lilcracker
Posts: 243
Joined: 4/14/2012
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I did not want to hijack another thread but the comment was made about kinky sex being a part of a D/s relationship. I know that for many some sort of kinky sex is a huge part of this type of lifestyle, but it doesn't always have to be that way. I was first introduced to this lifestyle when I was 23, I will be 46 in a few weeks, and for me it was more the control than the kinky sex. Yes, I engaged in kinky sex for the majority of my journey, however, kinky sex always left me feeling rather embarrassed and sometimes, while engaging in it, I would struggle with the thought, "Why am I doing this?" Honestly, the thought was more exciting than the actual act simply because my thoughts would gravitate towards control than the actual sex act. Vanilla sex was usually disappointing as well because I tended to meet men who did not have a dominant type personality in or out of the bedroom. I'd get bored really quickly.
For a long time, I flip flopped. I wasn't exactly sure what I wanted, but during that time I did a great deal of soul searching. I still played on occasion, met people...flipped between kink and vanilla. I found vanilla dates somehow lacking that dominant personality and professed 'Dom's' more focused on the sexual aspect than in me as a person. Even though the 'Dom's' had the personality I craved I soon found myself being pissed off at them simply because every command had something to do with sex.
Fast forward to my current relationship; he was the friend of a friend. So we knew each other several months before we began dating. He has a very strong dominant personality and honestly he controls the household and me. It did not happen over night it was a slow progress. It really is rather like a 1950's household in many ways, except I do work full time and we share chores. Most nights I come home to dinner being ready and a clean house, however I will prepare a meal and clean the house on his work days or he is otherwise occupied and doesn't do these chores. He controls the money and most of the time gets groceries, however if I do go get groceries, I have a set amount to spend. If I spend money I must give an accounting for what I have spent. I never however ask what he spends money on. I never argue, speak never yell, and if I want something or want to do something, it's a given that I don't do it without his consent.
There is no punishment---I get scolded, but not punished. And there is NO kinky sex. It's very vanilla, missionary most of the time. I sort of worried in the beginning that I would get bored by sex really quickly but that has not happened. As a matter of fact sex began slowly, and has increased as time has gone on. My box of toys I have collected over the years collects dust. His very vanilla sexual ways turns me on way more than ANY kinky sex ever has.
Although I do not consider us a 'traditional' D/s couple, as I do not identify as a submissive or a slave, more so a submissive personality, with ties to the lifestyle and he a dominant personality with no ties to this lifestyle (although he is aware of my background and we do discuss the forums). I still consider us a D/s couple with a power exchange. I do not call him Master, but do, "Yes, Sir." (LOL he says it makes him feel old but knows it's my way of being respectful)
I know that I am pretty rare, but because I engaged in kinky sex for such a long time and did not enjoy it, I was wondering if there are other's like me. If you engage in kinky sex do you do so because it's expected? Or if you have a D/s relationship where kinky sex does not exist, please share. I can't be the only one.
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Kinky sex really? - 
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