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A lying slave - 3/7/2013 7:48:24 AM

drummerman4u

Posts: 17
Joined: 11/7/2012
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I am a Master who owns a slave and it lives with Me. I recently found her texting her former Dom and she denied it. I showed her the text and she said nothing was going on between them. Now, I had told her if she wanted to keep in touch with her former Dom, He would have to get My permission to do so. Well, He lied to her and text her without asking for My permission. she did not tell Me they had been texting and continued to do so for a month or so. I sent Hiim an email telling Him to no longer contact My property/slave and that she is no longer to ever have contact with him ever again and I suggested he do the same and lose her information. I have since changed her number and deleted her email address. I have lost trust and faith in My slave. How do I get it back? I dont want to Dominate her and I dont even want to touch her at this time. She is currently sleeping on the floor because I dont want her near Me. I dont want to dismiss her. Any suggestions on what I can do to rebuild My trust and faith in My slave? Thanks...

Post #: 1

RE: A lying slave - 3/7/2013 7:55:41 AM

JeffBC

Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: drummerman4u
I dont want to dismiss her. Any suggestions on what I can do to rebuild My trust and faith in My slave? Thanks...

No. The bolded part means you're screwed. You might as well simply ask her to buy you a collar and start kneeling to her.

Look, I get not wanting to sever a relationship with someone. I make no bones about the fact that Carol and I are and will be a couple whether or not she wants to obey. But I'm also really clear on what being a "slave" means to me and I won't play games with it. So she absolutely can lose her collar and would have for crap like you're discussing. Such things, if constant, would also lose her the wedding ring.

By the way, why are you so worried about her texting this other Dom? It seems to me that if you actually owned her -- through and through -- then such things become insignificant.

_____________________________

I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd

(in reply to drummerman4u)

Post #: 2

RE: A lying slave - 3/7/2013 7:56:05 AM

AthenaSurrenders

Posts: 3582
Joined: 3/15/2012
Status: offline

At the risk of going for the obvious: communication. Take some time to let the big emotions simmer down a little, and then have a series of conversations about why this happened and how to go forward.

Trust is a big thing in a relationship. If you can't bear to be near her, maybe this is ringing the bells for the end of the relationship.

But before you do anything drastic, I'd consider some lengthy conversations. Why did she do it? While I'd never advocate lying to your partner, I'd want to hear her side of it as well. Did she need to contact him for some reason? Was she fearful of your reaction? What type of conversations were they having?

You won't like me saying this, but to me the very fact that you had restrictions on who she was allowed to speak to tells me the trust wasn't there to begin with. I can't imagine my own relationship working if he controlled who I could and couldn't be in contact with - because either he's paranoid and doesn't trust me (jealousy is a big red flag to me), or my behaviour has shown that I can't be trusted (which should be a red flag to him).

Also it's all well and good telling him not to contact her, but you really have no say over what he does. This is something between you and her. If he's a toxic force and she doesn't respect your authority enough to stay away from him, that's an issue in your relationship.

Edit: by the way, I don't think removing her means of communication will build trust. How can she demonstrate that she's to be trusted if you don't give her room to act?

< Message edited by AthenaSurrenders -- 3/7/2013 7:58:21 AM >

_____________________________

Being your slave, what should I do but tend
Upon the hours and times of your desire?

(in reply to drummerman4u)

Post #: 3

RE: A lying slave - 3/7/2013 8:07:59 AM

drummerman4u

Posts: 17
Joined: 11/7/2012
Status: offline

Thank you both for your prompt replies. I had no problem with My slave texting him. All I asked was that He contact Me and as Me for permission to text My slave which he did not do. He lied to her and told he that he email Me and I gave him permission to text and talk with her. He is a liar and tried to her own her again behind My back and he owns a slave at this time. I have trusted My slave from day one and we never had any problems until he resurfaced. she has begged Me not to dismiss her or leave her she says she is so sorry for not telling Me he contacted her but she says she assumed that I knew.

(in reply to AthenaSurrenders)

Post #: 4

RE: A lying slave - 3/7/2013 8:53:24 AM

OsideGirl

Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: drummerman4u
Well, He lied to her and text her without asking for My permission. she did not tell Me they had been texting and continued to do so for a month or so.

Beyond the ridiculousness of expecting someone outside your relationship to obey your orders...

You're punishing her because he lied to her and told her that he had permission. If he told her that he had your permission, that would mean that you already knew and you wouldn't need to be told. A reasonable assumption on her part.

And rather than showing her support because she was lied to, you're throwing a temper tantrum and not communicating. I find that distasteful.

< Message edited by OsideGirl -- 3/7/2013 8:54:59 AM >

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to drummerman4u)

Post #: 5

RE: A lying slave - 3/7/2013 9:12:53 AM

drummerman4u

Posts: 17
Joined: 11/7/2012
Status: offline

Thank you OsideGirl. I will communicate with My slave when she gets home today. Again, a sincere thanks for your words.

(in reply to OsideGirl)

Post #: 6

RE: A lying slave - 3/7/2013 9:16:25 AM

JeffBC

Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl
Beyond the ridiculousness of expecting someone outside your relationship to obey your orders...

You're punishing her because he lied to her and told her that he had permission. If he told her that he had your permission, that would mean that you already knew and you wouldn't need to be told. A reasonable assumption on her part.

And rather than showing her support because she was lied to, you're throwing a temper tantrum and not communicating. I find that distasteful.

*shakes head* You were kinder than I. With the clarification provided I'd have to say the entire story is just plain weird. If I didn't want someone to text Carol I'd just tell Carol to ignore and delete unread any texts from xxxx. Problem solved.

_____________________________

I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd

(in reply to OsideGirl)

Post #: 7

RE: A lying slave - 3/7/2013 9:24:32 AM

ChatteParfaitt

Posts: 6562
Joined: 3/22/2011
From: The t'aint of the Midwest -- Indiana
Status: offline

What the hell????

There is more than one thing wrong with your story.

Ask yourself these questions:

Why would you expect another dominant to listen to you?

Why would your slave continue to message a dominant who was trying to steal her away from you?

Why did you expect your slave to know whether she had your permission to message this guy? Did she ask you? Why not? She must know what this guy is like, right?

I think your instincts are correct in telling you your slave is lying.

BTW: That you call her 'it' tells me a *lot* about your relationship. Are you sure she buys into your desired level of objectification? B/c it's been my experience that most female s-types don't like being an 'it.'

_____________________________

(in reply to drummerman4u)

Post #: 8

RE: A lying slave - 3/7/2013 10:25:35 AM

AthenaSurrenders

Posts: 3582
Joined: 3/15/2012
Status: offline

Fast reply

Expecting someone outside your relationship to obey your rules was a mistake. Doubly so since you know him to be untrustworthy.

You need to establish what the truth is - genuine mistake or sneaky behaviour. If it was a mistake, you shouldn't be punishing her. If it was sneaky behaviour, you need to address that. As Chatte said, she must know that this guy is dodgy right? Or does she not think he is? In which case, are you being overly paranoid or is she being overly naive?

I have to say telling him to ask your permission first set you on course for this. You implicitly told her it was ok to talk to him (so long as he submitted to you first) when you're clearly not comfortable with them being in contact. You gave him power by letting him know you are threatened by him (which is what I would think if someone told me I had to ask permission before speaking to their partner - that they feel insecure in comparison to me). If she was being sneaky, you gave her plausible deniability 'he lied to me and said he had permission, I didn't question it'. I think 'I want to know about any messages from X' would have been clearer and simpler all around.

_____________________________

Being your slave, what should I do but tend
Upon the hours and times of your desire?

(in reply to ChatteParfaitt)

Post #: 9

RE: A lying slave - 3/7/2013 10:31:31 AM

slavegirlyj

Posts: 5
Joined: 3/7/2013
Status: offline

So, she assumed the ex had permission? Why didn't she confirm this with you first?

(in reply to ChatteParfaitt)

Post #: 10

RE: A lying slave - 3/7/2013 10:53:36 AM

drummerman4u

Posts: 17
Joined: 11/7/2012
Status: offline

Thank you ChatteParfaitt,
she now knows he is a snake in the grass. I showed her the email he sent Me and everything he typed was a lie, once she read it she knew she was lied to and taken advantage of. slave likes to be called "it". Thank you for you input it helped alot.

Sincerely...

(in reply to slavegirlyj)

Post #: 11

RE: A lying slave - 3/7/2013 10:55:46 AM

drummerman4u

Posts: 17
Joined: 11/7/2012
Status: offline

Hello AthenaSurrenders,
Thank you for your input and it does help Me to think more about what happend and why. you make some very good points and I will heed them.

Sincerely...

(in reply to drummerman4u)

Post #: 12

RE: A lying slave - 3/7/2013 10:59:00 AM

drummerman4u

Posts: 17
Joined: 11/7/2012
Status: offline

Hello slavegirlyj,
That is what I asked her and she said he told her I gave him permission which I didnt because he never contacted Me. So, she assumed that I did. he is a snake in the grass.

(in reply to drummerman4u)

Post #: 13

RE: A lying slave - 3/7/2013 11:00:58 AM

drummerman4u

Posts: 17
Joined: 11/7/2012
Status: offline

What, no body is gonna comment on what an awesome drumset I have, lol.... JK...

(in reply to drummerman4u)

Post #: 14

RE: A lying slave - 3/7/2013 11:02:45 AM

drummerman4u

Posts: 17
Joined: 11/7/2012
Status: offline

What, no body is gonna comment on what an awesome drumset I have, lol.... JK...

(in reply to drummerman4u)

Post #: 15

RE: A lying slave - 3/7/2013 11:06:12 AM

slavegirlyj

Posts: 5
Joined: 3/7/2013
Status: offline

Awesome drum set. :)

I hope that the two of you can work past this. This is a good time to for the both of you to be talking a lot more.

(in reply to drummerman4u)

Post #: 16

RE: A lying slave - 3/7/2013 11:15:05 AM

drummerman4u

Posts: 17
Joined: 11/7/2012
Status: offline

slavegirlyj,
I agree with you and we are gonna talk tonight when slave gets home. We will work past this and move on. Thanks for your kind words and the props on My drums.

Master JC...

(in reply to slavegirlyj)

Post #: 17

RE: A lying slave - 3/7/2013 12:37:59 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

If he lied to her, she didn't necessarily lie to you.

As for the asking the other D to contact you before he contacts her, that's the best you can do in that case. Ask. If you've got a high protocol dynamic about such things, some people will respect that. Others won't. The best that you can do about that is make other folks aware of that being the way that it works in your house. That would be the responsibility of your slave when she gets contacted. If she did that and wasn't told the truth about the other person making the request, you can't blame her. However, this is where somebody dropped the ball. If this is the kind of rule that you have in your household, you may also want to instruct your slave that, if somebody pops up that hasn't been in your lives for a while, she should mention it to you. Most folks would do that as just a normal part of chit chat. "Hey, I heard from so and so today and they said hi." It's not that unusual to send good wishes to someone's partner and/or family when talking to them.

Basically, if you want to be informed, the only person that you have control over to keep you informed is your slave. The way you fix the rip because of this incident is to put that protocol in place in *your* household. As you establish this and see it working, the trust will come back. If nothing else, it sure won't be a month long exchange before you find out about it.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to drummerman4u)

Post #: 18

RE: A lying slave - 3/7/2013 1:13:31 PM

drummerman4u

Posts: 17
Joined: 11/7/2012
Status: offline

LadyPact,
That is exactly what We had established in Our household when We met and she moved in. Yes, he lied to her and I feel she should have told Me he contacted her, that is where the ball got dropped. I will ensure she is reminded of the High Standards of Protocol that We have in Our home. I have no problem with someone saying hello to My slave as long as she tells Me about it. A sincere thanks for your input.

Master JC...

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 19

RE: A lying slave - 3/7/2013 1:25:24 PM

Kana

Posts: 6676
Joined: 10/24/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: JeffBC
No. The bolded part means you're screwed. You might as well simply ask her to buy you a collar and start kneeling to her.

Awesome Jeff. And true.
Look, in the end, the key here isn't who lied or what-it's whether you trust her A-now, and B-if not, can you do so in the future?
If it's Door A, then no biggee, Learn from what happened and then move on.
If option B-then you have real issues.
And purely WTF?
Why contact someone outside of you and she? You have no power/authority or control over him.
But you sure as hell do over her.
Do what was suggested above-lay down an edict-no talking to other doms w/o permission, or at least this one. Then, if you have a problem in the future, you know where the real stickler is...

_____________________________

"One of God's own prototypes. A high-powered mutant of some kind never even considered for mass production. Too weird to live, and too rare to die. "
HST

(in reply to drummerman4u)

Post #: 20

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