RE: Pulling the plug (Full Version)

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bandit25 -> RE: Pulling the plug (6/22/2006 3:56:06 AM)

I must admit, jali is one of my favorite posters here.  There was a thread similar to this one a few days ago.  Although I agree that some are just plain mean. I think part of it is frustration and trying so hard to get one's point across.  I see it in my son.  We start out discussing something...he has his opinion and I have mine.  We discuss it and I know I am not going to change his mind but he is determined to change mine come Hell or high water.  Of course, he can't and that frustrates the you know what out of him.  I think it is the same here for many.  I just figure, I'm going to state my opinion and be done with it.  I got sucked into arguing once...it won't happen again.  In fact, I sent the person an email telling him that I was sorry if I came off like a jerk and he said the same to me. 



SusanofO -> RE: Pulling the plug (6/22/2006 4:00:53 AM)

Yesm, she is very good at "smoothing the rough waters" so to speak. I am going to try to be more like her in the future. Plus, she's just a nice person.  I apologized more than once tonight. It doesn't help if someone is dealing with someone who is hell-bent on fighting. It's a game, for them - that's why I think some of these people have deeper "issues". Somebody, somewhere along the line, must have taught them that's the way to relate to other adults. Okay - I'm not doing it that way, though. I just leave. Usually not before I have "expressed myself" in return, though. I could probably skip that part. - Susan



cloudboy -> RE: Pulling the plug (6/22/2006 4:20:39 AM)


A good message board is a like swimming in a rough ocean. You have to know which waves you can ride, which breakers to dive under, which ones you can float over, and you have to be able to cope with the undertoes. All the action, though, makes for very fun swimming, and a real ocean swimmer doesn't toss in the towel after a wave pounds him into a shoreline.

I think you would be much unhappier if these boards weren't truly reflective of how people really are. The real fear of CMMB isn't "mean people" but is rather what the MB would look like if it resembled some corporate luncheon or church picnic.

IMO, the MB is better rough and salty than if it were calm and tranquil. (boring)



spankmepink11 -> RE: Pulling the plug (6/22/2006 4:29:00 AM)

I love passionate debate, but i do notice that people tend to take personal offense to those  of differing opinions.
I don't think they realize that once the derisive comments or name calling starts....then the point they are trying to make becomes moot, and all people see is the negativity. 
Some times reading the forums  brings to mind  old episodes of Saturday Night Live when Chevy Chase and Jane Curtain used to debate, ..."Jane you ignorant slut!!"...comes to mind and makes me laugh
We can exchange opinions....and sometimes make others actually ponder what we've said. But if we do so offensively then that becomes the focus, and the lingering impression we leave with others stops being about the subject at hand.

That was a great quote jali......and i can agree with others that your posts (whether i agree or not ,i usually do agree with you) are an example to others by always being calm....concise and empathetic. 



SusanofO -> RE: Pulling the plug (6/22/2006 4:39:28 AM)

Maybe.You are probably right, and I do think so. Don't ever go away. I don't think everyone should agree - but they could be a little nicer, sometimes. - Susan



SusanofO -> RE: Pulling the plug (6/22/2006 4:52:28 AM)

Yes, I know people get really bound closely with their own opinions.  I finally said: It's my opinion - And - I don't recall asking for anyone's approval of that opinion - and for anyone who might be wondering, I'm still not.

Yes, tonight things got rather heated on the "Submissive in a Sexless Marriage" thread. I decided I was giving up trying to be "reasonable" (it wasn't working). And was just going to say what I really thought. I am now embarrassed (a little)- but at the time, I was really angry. When I am that mad, not much intimidates me, certainly not the thought of someone else disagreeing or getting mad back at me. I grew up in a house where there was almost constant bickering. The thought of someone not liking what I say just doesn't affect me if I am "riled up". I also know, though - that giving back someone what they are giving you just leads nowhere - it's a losing battle - completely futile. It raises one's blood pressure, makes one look like an idiot, and most of the time, I try to be really nice to other people.  I just let it all out, I guess, tonight. It's not something, however, I can picture some other people even thinking twice about - so maybe I am still "intact". Hope that wasn't the real me (hope not too often anyway). -Susan



ExistentialSteel -> RE: Pulling the plug (6/22/2006 5:08:45 AM)

Yeah, it can be tough at times when you don’t have the real life control of social pressures to behave in a civil manner. I can see some of us standing in a group at a party and rolling out eyes and ignoring some who walk up with humorless, rude behavior, but, on a message board they can posture. I do think it is a sign of being in control if you can debate and handle direct, name calling, personal assaults with humor and without falling into the same. When I have been confronted with unsupported, name calling, diatribes, I will just say “back at ya” and move on to discuss the issue at hand. A level, calm personality in someone who exercises social courtesy and control will be recognized and rewarded the same as it is in real life. Those standing in the group will listen to you.



SusanofO -> RE: Pulling the plug (6/22/2006 5:15:47 AM)

Good advice, thank you. - Susan



smilezz -> RE: Pulling the plug (6/22/2006 5:30:06 AM)

<strikes a Mean pose>

*chucklez*   you're funny....

~smilezz~



zumala -> RE: Pulling the plug (6/22/2006 5:53:02 AM)

I've noticed some that seem to enjoy arguing and being right more than anything else.  Those are the ones I glance at and then skim past.  They aren't worth my time.  If a thread degenerates too far for my taste, I simply abandon it.
 
zuma

edited to note that this: "Yes, tonight things got rather heated on the "Submissive in a Sexless Marriage" thread." is the exact thread I was thinking of, although I abandoned it two days ago.



SirKenin -> RE: Pulling the plug (6/22/2006 5:54:33 AM)

Heh.  Considering My sig line I can not help but post here.

You are still letting it get to you.  It inspired this thread in fact.  To Me that is a no go.  Do not let them win.  The block feature is your friend.  Post with conviction.  Post with an air of individuality.  Stand out from the crowd... And remember... "There's only one 'um, and that's fuck 'um" (Iron Maiden).

So, when I added that to My sig line I meant it.  I never post threads about it or complain about other's treatment.  Fair is fair, after all.  I just plain old do not give a damn if you like Me or My contributions or not.  And funny enough I even have the T-shirt (it is green, long sleeved with white lettering on it. hehe).



mistoferin -> RE: Pulling the plug (6/22/2006 6:14:06 AM)

Pulling the plug? Just leaving? I just read the thread that prompted this and I didn't see any pulling the plug or just leaving. I would think that those would be decisions made early on....not after 9 or 10 pages of steadfastly holding your ground and arguing your opinion. Pulling the plug and just leaving isn't accomplished by saying "Fuck you" and name calling when you have gone through all of your other coping mechanisms and found them to be ineffective.

It takes two to argue. If you didn't care, as you said, I don't see why you would have wasted so much time and energy trying to argue your point. I don't see why you would have bothered to start this new post to tell everyone how you don't care. I'm sorry but I didn't see all of the mean spiritedness that you are referring to....well other than when you stomped your feet and threw a foul mouthed tantrum. What I saw was other people indeed stating their opinions that you didn't agree with and you were bound and determined to convince them of the error of their ways and get them to realize that you were right. Maybe there just wasn't enough sensitivity and coddling for you and you see that as mean spirited?

Personal responsibility and accountability......ah......the little words that seem to spark so many arguments here. I'm not sure why they are such hard concepts for some to understand or adopt. Whenever a poster uses those words here they are pretty much guaranteed an argument and being labeled as insensitive, arrogant and uncaring. But that doesn't change the fact that personal responsibility and accountability are indeed the place where the victim mindset stops and the healing begins. That may be tough to swallow but that doesn't make it less true.

As adults we all have choices in life...all of the same choices as every other adult. If we choose to volunteer to be someone's victim and put ourselves in or stay in a situation that is miserable or damaging to us....the responsibility for that misery or damage then becomes our own. We CHOSE to embrace it and own it for ourselves. We may do so for a multitude of reasons such as lack of better options or commitment to our own moral codes as but a few examples....but it doesn't erase the fact that we still made a choice. The responsibility of it then becomes ours.

Until that day of enlightenment....we will continue to be someone else's victim and look for sympathy and understanding. We will be the victims of sexless marriages...the victims of abusive partners....the victims of overbearing employers....the victims of how our parents raised us...or the victims of the opinons of other "mean spirited" posters....and we will seek out sympathy and validation and stomp our feet and throw temper tantrums when we don't get it. It is only when we stop volunteering to be victims (notice the tag line) and take responsibility for ourselves and the situations that we put or keep ourselves in that we can rise above that "I'm a victim" mentality.

Just to clarify...... this is my opinion...and there is no "meanspirited" intent behind it. 



SusanofO -> RE: Pulling the plug (6/22/2006 7:04:47 AM)

I know you are right. I am not (contrary to what dear cloudboy may have thought) "throwing in the towel". if I was that kind of person, I would probably have been dead years ago. I am making too big a deal out of this. And that remark about me wondering who reised some of these folks porbably sounded "superior". It is. I make an effort to be polite - even if I disagree with someone, 99.9% of the time.

And, for the life of me, I don't see what is so hard about doing that. I think some peope just must really take their own opinions much too seriously. I still think believeing, even a little bit - that own's own life experience is very, very similar to someone else's is unlikely - even if it sounds like that to someone. The whole premise makes no sense, because we are all different, grew up in different parts of the country, had different families, friends, experiences.

Why anyone would presume to take their own experience and use it to judge someone else's situation is just something I don't understand. in fact, I think it's just plain weird. - Susan 



SusanofO -> RE: Pulling the plug (6/22/2006 7:06:27 AM)

I'm really pissed off - that's why. Go ahead an judge that if you want to - it just doesn't matter to me.Oh. I said I wasn't upset? Well I am. Are you going to tell me to "get over it"now - and offer more of the oh so helpful similarly styled "advice" I keep hearing thrown at other people in other posts? It's working wonders, after all. - Susan



SirKenin -> RE: Pulling the plug (6/22/2006 7:14:17 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: SusanofO

I'm really pissed off - that's why. Go ahead an judge it if you want to - it just doesn't matter to me.- Susan


I thought you said you did not care?  Maybe you did not get the point of My sig line after all.  To not care means you do not get pissed off at what others say.

I believe it ok to stand your ground and debate a point.  I do it on a semi-regular basis.  However, there is a difference.  When I say I am "out", that is it.  I am done.  I do not go back.  I do not make new threads about it.  I do not lose any sleep over it.  I just simply walk away.

Further to this, I have no problem throwing a punch when need be.  I can be real mean when someone crosses My line, both in real life and in this fantasy world we call the internet.  The other difference is that when they throw a punch back, I do not complain about it.  All is fair in love and war.

Soooo.  To live up to the line "Hi.  I don't care.  Thanks", I believe that you have to keep these things in mind.  It is one thing to say it.  It is quite another to actually live it.



mistoferin -> RE: Pulling the plug (6/22/2006 7:22:36 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: SusanofO
I'm really pissed off - that's why. Go ahead an judge that if you want to - it just doesn't matter to me.Oh. I said I wasn't upset? Well I am. Are you going to tell me to "get over it"now - and offer more of the oh so helpful similarly styled "advice" I keep hearing thrown at other people in other posts? It's working wonders, after all. - Susan


Well I guess by your response that you perceived my post to be judgemental and mean spirited. Because my opinion doesn't coincide with yours? Because I had the audacity to suggest that you have a responsibility in your own reality?

Well then go ahead and be pissed off. It's obviously what you want to do. It's obviously the choice you are making. So don't blame it on me or anyone else here for that matter. I'm not going to tell you to "get over it" because I really don't care if you do or not. I don't have to live inside your head and be miserable. If you want to keep hanging on to it and keep yourself in that miserable "I'm a victim and nobody understands" mindset...by all means do so. Just stop blaming your attitude, your reactions and your miserable reality on everyone else here.....they're yours honey. Keep em.



agirl -> RE: Pulling the plug (6/22/2006 7:35:24 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: SusanofO

Yesm, she is very good at "smoothing the rough waters" so to speak. I am going to try to be more like her in the future. Plus, she's just a nice person.  I apologized more than once tonight. It doesn't help if someone is dealing with someone who is hell-bent on fighting. It's a game, for them - that's why I think some of these people have deeper "issues". Somebody, somewhere along the line, must have taught them that's the way to relate to other adults. Okay - I'm not doing it that way, though. I just leave. Usually not before I have "expressed myself" in return, though. I could probably skip that part. - Susan


  If someone is *hell bent on fighting* they have to have an opponent to do so.......all the time you're willing to provide that, it continues. The one handed hand-clap comes to mind.

You have said you don't care, you have said you just leave ......but neither of those seem to be the case.

agirl



HisTicia -> RE: Pulling the plug (6/22/2006 8:09:44 AM)

I myself have been involved in a thread here and there...that didn't end up going as I had hoped.  I guess..that is life..it just never does what we expect..especially when we open ourselves and our hearts up to so many ppl..with so many different outlooks and opinions. 
 
The problems fall not with those of us that can take it.. or respond back..standing up for what we think..and our ideas..it comes with those that get hurt easily..here and r/l..those are the ones I worry about.  I have seen that happen a few times...and my heart does hurt for them..maybe I think...this will make them thicker skinned..but more than likely..it will bother and hurt them..which is usually not necassary in order to answer their question.  No, answers should not be made all goodie-goodie..if that happened..then why even answer back at all.. they won't learn anything..and neither will you..yet.. I do think that sometimes.. respect and a thought to maybe....How would I react if someone answered me back this way?  Tough love doesn't have to be down right mean...when ppl read that.. it's when they shut down..or get defensive..not when they open up and think about what it is you said. 

If you are saying something just to be mean.. go find a mirror and do it there.... if it's real advice meant from the heart... just check yourself a bit...and keep in mind the person asking the question...you want them to listen..and think about your response...even if they don't agree..at least they took it in.
                                        Regards, Ticia



BreakMeShakeMe -> RE: Pulling the plug (6/22/2006 8:20:42 AM)

<Fast reply>

Fresh pot of coffee..... settles down to watch... because this is gonna be another interesting thread... I can tell already.



SusanofO -> RE: Pulling the plug (6/22/2006 8:22:17 AM)

Okay; I will repeat after you: I don't care. I really don't. I just don't care. Furthermore, I am hoping other people stop caring what purposely rude people think, too. I see so much abuse that passes for "advice" on some threads. It's truly sickening. - Susan



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