RE: My Master abruptly set me loose and said we're on a break (Full Version)

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LadyPact -> RE: My Master abruptly set me loose and said we're on a break (3/27/2013 3:37:32 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: hlen5

LP, you are not the type of Domme to withhold said meds from clip for a week, either.
This is true. Then again, considering the lack of focus he has without meds due to his ADHD, that would make it a case of Me wanting to strangle him. [8D]




RedMagic1 -> RE: My Master abruptly set me loose and said we're on a break (3/27/2013 3:39:41 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: FrostedFlake


quote:

ORIGINAL: JeffBC

quote:

ORIGINAL: FrostedFlake
quote:

OP
It culminated when he had me involuntarily hospitalized after not giving me my medication for a week

Offhand, I can't think of a worse thing one person can do to another.

Uh... I can think of roughly 2 billion things that are worse.

Like, ...for example?

I am torn. On the one hand, I am so happy for you that you genuinely can't think of anything worse. On the other hand, I'm tempted to post a link or two that might change your life forever. I think I'll just be happy for you.

The Mexican drug war has produced quite a bit of high-definition footage of man's inhumanity to man. I'm very glad that's completely outside your life experience and world view, and I hope it stays that way.



OsideGirl -> RE: My Master abruptly set me loose and said we're on a break (3/27/2013 3:46:35 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

Yup, exactly. She couldn't have just been "involuntarily" committed without a doctor's order first. One must first be evaluated first and apparently they agreed with him.


All that would require is a trip to the emergency room and the doctor putting her on a 5150 hold, which would hold her for three days. If the doctors in the ward, after she was admitted, determined that she needed to be held longer than 72 hours....it's as simple as signing the form.

quote:

Section 5150 is a section of the California Welfare and Institutions Code (specifically, the Lanterman–Petris–Short Act or "LPS") which allows a qualified officer or clinician to involuntarily confine a person deemed to have a mental disorder that makes them a danger to him- or herself, and/or others and/or gravely disabled. A qualified officer, which includes any California peace officer or paramedic, as well as any specifically designated county clinician, can request the confinement after signing a written declaration.


It would not require a whole heck of a lot of maneuvering to get her involuntarily admitted.



RedMagic1 -> RE: My Master abruptly set me loose and said we're on a break (3/27/2013 4:03:24 PM)

And after that, there's a 5151. And after that, there's a 5152. This process can go on for a while.

OP: if your relationship deteriorated, and, during its deterioration, you developed a mental illness, you're probably better off single. While it might sound weird, or crass, I'd like to wish you congratulations. I hope you build something for yourself that is better than anything you've ever had.



daedricrelic -> RE: My Master abruptly set me loose and said we're on a break (3/27/2013 4:07:45 PM)

Thank you, OsideGirl. I wasn't involuntarily committed. At the end of the 3 day hold where I received my meds I was no longer considered a danger to myself and I was released.

And for the other posters... There are thousands of small details about the relationship and break up I could sit here and rehash. I know I played my part as much as he did. And at the end of the day none of it matters because I still have to concentrate on today more than I do yesterday. If we could return the thread to advice on that I would be quite grateful.



OsideGirl -> RE: My Master abruptly set me loose and said we're on a break (3/27/2013 4:14:41 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: daedricrelic
And at the end of the day none of it matters because I still have to concentrate on today more than I do yesterday.


That is actually a very healthy outlook.



absolutchocolat -> RE: My Master abruptly set me loose and said we're on a break (3/27/2013 4:32:44 PM)

Also, pointing out that things could be worse does not help the situation. Not to minimize the suffering of others, but breakups are shitty.

OP, you seem to have a good handle on stuff. I am glad that you have a place to stay while all of this is going on. Be good to yourself.



LadyPact -> RE: My Master abruptly set me loose and said we're on a break (3/27/2013 5:00:34 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: daedricrelic

Thank you, OsideGirl. I wasn't involuntarily committed. At the end of the 3 day hold where I received my meds I was no longer considered a danger to myself and I was released.

And for the other posters... There are thousands of small details about the relationship and break up I could sit here and rehash. I know I played my part as much as he did. And at the end of the day none of it matters because I still have to concentrate on today more than I do yesterday. If we could return the thread to advice on that I would be quite grateful.
Two things and I'll see if I have any more good additional advice for you.

The first is that I agree with Oside. This is a *very* healthy* approach. For what it's worth, I agree with you, too. There is no way a person can condense a whole relationship to a message board.

What I might also want to leave you with would be to maintain that healthy attitude in this part of your life. Even when the end of a relationship isn't what we hoped it would be, there is still a process. Grieving the loss of a relationship sucks, but it's important to go through those stages.

The random bowl of ice cream doesn't kill a chick, either. [;)]

I do want to wish you the absolute best of luck.




sexyred1 -> RE: My Master abruptly set me loose and said we're on a break (3/27/2013 10:02:46 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: daedricrelic

Yes, I did live with him and he kicked me out. He moved my things into storage while I was hospitalized and arranged for me to live with a friend of mine while I found a job and a new place. So he wasn't overly mean about it.

I don't mind him breaking up with me. Well, I do, it hurts like hell. Its the way he did it that I'm having a problem with.



Not overly mean about it?

You mean witholding meds, having you hospitalized, dumping you and throwing you out of your shared living situation with no job after 8 years.

Sure, not mean at all.

Please do not defend him; he sounds like a selfish asshole and the worst thing you can do to yourself is to see what has happened with rose colored glasses.

The way to get closure is to see exactly what happened clearly and to acknowledge your own part in things. Taking ownership really does help healing.

I wish you luck.



njlauren -> RE: My Master abruptly set me loose and said we're on a break (3/27/2013 10:25:12 PM)

I think you have to move on, and it is one step at a time. What I am reading here is why I am so, so very leery of a lot of M/s's I have seen, ones where the M has a lot or all control, and the s is totally dependent. I am not saying these relationships shouldn't happen or are all wrong, far from it, but it highlights some real questions...like, should an M be so controlling that an s cannot think for themselves? Should an M assume that the M/s is always going to go on, or should he/she look to the day when it might go south? What happens if the M dies in a car crash,what happens with the s? If they have made the s totally dependent, then what happens? With a spouse, at the very least, they will get insurance, they will inherit bank acccounts and so forth..but the s won't....And then there is what happened here, where the M couldn't take the relationship any more, and broke it off, suddenly.....it looks like neither he nor she thought of that contingency, the end game. If the s was living in the house, not working, didn't have bank accounts and such in her own name, credit cards, what happens when she has to navigate the outside world?In a lot of places, landlords run a credit check, and they will see the lack of history, and will be concerned......

Quite honestly, I think with any of these that the endgame needs to be thought of by both parties and planned for,whether it is a contingency fund, or other details, that would vary depending on the type of relationship.



Just0Plain0Mike -> RE: My Master abruptly set me loose and said we're on a break (3/27/2013 10:39:29 PM)

Just wondering, but is any of this legal? Once you let someone move in with you, you can't just throw them out. Even if they're not paying rent, if they've established residency they have to be evicted and given time to get their affairs in order. You can't just move their stuff out when they aren't home.

Also, while I don't think California supports common law marriage, they do support "palimony". You might want to take a look at this site, but it seems like you'd be entitled if you choose to pursue the matter. http://www.cadivorce.com/california-divorce-guide/spousal-support/what-is-a-palimony-or-marvin-claim/

Good luck



LafayetteLady -> RE: My Master abruptly set me loose and said we're on a break (3/27/2013 10:56:52 PM)

While technically, most places would agree that it was an illegal eviction because she did have established residency, what should she do, insist he allow her to move back in? That certainly doesn't solve anything.

As for the palimony, unless he is fairly financially well off, and she can find an attorney to take it without a retainer in the hopes of being awarded attorney fees (highly unlikely), she would have to come up with the cash to even file a complaint.

While it might be worth looking into, and mentioning to him, in the (slim) hope that he ponies up some cash to hold her over, she is really best learning from her mistakes and working on moving forward.

To the OP, don't ever let someone control your medication, no matter how much you trust them. Take this time to learn how to be independent so that you can take care of yourself. As Lauren mentioned, you could be in a very loving relationship that ends with your partner passing away, and you would be in the same position, not knowing what to do. That isn't a very good place to be.

I hope that your friend is understanding and is actively trying to help you back on your feet.



theRose4U -> RE: My Master abruptly set me loose and said we're on a break (3/28/2013 4:56:19 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: daedricrelic

The lesson I'm really taking away from this so far is to not allow myself to become so entrenched in a relationship again. I don't think marriage would have changed anything.. He still could have left at any point and hit me with lawyers instead, you know?

Agreed but legal process would have split bank accounts, provided for training (I'm assuming you were stay at home sub) & a monthly living allowance while you transition.
LP is usually the one reminding subs about seperate bank account. Allowance or something like it for their rainy day fund, this is what rain looks like[:'(]

While there are no guarantees, giving up education, job, independence for submission...no matter how well intentioned, can end up in this hole.
Agree with the womens shelter idea, professionals in transitions from dependent (CODA) to making it on your own are a good idea. They will know programs, scholarships & the like.



theRose4U -> RE: My Master abruptly set me loose and said we're on a break (3/28/2013 5:15:35 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: daedricrelic

I suppose I'd like to leave on good terms, rather than feel like I was hospitalized to give him an excuse to break up. The hospitalization was a direct result of not having my meds. There were problems with the relationship but I still had no idea it was about to fall apart.

Playing my bad guy card: did you have no idea because of the illness you take medication for? Because you weren't paying attention to what was going on? (Multiple illness & financial issues are red flags I see) or seriously out of the blue because the flag of no medication was missed?
This isn't a judgement its just not understanding how super sub turns into medication being withheld & hospitalized. There is a huge hill to slide down, it didn't happen overnight. Seeing where those warning signs were skipped is a key to understanding



theRose4U -> RE: My Master abruptly set me loose and said we're on a break (3/28/2013 5:22:22 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: hlen5

LP, you are not the type of Domme to withhold said meds from clip for a week, either.

My vote is clips "big boy pants" include map & instructions for taking any meds/suppliments & feeding himself.



OsideGirl -> RE: My Master abruptly set me loose and said we're on a break (3/28/2013 8:46:22 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Just0Plain0Mike

Just wondering, but is any of this legal? Once you let someone move in with you, you can't just throw them out. Even if they're not paying rent, if they've established residency they have to be evicted and given time to get their affairs in order. You can't just move their stuff out when they aren't home.
I'll address this, since I dealt with this with a roommate. If you do not have a signed agreement with that person, they are not on the lease or deed, and do not have any of the utilities in their name....you can remove them. I did this to a roommate. I found out he was dealing drugs and threatened me when I gave him his 30 day notice. I called the police and they told me that since he had no written agreement, it was legal.

quote:

Also, while I don't think California supports common law marriage, they do support "palimony". You might want to take a look at this site, but it seems like you'd be entitled if you choose to pursue the matter. http://www.cadivorce.com/california-divorce-guide/spousal-support/what-is-a-palimony-or-marvin-claim/


Even in cases of divorce, the courts in California generally don't award alimony in marriages of less than 10 years. There's no rule or law about that. It's up to the discretion of the court. One of the factors is ability to pay spousal support. If he's having health issues, he may not be in a position to pay.

One of things that was not brought up in that palimony case you posted, is that in the original case, she maintained that she had stayed with him because he promised to marry her. It was considered a verbal contract. It also says that that one of the criteria is that you co-own assets together.



LafayetteLady -> RE: My Master abruptly set me loose and said we're on a break (3/28/2013 9:41:19 AM)

Police don't always know tenancy laws. Plus since this guy was threatening you, you were in a better position. In a case, where someone has lived somewhere for 8 years, even without anything in the house in their name, they have established tenancy, and do have rights.

In this case, however, like I said, taking action isn't going to help the OP. It is going to drag everything out and prevent her from moving forward most likely.



Viridana -> RE: My Master abruptly set me loose and said we're on a break (3/28/2013 11:39:14 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: JeffBC

quote:

ORIGINAL: FrostedFlake
Offhand, I can't think of a worse thing one person can do to another.

Uh... I can think of roughly 2 billion things that are worse.


That would totally depend on what the disease was and what the medication were for. Withholding medication from, let's say, a schizophrenic can have devastating results.



JeffBC -> RE: My Master abruptly set me loose and said we're on a break (3/28/2013 1:57:19 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Viridana
That would totally depend on what the disease was and what the medication were for. Withholding medication from, let's say, a schizophrenic can have devastating results.

No, it would not. Like Red though, I'm content with not portraying some of the actual horror of humanity. I have no idea why there's the need for hyperbole here but it's really a sidelight to the larger question(s) here.

Were I the OP I'd be way less interested in "how to get past this" and way more interested in "how to stop it from happening again". I think a lot of quality self-introspection time is called for here... along with perhaps some therapy/counselling.



LafayetteLady -> RE: My Master abruptly set me loose and said we're on a break (3/28/2013 2:57:14 PM)

Getting through it has to happen before figuring out how to make sure it doesn't happen again. Once the former is dealt with, the latter should come quite easily.



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