RE: My Master abruptly set me loose and said we're on a break

RE: My Master abruptly set me loose and said we're on a break (Full Version)

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Submissive

Message

MsGypsey -> RE: My Master abruptly set me loose and said we're on a break (3/28/2013 3:54:34 PM)
People take time to grieve for lost relationships. I'm of the opinion that process shouldn't be too long, and shouldn't stop you from building the resources that you need to get you to the person you would like to be now that you're free. I find that perhaps working and saving money (when you can, as much you can) is a good way to prepare you for taking care of yourself. Getting an education (in whatever form that takes) or learning a skill that will provide you with better knowledge about something, can also be helpful. Sometimes it's free. Other than that, I hope you take care of yourself physically and psychologically. Also, the next time you go to the grocery store, buy at least three different brands of peanut butter. Pick them at random. Eventually you'll find the one that you like.

NuevaVida -> RE: My Master abruptly set me loose and said we're on a break (3/28/2013 5:52:44 PM)
~ Fast Reply ~ I applaud you for your focus on moving forward. In a not-quite-so-extreme yet still abrupt ending with my former owner of 4 years, I made the decision to take ownership of my life back. Best decision I could have made for myself, as it caused me to look to myself for answers and direction. I still asked advice, but being the owner of me held me accountable for myself, and turned me to myself to provide my own leadership (which was a learning process since it's not something I ever imagined doing before). I chuckled sympathetically at the grocery store story. After I left my ex-husband of 20 years, I was completely lost (that relationship was co-dependency at its finest). The first time I went grocery shopping, I strolled the isles up and down with an empty cart and tears in my eyes, because I didn't know what I liked. Everything, and I mean everything, was what he wanted. I didn't know, "Do I really like this, or am I just so used to eating it because it's what he always wanted?" After about 30 minutes of that, I grabbed a box of oreos and a half gallon of milk and decided I'd try again the next day. I did remember liking those things BEFORE I met him. [;)] I wish you the best. Things are painful now but from what I see you saying, you are on a healthy path. Go through the process, remember "baby steps," learn from yourself, forgive yourself, and you will be just fine.

littlewonder -> RE: My Master abruptly set me loose and said we're on a break (3/28/2013 7:40:16 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Just0Plain0Mike You can't just move their stuff out when they aren't home. Wanna bet. I did just that after living together for many years.

Viridana -> RE: My Master abruptly set me loose and said we're on a break (3/29/2013 9:38:23 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: JeffBC quote: ORIGINAL: Viridana That would totally depend on what the disease was and what the medication were for. Withholding medication from, let's say, a schizophrenic can have devastating results. No, it would not. Like Red though, I'm content with not portraying some of the actual horror of humanity. I have no idea why there's the need for hyperbole here but it's really a sidelight to the larger question(s) here. Were I the OP I'd be way less interested in "how to get past this" and way more interested in "how to stop it from happening again". I think a lot of quality self-introspection time is called for here... along with perhaps some therapy/counselling. Well we have to agree on disagreeing then.....

breagha -> RE: My Master abruptly set me loose and said we're on a break (3/29/2013 10:35:41 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: JeffBC Were I the OP I'd be way less interested in "how to get past this" and way more interested in "how to stop it from happening again". I think a lot of quality self-introspection time is called for here... along with perhaps some therapy/counselling. i have to say that this is really good advice. a situation similar to the OP's situation ( minus the medication/hospitalization ) happened to me with my former. It was only 5 years and the reasoning behind it was very clear and communicated. It wasn't a solvable situation. The best thing i did was therapy and LOTS of self analysis. it does indeed take time to heal from this. i think the most important thing to do is focus on making yourself better and keep stepping forward without looking back. Learn from this situation so you don't find yourself in it again.

LafayetteLady -> RE: My Master abruptly set me loose and said we're on a break (3/29/2013 11:07:22 AM)
I have kept passing the title of your thread and re-reading your OP. Your title says he told you that the two of you "were on a break." But your OP indicates it's over. So which is it, really?

chatterbox24 -> RE: My Master abruptly set me loose and said we're on a break (3/29/2013 1:30:00 PM)
Confucius say Never to depend on anyone totally. Not even if your a slave. That is a very personal opinion. People can promise the world until they don't. Then where are ya? Everyone should know what they like, and want to know what they like.

LookieNoNookie -> RE: My Master abruptly set me loose and said we're on a break (3/29/2013 6:28:23 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: daedricrelic After eight years together. After eight years of making me dependent on him. Now he says he can't do it anymore and I'm supposed to take care of everything on my own. I haven't made many of my own decisions for years and only rarely left the house on my own. I feel abandoned and betrayed. Has this happened to anyone else? How did you get past it? You'll be fine.

daedricrelic -> RE: My Master abruptly set me loose and said we're on a break (3/31/2013 2:11:21 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LafayetteLady I have kept passing the title of your thread and re-reading your OP. Your title says he told you that the two of you "were on a break." But your OP indicates it's over. So which is it, really? He calls it a break. I call the whole situation ridiculous and can't imagine why I would want to wait around for him to want me again after all that has happened.

lizi -> RE: My Master abruptly set me loose and said we're on a break (3/31/2013 5:33:59 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: daedricrelic He calls it a break. I call the whole situation ridiculous and can't imagine why I would want to wait around for him to want me again after all that has happened. It IS ridiculous that you'd wait around, you can't put human beings up on a shelf and come back to them later on thinking they'll be in the same place right where you left them. People aren't as simplistic as a can of peaches; just the act of living day to day carries them forward on the journey of life. I truly hope you break away now so that if and when he comes back you'll have lost any interest in being with him.

littlewonder -> RE: My Master abruptly set me loose and said we're on a break (3/31/2013 8:15:45 AM)
If he's moved you out, it's not a break. It's over. You need to really think about what happened and what role you played and how you can fix yourself before getting involved again with someone.

WCossey -> RE: My Master abruptly set me loose and said we're on a break (4/3/2013 2:25:28 AM)
I am new to this site, but I have been a Master for more years then I care to admit to Laughs. And in my opinion no matter what troubles might have been going on there is NEVER a good excuse to just drop your sub/slave like that without at least a proper transition. I have released slaves before, although usually it is a mutual choice I still set up at least a 3 month transition time to help her to handle her own affairs, slowly working her back into making her own choices instead of the ones I wanted. Every slave I have released we are still on talking terms and any of them know if they need advise or help I am only a phone call or email away. So I have to say this now to me he is not a Master in any since of the term, He was just a man on a power trip that couldn't handle when things got tough. That is my two cents on the topic. Master Will

chatterbox24 -> RE: My Master abruptly set me loose and said we're on a break (4/3/2013 7:31:21 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: WCossey I am new to this site, but I have been a Master for more years then I care to admit to Laughs. And in my opinion no matter what troubles might have been going on there is NEVER a good excuse to just drop your sub/slave like that without at least a proper transition. I have released slaves before, although usually it is a mutual choice I still set up at least a 3 month transition time to help her to handle her own affairs, slowly working her back into making her own choices instead of the ones I wanted. Every slave I have released we are still on talking terms and any of them know if they need advise or help I am only a phone call or email away. So I have to say this now to me he is not a Master in any since of the term, He was just a man on a power trip that couldn't handle when things got tough. That is my two cents on the topic. Master Will Welcome to the site. Good two cents!

Greta75 -> RE: My Master abruptly set me loose and said we're on a break (4/3/2013 8:34:24 AM)
This is the reason why I could never give up control 101%. Exactly because humans are unpredictable. You never know when your dom will change. Madly inlove with you from the start, and later, just decided, ta--daaa, bbbyyyyeeee, at his wimp, cuz yea, his in control, it's whatever he wants. I hope you do whatever it takes to help yourself and reach out to as many people as possible for support in this difficult time. I know how this feel like. And there is no magic pill, you just gonna rough it out until the pain become a memory. I'd say, focus on doing other things you loved doing that you could never do when you were with him, that's usually a good start to start the new boat rowing.

Greta75 -> RE: My Master abruptly set me loose and said we're on a break (4/3/2013 8:43:10 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: JeffBC .Were I the OP I'd be way less interested in "how to get past this" and way more interested in "how to stop it from happening again". I think a lot of quality self-introspection time is called for here... along with perhaps some therapy/counselling. Have you ever did self-introspection and could not find out the answer to if you can do it all over again, how will it be different from what you have been through? What you could have done to prevent this? Besides simply never hooking up with that girl?

JeffBC -> RE: My Master abruptly set me loose and said we're on a break (4/3/2013 8:45:25 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Greta75 This is the reason why I could never give up control 101%. Exactly because humans are unpredictable. You never know when your dom will change. Madly inlove with you from the start, and later, just decided, ta--daaa, bbbyyyyeeee, at his wimp, cuz yea, his in control, it's whatever he wants. Heh, some of us TPE fans might think there was a step or two in between "madly in love" and "ta-daaa, bbbyyyyeeee". It's also worth pointing out that "buy bye" is a standard relationship right available to doms & subs alike at least in the US.

Greta75 -> RE: My Master abruptly set me loose and said we're on a break (4/3/2013 11:18:20 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: JeffBC It's also worth pointing out that "buy bye" is a standard relationship right available to doms & subs alike at least in the US. Then it's not a committed relationship and they shouldn't ask for a commitment. I understand walking away when the relationship is abusive, but I don't understand in OP's case, that it's been 8 yrs together, he should've known her in and out by the 2nd or 3rd year already, especially the way d/s relationship work, you get deeper with that person than vanilla relationships. It sounded to me like he abandoned her when she's going through her "thick" and stayed with her while it was the "thin". There was no through "thick and thin" about it. Anyway, the reason why I never give 100% is because I can never tell if his gonna give me his 100% since only time can tell. And I gotta hold a certain independent side of myself intact always, incase he decides to abandon, and I gotta stand on my own feet and fend for myself then. But there will be subs who give their everything and their all. I knew one who even gave up family ties, all her money, everything up to her dom, and I worry for the day IF he abandons her. Hopefully he stays interested forever.

LadyPact -> RE: My Master abruptly set me loose and said we're on a break (4/3/2013 1:06:18 PM)
I'm putting both quotes in here so I can address the whole thing. quote: ORIGINAL: Greta75 This is the reason why I could never give up control 101%. Exactly because humans are unpredictable. You never know when your dom will change. Madly inlove with you from the start, and later, just decided, ta--daaa, bbbyyyyeeee, at his wimp, cuz yea, his in control, it's whatever he wants. I notice you mention that Doms change. You are skipping the fact that subs can change, too. Being "in charge" or the person with the power to implement punishments for poor behaviors isn't a guarantee that the obstacles that are hindering the relationship are going to improve. quote: ORIGINAL: Greta75 Then it's not a committed relationship and they shouldn't ask for a commitment. I understand walking away when the relationship is abusive, but I don't understand in OP's case, that it's been 8 yrs together, he should've known her in and out by the 2nd or 3rd year already, especially the way d/s relationship work, you get deeper with that person than vanilla relationships. It sounded to me like he abandoned her when she's going through her "thick" and stayed with her while it was the "thin". There was no through "thick and thin" about it. I don't agree with your statement that it wasn't a committed relationship. There's honestly not enough information about the OP or the other person in question to make that determination. She thought they were happy. Obviously, he didn't agree with that or he wouldn't have ended the relationship. A relationship doesn't have to be abusive for a person to come to the realization that they are happier without a person than they are happy with that person. That would boil down to becoming a martyr and sacrificing themselves for the sake of the relationship. Sticking it out when you are unhappy as a human being and the only reason that remains is the commitment is a foolish proposition. quote: Anyway, the reason why I never give 100% is because I can never tell if his gonna give me his 100% since only time can tell. And I gotta hold a certain independent side of myself intact always, incase he decides to abandon, and I gotta stand on my own feet and fend for myself then. But there will be subs who give their everything and their all. I knew one who even gave up family ties, all her money, everything up to her dom, and I worry for the day IF he abandons her. Hopefully he stays interested forever. In a way, I agree with some of this. It's not going to be a popular view, but there is a difference between submission and smothering. I'm hesitant to use the OP's case as an example but there's something that might make a good point. If we're talking about somebody who was getting to the point where they are afraid to leave the house, aren't really connecting with other people, have no hobbies that they enjoy on their own......... Is that really good for either person in the relationship? What happens when the D (as any human being does) wants to have their own friendships, hobbies, leisure time, and other healthy outlets? Sure. You can just say that the D is in charge and they do what they want. What happens when the result of that is just more negative behavior from the sub? What about acting in ways that were never a part of their personality before? Like it or not, in certain cases, that does happen.

littlewonder -> RE: My Master abruptly set me loose and said we're on a break (4/5/2013 8:35:20 PM)
quote: especially the way d/s relationship work, you get deeper with that person than vanilla relationships. Really?????? Seriously?????? [8\|] [sm=zipmouth.gif]

OsideGirl -> RE: My Master abruptly set me loose and said we're on a break (4/6/2013 10:47:35 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Greta75 especially the way d/s relationship work, you get deeper with that person than vanilla relationships. Bull shit. My mother is still grieving the loss of her husband of 36 years. I'm not sure that she'll ever be over him or in another relationship. Should I tell her to let it go since it was just a vanilla relationship and therefore couldn't possibly have been that deep?

Page: << < prev 1 2 3 [4] 5 next > >>

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.046875