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RE: Submissive is a cam girl... - 3/27/2013 6:24:05 AM

graceadieu

Posts: 1518
Joined: 3/20/2008
From: Maryland
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: domccc

Yes we have met in person.... why is it hard to find normal advice here.

DarkSteven gave you excellent advice.

If you're going to be her dom, and you're expecting her to give up her livelihood for you, you either need to plan to financially support her or you need to plan for her to have another career. Orgasm control is great, but really isn't the #1 issue in this situation. If you want her to trust you and give up control to you 100% (to the extent of quitting her job), you need to prove to her that you're going to have her back 100%. You being responsible and trustworthy is how you get effective control.

(in reply to domccc)

Post #: 21

RE: Submissive is a cam girl... - 3/27/2013 8:08:20 AM

chatterbox24

Posts: 2182
Joined: 1/22/2012
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: graceadieu

quote:

ORIGINAL: domccc

Yes we have met in person.... why is it hard to find normal advice here.

DarkSteven gave you excellent advice.

If you're going to be her dom, and you're expecting her to give up her livelihood for you, you either need to plan to financially support her or you need to plan for her to have another career. Orgasm control is great, but really isn't the #1 issue in this situation. If you want her to trust you and give up control to you 100% (to the extent of quitting her job), you need to prove to her that you're going to have her back 100%. You being responsible and trustworthy is how you get effective control.

ditto, no easy way around it.

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(in reply to graceadieu)

Post #: 22

RE: Submissive is a cam girl... - 3/27/2013 1:42:26 PM

Kana

Posts: 6676
Joined: 10/24/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: domccc

Hello all experienced people.

Yes it is I , the hated one asking for advice again.

My submissive is a Cam girl, and we have already agreed that within 1 year she will not be one anymore, however, how to control her properly (i love orgasm control), is another question.

I wonder does anyone here have experience in this realm?

If so what kind of solutions did you come up with to be more comfortable, i must admit it is tough knowing she is sharing intimacy with other men, however, for one year i can handle it. The question is, what restrictions can i put on her... ( i know i could do anything, but it has to be effective)

Any suggestions are much appreciated.
Best.

MJ

If you've dated a stripper, what's the difference?
Both are selling a fantasy, neither of which is rooted in reality.
Here's a thought-maybe you could enjoy the fact that you own this chica that other guys will pay to see the things she'll beg to do for you for free.
That ain't such a bad deal.
In the end, it's pretty much like dating an actress or anyone who plays a role. Her role happens to be sexual. That's all. But as long as nobody else is banging her,at it's heart, it's essentially the same as stripping.

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(in reply to domccc)

Post #: 23

RE: Submissive is a cam girl... - 3/27/2013 2:40:54 PM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
Status: offline

personally, I'd say you're screwed but good luck to you.

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Everything has changed

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Post #: 24

RE: Submissive is a cam girl... - 3/27/2013 10:24:15 PM

domccc

Posts: 22
Joined: 2/7/2013
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: graceadieu

quote:

ORIGINAL: domccc

Yes we have met in person.... why is it hard to find normal advice here.

DarkSteven gave you excellent advice.

If you're going to be her dom, and you're expecting her to give up her livelihood for you, you either need to plan to financially support her or you need to plan for her to have another career. Orgasm control is great, but really isn't the #1 issue in this situation. If you want her to trust you and give up control to you 100% (to the extent of quitting her job), you need to prove to her that you're going to have her back 100%. You being responsible and trustworthy is how you get effective control.

I agree, which is why i didn't have her stop at all. However a few people PM'd me with very sound advice, and a few responses on here are good advice, i thank all those that participated. Although i believe i'm a great dominant, for sure one of the skills anyone in life trying to be the best or are the best, is to be willing to listen to those with more experience. A few of the PM's actually have experience in this situation, it's priceless the advice, because i want this for a very long time.

MJ

(in reply to graceadieu)

Post #: 25

RE: Submissive is a cam girl... - 3/28/2013 12:22:50 PM

SailingBum

Posts: 3225
Joined: 12/10/2007
From: Sailin the stormy sea
Status: offline

Dunno why someone would want to invest in something that has a exp date??? Maybe she turns into a pumpkin or something? With that said what is your question?

BadOne

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(in reply to domccc)

Post #: 26

RE: Submissive is a cam girl... - 3/28/2013 8:24:26 PM

domccc

Posts: 22
Joined: 2/7/2013
Status: offline

the true problem i have with it is orgasm control and the fact she sticks things in her that arent my cock.

MJ

(in reply to SailingBum)

Post #: 27

RE: Submissive is a cam girl... - 3/28/2013 8:30:00 PM

JeffBC

Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: domccc
The question is, what restrictions can i put on her... ( i know i could do anything, but it has to be effective)

my goal is to control her sexually

the true problem i have with it is orgasm control and the fact she sticks things in her that arent my cock.

OK, I did my best to sort out what your question was. I think I have the key statements above. So how about simply saying, "You're not allowed to have an orgasm without my permission nor are you allowed to stick anything in you that isn't my cock." If you want to control her sexually, you simply need to control her sexually. I feel like you're beating around some invisible bush here.

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"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd

(in reply to domccc)

Post #: 28

RE: Submissive is a cam girl... - 3/28/2013 8:43:17 PM

domccc

Posts: 22
Joined: 2/7/2013
Status: offline

I do want to control her sexually... i dislike the fact that she cums on cam for men, they cam to cam... etc. It's not the same as stripping, because there is nothing sexual happening in stripping.. strippers can be naked on you but no cock in you etc etc... in camming, she is sticking all diff toys in her, etc etc, vibrators etc, i desire training her to need me and only me. She wont be deprived, but i feel it's a dominance thing...one i cant break. Furthermore i caught myself peeking on her cam today... first time, seeing if she was following orders not to do anything sexual. She didn't, however she stated she would "do a gold show when she got home from the bar and was drunk", this severely angered me, due to the fact she promised me she wouldn't drink, and also isn't supposed to be doing anything sexual until tomorrow when we meet. She contradicted herself. She could be lying to her users... however it wouldn't make sense because they have a connection to her that mirrors "big brother" sexually ... I was deeply wounded that she would say such a thing. Honestly almost brought me to tears due to the fact i had so much hope in her. We will see how tonight plays out, but truly i may not see her tomorrow... i may let it go depending on how she acts tonight... i wouldn't be pissed if she didn't say she was following orders "yes sir no sir etc", but, when she breaks orders.... it severely turns me off (she is very hot, and just gets hit on all day), but the fact remains, so what? I can and could get a new girl every day, doesn't mean i want to, means i want to spend my time with one, the right one... it's a toss up at this point.

MJ

(in reply to JeffBC)

Post #: 29

RE: Submissive is a cam girl... - 3/28/2013 9:08:43 PM

tsatske

Posts: 2037
Joined: 3/9/2007
From: Louisville, KY
Status: offline

Jeff,
I think the problem is, it's kinda like telling a model, 'never do anything your uncomfortable with' then turning around and saying, 'If you don't pose in underwear, you're not going to get any jobs'.

This is her job. You knew what she did for a living when you met her. Obviously it bothers you. How about asking her to move in with you and let youcover all the expenses, and send her to school so if it doen't work out she'll have a livelyhood?

and why would it even occur to you to doubt that she lies to her clients? Didn't your stripper girlfriends ever cry to their client that their heat was about to be cut off? I thought it was par for the course. Doesn't mean sh'll be drinking, just that she may act as though she was, next time she comes in the door at the proper time.

I used to do phonesex, for a while. I was always fresh out of the shower with my fem roommate after a nice run. always. My roommate had always just left for work (a nessecerry lie, since I lived alone). Means nothing. If you told her not to have an orgasm, I wouldn't go getting allhet up if you see her have one when your checking on her cam, either - doesn't mean she had one, mans they need to think she's havig one to keep sending the dough. Are you going to tell her not to act? because you might as well tell her to quit her job, and to do that, you're going to need to be willing to replace it.

_____________________________

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(in reply to domccc)

Post #: 30

RE: Submissive is a cam girl... - 3/28/2013 9:23:34 PM

LafayetteLady

Posts: 7683
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Northern New Jersey
Status: offline

You really need to get a grip here. This is what she does for a living, she puts on a show for men that pay her to do so. You want her to stop doing what these guys pay her for, then YOU need to pay her the loss, it's really simple.

If you can't or won't do that, then you need to find yourself a partner who is not employed as a sex worker. That means no strippers, no cam girls, no phone sex, no pro-dommes or pro-subs.

Honestly, I think what turns you on is the idea that you can get her to not do her job more than having her as a submissive.

(in reply to domccc)

Post #: 31

RE: Submissive is a cam girl... - 3/28/2013 9:37:27 PM

SeekingTrinity

Posts: 1834
Joined: 5/29/2012
From: The 'burbs of Portland, OR
Status: offline

~FRing it~

Dude, I'm going to be totally honest with you person to person. If you are already feeling this way, you aren't going to be able to make it a whole year without it ripping you apart. Despite your hopes for her, it might just not be the ideal situation for her...and for you.

A dominant has to know when something will and won't work out. What they can and cannot handle. What they can and can't ask of another. I sure as hell can't handle sharing, so dating a sexually based worker is a no-no for me personally. I know my limits and it just doesn't mesh with their (general) limits.

< Message edited by SeekingTrinity -- 3/28/2013 9:40:44 PM >

(in reply to LafayetteLady)

Post #: 32

RE: Submissive is a cam girl... - 3/28/2013 9:37:54 PM

domccc

Posts: 22
Joined: 2/7/2013
Status: offline

God point tsatske,
I believe after we have an extended meeting (this weekend for 3 days straight), i'll feel much better about this situation. You are spot on, i suppose my life doesn't have much sounding boards about this, so you guys are there, i appreciate your dialogue and helping me tackle this challenge. And my order was "nothing sexual, no cumming, also no booze" from thurs at 1201, till when i see her in about 20 hrs. Normally, i wouldn't check things like this, but since the relationships is so new, i suppose i have to quality check these things upfront. It's in my nature, because she was inconsistent on following an order a few weeks ago, she was punished briefly, but as you all know its very difficult to control someone 200 miles away via phone, when your physically in their presence, then things become much different IMO.

As to lafayette Lady, your probably right, it's just new to me to dom a girl who is a cam girl.... it's a complex situation that i believe i can make work, i do want her to stop in a year or 2. Of course i will provide an alternative to this, and of course there will be a 2 yr or 1yr plan for her (mutually agreed). I even got her to admit she is ashamed of it... this is something i am very sensitive to, i want to know everything inside her mind and how it works... in person this will all come out in due time. I will be paying for her loss, i'm a good provider.

quote:

ORIGINAL: tsatske

Jeff,
I think the problem is, it's kinda like telling a model, 'never do anything your uncomfortable with' then turning around and saying, 'If you don't pose in underwear, you're not going to get any jobs'.

This is her job. You knew what she did for a living when you met her. Obviously it bothers you. How about asking her to move in with you and let youcover all the expenses, and send her to school so if it doen't work out she'll have a livelyhood?

and why would it even occur to you to doubt that she lies to her clients? Didn't your stripper girlfriends ever cry to their client that their heat was about to be cut off? I thought it was par for the course. Doesn't mean sh'll be drinking, just that she may act as though she was, next time she comes in the door at the proper time.

I used to do phonesex, for a while. I was always fresh out of the shower with my fem roommate after a nice run. always. My roommate had always just left for work (a nessecerry lie, since I lived alone). Means nothing. If you told her not to have an orgasm, I wouldn't go getting allhet up if you see her have one when your checking on her cam, either - doesn't mean she had one, mans they need to think she's havig one to keep sending the dough. Are you going to tell her not to act? because you might as well tell her to quit her job, and to do that, you're going to need to be willing to replace it.

(in reply to tsatske)

Post #: 33

RE: Submissive is a cam girl... - 3/28/2013 9:40:38 PM

domccc

Posts: 22
Joined: 2/7/2013
Status: offline

It's not the camming that is pissing me off at all, it's her lack of communication... she is lacking this quite a bit, we have refocused, she keeps saying over and over to me, i want to submit to you, i am a submissive, i even had her sit on the phone with me the other day for an hour in silence, making her think about what she truly wants. She came to the conclusion she wants to be my submissive, the issue is she needs to be molded to communicate properly with me and there wouldn't be this disconnect. I am very good at communicating everything to her all the time, being accountable and prompt. Her on the other hand, she misses deadlines, doesn't take tasks to heart and do them properly, i will refocus her... and after this meeting for 3 days, if she is unable to behave any better, then obviously it just wasnt meant to be and i'll look for someone else.

quote:

ORIGINAL: SeekingTrinity

~FRing it~

Dude, I'm going to be totally honest with you person to person. If you are already feeling this way, you aren't going to be able to make it a whole year without it ripping you apart. Despite your hopes for her, it might just not be the ideal situation for her...and for you.

(in reply to SeekingTrinity)

Post #: 34

RE: Submissive is a cam girl... - 3/28/2013 9:41:42 PM

domccc

Posts: 22
Joined: 2/7/2013
Status: offline

Also i work long days, 10 hr days, 5 plus days a week with a 1 hr commute each way, she on the other hand works 3 hr days, there is just no excuse for the disconnect.

(in reply to domccc)

Post #: 35

RE: Submissive is a cam girl... - 3/28/2013 9:57:10 PM

Killerangel

Posts: 1169
Joined: 8/3/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: domccc

It's not the camming that is pissing me off at all, it's her lack of communication... she is lacking this quite a bit, we have refocused, she keeps saying over and over to me, i want to submit to you, i am a submissive, i even had her sit on the phone with me the other day for an hour in silence, making her think about what she truly wants. She came to the conclusion she wants to be my submissive, the issue is she needs to be molded to communicate properly with me and there wouldn't be this disconnect. I am very good at communicating everything to her all the time, being accountable and prompt. Her on the other hand, she misses deadlines, doesn't take tasks to heart and do them properly, i will refocus her... and after this meeting for 3 days, if she is unable to behave any better, then obviously it just wasnt meant to be and i'll look for someone else.

You are not in control although you like to believe you are. The little activities you do are not exercises in control. She's flouting the things you tell her because she doesn't take you seriously. Control is not about issuing trivial directives- it's about one person giving over their power to govern themselves to another, and then that person in control uses it wisely.

You're into this girl for her appearance and trying to make it translate into D/s, doesn't seem to be working too well. I think you both enjoy playing around with the idea that you're in control, but in the end you're pretty much the one who is serious about it - just because she follows orders at the time or says she is, doesn't mean she is.

(in reply to domccc)

Post #: 36

RE: Submissive is a cam girl... - 3/28/2013 10:19:41 PM

domccc

Posts: 22
Joined: 2/7/2013
Status: offline

We will find that out, during the 72 hours i will be spending with her straight... if she is a true submissive, i believe i can ascertain this within this time frame. If she isn't we will find out as well. I'm not into her for just her appearance, initially sure she was good looking, but bottom line, me and her have tons of in common things in the vanilla world, we both like to laugh, also, she started off being a good submissive, but is hard to control. My senses tell me that she can be a submissive in person, the question is, Is she a lifestyle sub or not.
MJ

quote:

ORIGINAL: Killerangel

quote:

ORIGINAL: domccc

It's not the camming that is pissing me off at all, it's her lack of communication... she is lacking this quite a bit, we have refocused, she keeps saying over and over to me, i want to submit to you, i am a submissive, i even had her sit on the phone with me the other day for an hour in silence, making her think about what she truly wants. She came to the conclusion she wants to be my submissive, the issue is she needs to be molded to communicate properly with me and there wouldn't be this disconnect. I am very good at communicating everything to her all the time, being accountable and prompt. Her on the other hand, she misses deadlines, doesn't take tasks to heart and do them properly, i will refocus her... and after this meeting for 3 days, if she is unable to behave any better, then obviously it just wasnt meant to be and i'll look for someone else.

You are not in control although you like to believe you are. The little activities you do are not exercises in control. She's flouting the things you tell her because she doesn't take you seriously. Control is not about issuing trivial directives- it's about one person giving over their power to govern themselves to another, and then that person in control uses it wisely.

You're into this girl for her appearance and trying to make it translate into D/s, doesn't seem to be working too well. I think you both enjoy playing around with the idea that you're in control, but in the end you're pretty much the one who is serious about it - just because she follows orders at the time or says she is, doesn't mean she is.

(in reply to Killerangel)

Post #: 37

RE: Submissive is a cam girl... - 3/29/2013 12:21:34 AM

LafayetteLady

Posts: 7683
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Northern New Jersey
Status: offline

You are 200 miles apart. Seventy-two hours won't tell you anything about what she will do when she goes back home. At what point do you intend to begin living together? You are already trying to cut into her income with your orders. Orders which are based on your sense of jealousy and insecurity. These people are her work, they mean nothing to her, and the sexual activity is how she is going to make the money to survive.

So after these three days, if you decide to move forward and continue with these silly directives about her work, are you prepared to make up the difference while she is still 200 miles away? Because honestly, at this point you aren't paying her bills, so she really has every reason to continue what she is doing. It's a financial necessity.

(in reply to domccc)

Post #: 38

RE: Submissive is a cam girl... - 3/29/2013 12:44:58 AM

AthenaSurrenders

Posts: 3582
Joined: 3/15/2012
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LafayetteLady

You are 200 miles apart. Seventy-two hours won't tell you anything about what she will do when she goes back home. At what point do you intend to begin living together? You are already trying to cut into her income with your orders. Orders which are based on your sense of jealousy and insecurity. These people are her work, they mean nothing to her, and the sexual activity is how she is going to make the money to survive.

So after these three days, if you decide to move forward and continue with these silly directives about her work, are you prepared to make up the difference while she is still 200 miles away? Because honestly, at this point you aren't paying her bills, so she really has every reason to continue what she is doing. It's a financial necessity.

OP - Let's say she completely obeys you on the no cumming, no sex toys rule. She stops doing it right now. When she goes on cam, she doesn't do those things for her clients. They stop paying her and move on to someone who does do it. Her income drops by half. She now has to choose between paying the rent or buying food this week. What are you doing about that?

I know controlling a submissive's sexuality makes the genitals all tingly. I do understand why it's important to you. But this is her livelihood. It's irresponsible to be making decisions to affect her livelihood before you have even confirmed this is going to be a long-term commitment. What if she loses her customer base, and then you decide it's not going to work out after this three-day trial?

You talk in vague terms about coming up with a year-long plan, but why would you want her to stop BEFORE that is in place? You make sure she's set up with a steady income first, then you make those orders. Sucks that it spoils your dom headspace but you knew this was what she does for a living.

_____________________________

Being your slave, what should I do but tend
Upon the hours and times of your desire?

(in reply to LafayetteLady)

Post #: 39

RE: Submissive is a cam girl... - 3/29/2013 2:52:03 AM

angelikaJ

Posts: 8641
Joined: 6/22/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: domccc

We will find that out, during the 72 hours i will be spending with her straight... if she is a true submissive, i believe i can ascertain this within this time frame. If she isn't we will find out as well. I'm not into her for just her appearance, initially sure she was good looking, but bottom line, me and her have tons of in common things in the vanilla world, we both like to laugh, also, she started off being a good submissive, but is hard to control. My senses tell me that she can be a submissive in person, the question is, Is she a lifestyle sub or not.
MJ

I was right there with you until I read the part I made bold.

There is no such thing as a "true submissive".
All there is is willingness and following through.

IF this does not work out then she may not be the right submissive for you, but it doesn't mean she is not weal, nor twue.
As for:

quote:

ORIGINAL: domccc
i dislike the fact that she cums on cam for men, they cam to cam... etc. It's not the same as stripping, because there is nothing sexual happening in stripping.. strippers can be naked on you but no cock in you etc etc... in camming, she is sticking all diff toys in her, etc etc, vibrators etc, i desire training her to need me and only me.

and

quote:

ORIGINAL: domccc

the true problem i have with it is orgasm control and the fact she sticks things in her that arent my cock.

MJ

The problem is that from what you have written, you resent the hell out of what she does for a living, and if that colors the rest of your interactions, then of course she is going to have issues opening up and communicating to you.
If the 2 of you see each other on cam, don't you think she can see on your face your disdain and contempt for what she does?
As long as you hate what she does there is going to be a wedge between you and it is extremely unfair for you to put the blame onto her.

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(in reply to domccc)

Post #: 40

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