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RE: What the hell am I looking for? - 3/6/2013 8:57:05 AM   
BlkTallFullfig


Posts: 5585
Joined: 6/25/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Blackenedpride
Hello all, first time poster... I'm at a bit of a crossroads, I've played with pro dommes. There is one very well known and renowned in the scene. I'd see her relatively often before she moved, and we still keep in touch. but the thing is, we had so many common (non fetish) interests, we actually became friends. And our play became less exciting, because she was a friend not a domme. I actually looked more forward to hanging out and bullshitting with her. I saw another domme, we had a good time but again, she didn't quite personify the domme position.
Why does getting to know a domme kill a relationship for you? What personifies a domme position to you? Is it a dress, a performance, a behavior, or the woman, with her qualities and flaws? Does a domme get to be a "normal" human being, or does she have to be always acting, looking, or behaving in a certain way? I apologize for the million questions, but it's fairly disconcerting to try to figure out what the problem with the dommes in the above scenarios was, outside than they became hearl human beings, with feelings that you could relate to outside of sexy time, and you got uncomfortable, and moved on.

quote:

I'm currently speaking with a domme who's moving to my state this month, and our online chat is VERY exciting. But again, we're becoming too close, and I have a feeling when we do meet we will have a relationship beyond femdom play, and slave ownership.

I want a women to OWN me, treat me like her property, punish me when I'm bad and reward me when I'm good. I guess I'm too young to find that right now. I suppose almost every domme is looking for someone older and more financially able to spoil them.
-Ace
You sound like, once she gives away the milk, I'm no longer intrigued, or interested. It's a wonderful thing that you don't mind paying professionals, because they sound like the ideal relationships for your needs at present.

Not every domme is looking for any one type/thing thing in particular. Where did you get that idea, every domme is looking for soemone older to spoil them? To myself, many dommes choose/settle for people without any desire to work, or ambition, almost as if to prove they are dominant enough, and don't need the submissive/slave's resources.
You want someone to do as you wish to stay turned on, preferably without an emotional connection. Professionals are the best at that.

Welcome, and good luck, M

P.S. I feel a little bit badly being harsh, having noticed you are only 21y.o. That explains quite a bit actually.

< Message edited by BlkTallFullfig -- 3/6/2013 9:00:49 AM >

_____________________________

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""Touching was, and still is, and will always be, the true revolution" Nikki Giovanni

(in reply to Blackenedpride)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: What the hell am I looking for? - 3/6/2013 9:37:34 AM   
SomethingCatchy


Posts: 796
Joined: 7/29/2008
Status: offline 		Blackened -

You've gotten good advice. I'd particularly pay attention to things Lady Pact says. When you have the time, try doing a search for her previous posts and read through them. Also, despite how DarkSteven may come off to you, I'd search for his previous posts and read those, too.

Of all the people on this forum these two are among the top handful that I admire the most. Their LIFE experience is amazing and I've learned a lot from reading what they have to say about things.

I can't add anything here that hasn't already been said.

_____________________________

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Everyone is gay for Joseph Gordon-Levitt.

Knowledge is power. Power corrupts. Study hard. Be evil.

(in reply to UllrsIshtar)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: What the hell am I looking for? - 3/6/2013 10:37:43 AM   
AthenaSurrenders


Posts: 3582
Joined: 3/15/2012
Status: offline 		Fast reply

OP - that journal entry gives off a scary vibe. I'm serious. Sub, domme or switch, I would not meet you based on that. You feel that you are owed something by womankind and you intend to take it. You enjoy submitting but at the same time you feel the people you serve don't deserve it and it builds up rage inside you? Can you see why that makes you sound like an aggressive and unpredictable man? You sound dangerous in that post.

Putting an angry rant about how people have used you in the past doesn't put other people off using you. If anything you are advertising that you are a potential victim, since apparently you've been used before, frequently. And the good people who weren't planning to use you, are now put off by the negativity.

If I were you I'd take the journal down, and take some time away from searching to have a hard think. See if you can figure out why you want a domme (and specifically one who doesn't build a friendship or an emotional relationship with you) and at the same time feel anger towards the women you are looking for. I think perhaps you need to take some time before you get into a relationship. If at the tender age of 21 you've already been fucked over by 'numerous' women, you're making some really bad relationship choices and you need to find out why, and how to avoid them.

And just while the profile is up - a word of advice. Most people wouldn't consider you a seasoned pain slave after 5 or six pro sessions. That might feel like a lot of experience but in the grand scheme of things, it's less that one day. And the pros are doing what you enjoy most, rather than you suffering for their pleasure. There's nothing wrong with being relatively inexperienced but overstating the experience you do have will make the people you seek less likely to take you seriously.

_____________________________

Being your slave, what should I do but tend
Upon the hours and times of your desire?

(in reply to SomethingCatchy)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: What the hell am I looking for? - 3/6/2013 11:02:47 AM   
Blackenedpride


Posts: 10
Joined: 9/12/2012
Status: offline 		You don't understand the fact that this journal entry was not directed toward women entirely. I'm talking about my boys as well, taking advantage of my generosity and resources, and just acting like it's owed to them. As for the ladies, I treat all women like gold, but as it turns out, the only ones that "like" me are faking it and using me. YES, I am attracted to girls who are fucked in the head. I try and help them, and that's what my obvious mistake is. Don't make the assumption that I hold this aggression toward the female race, I'm specifically refering to a select few who I gave my heart and they tore it to shreds. Another thing I think after having about 20 lashes every visit, hit in the lower spine with a cattle prod, and numerous other horrible blindfolded cbt acts done to me, I'd consider that "seasoned" I don't know about you though.

btw Athena is the name of my dog, but she never surrenders (only to me)


quote:

ORIGINAL: AthenaSurrenders

Fast reply

OP - that journal entry gives off a scary vibe. I'm serious. Sub, domme or switch, I would not meet you based on that. You feel that you are owed something by womankind and you intend to take it. You enjoy submitting but at the same time you feel the people you serve don't deserve it and it builds up rage inside you? Can you see why that makes you sound like an aggressive and unpredictable man? You sound dangerous in that post.

Putting an angry rant about how people have used you in the past doesn't put other people off using you. If anything you are advertising that you are a potential victim, since apparently you've been used before, frequently. And the good people who weren't planning to use you, are now put off by the negativity.




< Message edited by Blackenedpride -- 3/6/2013 11:46:20 AM >

(in reply to AthenaSurrenders)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: What the hell am I looking for? - 3/6/2013 11:21:09 AM   
Blackenedpride


Posts: 10
Joined: 9/12/2012
Status: offline 		I've gotten good advice from most of you, and I appreciate the ones who had something significant to say. But I think I posted this thread a little too late last night. I believe I've found what I'm looking for.

1. The domme I'm speaking to is moving back to her home state (my home state) soon from the Phillipines. And through chat we get a long very affectionately. And that IS something I want from the relationship.
2. The prodomme I've seen previously is someone I still consider a good friend. And that hasn't "killed" our relationship as someone here had said. I'm still very attracted to her and enjoy her company and our sessions. I'm currently doing her a favor for when she gets back to her home city.
3. Both the pro and the domme I know online, and my pro like the idea of meeting one another, and I am going to try and arrange that.

This thread was created out of impatience I suppose, but it garnered some good advice. Thank you to those who understood, and to those who didn't, well thanks for trying anyway.

I think I'll be hiding my CM profile from now on, but I may still post on the board from time to time. Most of you really seem to know your stuff, and I can still learn from here.

(in reply to Blackenedpride)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: What the hell am I looking for? - 3/6/2013 11:26:00 AM   
SeekingTrinity


Posts: 1834
Joined: 5/29/2012
From: The 'burbs of Portland, OR
Status: offline 		~FRing it~

OP what it sounds to me like you want is 24/7 scening in a lifestyle life. And in my honest opinion, the two are completely different animals. As a dominant female, Im always dominant. But there is no way I can honestly stay in bitch mode. Because despite my dominance, Im a real life human being and this includes times in my day where Im the furthest thing from badass bitch domme as you can get. I do things like cutesy talk to my animals, say please and thank you instead of cussing and demanding. In short, when you share a life with someone, you arent going to only be able to see her as a domme in full domme mode. The fantasy of pro life is an illusion you paid for. But its not something someone can maintain 24/7. Just being honest with you

(in reply to Blackenedpride)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: What the hell am I looking for? - 3/6/2013 11:34:45 AM   
Blackenedpride


Posts: 10
Joined: 9/12/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SeekingTrinity

~FRing it~

OP what it sounds to me like you want is 24/7 scening in a lifestyle life. And in my honest opinion, the two are completely different animals. As a dominant female, Im always dominant. But there is no way I can honestly stay in bitch mode. Because despite my dominance, Im a real life human being and this includes times in my day where Im the furthest thing from badass bitch domme as you can get. I do things like cutesy talk to my animals, say please and thank you instead of cussing and demanding. In short, when you share a life with someone, you arent going to only be able to see her as a domme in full domme mode. The fantasy of pro life is an illusion you paid for. But its not something someone can maintain 24/7. Just being honest with you


Last time I'm posting in this thread.... To all who seem to think I just want a girl to bitch at me and beat me and be mean to me all the damn time, you couldn't be farther from the truth. Of course I want a cute girly girl, who the hell doesn't? I want someone who I share a emotional tie with, but I simply want this women to always call the shots. That's it.

Again, I may have misspoke in my first post. But I couldn't be happier with the relation I have with the pro I had seen in the passed, and the non pro I'll be meeting shortly.

(in reply to SeekingTrinity)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: What the hell am I looking for? - 3/6/2013 11:34:46 AM   
Hillwilliam


Posts: 19394
Joined: 8/27/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Blackenedpride

....................... YES, I am attracted to girls who are fucked in the head. I try and help them, and that's what my obvious mistake is................................... I'm specifically refering to a select few who I gave my heart and they tore it to shreds.

Many years ago, when I was just a few years younger than you a good friend in college that I looked up to as a mentor gave me some very important advice that I live by to this day.

He said "Don't stick your dick in crazy"

You may wish to take those words to heart as well. Those words have saved me untold heartache and suffering over the intervening decades.

Welcome to the site.

_____________________________

Kinkier than a cheap garden hose.

Whoever said "Religion is the opiate of the masses" never heard Right Wing talk radio.

Don't blame me, I voted for Gary Johnson.

(in reply to Blackenedpride)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: What the hell am I looking for? - 3/6/2013 11:52:28 AM   
myotherself


Posts: 7157
Joined: 3/9/2006
From: The cold bit of the UK
Status: offline 		I'm an owned slave. We've been together for nearly 3 years, and plan to spend the foreseeable future together as well.

Most of the time we're doing ordinary, 'vanilla' stuff. We go out for meals, watch movies, go shopping, all the usual stuff. But the difference is, he's always in charge. What he says, goes. Whether it's 'change the tv channel' or 'rub my feet' or 'don't cook this again, I'm not keen on it'...he's the boss.

Of course we have play time too, but most of the time we're just very good friends who love each other and do the normal life stuff. And it's way, way better than any play sessions I've had with other people, because this goes beyond a bit of kink and sex.

I hope you find the same kind of connection with your future Domme

_____________________________

There's nowt so queer as folk


(in reply to Blackenedpride)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: What the hell am I looking for? - 3/6/2013 12:36:08 PM   
SeekingTrinity


Posts: 1834
Joined: 5/29/2012
From: The 'burbs of Portland, OR
Status: offline 		Hmm, perhaps when a number of people get the same impression based on how one phrases things, one might consider their role in what they feel is a misunderstanding...rather than throwing a panties twisted in ass crack tantrum over it. Just sayin'. If you dont like hearing what others have to say, there's a very simple solution

(in reply to Blackenedpride)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: What the hell am I looking for? - 3/6/2013 2:53:40 PM   
HarryVanWinkle


Posts: 1720
Joined: 5/8/2006
Status: offline 		From my experience, the play gets better with a dominant woman, not worse, as our friendship grows

(in reply to Blackenedpride)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: What the hell am I looking for? - 3/6/2013 5:16:41 PM   
LookieNoNookie


Posts: 12216
Joined: 8/9/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Blackenedpride

Hello all, first time poster... I'm at a bit of a crossroads, I've played with pro dommes. There is one very well known and renowned in the scene. I'd see her relatively often before she moved, and we still keep in touch. but the thing is, we had so many common (non fetish) interests, we actually became friends. And our play became less exciting, because she was a friend not a domme. I actually looked more forward to hanging out and bullshitting with her. I saw another domme, we had a good time but again, she didn't quite personify the domme position.

I'm currently speaking with a domme who's moving to my state this month, and our online chat is VERY exciting. But again, we're becoming too close, and I have a feeling when we do meet we will have a relationship beyond femdom play, and slave ownership.

I want a women to OWN me, treat me like her property, punish me when I'm bad and reward me when I'm good. I guess I'm too young to find that right now. I suppose almost every domme is looking for someone older and more financially able to spoil them.

idk, is there any Domme looking to own a younger slave. I make pretty good money, and love to spoil women, but I hate when it's demanded constantly. A Financial domme is not domme in my opinion, just a lazy brat who never learned how the real world works.

-Ace


Listen, I just read everything you wrote, and I'm cognizant of your fervent query. Trust me, it's not at all an uncommon question. (Truly).

But there's something very important you need to ask her....before she moves to your location....before you get too emotionally involved.....trust me on this....

Here's the vital question: "How much are you willing to pay to be with me?"

You're just barely in to your 20's....I'm trying to soften the ride here bub.

Rodeo, not my first, etc.

I'm here to help.

< Message edited by LookieNoNookie -- 3/6/2013 5:19:39 PM >

(in reply to Blackenedpride)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: What the hell am I looking for? - 3/6/2013 7:28:42 PM   
theRose4U


Posts: 3403
Joined: 8/22/2005
Status: offline 		My question is "moving back from the philippines"
1)Are you sure its a woman?
2)Are you sure its someone with at least a visa to be here? "She's really great" until she asks for money to support her family & pay to get here to be youyr one & only wife

_____________________________

Finding a good sub is like sifting through trail mix. You find a few fruits, a lotta nuts and have to sift to get to the sweet and special ones
drama llama

(in reply to LookieNoNookie)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: What the hell am I looking for? - 3/6/2013 9:46:22 PM   
NiceButMeanGirl


Posts: 2756
Joined: 11/4/2011
From: Bellingham, WA U.S.A.
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: WithBellsOn
but I can't imagine a Domme is going to want to deal with a man who might try to 'turn the tables' unexpectedly.

Not this one, that's for damn sure!!!!

NBMG

_____________________________

I'm now SweetlySadistic1 on CollarSpace. NBMG is an old profile, please see my new one.


(in reply to WithBellsOn)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: What the hell am I looking for? - 3/6/2013 10:43:27 PM   
seekingreality


Posts: 599
Joined: 8/11/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Blackenedpride

Hello all, first time poster... I'm at a bit of a crossroads, I've played with pro dommes. There is one very well known and renowned in the scene. I'd see her relatively often before she moved, and we still keep in touch. but the thing is, we had so many common (non fetish) interests, we actually became friends. And our play became less exciting, because she was a friend not a domme. I actually looked more forward to hanging out and bullshitting with her. I saw another domme, we had a good time but again, she didn't quite personify the domme position.

I'm currently speaking with a domme who's moving to my state this month, and our online chat is VERY exciting. But again, we're becoming too close, and I have a feeling when we do meet we will have a relationship beyond femdom play, and slave ownership.

I want a women to OWN me, treat me like her property, punish me when I'm bad and reward me when I'm good. I guess I'm too young to find that right now. I suppose almost every domme is looking for someone older and more financially able to spoil them.

idk, is there any Domme looking to own a younger slave. I make pretty good money, and love to spoil women, but I hate when it's demanded constantly. A Financial domme is not domme in my opinion, just a lazy brat who never learned how the real world works.

-Ace


Seems to me like you simply have a very narrow fantasy conception of what you want from a domme, and you quickly become bored of pro dommes because the fantasy wears off pretty quickly. Because you're all about you, you only interest women who you pay in one form or another. And then you become frustrated and angry that you have to pay them.

Frankly, I don't get the impression that you really want a woman to own you and are treat you like property. You really want a woman to create the exact fantasy scenario you want, and reward and punish you in line with the parameters that you want.

So your "crossroad" is really just being honest with yourself: If you just want kinky fun the way you want it, you won't interest many lifestyle dominant women. If you truly want to be owned and treated like property, you need to accept that you won't be getting the fetish delivery system you've been paying for up to now.

(in reply to Blackenedpride)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: What the hell am I looking for? - 3/7/2013 12:26:05 AM   
AAkasha


Posts: 4429
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline
It sounds like you are looking for chemistry.

Also, when a woman dominates you - and it's on her terms - you will know it. Trust me :)
Akasha

_____________________________

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Don't email me here, email me at [email protected]

(in reply to Blackenedpride)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: What the hell am I looking for? - 3/7/2013 2:49:42 AM   
AthenaSurrenders


Posts: 3582
Joined: 3/15/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Blackenedpride

Last time I'm posting in this thread.... To all who seem to think I just want a girl to bitch at me and beat me and be mean to me all the damn time, you couldn't be farther from the truth. Of course I want a cute girly girl, who the hell doesn't? I want someone who I share a emotional tie with, but I simply want this women to always call the shots. That's it.

Again, I may have misspoke in my first post. But I couldn't be happier with the relation I have with the pro I had seen in the passed, and the non pro I'll be meeting shortly.



Well good for you and I hope you find the girl of your dreams. But you must be aware that we can only go off the information you give out.

I understand that your rant wasn't soley aimed at women, but bear in mind if you put something like that up, and it puts people off, they won't stick around to hear your explanation. They've already been put off. You need to think about the first impression. There's a lot of guys on here. If I saw something unappealing in a profile I would just click 'next' because I can't possibly spend the time to give everyone the benefit of the doubt.

And even if it is about your guy friends, it's still pretty angry and negative, and makes it seem like you have issues with boundaries. If that's not the case, get rid of it, you're doing yourself an injustice.

This may seem like we're being mean but if you aren't aware of how you are coming across, chances are good you won't attract the right audience.

Good luck with this person who is moving to your state. I have to say 'moving from the Philippines' is a pretty common scammer tactic. I'm sure you've done your due diligence, but just be careful, it sucks to have your heart broken.

_____________________________

Being your slave, what should I do but tend
Upon the hours and times of your desire?

(in reply to Blackenedpride)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: What the hell am I looking for? - 3/7/2013 2:49:45 PM   
cloudboy


Posts: 7306
Joined: 12/14/2005
Status: offline
quote:

Last time I'm posting in this thread....


Would be cool if you followed up on how things turned out. Getting experience, meeting people, and asking questions is definitely the way to go.

(in reply to Blackenedpride)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: What the hell am I looking for? - 3/7/2013 4:46:38 PM   
searching4mysir


Posts: 2757
Joined: 6/16/2011
Status: offline
quote:

You don't understand the fact that this journal entry was not directed toward women entirely.




That doesn't matter. You are selling in a buyer's market and your target audience is perceiving that it is.



_____________________________

No longer searching -- found my one and only right here on CM


(in reply to Blackenedpride)
Profile   Post #: 39
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