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RE: Should I let her win? - 3/15/2013 7:18:00 PM   
Theservileone


Posts: 24
Joined: 3/21/2010
Status: offline 		Everyone has bee helpful as for me I'm in the dog house now well I'm now in chasity as punishment one for pondering to let her win and two for letting my jealousies get the best of me.

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RE: Should I let her win? - 3/15/2013 8:04:58 PM   
FrostedFlake


Posts: 3084
Joined: 3/4/2009
From: Centralia, Washington
Status: offline 		Careful about that one handed typing.

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RE: Should I let her win? - 3/16/2013 6:50:15 AM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		I dunno. Whatever you wanna do. Is this really that big a deal?

I used to let my daughter win at games all the time because I'd get bored with playing the games and I just wanted them to get over with.

Master and I don't do such things. We play and whoever wins, wins. No big deal. We usually make a game of the game where he gets what he wants anyway.

ETA: As for your pride, if it were Master, he'd knock that out of you pretty quickly. Maybe your Mistress should think more about that than the chess game. Maybe for everytime you win, you have to do something that will make you a little more humble as a person.


< Message edited by littlewonder -- 3/16/2013 6:54:25 AM >

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RE: Should I let her win? - 3/16/2013 7:19:51 AM   
poise


Posts: 9509
Joined: 7/3/2010
Status: offline 		I'm not sure letting her win a game of chess could ever compensate her
for her loss in being able to pick an honest slave.

Checkmate.

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RE: Should I let her win? - 3/16/2013 10:16:38 AM   
Rochsub2009


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quote:

ORIGINAL: poise
I'm not sure letting her win a game of chess could ever compensate her
for her loss in being able to pick an honest slave.


I guess I don't see it as being quite that serious. It's really not a matter of honesty. Sure, if you want to get really technical, I guess it is. But I would never do it in any way that would compromise my integrity.

For example, I had a former Domme who hated it when I would beat her at board games. Especially Connect 4. She hated playing me in that game and Scrabble because I would always beat her. But she kept challenging me anyway. So every now and then I would let her win. She would get ecstatic! She would taunt me and boast for hours about having beat me. She would dance around the room and tease me for having lost (even though I won 90% of the time). It made her so happy.

I wouldn't let her win very often, but once every 10 games or so seemed realistic enough. I didn't view it as being dishonest, I saw it as making her happy (and it made her VERY happy).

I guess these things differ based on the individuals and the dynamic. But for us, it was a source of great joy for her, so I didn't mind losing on purpose to help bring her that joy.

< Message edited by Rochsub2009 -- 3/16/2013 10:18:52 AM >

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RE: Should I let her win? - 3/16/2013 10:58:40 AM   
JeffBC


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From: Canada
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Rochsub2009
I guess I don't see it as being quite that serious. It's really not a matter of honesty. Sure, if you want to get really technical, I guess it is.

Yup, I want to get technical. Larger than that, however, is what it would say about how Carol sees me.


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RE: Should I let her win? - 3/16/2013 2:44:32 PM   
FrostedFlake


Posts: 3084
Joined: 3/4/2009
From: Centralia, Washington
Status: offline 		Beyond the intellectual honesty angle, there is also the "Hey! I'm getting pretty good at this!" angle that I think is also very important.

Take the extreme example. Suppose a Toreador learned Bullfighting by harassing steers. Chasing them around, waving coats at them, prancing about unselfconsciously and so on. Suppose his confidence builds to the point where he feels equal to a bull. And suppose he takes one on. What will happen?



Admittedly, chess is not a sport, like mountain climbing, sailing and bullfighting. It's just a game. But, it still hurts when you realize you are not as good as you thought. If you thought you were good because someone told you so, you might not appreciate the deception.

Naturally, you make your own call.

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RE: Should I let her win? - 3/16/2013 2:52:53 PM   
seekingOwnertoo


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Joined: 8/1/2009
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Rochsub2009


quote:

ORIGINAL: Theservileone

Me and my Mistress play chess from time to time and I always win and not to be mean but if you saw her playing you'd think she needs a few lessons I've offered but she's very stubborn one of the things I like about her. The only problem my pride wont allow me to let her win and I don't think it'd be fair to her I think she'd even be upset with me if I let her win.


You've already said that your pride won't allow you to let her win. So the point is moot.

But if you weren't so prideful, I would tell you to let her win, but don't let her know that you let her win. You wouldn't believe how many times this has worked for me.



Actually, I do this very same thing ... although usually, it is a different game than chess ...


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RE: Should I let her win? - 3/16/2013 3:24:56 PM   
ARIES83


Posts: 3648
Status: offline 		Winning isn't the thing that attracts me to the
game, not that I play too often, but the point
in the game when winning becomes a forgone
conclusion is when I loes interest and it
becomes perfunctory.

In my opinion it's the challenge, the contest, the
clash of wits and will is where chess as a game
transends the sum of it's parts.

I think most people would agree on some level
that letting the other person win is in a way
disrespectful to your opponent, and it makes
playing the game pointless in my view.

Although, for some people it's all about winning
and theres nothing wrong with that, but the true
measure of the person will be how they handle
losing consistently, some will find it boring or
frustrating too play and become uninterested,
but for others, the challange will make them
determined to continue.

It seems if this Domme is comming back for more
she may be the latter kind and I think letting her
win would be a bad idea.

My view of her refusing your "lessons" would
seem to say this behaviour is more about ego
than bettering herself which would make
decieving her and letting her win doubly a bad
idea if she gets the feeling your throwing her a
bone... your in trouble.




< Message edited by ARIES83 -- 3/16/2013 4:21:54 PM >

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RE: Should I let her win? - 3/16/2013 7:12:33 PM   
LPslittleclip


Posts: 1163
Joined: 9/29/2007
Status: offline 		could be a few lessons for her learning may help or call it coaching or guiding her to be a better player best to discuss it with her first

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RE: Should I let her win? - 3/17/2013 1:02:58 AM   
UllrsIshtar


Posts: 3693
Joined: 7/28/2012
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quote:

ORIGINAL: ARIES83

My view of her refusing your "lessons" would
seem to say this behaviour is more about ego
than bettering herself


Not necessarily.

Maybe she doesn't want lessons from him, because he's a bad teacher, and confuses her more than he helps.

Maybe her brain doesn't work in a way where formal lessons is the way she most easily learns, and she's more a "learn by doing" kind of person.

Maybe she has fun trying to figure stuff out on her own, and discover chess strategies by her own experiences with the game, instead of being told formalized chess patterns/moves; so lessons would take away part of her enjoyment in playing.

Why on Earth would your first assumption be that she doesn't want lessons because of her ego, when you have no information whatsoever to indicate what her motivations may be?



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RE: Should I let her win? - 3/17/2013 6:48:28 AM   
Rochsub2009


Posts: 2536
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: JeffBC

quote:

ORIGINAL: Rochsub2009
I guess I don't see it as being quite that serious. It's really not a matter of honesty. Sure, if you want to get really technical, I guess it is.

Yup, I want to get technical. Larger than that, however, is what it would say about how Carol sees me.



And that's why each couple and each dynamic is different. For you, it would be a problem. For us, it made her happy.

I'll give you another example. I'm a pretty good athlete. I played Division I basketball when I was in college, and I still work out 4-5 times per week. I'm a better athlete than 90% of the population. So having said that, I have often dated women who liked sports. I don't think it's insulting to them that I dial it down any time I play a sport with them. It makes it more enjoyable for the woman, and I would gain nothing from humiliating her.

For example, why would I hammer her with fast overhand serves that I know she can't return when we play tennis? Or when we ride bikes, why would I power up a hill and leave her? Or why would I dunk on her and block all of her shots when we play basketball? Sometimes, dialing it down just makes it more enjoyable for both parties.

Some might say that's being dishonest, but I just see it slightly differently. IMO, maximizing our mutual enjoyment is the goal, not winning simply because I can.

But I don't see participation in sports or board games as a test of ethics and trust within a relationship. Some here obviously do.

< Message edited by Rochsub2009 -- 3/17/2013 6:50:45 AM >

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RE: Should I let her win? - 3/17/2013 8:39:21 AM   
poise


Posts: 9509
Joined: 7/3/2010
Status: offline 		Based on what the OP has described, I got the impression that the Mistress enjoyed the challenge of playing,
with the possibility that one day she may just win a game or two. Perhaps she hates chess, but like me,
she really loves the challenge, so by him letting her win, he is robbing her of that challenge.
It's like stroking her ego with a feather.

Perhaps it's a gender thing, but as a submissive, or more specifically, as HIS submissive, my goal is
to be the best that I can be, so to offer a half-assed attempt at something I normally excel in is dishonest.
Would it end the relationship? No way. But it most certainly would end any enjoyment we may have had in playing.

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RE: Should I let her win? - 3/17/2013 9:16:10 AM   
JeffBC


Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Rochsub2009
And that's why each couple and each dynamic is different. For you, it would be a problem. For us, it made her happy.

I wonder if we're talking at cross purposes here.

I am a way better tennis player than Carol. In fact I'm more athletic in general. If we went out to play tennis there'd be little point in me giving her a 6-0, 6-0 smackdown. That wouldn't have been the point of being there to start with. It never would have been a competition between us. It would have been a shared mutual activity. So long as everyone understood that, then of course there is no lying to testing of respect involved. It's just us two batting balls back and forth across the net.

So perhaps the question comes down to context and a joint understanding of the situation?

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I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
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RE: Should I let her win? - 3/17/2013 2:20:16 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		heh...I was just thinking, I let everyone win with me. Usually because I get bored and just want to stop playing.



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RE: Should I let her win? - 3/22/2013 7:19:17 PM   
ContainedJoy


Posts: 11
Joined: 11/19/2012
Status: offline 		Don't let her win! If she found out, it would hurt her pride. Just keep playing with her so she gets more practice in.

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RE: Should I let her win? - 4/2/2013 5:43:16 AM   
Rattenkonig


Posts: 25
Joined: 2/22/2013
Status: offline 		That's..kinda cute <3

I feel like asking her if she should let you win is both adorably submissive, it says you will lower your ego to her. On the other hand, it could be seen as mocking.

It's a double edged sword.

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RE: Should I let her win? - 4/2/2013 10:03:08 AM   
phoenixasubbie


Posts: 55
Joined: 10/28/2012
Status: offline 		I just can't help thinking that if they are the type of person I need to "let win", they are not going to be the type of person I want as my Dominant.


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RE: Should I let her win? - 4/2/2013 10:38:20 AM   
BossyShoeBitch


Posts: 3931
Joined: 1/13/2007
From: South Florida
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Theservileone

Me and my Mistress play chess from time to time and I always win and not to be mean but if you saw her playing you'd think she needs a few lessons I've offered but she's very stubborn one of the things I like about her. The only problem my pride wont allow me to let her win and I don't think it'd be fair to her I think she'd even be upset with me if I let her win.


There's your answer. Maybe she wants to get better with practice and rise to your level of play all on her own.

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RE: Should I let her win? - 4/2/2013 10:45:50 AM   
angelikaJ


Posts: 8641
Joined: 6/22/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Theservileone

Me and my Mistress play chess from time to time and I always win and not to be mean but if you saw her playing you'd think she needs a few lessons I've offered but she's very stubborn one of the things I like about her. The only problem my pride wont allow me to let her win and I don't think it'd be fair to her I think she'd even be upset with me if I let her win.



Do you know how one gets better at something?
Practice.

Playing you = practice for her.

From what you have written I would say it is a safe bet that you understand (for the most part) how your mistress thinks... so since you rightly thought it would upset her, what made you think it would be a good idea to begin with?

Also, if playing chess is fun for her, then maybe winning isn't what is important.
Maybe the chess game is.

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