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RE: is internet bdsm relationship real - 3/6/2013 6:35:47 AM

thracia

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quote:

ORIGINAL: bettywade

here is a simple question.There were people who asked if findomme relationship was real.Is internet relationship here on conme.com real

If I understand the question, clearly most "online" relationships here are guys faking as gals.

My advice?

First confirm the 'gal' is a gal, and THEN carry on your "Internet relationship".

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RE: is internet bdsm relationship real - 3/6/2013 3:21:14 PM

theRose4U

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The only method for "confirming the gal is a gal" I'm aware of is the dundee method. It only works in person, thus negating the whole point of online

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RE: is internet bdsm relationship real - 3/6/2013 5:21:49 PM

LookieNoNookie

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quote:

ORIGINAL: bettywade

here is a simple question.There were people who asked if findomme relationship was real.Is internet relationship here on conme.com real

I'm only here for the articles on fusion and particle displacement.

(Don't take my kink for everyone's).

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RE: is internet bdsm relationship real - 3/6/2013 5:32:35 PM

TNDommeK

Posts: 7153
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quote:

ORIGINAL: AllisonWilder

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

In the majority of cases, here's My opinion........

If we are talking about power exchange, and the people have never met and there's no intention to do so, no, I really don't consider cyber to be real.

If we are talking about people who have an established relationship, and use electronic means to keep communication open, yes, that's real.

If we're talking about people who intend to meet, but haven't yet, it has the potential to be real.

These are my exact thoughts on the subject.

Mine as well.

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RE: is internet bdsm relationship real - 3/6/2013 8:08:02 PM

theshytype

Posts: 1600
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quote:

ORIGINAL: TNDommeK

quote:

ORIGINAL: AllisonWilder

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

In the majority of cases, here's My opinion........

If we are talking about power exchange, and the people have never met and there's no intention to do so, no, I really don't consider cyber to be real.

If we are talking about people who have an established relationship, and use electronic means to keep communication open, yes, that's real.

If we're talking about people who intend to meet, but haven't yet, it has the potential to be real.

These are my exact thoughts on the subject.

Mine as well.

Me too, me too!

I also have the belief that for at least one of the people involved, it may FEEL real. Much like a dream that seemed so real you swear it happened. It FELT real, but sadly was not.

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RE: is internet bdsm relationship real - 3/6/2013 8:46:47 PM

sexyred1

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For me, it is only real once you have met in real life.

Anything else is just wishful thinking.

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RE: is internet bdsm relationship real - 3/6/2013 9:03:46 PM

MalcolmNathaniel

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I hate to say, "ditto," ut what LadyPact said.

However that isn't all there is to it. For a romantic relationship, she is dead on. "Venus in Furs" was just Leopold Von Sacher-Masoch and a young girl trading masturbation fantasies in a pre-email age.

However I have made real friendships over the net. When we meet in person (if we do) it's just like meeting a friend you've had forever. When it comes to romantic relationships I have this to say, "Piss or get off the pot."

That makes two swear words I've used tonight. I must be in some sort of weird mood.

Edited for grammar. Probably poorly.

< Message edited by MalcolmNathaniel -- 3/6/2013 9:10:24 PM >

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RE: is internet bdsm relationship real - 3/6/2013 9:13:33 PM

Toppingfrmbottom

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Yes. I believe they are real. However I will never be in an online only or longdistance again.

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RE: is internet bdsm relationship real - 3/7/2013 7:18:56 AM

JeffBC

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quote:

ORIGINAL: bettywade
here is a simple question.There were people who asked if findomme relationship was real.Is internet relationship here on conme.com real

I think people get confused about the word "real". For reference, an "imaginary" relationship would be one that is made up... never happened. If two real people spent real time relating with each other then it is a real relationship and it happened in the real world. Some people may find it substandard. Lots of people like to judge other people's relationships. But to question it's "reality" makes no sense.

I met a girl here on collarme and we became literally best friends. We had never met. We had no intention of meeting. But something about what happened was real enough that when she got married she asked me to officiate at her wedding. Something about what happened was real enough for me to agree and spend a lot of fucking money and hassle to do it. During the three very real years we spent talking on the phone we shared some very real parts of ourselves and that sharing resulted in real outcomes.

This question makes me wonder if the people asking it have forgotten what the word "imaginary" means.

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RE: is internet bdsm relationship real - 3/7/2013 12:09:02 PM

Spiritedsub2

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Your experience supports MalcolmNathaniel's post about the success of online friendship. I too have experienced online friendship as more "real" and of more substance than online romance. The reasons for that interest me. I am guessing on the fly that friendship is more purely communication, with physical appearance, body language, and chemistry playing little or no role. Also, I suspect there is less of an agenda, so less deception great and small, in friendship, allowing the online version to more easily survive the transition to real time.

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RE: is internet bdsm relationship real - 3/7/2013 9:13:21 PM

littlewonder

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I can't say I've ever had online friendships. I've talked to people on here for years and years but I still never considered them a friend. They were just someone who I was chatting with. For all I knew I was talking with a 16 year old and male or female or a chimp who was good at typing or an automated bot. But none of that mattered because as far as I was concerned, it was just a chat, just like we do in the forums. It's not serious, it's not face to face. I never have any intention of meeting anyone I chat with either because I personally, cannot get emotional from online stuff. It just leaves me feeling nothing one way or another.

When I first started talking to Master, did I get an emotional feel from him online? Honestly? No. I never had any intention of meeting him or anything else. I agreed because well...I had nothing better to do.

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RE: is internet bdsm relationship real - 3/7/2013 10:36:52 PM

xssve

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quote:

ORIGINAL: kiwisub12

and that leaves me cold. Was it supposed to prove that online can be real?

It's real communication.

Unless they both turn out to be different people entirely.

Depends on what you want: you want a cyber wank buddy, it's pretty safe sex, and it's keeping you off the streets at least. You want more than that you have to cross the limn into meatspace, and then it gets realer.

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RE: is internet bdsm relationship real - 3/8/2013 1:21:57 PM

Spiritedsub2

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quote:

ORIGINAL: xssve
<snip> ...You want more than that you have to cross the limn into meatspace, and then it gets realer.

"Meatspace"? Really?
Sigh.

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RE: is internet bdsm relationship real - 3/8/2013 1:24:10 PM

LadyPact

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Meatspace is actually a rather old term that a lot of people use to distinguish between online and being in the same room with the other person. I guess it could be considered a little crude, but it's been around for some time.

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RE: is internet bdsm relationship real - 3/8/2013 2:09:49 PM

crazyml

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While a big part of me empathises with this...

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

In the majority of cases, here's My opinion........

If we are talking about power exchange, and the people have never met and there's no intention to do so, no, I really don't consider cyber to be real.

If we are talking about people who have an established relationship, and use electronic means to keep communication open, yes, that's real.

If we're talking about people who intend to meet, but haven't yet, it has the potential to be real.

I just think it's too narrow a definition, although the "majority of cases" preface sort of gets if off the hook.

As soon as you talk to someone online you're having a relationship with them. Just as the moment you meet someone in meatspace you have a relationship with them.

It's not a <finger quotes>relationship</finger quotes> but it's a relationship nonetheless.

Now when you meet someone in meatspace, they could tell all sorts of lies about themselves, and have you fall in love with them... you might feel a really strong affection for this lying bastard... you might find yourself in a <finger quotes>relationship</finger quotes> with this person.

Just as you might meet someone online and they could tell all sorts of lies about themselves, and have you fall in love with them... you might feel a really strong affection for this lying bastard... you might find yourself in a <finger quotes>relationship</finger quotes> with this person.

It's not "wise" in either case, and sure - the likelihood of someone being a lying bastard is considerably higher in the online, but it's a relationship in any case.

I have "relationships" with a number of the posters here... we natter, shoot the shit, swap advice, generally give a shit about eachother.

They're not all super intense, but some I'd describe as close.

A couple have resulted in meatspace meetings, and so far every meatspace meeting has been really lovely.

So... yes, I concede that in the majority of cases these "super intense relationships" are pretty shaky but it doesn't make sense to me to say they're not "relationships"

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RE: is internet bdsm relationship real - 3/8/2013 5:30:47 PM

nakedfreedom

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It can be, but my last post here would suggest people really don't respect it online. In the Videochat room, they don't even follow the basic consent rule. Consenting to bdsm play is what makes it different from abuse. Online, dommes and subs keep pushing each other to play even though people say 'no'. Dom/mes even think they can dominate a person just because their profile says sub. That's ridiculous. In a club or party, no one would just walk into a room and do that.

I think the reason is that a lot of people who aren't really into bdsm frequent the chatrooms and simply don't know what it's all about. However, you could find someone who does know and have a relationship. You just have to get through all the stuff before you get there.

The consent rule should be followed online, in person and anywhere. Collarme should even enforce it and they do up to a certain point. Tazzygirl learned to put her manpants on when I discussed with her before.

Good luck!

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RE: is internet bdsm relationship real - 3/8/2013 6:08:39 PM

LaTigresse

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Good luck with that indeed. You come on here babbling bullshit, you consent to whatever you get in return within TOS.

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Post #: 37

RE: is internet bdsm relationship real - 3/8/2013 8:21:19 PM

LadyPact

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quote:

ORIGINAL: crazyml
As soon as you talk to someone online you're having a relationship with them. Just as the moment you meet someone in meatspace you have a relationship with them.

It's not a <finger quotes>relationship</finger quotes> but it's a relationship nonetheless.

I think there is a difference.

Let's say that I go to the grocery store every week. Another person in My neighborhood also goes on the same day at the same time. Perhaps we happen to be standing in the check-out line at the same time and remark on some silly thing in the tabloids.

Some people say that is a relationship because we related to each other on a common subject. Others would say it is just a verbal exchange. It is not a relationship because we aren't really relating to each other. We are just talking about something we noticed in common.

Both can be correct in terminology. How a person perceives it will determine which description works for them. I lean more toward the verbal exchange definition.

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RE: is internet bdsm relationship real - 3/8/2013 8:24:52 PM

LadyPact

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quote:

ORIGINAL: nakedfreedom

It can be, but my last post here would suggest people really don't respect it online. In the Videochat room, they don't even follow the basic consent rule. Consenting to bdsm play is what makes it different from abuse. Online, dommes and subs keep pushing each other to play even though people say 'no'. Dom/mes even think they can dominate a person just because their profile says sub. That's ridiculous. In a club or party, no one would just walk into a room and do that.

I think the reason is that a lot of people who aren't really into bdsm frequent the chatrooms and simply don't know what it's all about. However, you could find someone who does know and have a relationship. You just have to get through all the stuff before you get there.

The consent rule should be followed online, in person and anywhere. Collarme should even enforce it and they do up to a certain point. Tazzygirl learned to put her manpants on when I discussed with her before.

Good luck!

Again, huh?

Seriously, I doubt very many people care what happen in the chat rooms. There isn't any reality to it. No harm comes from some ridiculous "kneel before Me" shit that gets typed up on a screen.

Doesn't the chat have a block feature? If a chatroom is somebody's biggest problem in regard to kink, I'd say you've lived either a very blessed or an exceptionally sheltered life.

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Post #: 39

RE: is internet bdsm relationship real - 3/8/2013 9:45:53 PM

MalcolmNathaniel

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Spiritedsub2

quote:

ORIGINAL: xssve
<snip> ...You want more than that you have to cross the limn into meatspace, and then it gets realer.

"Meatspace"? Really?
Sigh.

"Dad! *sigh* You sound so old! You'd be LOL's in IRL if U sed something like that!"

It's an old school internet term where you differentiate meeting the person in their meat (meat, meet, get it?) form as opposed to their electronic form. It was usually used for the pun involved.

NOW GET OFF MY LAWN YOU DAMNED KIDS!

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