njlauren
Posts: 1577
Joined: 10/1/2011
Status: offline
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I agree with LP, his idea of what this is about is basically a gigantic sexual fantasy (which by the way is perfectly fine), where serving and such as he sees it, doing stuff for the Domme, 'anything she wants', playing with him, etc, builds up sexual tension and then he wants her to 'get him off'. In a sense, what he wants is similar to what many do in pro sessions, they go to 'serve' the dominas there, when in reality, they are paying them to play with them, pretend to dominate them, and then expect to get off. As LP points out, if done legally (BD/SM play itself is not illegal in most places), most of the pro houses I know will either have the guy 'release himself' or potentially, put a vibrator on him and let it 'get him off', both are technically legal, least around here, because no 'real sex' happens. And that is his vision of it, doing stuff for the domme and 'getting rewarded for it' (it is scarily like being married, like getting a spouse to do some chore they don't want to do, by promising them 'a reward' *lol*).
If you went to a professional domme, then I am not surprised she told you that never happens,for legal and other reasons; and for lifestyle dommes with service subs, or even ones whose mate is their sub, they may keep then in chastity and have sex with others or whatever..
The key? It is up to the details of the relationship negotiated between the dominant and submissive and the nature of it. For the OP, one note, while eroticism and sexuality play a big role in the BD/SM world, even in D/s, it depends on the people, and a lot of people separate the two, where being submissive, for example, brings pleasure or fulfillment to the sub that very well can be outside erotic, and to them, if they get the reward of having sex/an orgasm/whatever, it isn't because it is expected, but they treat it as the gift from their dominant, that what they expect is to serve their dominant, and the sexual 'reward' is their at the domme's will.
I think arguing, as some have in the past , that this is all about sexuality or fetish or turn on miss the point. When you marry someone vanilla, there is a lot more to it than sex, when a married person does something that makes their other half happy, there is contentment out of doing something nice for the person you love; when I got up at 2am to change our son, and 4am to give him a bottle when he was a baby, so my sweetie could get a couple of hours of more of rest, I wasn't thinking of sex, I was thinking that it was cool to be able to give her the gift of some more time to sleep. As a sub, anticipating her needs, getting praised for thinking ahead, was an incredible feeling. And yes, when sex did happen, or play, it was erotic and hot, but it also was extra special because she was the one who controlled it,contentment that all was good in the world, for both of us....:). Of course, there are people to whom this is nothing but spice in the bedroom, who after playing want to have ravenous sex after getting heated up, and that is cool, just that they aren't everyone.
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RE: Specifically, does a TYPICAL male:Domme encounter i... - 
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Judging just from the number of "applicants" I get who've first read My profile and are aware of what I'm into, you are absolutely right about there being a large population of males who desire to be locked in Chastity.
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