RE: Anger and losing control. When is it abuse or bad?

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RE: Anger and losing control. When is it abuse or bad? - 3/13/2013 3:08:47 PM

AthenaSurrenders

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quote:

ORIGINAL: JeffBC
There is a subjective and very human judgement that happens beyond all the checklists.

This is true, but the checklists are a tool and used properly, a useful and valuable one. Certainly they give a more rounded (and better researched) picture of potential abuse than the OP's own theories.

The check lists for me are a good 'jumping off' point. They say 'hey, perhaps we need to look closer and check that everything's ok here'. They are helpful for a lay-person who might have worries and concerns (based on that subjective gut feeling) but not have the words to express them or fear that they are imagining things.

Ugh. This stuff hurts my brain and my heart. This sort of line-drawing exercise is why I'm not going back to that job anymore. Well, that and the fact that it crushed my soul on a daily basis. Ok, maybe mostly the soul thing. But this does make me uncomfortable.

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RE: Anger and losing control. When is it abuse or bad? - 3/13/2013 3:29:22 PM

JeffBC

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quote:

ORIGINAL: AthenaSurrenders
The check lists for me are a good 'jumping off' point. They say 'hey, perhaps we need to look closer and check that everything's ok here'. They are helpful for a lay-person who might have worries and concerns (based on that subjective gut feeling) but not have the words to express them or fear that they are imagining things.

I agree and I didn't mean to imply the checklists have no value. I'd guess that in the vast majority of cases anyone hitting 75% of those bullets is probably up to no good. I was only noting that one still needs to check actual reality to see if the person is REALLY up to no good. The map is not the terrain and all that.

And here's the good news. While I completely get how a career in this field could be endless splitting of endless shades of grey in all too many cases, I'm fairly confident that you wouldn't find Carol abused if you were getting her vibes face to face. If you knew all that was going on you'd have some concerns (heck, WE have concerns at this very moment) but I doubt you'd get to "abuse". I doubt any pro would.

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RE: Anger and losing control. When is it abuse or bad? - 3/13/2013 3:34:34 PM

elelohesterling

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I guess that all I was trying to say, and maybe I distracted myself and got my points skewed and not coming across the way I wished in an attempt to write a "good" article length wise can be summed up in this...

quote:

Losing control or being angry is not a sign a sign of abuse, it is the actions taken when one is angry or loses control that signify whether it is abuse or the person is a bad dominant.

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RE: Anger and losing control. When is it abuse or bad? - 3/13/2013 3:46:14 PM

UllrsIshtar

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quote:

ORIGINAL: elelohesterling

I guess that all I was trying to say, and maybe I distracted myself and got my points skewed and not coming across the way I wished in an attempt to write a "good" article length wise can be summed up in this...

quote:

Losing control or being angry is not a sign a sign of abuse, it is the actions taken when one is angry or loses control that signify whether it is abuse or the person is a bad dominant.

Now that I can agree with.

If you get angry, and loose control, so you storm out and go for a walk, or break a plate, that's not abusive.
But if you get angry and loose control and behave abusively by name calling, emotional blackmail, physical violence, and so on... I don't care how infrequently it happens, how sorry you are, how non-physical it is, or how severe the outburst is... an abusive act is an abusive act is an abusive act.

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RE: Anger and losing control. When is it abuse or bad? - 3/13/2013 3:52:34 PM

KnightofMists

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quote:

ORIGINAL: UllrsIshtar

quote:

ORIGINAL: JeffBC

I disagree pretty much point by point and on very fundamental levels.

Ditto

I haven't read the OP.... but... reading what Jeff had to say... I going to just save myself some time.... and say....

What Jeff said!

gosh.... I already felt I wasted to much time on this thread.

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RE: Anger and losing control. When is it abuse or bad? - 3/14/2013 4:11:06 AM

kiwisub12

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I find it interesting that the OP considers verbage not to constitute emotional abuse. If you don't use words, then what would you call emotional abuse?

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