Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

RE: to Strong


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Submissive >> RE: to Strong Page: <<   < prev  1 [2] 3   next >   >>
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
RE: to Strong - 3/12/2013 1:11:19 PM   
SacredDepravity


Posts: 270
Joined: 8/6/2012
Status: offline 		Random thoughts:

1. Weakness isn't comfortable with strength.

2. Hard and strong are not the same thing.

3. Submission takes great strength.

4. Letting go is far harder than holding on more often than not.

5. Who makes the rules about what is real or true?

6. Sometimes we need to change. Sometimes we need to accept who we are.

7. The right person makes all the difference.

8. We will always be wrong for the wrong person.

9. Lifelong programming is hard to undo.

10. We let go when we are free to do so...not on demand.

SD

(in reply to kalikshama)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: to Strong - 3/12/2013 4:29:01 PM   
Heavenly1


Posts: 12
Joined: 3/13/2006
Status: offline 		not sure I understand what you mean by inappropriate submission?

(in reply to kalikshama)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: to Strong - 3/12/2013 4:36:51 PM   
FrostedFlake


Posts: 3084
Joined: 3/4/2009
From: Centralia, Washington
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Heavenly1

not sure I understand what you mean by inappropriate submission?

Get me a sandwich.

ETA : And a beer.

Don't know why I didn't think of that first.

< Message edited by FrostedFlake -- 3/12/2013 4:39:49 PM >

_____________________________

Frosted Flake
simul justus et peccator
Einen Liebhaber, und halten Sie die Schraube

"... evil (and hilarious) !!" Hlen5

(in reply to Heavenly1)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: to Strong - 3/12/2013 5:30:17 PM   
absolutchocolat


Posts: 1392
Status: offline 		To me, the phrase means submitting out of fear or a neurotic need to please every man you date. Genuine submission comes from love, from trust and from bring inspired to serve a good, strong man who values you and builds you up.

(in reply to Heavenly1)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: to Strong - 3/12/2013 5:51:23 PM   
Heavenly1


Posts: 12
Joined: 3/13/2006
Status: offline 		now that is food for thought, thanks

(in reply to absolutchocolat)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: to Strong - 3/13/2013 2:31:52 AM   
LillyBoPeep


Posts: 6873
Joined: 12/29/2010
Status: offline 		I would take the "too strong" thing to mean "i am not strong enough for her" or "i'm threatened."

And FrostedFlake's little "i'd like you if you were different" quip is pretty excellent. =p

I once spoke with a fella who didn't like all the questions I was asking. He made it sound like he was being interrogated, and all I was doing was asking basic "so how did you get into blah blah blah" type things, in response to his overly pervy "i want to do x, y, z" treatise. =p It made me laugh, and I didn't bother to reply. There really wasn't a reason to.

Being yourself is the only surefire way to find the right person for you. If YOU see this trait as negative, change it for yourself. But if you are happy as you are, and your life works well, and you are well-adjusted, then... you've probably just run into the wrong types for you.

I know the right person for me is not going to be someone who's terrified by li'l ol' me asking a couple of BASIC, EVERYONE-ASKS-THEM questions. =p haha
I am completely and utterly UNintimidating. =p So when I run into that, yeah... it makes me giggle.

_____________________________

Midwestern Girl

"Obey your Master." Metallica


(in reply to Heavenly1)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: to Strong - 3/13/2013 3:27:44 AM   
GoddessManko


Posts: 2257
Joined: 3/6/2013
From: Dante's Inferno
Status: offline 		I am extremely alpha, extremely dominant. I would never have a man control me, tell me what to do or to be submissive in anyway. All of my turn ons are cerebral and are from knowing the D/s dynamic is authentic and driven by love,admiration and true submission. Everything else is pretty much window dressing and I DO hate small talk. I'm very fun but we'll get to that after you prove you are not just like every vanilla guy out there. That'show I feel about it. Some are less dominant, less alpha. I can't help who I am and if one reads the book "The Slave" they would find I'm actually quite mild.But I don't understand the vanilla type of courtship subs try to engage in. Maybe I had one collared sub for too long and missed the evolution.

_____________________________

Happy consent is the name of the game. You are my perfect Mistress. - my collared.

http://submissivemale.blogspot.com/

The Bird of Hermes is my name, eating my wings to make me tame.

(in reply to LillyBoPeep)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: to Strong - 3/13/2013 10:52:06 AM   
Heavenly1


Posts: 12
Joined: 3/13/2006
Status: offline 		What if someone says ," you need breaking to get you out of the mindset you been. in for years" and they go this with degrading names..."fst fumb cunt" is that normsl. to me I cringe and instantly get defensive.

(in reply to GoddessManko)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: to Strong - 3/13/2013 10:55:08 AM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline 		fst fumb cunt?  No, that aint normal, how is that even pronounced?
If he is coming on too strong, you guys need to talk.



_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30


(in reply to Heavenly1)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: to Strong - 3/13/2013 11:02:21 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		People who proclaim that you are a switch or a Domme, rather than a sub either a) don't know you well enough on a personal level to make those kinds of proclamations or b) have too limited of a view of people involved in wiitwd. This whole thread concept is making Me think of folks who don't spend a lot of time in the real world around kinky folks. Maybe we're dealing with some keyboard commando types?


_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to mnottertail)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: to Strong - 3/13/2013 11:03:04 AM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Heavenly1

What if someone says ," you need breaking to get you out of the mindset you been. in for years" and they go this with degrading names..."fst fumb cunt" is that normsl. to me I cringe and instantly get defensive.


There are some "D" types that think if you completely destroy a submissive, that they can re-build them into whatever they want.


Some people get off on humiliation. Very few people can manage to do it with doing harm.

Second, until you have agreed to a dynamic, anybody attempting to engage in humiliation with you has over stepped their bounds.....by a lot.


So, I would suggest when someone tries something like that, just say "No, thank you", block them and close the window.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to Heavenly1)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: to Strong - 3/13/2013 11:07:16 AM   
Heavenly1


Posts: 12
Joined: 3/13/2006
Status: offline 		that was supposed to read "fat dumb cunt"

(in reply to mnottertail)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: to Strong - 3/13/2013 11:09:26 AM   
Heavenly1


Posts: 12
Joined: 3/13/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl


quote:

ORIGINAL: Heavenly1

What if someone says ," you need breaking to get you out of the mindset you been. in for years" and they go this with degrading names..."fst fumb cunt" is that normsl. to me I cringe and instantly get defensive.


There are some "D" types that think if you completely destroy a submissive, that they can re-build them into whatever they want.


Some people get off on humiliation. Very few people can manage to do it with doing harm.

Second, until you have agreed to a dynamic, anybody attempting to engage in humiliation with you has over stepped their bounds.....by a lot.


So, I would suggest when someone tries something like that, just say "No, thank you", block them and close the window.



yes that was what I feel, but just wondered if that was a norm in training.

(in reply to OsideGirl)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: to Strong - 3/13/2013 11:13:45 AM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline 		OH, thats normal then, if you are a fat dumb cunt. 

I think that there are more dominants into emotional humiliations and degredations than are useful and knowingly facilitate.

I expect if you are a fat dumb cunt, then I would say lookie here you skinny intelligent whore, I am going to turn you into a fat dumb cunt......and then I could claim success, you see?

I think that starting there dont leave much room to ever come to jesus, so I guess I might be more apt to use some sugar to get you to want to be or obey.....

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30


(in reply to Heavenly1)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: to Strong - 3/13/2013 11:17:13 AM   
GoddessManko


Posts: 2257
Joined: 3/6/2013
From: Dante's Inferno
Status: offline 		Heavenly, ANY good Domme would NEVER be abusive to his or her sub. They may gently guide them to where pushing the envelope is comfortable but you have to have that trust and communication as well.
LIMITS SHOULD BE KNOWN AND RESPECTED, both hard and soft and only a true Dom grows along with his sub and complements his sub and as a result you're both better people for it.
Some people are not only sadistic but harmful and abusive and that's where the line has to firmly be drawn in the sand.
I personally enjoy the element of surprise myself which MAYBE is his case but I know where my subs limits are, how we can surpass them, how we can allow that process to be natural and organic. He may just be trying to add shock value to the mix and may not mean what he says @ verbal degradation but if he's using it in the context of criticizing you as a sub then he's not worthy of you.
If you are not happy then it's a problem that should be discussed and perhaps you need a more nurturing and understanding Dom.
Keep in mind, there are irresponsible and abusive Doms out there and know what you want before deciding how to proceed.
This is coming from a very alpha and experienced Domina.
Whatever efforts you are putting out should be appreciated as it takes a LOT of trust to have someone tie you up!

Attachment (1)

_____________________________

Happy consent is the name of the game. You are my perfect Mistress. - my collared.

http://submissivemale.blogspot.com/

The Bird of Hermes is my name, eating my wings to make me tame.

(in reply to Heavenly1)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: to Strong - 3/13/2013 11:22:20 AM   
Heavenly1


Posts: 12
Joined: 3/13/2006
Status: offline 		well I am not a "fat dumb cunt"' that just makes me stand dumbfounded I was even called that, not move and obey.

(in reply to mnottertail)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: to Strong - 3/13/2013 11:29:46 AM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Heavenly1




yes that was what I feel, but just wondered if that was a norm in training.


1) Training is a bullshit term unless someone is involved in a high protocol lifestyle or desires a specific a skill set. ie: LadyPact is in the Leather community and there are strict protocols throughout the community or someone wants you to learn how to be a chef. It's a way that some "D" types get subs to engage in play and sex.

2) There are no set standards about what is normal and what isn't normal. If you don't get off on humiliation, then ignore those who are into it.


_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to Heavenly1)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: to Strong - 3/13/2013 11:30:39 AM   
SacredDepravity


Posts: 270
Joined: 8/6/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl


quote:

ORIGINAL: Heavenly1

What if someone says ," you need breaking to get you out of the mindset you been. in for years" and they go this with degrading names..."fst fumb cunt" is that normsl. to me I cringe and instantly get defensive.


There are some "D" types that think if you completely destroy a submissive, that they can re-build them into whatever they want.


Some people get off on humiliation. Very few people can manage to do it with doing harm.

Second, until you have agreed to a dynamic, anybody attempting to engage in humiliation with you has over stepped their bounds.....by a lot.


So, I would suggest when someone tries something like that, just say "No, thank you", block them and close the window.


I totally agree that the namecalling the OP expressed is way over the line...especially if they do not yet have their own dynamic. I was actually kind of with the dominant up until the namecalling started. While for some that might hit all the right buttons, I doubt for many "strong" submissives it is going to be well received.

I have met the type of dominant you've described that that literally want to shatter any appreciable aspect of a submissive and try to scoop it all up and build a whole new person. I haven't met one yet that knew what they were doing and saw far more harm than good come of it, yet that is not how I read the statement.

I read the statement far more as breaking a wild horse to harness its own power to its owner's and its own benefit. I am a similar sort of "strong" submissive. I worked hard to take my life in my own hands for the very first time in my life after too much control had been given to too many for too long. I can be very stubborn to let it go now. I will sometimes hold on with an iron grip not only when I don't trust that someone can handle the responsibility besides me, but also when every evidence has been given that they can, but I am too afraid of handing it over that I may never get it back or be able to once again resume handling it if I do. That needs breaking in me. It may need breaking in the OP. It is breaking a detrimental habit and a coping mechanism run amock. I'd rather have someone help me break it that has my best interest at heart and have their own stakes in my success.

Is the dominant referenced above that person? By the namecalling, I'd say not. Without further investigation it's hard to say though. It may be an attempt to speak the submissive's "language" in a way. It may be that the dominant is a complete and utter idiot. Who knows, really? Taking the dominant and the namecalling out of it for a minute though, the writer may have had a valid point if taken in a more positive manner. Only the OP can say for sure. Do you, OP, think that some of the ways you deal with the world and relationships are habits or defense mechanisms that need breaking in order to establish a healthy relationship? If so, that is something you have to empower yourself to both hear and do. If you honestly think that is not the case, then firmly exercise your boundaries.

SD

(in reply to OsideGirl)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: to Strong - 3/13/2013 11:56:01 AM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Heavenly1

What if someone says ," you need breaking to get you out of the mindset you been. in for years" and they go this with degrading names..."fst fumb cunt" is that normsl. to me I cringe and instantly get defensive.


If someone says that, they're either a very accomplished Dom who has years of experience and knows how to do this properly, or else an idiot that gets off on namecalling.

If he does know what he's doing, then he's watching you for reactions, making sure he's having an impact but not pushing you too far, too fast, and alert to easing up if the reaction is too extreme.

If he's doing this online, then he's just a wanker.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to Heavenly1)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: to Strong - 3/13/2013 12:35:31 PM   
JeffBC


Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Heavenly1
not sure I understand what you mean by inappropriate submission?

I'm not Kali, but when I said it to Carol what I meant was "submitting to the entire rest of humanity"


_____________________________

I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd

(in reply to Heavenly1)
Profile   Post #: 40
Page:   <<   < prev  1 [2] 3   next >   >>
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Submissive >> RE: to Strong Page: <<   < prev  1 [2] 3   next >   >>
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.109