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Catharsis!!!? - 3/14/2013 6:18:38 PM

KnightofMists

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From the context of BDSM activity. What is a Catharsis experience in your opinion (define it)? Why do it? Who should or shouldn't try BDSM as a means to have a Catharsis experience? Is there dangers? what are they? Just tell me anything and everything you think and feel about using BDSM to have the Catharsis experience.

< Message edited by KnightofMists -- 3/14/2013 6:19:09 PM >

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RE: Catharsis!!!? - 3/14/2013 6:43:22 PM

SacredDepravity

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I wouldn't use BDSM in order to produce cathartic release. Sometimes it does happen, but it's not usually all that intended and certainly not my sole motivation.

To me, cathartic play is play that assists in allowing a person to release the poison within, be it physica;l pain, emotional baggage, stress, or any other myriad things that drag the body and spirit down. It not only allows that release, but brings back at least a degree of balance and promotes healing. I think it is important for people to be mostly physically and mentally healthy if they are going to attempt to intentionally trigger something of this nature. The big problem is that unintentional catharsis, while they have their merits, often happen in the most unhealthy areas of life and more often with those who have been through more problems than others. Internal "landmines" are probably the singlemost unpredictable risk in BDSM play. I have found them to be very common with myself and others.

I had one session that was void of really any other BDSM-y play (no floggers, bondage, etc.). The dominant kept calling me ugly and stupid. I knew the person well and that this was not a true view...at least my logical mind did. It went on and on until I finally broke down and crying, screamed that those things weren't true, and actually took motions to have a go at him. He hugged me and told me that I was right and it wasn't true. He put me in front of a mirror as I sobbed and was shaking and told me that's how my soul feels when I said those things about myself and how his soul felt when he heard me say those things too. It wasn't a complete self image repair, but it went a long way in changing the negative script that I had run in my head for years. I have had pain play let me better deal with physical pain. I have had beatings unleash tears and let me cry out months of pent up stress. It has its uses, but it's never really the point of playing or being in BDSM for me.

I can't have a successful catharsis with just anyone. I have to trust them and I have to really believe they care for me and are able to handle me in fragile states. I had a potential cathartic session end an up and coming relationship. It was nothing against the person's way of handling such a situation, but it wasn't remotely right for me. I think there has to be a good match of personalities and fairly deep trust for catharsis to work correctly. It may still happen, but the positivity or negativity of the experience is in how it is handled. If release is coming, there isn't always a way to stop it. Choosing well and being prepared and capable are vital before ending up in such a position whether by choice or accident.

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RE: Catharsis!!!? - 3/14/2013 8:46:01 PM

HisPet21

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For me, catharsis is the release of pent up energy associated with stress, or anxiety, or anger. I'm compelled to call them "negative" emotions, but that's not an entirely accurate sentiment, because having these emotions (when warranted) is part of being happy, healthy, and sane. Never-the-less, finding a way to release this pent up energy and come to terms with the associated incidents is equally important. The achievement of catharsis can take may forms. I often times write or draw to release angsty emotions, so that I can return to reality and face my problems. But more often than not, I also need some kind of intense, physical release. Usually, that means exercise, and lots of it. During one particularly stressful period in my life, I remember one week when I went out to jog for, literally, 3-4 hours each fucking day. It was ridiculous. But exhaustion is a good way to achieve internal calm, and jogging gives you the solitude and head space needed for contemplation.

Since I use physical activity as a means of achieving catharsis, I don't doubt that someday, resistance play or pain play could serve a cathartic function. In fact, I am pretty damn sure it could. But right now, that doesn't seem to be a reasonable route for me. The bf and I are young, inexperienced, stupid, and have no idea what we are doing half of the time. To use BDSM play now, as a cathartic outlet, would seem irresponsible to me. Plus, I don't think I'd feel comfortable letting raw emotion loose in front of him, as I am a largely introverted and private person. I prefer to handle my emotional issues myself and while I am getting better at letting the people I love in (especially the bf, who insists on it, much to my dismay at times), I am nowhere near the point where I would feel comfortable intentionally having a "catharsis moment" in front of someone. If it happens, it happens. But I fucking hate crying in front of people. It's, like, in the top three things I hate to do around people, right next to accidentally sharting (we've all done it, I'm sure). Right now, I could just not allow someone to tie me up and push me semi-unwillingly toward a cathartic moment. You could try, but I wouldn't allow myself to get into the right head space, and pushing me there would be a huge pain in the ass.

Just some thoughts.

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RE: Catharsis!!!? - 3/15/2013 4:15:05 AM

kiwisub12

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The couple of times that i have had what i would describe as cathartic experiences in the context of play were unscripted, unexpected and unnerving. Its not something that i could deliberatedly go for.

For me, it was the release of emotional energy completely disengaged from what was actually going on - for instance, my Sir had me hog-tied and was rather casually whipping me with a single tail. And i freaked out. I ended up very angry - not necessarily at him, but since he was there, he ended up the focus. Luckily for me, i don't tend to be confrontational when angry - and once he realised that something weird was going on with me, he released me immediately and let me regain my composure. He never did hog-tie me again.... though, i think he could have with no problems. It was a one time thing, triggered by what i'm not sure, and once it was out, it was gone.

It was an experience that i had no control over - once i was there, i couldn't stop it. I was angry and upset and crying for no discernable reason, and would have freaked out a lesser dom, i think.

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RE: Catharsis!!!? - 3/15/2013 6:28:27 AM

LillyBoPeep

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Like the others, I think of catharsis as a release for feelings that have gotten stuck. Doing it helps get those things unstuck, and helps some people deal and get rid of the negative feelings that those blockages can create.
If you're purposefully trying to reach catharsis, I don't think you should try it with someone you don't know very well. =p It can be pretty shocking, or unnerving, and if you're a person who has no idea where any of it is coming from, it can be difficult to deal with.

We found it useful for either of us. If I felt silly for being upset about something, he could yank it out of me and get rid of it. =p If he needed to blow off steam, it was a great option.
But I think you have to know who you're dealing with very well because you're walking around on the line of self control.

Personally, I don't really see it as being any different than running really hard to clear your head, or lifting a lot of weights. You just may or may not be involving another person.
But I don't think it's negative at all.

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RE: Catharsis!!!? - 3/15/2013 10:50:39 AM

Dyfrynt

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A cathartic experience is the releasing of strong or repressed emotions. That is definition, whether BDSM or otherwise.

As such it shouldn't be taken lightly. Cathartic play is a contradiction in terms, far as I am concerned. One shouldn't be doing this unless you know your partner very well, you have a significant level of trust, and you have some background in how to handle the situation if the cathartic release turns out to be a very bad situation.

SacredDepravity's comments are very good advise, and his description of one experience and its consequences were spot on. The guy doing to him knew what he was trying to get released, and knew how to deal with it when it happened.

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RE: Catharsis!!!? - 3/15/2013 11:33:20 AM

LadyPact

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I think the above folks have explained what catharsis is better than I could. I pretty much see it as a way for a person to let down a wall that they have put up regarding stress or an emotional situation and bottoming is a way for them to release it.

Why do it? For some, it's just a way of letting go. Whatever they have pent up inside, they can have a safe path to have the emotion come out of them. I've had a couple of play partners in the past (female) who specifically came to Me to seek this out. Both of them were very responsibility driven and in their lives, they had to be 'strong' all of the time. Pain play was the time that they didn't have to be that. Through physical pain, they could let their pent up emotions come out as well. It's cliche sounding, but it was their 'it's ok to cry' time.

Are there dangers to it? I'm sure there could be, if people were using it as an excuse to never 'feel' anything in their day to day world. I think you'd have to get to a rather severe level for that to occur.

What else would I say? Reflecting on it, I would say that it's a positive thing for some. I used to get absolutely glowing emails from these women when I would check in on them the next day to make sure they were doing well. They would use terms like cleansed, renewed, free, centered, etc. I sincerely used to love those little notes. I always felt privileged to be a part of that experience.

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RE: Catharsis!!!? - 3/15/2013 6:51:11 PM

littlewonder

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I like him bringing me to catharsis because it relieves the stress in my life. Sometimes all the everyday frustrations and anxiety and my depression all comes to a head and I can't take it anymore. The buildup feels like a heavy weight on your shoulders, holding you down, keeping you from moving and getting very far. It holds you down.

I think he can usually tell when I am getting to that point and he knows when I need the release.

It also brings us closer together than ever before that. Each time we learn something new about each other, we share in each other's emotions and it bonds us even more.

Yes I think there are some people who should not seek bdsm for catharsis. If they are turning to bdsm for the SOLE reason of needing catharsis then they should be seeking therapy, not a Dom/me. Bdsm is not therapy. Don't use it as a way to escape your problems. Be into bdsm because it's who you are, not a crutch to lean on instead of improving your life.

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RE: Catharsis!!!? - 3/15/2013 7:26:35 PM

TAFKAA

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FR

Catharsis is an "emptying out" of emotion. It's a dramatic term which describes a build-up of tension to a high point followed by a switch which releases the pent up emotion. This is fundamental to drama in general and specifically to good cinema.

Aristotle regarded catharsis as a purging experience - an almost literal emptying out of emotion. Consequently in the context you're describing I cannot conceive this of anything other than a release of negative emotions through a ratcheting up of tension followed by something which causes the release - the exact shape of which is unclear.

Dramatic catharsis is a simple matter - if you're considering catharsis as a "technique" within a bdsm context, I think you'd require considerable understanding and insight into human psychology to do so effectively and safely, although to a degree it depends upon the individual you're dealing with and the level of emotional baggage they're lugging around. If it's an intimate, then fair enough, however if you're considering playing white knight to an individual outside your circle, then you're wasting your time and probably acting irresponsibly.

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RE: Catharsis!!!? - 3/15/2013 7:54:01 PM

MaamJay

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Some great words here, especially SD. During my second visit to Master as His sub, i had a cathartic experience unexpectedly. A spanking which i love suddenly had me sobbing, which did freak Master out a bit. He was going to stop but i managed to communicate "no, go on please, i NEED this", so bless His heart, He did, albeit very carefully and checking in with me regularly. In the words of an old song "Let's not have a sniffle, let's have a bloody good cry"... i did and felt SO much better at the end. Of course we talked about it after, and i reassured Him it was fine, nothing He did or said. In fact it brought us closer together. The odd thing was though, i had (and still have) absolutely no idea what i was crying ABOUT ... there had been no upsetting things in my life and i wasn't even aware of being under particular stress. But whatever it was, it was real and i felt so much better after. As LadyPact said, i felt renewed, cleansed, refreshed! It was great!

As a Domme, I have had a couple of subs go through cathartic experiences, not planned or predicted. I've tried not to be too freaked by it, but to be very comforting especially afterwards. Like LP, I have considered it a privilege to be trusted so much with someone's deepest selves. But I also agree, bdsm is not therapy and I wouldn't generally feel comfortable deliberately setting up a cathartic experience unless it was for something relatively minor which had been well discussed beforehand.

Maam Jay aka violet[A]

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RE: Catharsis!!!? - 3/16/2013 12:50:24 PM

DesFIP

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As everyone else said catharsis is the relief of emotions through something physical.

It's happened here only once. He prefers exerting sufficient control that I don't get that stressed out instead.

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