can any experienced master help me on this one ?

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

can any experienced master help me on this one ?

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Master >> can any experienced master help me on this one ?

Page: [1]

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

can any experienced master help me on this one ? - 3/12/2013 4:21:31 AM

Docem

Posts: 4
Joined: 3/2/2013
Status: offline

Hi all doms.
I am writing for a request for help / suggestions.
Here goes the story :
I have this sub friend that I know for a while and we really like each other, matter of fact we recently ended up together.
Point is : she has different kinks than me.
And I mean way different.
I would appreciate any help or suggestions from those who are willing to spend a few minutes of their time to share ideas with me.
Best to all

Profile

Post #: 1

RE: can any experienced master help me on this one ? - 3/12/2013 4:30:51 AM

AthenaSurrenders

Posts: 3582
Joined: 3/15/2012
Status: offline

It seems that it comes down to two simple questions:

- Are you both willing to indulge each other's kinks?
or
- Are you both content to go without the kinks that the other person doesn't share?

If you can answer yes to one or both of the above, no problem. If you can't, then it's time to find someone else. No point getting into a relationship if you know in advance that one or both of you aren't going to be happy.

_____________________________

Being your slave, what should I do but tend
Upon the hours and times of your desire?

(in reply to Docem)

Profile

Post #: 2

RE: can any experienced master help me on this one ? - 3/12/2013 4:36:13 AM

Docem

Posts: 4
Joined: 3/2/2013
Status: offline

Hi thanks for your kind reply.
Answer would be "yes" to both question.
The issue that is puzzling me (and I am 200% sure her too) is "how".

(in reply to AthenaSurrenders)

Profile

Post #: 3

RE: can any experienced master help me on this one ? - 3/12/2013 4:41:49 AM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline

Okay. First off, you're in China. I don't know if there's an active kink scene there, where you can simply attend local events and meet others and watch public play. If so, go.

Second, what kind of activities? If you're talking puppy play or sensation play, just go ahead and try stuff. If you're talking needle play and breath play, things with substantial risks, I'd advise you to hold off.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to Docem)

Profile

Post #: 4

RE: can any experienced master help me on this one ? - 3/12/2013 4:47:00 AM

RedMagic1

Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Docem

Hi all doms.
I am writing for a request for help / suggestions.
Here goes the story :
I have this sub friend that I know for a while and we really like each other, matter of fact we recently ended up together.
Point is : she has different kinks than me.
And I mean way different.
I would appreciate any help or suggestions from those who are willing to spend a few minutes of their time to share ideas with me.
Best to all

First, I'd recommend you post this question to the Asian group on FetLife. Fet isn't blocked by the GFW, and, when I was posting in that group, there were quite a few active members in China.

Second, are her kinks things that you are curious about, and want to try? Or are they things that make you say, "Hell no." Same question about your kinks. Does she want to try them because they are part of you, or does she want to stay away from them? The answers to those two questions will probably tell you where you are.

_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to Docem)

Profile

Post #: 5

RE: can any experienced master help me on this one ? - 3/12/2013 4:54:35 AM

Docem

Posts: 4
Joined: 3/2/2013
Status: offline

Hi and thanks for your advice.
I realize from your and Athena's feedback that maybe I had to put more details (I am in a break from my overtime work today...sorry all).

Yes I am in China and so is she. Actually pretty close to each other so yeah, no internet stuff.
No I am not talking about needle play or breath play since I have no experience in those and I prefer not to mess up with things I don't know. Plus needle play is very much a hard limit for her.

I would like to know if anybody here has a suggestion on how we should introduce each other to our kinks (the ones that we don't share already).
We are pretty communicative and we talked about this issue. However we both had little question marks popping up our heads when we started thinking on "how shall we procced".

(in reply to DarkSteven)

Profile

Post #: 6

RE: can any experienced master help me on this one ? - 3/12/2013 5:00:23 AM

Docem

Posts: 4
Joined: 3/2/2013
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1

First, I'd recommend you post this question to the Asian group on FetLife. Fet isn't blocked by the GFW, and, when I was posting in that group, there were quite a few active members in China.

Second, are her kinks things that you are curious about, and want to try? Or are they things that make you say, "Hell no." Same question about your kinks. Does she want to try them because they are part of you, or does she want to stay away from them? The answers to those two questions will probably tell you where you are.

Hi.
none of us is reluctant of trying each other's kink. (we wouldn't have ended up together in that case).
Again, would be mostly "how do we work this out". I have never been introduced to my ex-sub's kink so its pretty new to me.

Frankly Fetlife is not so serious and I prefer this website.

(in reply to RedMagic1)

Profile

Post #: 7

RE: can any experienced master help me on this one ? - 3/12/2013 5:30:10 AM

kalikshama

Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline

quote:

I would like to know if anybody here has a suggestion on how we should introduce each other to our kinks (the ones that we don't share already).

My guy introduces elements slowly, one element at a time, for example:

Scene 1 - pantie gag
Scene 2 - duct tape over pantie gag
Scene 3 - pillowcase over head over duct tape over pantie gag

(With discussions on how to safeword while gagged.)

We will be able to give you better advice if you say exactly what your and her kinks are.

_____________________________

Curious about the "Sluts Vote" avatars? See http://www.collarchat.com/m_4133036/mpage_1/key_/tm.htm#4133036

(in reply to Docem)

Profile

Post #: 8

RE: can any experienced master help me on this one ? - 3/12/2013 5:13:25 PM

HarryVanWinkle

Posts: 1720
Joined: 5/8/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Docem

I would like to know if anybody here has a suggestion on how we should introduce each other to our kinks (the ones that we don't share already).
We are pretty communicative and we talked about this issue. However we both had little question marks popping up our heads when we started thinking on "how shall we procced".

Slowly, with baby steps and with much discussion. Talk about it first. One day, try one of her kinks and one of yours. Err, if you must on the side of not going far enough, than of going to far. Afterwards, talk about how it went, what you liked, what she liked, how it could be made better for each and for both of you. Then intensify.... slowly. When you've got a modus vivende on those two kinks, add a couple more, again, one for her, one for you.

Don't be surprised when you and/or she finds out you like some things you didn't think you would and don't like other things you thought you would. Fantasy and reality are different.

(in reply to Docem)

Profile

Post #: 9

RE: can any experienced master help me on this one ? - 3/12/2013 5:38:19 PM

elelohesterling

Posts: 13
Joined: 9/2/2009
Status: offline

To be honest. I would have a vanilla relationship with a prospective sub before you start a 24/7 D/s dynamic, as if you can not handle the pressures of vanilla, you are in no way ready for a D/s dynamic, in my humble opinion, at least not on a 24/7 period. It took until after we were married for my wife/sub and I to go the 24/7 route, and let me tell you, while gratifying, it is a lot of work. Without the trust I built up by treating her right in our vanilla relationship, I doubt we could survive the struggles and pressures of the 24/7.

(in reply to HarryVanWinkle)

Profile

Post #: 10

RE: can any experienced master help me on this one ? - 3/12/2013 7:18:10 PM

HisPet21

Posts: 395
Status: offline

It probably depends on the specific kink involved except that, of course, communication is key in all cases!

(in reply to elelohesterling)

Profile

Post #: 11

RE: can any experienced master help me on this one ? - 3/15/2013 11:15:47 AM

Dyfrynt

Posts: 202
Joined: 4/19/2011
Status: offline

OP, I confess to confusion about what you are asking. You know enough to delete those kinks the other does not want. That leaves the ones you are at the very least willing to try. You should proceed as you would proceed with any session when you are introducing something new. Carefully and with a lot of focus on how the other is handling the situation. Being ready to change course midstream or quit completely if things take a downturn.

You seem to be on a fairly even keel to me. Trust your instincts, pay attention, and communicate with each other a lot.

_____________________________

Equal in Worth, just Not in Power.

(in reply to HisPet21)

Profile

Post #: 12

RE: can any experienced master help me on this one ? - 3/15/2013 11:25:50 AM

TNDommeK

Posts: 7153
Joined: 3/13/2010
Status: offline

Op, tell us the kinks you want to ease into. Mostly because I'm mosey and want to know.

_____________________________

Goddess of Duck Lips and Luxurious Hair
The working Fin Domme
Professional con artist, swindler, trixster, extortionist

Our snark-nado needs more cowbell

(in reply to Dyfrynt)

Profile

Post #: 13