou


Posts: 1149
Joined: 9/4/2004
Status: offline 		Personally, I really don't care if someone I want to meet shows up with a gift. The thought is nice, of course, but it's never been what puts a submissive over the top for me (if you excuse the expression. lol)

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~ Miss Marie

a.k.a. "mean Lady"


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