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Am I possessive? Is what I feel normal? - 3/14/2013 2:40:52 PM   
Theservileone


Posts: 24
Joined: 3/21/2010
Status: offline 		As I've mentioned in my previous posts I met my Mistress as a client mind you I didn't really know what I was getting into. Anyway I serve her both out and in the dungeon I recently entenered into a relationship and one of the things that bugs me is that I'm not sure where I stand in regards to her other slaves. I sometimes get jealous when I see her doming another slave but I don't say anything because it's her job. I came over to her place a couple of weeks ago and I found a new slave serving as a butler he was pouring her tea. What upsets me is that I'm her butler I make her tea and this idiot did it all wrong.

He did everything wrong he used the wrong kind of tea and ugh I wont even give the list and I could tell she was putting up with his incompetence. Is it wrong for me to be territorial? Another thing that bothers me is that ever since I became her actual slave and not a client I've heard about Masters and Mistresses that don't just sleep with there slaves and I don't know why but the idea of her sleeping with another man makes me so mad but I worry she would leave me one day because she's so much more accomplished than I am and part of me feels like she deserves a man that can provide her with the things I can't. It's not that I don't trust her I just worry I might hold her back.

< Message edited by Theservileone -- 3/14/2013 2:42:30 PM >
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RE: Am I possessive? Is what I feel normal? - 3/14/2013 2:44:55 PM   
RedMagic1


Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline 		Maybe talk to her about this, instead of to a message board?

You could even print out what you typed, and read it aloud to her, if you don't know how to express vulnerability when you are face to face with her.

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Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

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RE: Am I possessive? Is what I feel normal? - 3/14/2013 2:46:52 PM   
NiceButMeanGirl


Posts: 2756
Joined: 11/4/2011
From: Bellingham, WA U.S.A.
Status: offline 		It sounds to me like you're eating yourself up with jealousy.

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RE: Am I possessive? Is what I feel normal? - 3/14/2013 3:10:32 PM   
SacredDepravity


Posts: 270
Joined: 8/6/2012
Status: offline 		As my world of friends expands, I am aware that many of the gals I know that are in any kind of sex work often have trouble with private relationships for just the same reasons as you are delineating here, OP. The husbands, boyfriends, etc have trouble dealing with their jealousy over the clients that pay the bills. I understand. They are doing very intimate things with people that are not their romantic partner, but there are a couple of things that come to mind immediately. First, you knew what she did for a living before you got involved and, in your case OP, is HOW you got involved in the first place. It is not right or fair to complain too much about it now. Certainly seeking reassurance is a fair thing to do, but this is how she makes the money to pay her way in the world. If you can't handle that, then move on. Second, these people aren't supposed to be able and willing to serve her the way you do. To my mind, that's what makes you special and the one she comes home to at the end of her work. It's the same reason I don't mind taking the hubby to a strip club. I know at the end of the night that, no matter what those girls appear to offer, he's coming home with me and I am WAAAAY more than he can handle. Those girls don't bother me at all.

OP, you have devalued yourself and given these strangers too much credit within the relationship. YOU make her tea the right way. YOU are the one caring for her in the good and the bad. And YOU are the one that actually satisfies her in bed. She tolerates her clients generally. Further, you are not showing her any degree of trust. Can you trust her to know what she wants? If you have agreed upon parameters in your relationship, do you trust her to honor them including with regard to her work? Talk about these things with her and allow her to put your mind to rest, but then you have to let go of this jealousy and trust her. This is exactly WHY she was likely hesitant to engage you privately in the first place. I doubt you are the first client that has tried to be more with her, but couldn't handle the nature of her job. If you cannot handle it either, I doubt you will be the last.

SD

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RE: Am I possessive? Is what I feel normal? - 3/14/2013 3:33:31 PM   
LPslittleclip


Posts: 1163
Joined: 9/29/2007
Status: offline 		i had a similar reaction when i first saw my Mistress playing with another at the dungon. it took me by suprise and i had to take some time and deal with it. for me i dealt with it by thinking about how my Mistress feels. for me it was that the public play was making my Mistress feel good but i was still Hers. after that it did not bother me to see Her play with another at the dungon i knew it was making Her happy and so i was happy with it as well.
but do make sure that you talk with Her about it so it does not grow and fester

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RE: Am I possessive? Is what I feel normal? - 3/14/2013 3:44:55 PM   
NiceButMeanGirl


Posts: 2756
Joined: 11/4/2011
From: Bellingham, WA U.S.A.
Status: offline 		Even though she is being served by others, aren't they just her clients? You are in an actual relationship with her, which is on a whole different level. They may be there for a paid hour or two, but you are the one she is with day in and day out. You are her constant, they are not.

I would not be surprised if some of them were wishing they were in your place instead of where they are in regards to her. I think you sell yourself short. But, by all means, talk to her about what is bothering you. She may not even realize you are having these feelings and she may reassure you of your place in her heart and her life.

NBMG

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RE: Am I possessive? Is what I feel normal? - 3/14/2013 5:04:38 PM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline 		1. The right way for her tea is the way she wants it, not the way you think it should be. Ask her, "I saw someotherguy pouring your tea and he did it differently than I do. Is there a way I could change to better please you?"
2. Your thoughts are running wild. You need to get them in touch with reality. Ask her if you can half a half hour to an hour session every week where the two of you just talk about the relationship, what each of you like, what each of you don't like, ways it might be changed, and how to get there.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

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RE: Am I possessive? Is what I feel normal? - 3/14/2013 5:38:36 PM   
DaddySatyr


Posts: 9381
Joined: 8/29/2011
From: Pittston, Pennsyltucky
Status: offline 		I grew up in a culture where it was an offense to one's manhood if their lady even looked at another guy. Real "old world" shit.

If you do some reading/research, I think you'll find that the concensus, these days, is that human beings aren't really made to be monogamous.

I know that's not much help but, I am trying ...

The first time I met a lady that was into the polyamorous lifestyle, she was very gentle with my feelings and she allowed me to (sort of) come to things on my own. She was supportive of my other relationships but didn't have any other relationships of her own, right away.

When the time came, intellectually, I was fine with the idea but, as you describe; the actual coming to fruition was not easy for me.

For me, it was delivered perfectly. I expressed my feelings and she asked me if I was being honest with myself; how it was okay for me to do my thing but that I had an issue with her, being who she was.

At that point, there's only two choices: accept her for who she is or decide that this isn't the person for you. Unfortunately, it really is that simple.



Peace and comfort,



Michael

< Message edited by DaddySatyr -- 3/14/2013 5:39:12 PM >

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RE: Am I possessive? Is what I feel normal? - 3/14/2013 9:02:22 PM   
HisPet21


Posts: 395
Status: offline
quote:

First, you knew what she did for a living before you got involved and, in your case OP, it is HOW you got involved in the first place.


I think that this, here, is key. You need to decide if your lady's lifestyle is a deal breaker for you. If it is, let her know and leave if she cannot change her career for you (which I doubt she will). Otherwise, talk to her and you can work through the jealousy together. Your call.

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RE: Am I possessive? Is what I feel normal? - 3/14/2013 9:35:45 PM   
Theservileone


Posts: 24
Joined: 3/21/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: HisPet21

quote:

First, you knew what she did for a living before you got involved and, in your case OP, it is HOW you got involved in the first place.


I think that this, here, is key. You need to decide if your lady's lifestyle is a deal breaker for you. If it is, let her know and leave if she cannot change her career for you (which I doubt she will). Otherwise, talk to her and you can work through the jealousy together. Your call.

I just always thought that was our thing that I would be her butler. I mean I felt privledged and honored that when I was her client I was the only one that would serve her outside the dungeon but now that I'm her slave and not just her client I feel like this guy is taking my job.

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RE: Am I possessive? Is what I feel normal? - 3/15/2013 12:58:39 AM   
MadamAsianDom


Posts: 153
Joined: 5/28/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Theservileone


quote:

ORIGINAL: HisPet21

quote:

First, you knew what she did for a living before you got involved and, in your case OP, it is HOW you got involved in the first place.


I think that this, here, is key. You need to decide if your lady's lifestyle is a deal breaker for you. If it is, let her know and leave if she cannot change her career for you (which I doubt she will). Otherwise, talk to her and you can work through the jealousy together. Your call.

I just always thought that was our thing that I would be her butler. I mean I felt privledged and honored that when I was her client I was the only one that would serve her outside the dungeon but now that I'm her slave and not just her client I feel like this guy is taking my job.


Re the portion I put in bold-face font:

Did she state that you would be the only on serving her in that capacity? Or is this something that you assumed?

If she never stated to you that there were certain duties that only you would have, then really you shouldn't make such an assumption.

I do echo what others have said in this thread about the need for you to discuss this with her. Ultimately no one on this thread can tell you what she is thinking, nor what her expectations are for you or her clients, what boundaries she has that her clients are not allowed to cross.

She is the only one who can answer those types of questions in regards to your relationship.

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RE: Am I possessive? Is what I feel normal? - 3/15/2013 5:27:10 AM   
JeffBC


Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
Status: offline 		Possessive?

That, of course, is a subjective judgement call and "in the eye of the beholder". I would not allow Carol to own me in this way even if I were simply her husband. I sure as hell don't allow my property to own me in the way you're describing... or to even think thoughts like that. But that's just me. I'm kind of confused as to who owns who in this story. In my marriage this would be completely unacceptable. Your mileage may vary.

To be fair, a great many M/s arrangements are monogamous and allow all sorts of limits & boundaries so my viewpoint isn't the only one.

_____________________________

I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd

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RE: Am I possessive? Is what I feel normal? - 3/15/2013 6:09:29 AM   
HisPet21


Posts: 395
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MadamAsianDom

Did she state that you would be the only on serving her in that capacity? Or is this something that you assumed?

If she never stated to you that there were certain duties that only you would have, then really you shouldn't make such an assumption.



I think this is an excellent point, OP.The plain fact is that, if you are confused, you need to go talk to your Domme. Don't beat around the bush or be shy about asking questions. Communication is key here, and being blunt is nothing to be ashamed of. Ask, "Am I exclusively allowed to be your butler in the home?" Then, when you get her answer, continue to discuss your feelings and needs until some happy consensus can be made or you need to part ways. We don't have enough info to make a judgment call.

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RE: Am I possessive? Is what I feel normal? - 3/15/2013 6:25:16 AM   
SacredDepravity


Posts: 270
Joined: 8/6/2012
Status: offline 		OP, you do understand that these sessions with clients were just that...sessions. You are certainly not the only man to desire to serve a woman in those ways. She can make you the only one who ever does those things for her and cut off some of her revenue (and possibly alienate long standing, regular clients) or have these things done for her in the work time by clients and in free time by you and not affect her business. It seems like a no brainer from here unless and of course until she is aware of any issues it is causing in her relationship with you AND is invested enough to be willing to take the financial hit. You have not been privately involved long, so if I were in her place, I'd want to be sure of the longevity of the relationship before costing myself quite a bit of cold, hard cash. In the meantime, I'd also be willing to talk through your feelings and concerns and reassure you of your place and what my expectations, boundaries, and commitment level is. And this would be an ongoing discussion as the relationship grows or diminishes and those things change over time.

BUT this CANNOT happen if you don't step up and talk to her. She is not a mindreader and she cannot fix or explain anything if she doesn't know what needs fixing or explaining. I admonish you in the strongest terms to turn the computer off and sit down with her sooner rather than later. You have done it before or you would not be serving her privately now. I know you can do this. Just do it already and let us know how it turns out.

SD

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RE: Am I possessive? Is what I feel normal? - 3/15/2013 6:42:00 AM   
SacredDepravity


Posts: 270
Joined: 8/6/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: JeffBC

I would not allow Carol to own me in this way even if I were simply her husband. I sure as hell don't allow my property to own me in the way you're describing... or to even think thoughts like that.



While normally I do tend to agree with you, Jeff, I don't completely agree here. There are always things that people do with and for each other that have a unique place in their relationship and brings a sense of belonging and closeness to the partners. It's their special thing. It is not that someone else couldn't do these things, but that both know that they don't want anyone else to do those things when it comes to the two of them in the relationship so long as the other is able to provide them. NO ONE and I mean NO ONE is allowed anywhere near my husband's feet besides me. I will tell you this isn't all sunshine and lollipops, but it is something that I would become very territorial over if someone else tried to approach because, despite the less than glamorous nature, it is MY thing and a form of intimacy between us. Aside from something medical that I couldn't help him with, I would wonder what had changed between us that he no longer allowed me to do this or permitted strange women access to those puppies. I'd totally flip my stuff. I don't know that every couple has them, but that most I know do and it goes both directions.

I don't think this has anything to do with a power play. It is about the unique bond between two people being (in the OP's eyes) cheapened by these other men. The best car still needs the unique handling of its owner to keep it from flying off a ledge. I don't think of needing the wheel turned the right direction is control over the owner. It is just the normal adjustments that have to be made to be a responsible owner. I don't see him as saying she needs to quit her job or not see this person or that. He is just asking to stay on the road.

Dang, I hope that made sense.

SD

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RE: Am I possessive? Is what I feel normal? - 3/15/2013 6:52:07 AM   
JeffBC


Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SacredDepravity
Dang, I hope that made sense.

No, it made perfect sense. As I said right up front, this is a subjective assessment and the only thing I can really comment on is how I perceive it. Whether you think of it as a "power play" in your relationship is your subjective assessment -- and a perfectly understandable one at that. Your viewpoint is much more "normal" than mine.

_____________________________

I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd

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RE: Am I possessive? Is what I feel normal? - 3/15/2013 6:55:19 AM   
SacredDepravity


Posts: 270
Joined: 8/6/2012
Status: offline 		Well now you've gone and crapped on my whole day there, Jeff. How dare you call anything about me NORMAL!!!!! The nerve of some people!

SD

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RE: Am I possessive? Is what I feel normal? - 3/15/2013 6:58:21 AM   
LillyBoPeep


Posts: 6873
Joined: 12/29/2010
Status: offline 		It may just be something that takes getting used to, OP. You haven't been involved in her life in this capacity for very long, so there are probably going to be some odd angles and rough edges that need smoothing out. You really just need to talk to her about this. SacredDepravity has a good point that those things are probably a good chunk of her income as a Professional, and she might be limiting her revenue by turning away those clients.

You guys just need to talk and figure out where the boundaries and priorities should be. We all have insecurities, and that's okay. We just have to deal with them like grownups.

And yeah, I can relate to the idea of having your "thing" - my late M had pretty spectacular long hair, and one of my "things" was brushing it before we went to bed. Or braiding it before he beat me up. =p haha
If he didn't let me, my first thought, for whatever reason, was that something was wrong. But rather than stew about it and post on a message board, I'd just ask him. And it was never as a big of a deal as it seemed like from my end.

Seriously, have a conversation with your lady and get her take and insight. You're operating in the dark really, with only your feelings as guides, and sometimes feelings are irresponsible jerks who crash cars and break all your collectibles. =p

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"Obey your Master." Metallica


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RE: Am I possessive? Is what I feel normal? - 3/15/2013 7:16:52 AM   
JeffBC


Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SacredDepravity
Well now you've gone and crapped on my whole day there, Jeff. How dare you call anything about me NORMAL!!!!! The nerve of some people!

LOLOL... oh come now. Consider it your token normality. It's the exception that proves the rule and all that.


_____________________________

I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd

(in reply to SacredDepravity)
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RE: Am I possessive? Is what I feel normal? - 3/15/2013 7:43:06 AM   
SacredDepravity


Posts: 270
Joined: 8/6/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: JeffBC

quote:

ORIGINAL: SacredDepravity
Well now you've gone and crapped on my whole day there, Jeff. How dare you call anything about me NORMAL!!!!! The nerve of some people!

LOLOL... oh come now. Consider it your token normality. It's the exception that proves the rule and all that.



Oh, I suppose I can accept that. Only for you though, Jeff.


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