Does age make experience?

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

Does age make experience?

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Master >> Does age make experience?

Page: [1] 2 next > >>

Login

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

Does age make experience? - 6/23/2006 8:59:48 AM

lostsoul92468

Posts: 32
Joined: 5/31/2006
Status: offline

Hello Gentlemen,

Personally i prefer Men who are older than myself by at least 5 yrs. Does age make expereince when it comes to Doms and Masters ( yes i feel there is a difference between the two). I have been in the Lifestyle for 20yrs and it has been hard to find someone who has at least 15yrs experience. Most of the ones who approach me have anywhere from 1 to 5yrs experience and others as much at 10 but they have never trained anyone and they themselves were never formly with any house or affiliated with any community. How is this suppose to work when you can't find someone who does not have enough expereince to make it work.

Post #: 1

RE: Does age make experience? - 6/23/2006 9:13:48 AM

mnottertail

Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline

I think the person that you deal with is the main thing, it seems to me that if you have done something for 10 years your curve of ability is not that much greater at 15, or even 20. There is not truely an infinite number of ways to form a female for torture, but it can seem to be so.

I think also, (again with the caveat that you love or could love this person) that topping from the bottom, or instruction of techniques from slave to master, is viewed in haughty light, much to the detriment of many relationships. It is power exchange, is it not? Objects have places and must exist on their own in this world....LOL.

I will not write a long winded, pedantic answer, but I think you see where my mind is at, for what little that is worth.

Sincerely,
Ron

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30

(in reply to lostsoul92468)

Post #: 2

RE: Does age make experience? - 6/23/2006 9:20:42 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

It's the same in the vanilla world as it is here.

How you make it work is either bring them up to YOUR level of experience, or just wait until you do find someone.

Every relationship is new to each person.

http://www.collarchat.com/m_389399/mpage_2/key_age/tm.htm#389616
Age since weight is being done

http://www.collarchat.com/m_366036/mpage_1/key_age/tm.htm#366124
Should age matter for a sub?

http://www.collarchat.com/m_336445/mpage_1/key_age/tm.htm#336457
Yes another ? about age

http://www.collarchat.com/m_325491/mpage_1/key_age/tm.htm#325694
Does age difference matter?

http://www.collarchat.com/m_290637/mpage_2/key_age/tm.htm#291554
What is the oldest dom you would consider?

http://www.collarchat.com/m_220984/mpage_1/key_age/tm.htm#220997
What is it with girls having masters double their ages?

http://www.collarchat.com/m_209024/mpage_3/key_age/tm.htm#212527
Does age matter? (2)

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to lostsoul92468)

Post #: 3

RE: Does age make experience? - 6/23/2006 9:22:25 AM

lostsoul92468

Posts: 32
Joined: 5/31/2006
Status: offline

Well i guess i got it wrong. I am looking for a person with skill and my experience has been if there is less than 10yrs then we are on different levels.

(in reply to mnottertail)

Post #: 4

RE: Does age make experience? - 6/23/2006 9:27:49 AM

KnightofMists

Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline

what is 5 years experience or 10 or 15 or 20. Just time? or is it more than that?

Personally, the amount of time is of little consideration to me. I find that the quality of time is much more of value. I have heard people express they have had 15 - 20 years so-called lifestyle experience. But in that time they have been in 3, 4 even 5 different D/s relationships. My only thought is they have lots of experience in going thru break-up and may not be very good at choosing a partner. My kyra has been apart of my life for over a year. She lives a far distance from me. But, her experience in play is actually more numerous than many that have been in the lifestyle for much longer. Not only is her play more numerous, but the play she has experience is broader than many. Many Het males have never played with anyone but a female. Those that have played with a male or males will suddenly gain a completely different perspective on the BDSM play. It will even have influence upon there very sexual play with the females they adore. So really is experience about time or is it about Quality. How do you measure quality of experiences. As I stated, kyra has had numerous plays, but that is just a number. Really, what has she learned from those various experiences. Is she learning anything from them are they having an affect on her future choices and pleasures.

Another thought, what is it to be "IN the Lifestyle" Does it mean your in it because you think about it or because your around people that share your desires and needs. Does it mean that you are in it if you "Do It"? Does it mean your in it because you "Watch others Do it"? Seems to me the whole concept of "In the Lifestyle" is rather vague. I have my lifestyle! I live My lifestyle..... I am not IN a lifestye! To me that reflects that their is some way to act or standard to live up to to be "In a lifestyle". But, I don't live to others standards or desires or needs. I live to my own. My lifestyle is Mine. I am not in it! I Live it!

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to lostsoul92468)

Post #: 5

RE: Does age make experience? - 6/23/2006 9:43:16 AM

JohnWarren

Posts: 3807
Joined: 3/18/2005
From: Delray Beach, FL
Status: offline

While older people have had more chances to spend time in the scene, I also suggest you consider another factor: time in scene is not experience. Libby and I have often met people who have "one year's experience repeated ten time". A lot depends on how creative the person is and how many different people he's played with.

For example, I've been "in the scene" since about 1964, but until about 1985, I'd only played with half a dozen women including one in a 12 year monogamous marriage. In all but two cases, I was the instigator and the only one who knew anything about scene play.

Now from 64 to 85 and from 85 to now, is about the same time, but in the latter period I've played with hundreds of women (and a few men) some of whom were more knowledgeable than I.

Same length of time, vastly different degree of experience

Instead of looking at experience or duration as the criteria, I recommend you look for someone whose needs and desires are a complement to yours. He can learn, as can you. But that match is what is truely priceless.

_____________________________

www.lovingdominant.org

(in reply to lostsoul92468)

Post #: 6

RE: Does age make experience? - 6/23/2006 9:45:35 AM

CrappyDom

Posts: 1883
Joined: 4/11/2006
From: Sacramento
Status: offline

Experience is such a loaded term as many here have stated quite eloquently. As someone who lives near San Francisco, what I think of as "experienced" is probably a few notches above what others think it to be. However, if your experience comes from playing with hundreds of people and watching hundreds of others play, how much experience do you have making this work in a small town with one person?

I have know people who truly have their head on straight, are wonderful at vanilla relationships and making them rich and rewarding come into the lifestyle. Since the majority and I mean the VAST majority of "problems" we see in the scene and even in private are related to relationship issues, is that "newbie" truly less experienced than a guy with 10 years in the scene and dozens of short term relationships that ended poorly?

I play with a truly wonderful submissive who has more experience than almost anyone I know and has played with names more than a few would recognize. My experience is chump change to her and yet we do occasionally pull of a rather remarkable scene together. So if I spend 6 months playing with her (and I hope to do a few more...) does that count as only six months or is it like dog years and those six months count as six years of playing with an inexperienced partner?

Take two tops, one is an expert in bondage, ties perfectly symmetrical stuff, can do suspension instantly and flawlessly but lacks a bit of human touch and a clumsy inexperienced top who has that human touch and makes you feel connected to him. Who's experience counts more? Well it depends on who you ask.

I started a BDSM group 10 years ago that is still going strong. I however left the scene about four years ago and had one very private relationship that was more vanilla than anything else but it was with a Domme who submitted to me when we did play. Does that count less cause it was mainly vanilla or does it count twice cause I got a Domme to submit to me?

Who cares, figure out what matters to you, the real core of it and go find it.

YMMV

(in reply to KnightofMists)

Post #: 7

RE: Does age make experience? - 6/23/2006 9:45:37 AM

mnottertail

Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline

I don't think you got it wrong, love. If that is what you want, that is what you want. If you do not feel that you could instruct your Master in the finer points of what you desire.......that is also you.

I can see where you don't want to train puppies, I can feature that.... I don't mind it too much.

I wonder what exactly is experience? I started learning handling whips from my scoutmaster when I was 11 or 12, for tricks, not for sexual reasons. I used to be whipped with a leather horse cinch that was doubled over growing up, so I know how far you can go, before you contract permanant injury. I also know sub-space and know I don't want to go that route to get there. I know ropes and knots from boyscouts as well, some block and tackle from the army............

What experience do I have? Truthfully, none and all......... I think with age comes some experiences and often wisdom. I have been to the 'European Houses' for lack of a better or more inept phrase, and they pretty much do about the same kinda making the beast that we do. For example, Germany is pretty calm about this is how it is supposed to be, and disdain vanilla as our public disdains kinksters.

I saw rope, I saw girl. Thought; this is fuckin' brilliant, long before I actually knew what making love really was. I saw girl, saw hair, pulled............brilliant........

I did not as some here ever think anything else about it.. I never read a bdsm book until about a year before John Warren came on this site, and it happened to be "The Loving Dominant", by that guy. As I read thru some of his experiences and resulting social and political faux paux (and I have told him this) I said.............yup, yup, yup......fucked up exactly like that...... but nothing in there or any other book I have read, that I haven't thought about in one way or another in my life, just some other techniques for the same things.

I think that everybody is unique and at different levels and alone, and that is the getting together thing. Cleaving to one another and becoming one.

Additionally, you will find that I am a psychotic sociopath, and make light of everything, because in the end result this is just you and me playing cops and robbers as adults. We get the play taken away from us, in our youth and want to enjoy it again.

This is not to say that it is not a fairly serious game.

But how can you be wrong when you make the rules that satisfy you?

Ignore the ramblings of a fool.

Sincerely,
Ron

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30

(in reply to lostsoul92468)

Post #: 8

RE: Does age make experience? - 6/23/2006 12:54:51 PM

lisa1978

Posts: 224
Joined: 5/19/2006
From: Kansas City
Status: offline

First it is to each there own. My opinion age certainly does not make experience but logic 101 indicates that the older a person is the odds are better they have been in the lifestyle more and have more experience. But age is a tricky question as many have already referred to.

A person could have been in the lifestyle twenty years but only had three submissives for a total of five of those years.
A person could have twenty years of actual experience with 15 slaves.
A person could have eight years experience with one slave.

Which is better on the experience level?

Personally to me in looking for a long-term M/s relationship experience is way down on the list of what I am looking for. The "regular" stuff and vision of M/s are to me more impotent. I just would like to see enough experience to know that this is what they truly want. But that is strictly me. Your needing somebody really experienced is you and that is all good too.

_____________________________

It hurts sometimes more than we can bear. If we could live without passion, maybe we'd know some kind of peace. But we would be hollow. Empty rooms, shuttered and dank. Without passion, we'd be truly dead.

(in reply to mnottertail)

Post #: 9

RE: Does age make experience? - 6/23/2006 3:22:10 PM

Lordandmaster

Posts: 10943
Joined: 6/22/2004
Status: offline

I think that's a bad assumption. Time and experience are not the same thing. Someone who has spent less TIME in the BDSM world doesn't necessarily have less EXPERIENCE.

Besides, I sometimes think the "experience" business reflects a clubby attitude that just shuts people out if they're on a lower "level," to use your own word. This isn't Dungeons & Dragons. People with less experience are not necessarily inferior partners. I've been in the life since I was 20, and I don't insist on subs with 10+ years of experience. We were all neophytes once.

quote:

ORIGINAL: lostsoul92468

I am looking for a person with skill and my experience has been if there is less than 10yrs then we are on different levels.

< Message edited by Lordandmaster -- 6/23/2006 3:23:13 PM >

(in reply to lostsoul92468)

Post #: 10

RE: Does age make experience? - 6/23/2006 3:52:09 PM

CrappyDom

Posts: 1883
Joined: 4/11/2006
From: Sacramento
Status: offline

lostsoul92468,

Your profile says you are owned, you have posts about about finding gifts for your master and so what exactly is it you are complaing about in this post? That he doesn't have enough expereince or just all others don't have enough by your standards but you don't want them anyways cuase you are owned or?

(in reply to lostsoul92468)

Post #: 11

RE: Does age make experience? - 6/23/2006 8:15:04 PM

LokisBrat

Posts: 431
Joined: 12/5/2005
From: Mayberry, Illinois
Status: offline

Age certainly does not equate experience, as well as intellect does not equate wisdom.(please read disclaimer) Creativity knows no boundaries of age. I would suggest finding someone that is on or close to the same path as you are so that you may compliment each other.

DISCLAIMER: This is my opinion and my opinion alone, not to influence or discourage anyone else's opinion in any way.

LOKI

_____________________________

"My pleasure, your pain. Doesn't matter, its all the same"

-Loki

(in reply to CrappyDom)

Post #: 12

RE: Does age make experience? - 6/23/2006 8:19:54 PM

mnottertail

Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline

What exactly is impotent about a M/s relationship as you see it?

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30

(in reply to lisa1978)

Post #: 13

RE: Does age make experience? - 6/24/2006 9:06:25 AM

amayos

Posts: 1553
Joined: 6/2/2004
From: New England
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: lostsoul92468

Hello Gentlemen,

Personally i prefer Men who are older than myself by at least 5 yrs. Does age make expereince when it comes to Doms and Masters ( yes i feel there is a difference between the two). I have been in the Lifestyle for 20yrs and it has been hard to find someone who has at least 15yrs experience. Most of the ones who approach me have anywhere from 1 to 5yrs experience and others as much at 10 but they have never trained anyone and they themselves were never formly with any house or affiliated with any community. How is this suppose to work when you can't find someone who does not have enough expereince to make it work.

It's a difficult and often fruitless effort to reliably quantify human experience on any general scale. What matters most is not governed by the age of an adult, but good breeding, intellect and imagination. The most trustworthy and reliable human beings in this vein are those who understand best the nature which resides within them, and are true to it. Certainly, this has nothing to do with age.

< Message edited by amayos -- 6/24/2006 9:11:29 AM >

(in reply to lostsoul92468)

Post #: 14

RE: Does age make experience? - 6/24/2006 9:36:41 AM

feastie

Posts: 1793
Joined: 6/4/2004
Status: offline

Actually, I think if a person is in the age range you desire, the you should judge that person based on him, not the length of time he's spent within the lifestyle. He may not have had ten plus years time in, but he may well be very adept anyway. You won't know unless you take time to get to know him. You will, putting a time limit on it, limit yourself even moreso than you already are in the scope of prospective partners by choosing men interested in BDSM only.

good luck to you.

_____________________________

Snarky and loving it.

Disclaimer: Any views expressed in any post are my opinions only. They may or may not be yours.

(in reply to amayos)

Post #: 15

RE: Does age make experience? - 6/24/2006 11:30:42 AM

IrishMist

Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline

quote:

Does age make expereince when it comes to Doms and Masters ( yes i feel there is a difference between the two

Personally, I say no. However, I do perfer those who are older.

_____________________________

If I said something to offend you, please tell me what it was so that I can say it again later.

(in reply to lostsoul92468)

Post #: 16

RE: Does age make experience? - 6/24/2006 1:52:07 PM

LordDominik

Posts: 114
Joined: 5/3/2004
From: Omaha, Nebraska
Status: offline

Age most certainly does not make experience. I have met many who are older than I who are far less experienced, and far less mature. I judge a person on their individual merit, not their age.

~ LD

_____________________________

"For my system, which you disapprove of, is also my greatest comfort in life, the source of all my happiness. It means more to me than my life itself."
Marquis de Sade

(in reply to lostsoul92468)

Post #: 17

RE: Does age make experience? - 6/24/2006 2:08:42 PM

lisa1978

Posts: 224
Joined: 5/19/2006
From: Kansas City
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: mnottertail

What exactly is impotent about a M/s relationship as you see it?

Means I cannot type at all and it was suppose to be important.

_____________________________

It hurts sometimes more than we can bear. If we could live without passion, maybe we'd know some kind of peace. But we would be hollow. Empty rooms, shuttered and dank. Without passion, we'd be truly dead.

(in reply to mnottertail)

Post #: 18

RE: Does age make experience? - 6/24/2006 4:06:39 PM

Noah

Posts: 1660
Joined: 7/5/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: lostsoul92468

and they themselves were never formally with any house or affiliated with any community.

Well you might get stuck with someone who looked within to see what was there without the labels and filters and preconceptions promulgated in so many "communities." He might even be someone who has intuitively and insightfully chosen partners with whom to mutually explore power exchange as they find it, rather than as they had it shown to them.

I'm sure all the explorers in the local explorer's club are great guys, and they can get some terrific expeditions going. I respect them as a group. I also suspect that the people who skipped the coffee klatches and powerpoints secret handshakes and went out and dealt with the world on their own terms are a group of people worth getting to know. Some of them will turn out to be pompous assholes who mistook their own backyard on a cold day for the South Pole--people, in short, who would have benefitted from joining the club Others, though, will be able to show you things you might just want to see, some things not covered in the guidebook, or the handbook, or the Gospel According To.

I'm betting the self-deluded asses are distirbuted pretty equally between both groups and the general population.

Maybe these observations conflict with the dogma of the house you rode in on. That'd be fine too.

(in reply to lostsoul92468)

Post #: 19

RE: Does age make experience? - 6/24/2006 6:14:10 PM

JessieMe

Posts: 510
Joined: 6/5/2006
Status: offline

Most if not all doms I have played with previously had years of experience in the scene and ranged in age from 5 to 20 yrs older than me..None ever worked to be long term. I am currently the slave to a Master who is the same age as I am.. to me.. this is incredible.... age doesnt matter.. the person does.

_____________________________

This is who I am
And this is all I know.
That I must choose to live for all that I can give
The spark that makes the Power grow
<Immortality by Celine Dion>

(in reply to Noah)

Post #: 20

Page: [1] 2 next > >>

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Master >> Does age make experience?

Page: [1] 2 next > >>

Jump to:

New Messages	No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages	Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages	Locked w/o New Messages

Post New Thread

Reply to Message

Post New Poll

Submit Vote

Delete My Own Post

Delete My Own Thread

Rate Posts

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.094