MasterCaneman
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Joined: 3/21/2013
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Rochsub2009
quote:
ORIGINAL: Cilicia
may I ask if others have had the same premonition - that most femdom porn videos don't accurately portray what femdom is all (really) about?
Well let me ask you a question. Do any of the women in the porn videos actually look dominant? Are they in charge and getting their needs met? Or do they appear to be there merely to create the most erotic possible scenario for the males in the video?
I think too many potential male subs fail before they even get started because they get their expectations from porn. Nothing could be worse than that. mimicking femdom porn will cause you to be an abysmal failure as a sub/slave.
The first problem is that potential male subs come into the lifestyle with expectations that the Domme is going to carry a whip, and wear a leather corset, fishnet stockings, and 9-inch heels all day long. That's just not realistic. What do vanilla women wear most of the time? That's what you should expect to see a dominant woman wearing most of the time. after all, they're.......women.
Rather than thinking of dominant women as the sex goddesses in the porn videos, try thinking of them like any other woman in your life, only more assertive and demanding. So if the vanilla women that you've dated didn't want you to lick their pussy 24 hours a day, what makes you think that a dominant woman will want that? If the vanilla women that you've dated didn't want you to prance around in a french maid outfit, what makes you think a dominant woman will want that? And if the vanilla women that you've dated didn't spend their entire day teasing your cock and keeping you in a state of perpetual arousal, then what makes you think a dominant woman will do so?
Now take a moment to think about the things that your ex-wife or ex-girlfriend DID ask you to do on a regular basis. It was probably things like cut the grass, fix the leaky faucet, help with the household chores, paint the dining room, share in the child rearing duties, be a more attentive lover, and be a better listener. Well, those are the types of things that a dominant woman is probably going to ask of you. However, while your ex-wife may have asked in a passive way, and then complained when you didn't do the requested tasks, a dominant woman will likely be more assertive in her demands, and may administer punishments if you don't obey her commands.
The porn videos are focused on what makes you horny. In real life, the focus should be on what makes her happy. And unfortunately, the things that make you horny, and the things that make her happy, are seldom the same. So try focusing more on the latter, and less on the former.
It's not as sexy as porn, but if you enter the D/s relationship with this type of expectation, rather than expecting real life to be like porn, you're far more likely to meet with success. And you're also much more likely to get her to agree to do the things that make you horny. 
I hope that helps.
-Roch
Rochsub, I want to print what you said out and give it to a friend of mine. He's not in the scene, but he fits the description of most every one of those "That Guy" postings on here. He's already screwed up one marriage because of "unreasonable expectations" already, and whenever I run into him I get the sob story about how those "bitches" just don't understand him.
He's a regular on some of the other dating sites and CL, and he's been banned from a couple bars already because he's a world-class jerk around women. And he's addicted to porn, too. A few years back, he hired me to fix his daughter's computer because it froze up. When I got inside it, there were thousands of cookies from adult dating sites, Russian teen sites, etc, etc. On his daughter's computer she got from her school. Because of administrative lockouts the district put on it, I couldn't help him clean it out. That incident was brought up during the divorce proceedings.
Last week I ran into him at my bar, and he was on his usual rant and tear. He asked me about those "BDSM" women and if they were any easier than "normal" women. He used to be one of my customers when I was bartending before and knew I'd been in the scene. I took him outside and told him that A. he needed to get some help with his addiction before something really bad happens, and B. he would have less success with a scene-player than anywhere else. Needless to say, he wasn't happy about it, but that's too bad for him.
I know you're judged by the company you keep, and once upon a time he was a good friend, but people like that sometimes need professional help before they become a danger to themselves and others. I like porn too, but I don't have the slightest difficulty in distinguishing what's "real" and what's manipulated to sell DVDs and site memberships either. As another poster commented earlier, guys like that are just looking for that piece of "strange" to feel complete, and figure that women in the scene are "easier" and "kinkier" than the ones on the vanilla sites.
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RE: Have others noticed that the typical Femdom porn vi... - 
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