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Any advice for someone new to BDSM? - 6/23/2006 9:53:26 AM   
Tinman42


Posts: 1
Joined: 6/23/2006
Status: offline 		This is going to be my first foray into the world of BDSM. I have no experience as a dom, but find myself in the position of having aquired a very enthusiastic sub and I find the prospect "invigorating".  Any advice on properly setting the scene, basic equipment, training tehcniques, etc would be appreciated.
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Any advice for someone new to BDSM? - 6/23/2006 9:55:54 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		My advice for Novice Female Submissives

Newbie!

At a loss

I'm a new domme seeking advice

Does a slave also have to be a fool?

sub: totally new concept

Questions for other newbies

The Journey

Starting Out

New to the Life, Help

How to deal?

Request for Advice

Advice please: Relationships, bdsm, love and boundaries

First time sub seeking you advice- how to find the right master?

First time sub seeking advice

a newbie seeking advice

How can I be a great sub?

Brand new life

Help needed

Emotional Rollercoaster

Welcoming newbies

New to this

Just a few questions

Do's and Dont's

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to Tinman42)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Any advice for someone new to BDSM? - 6/23/2006 9:58:35 AM   
CrappyDom


Posts: 1883
Joined: 4/11/2006
From: Sacramento
Status: offline 		LA,

You HAVE to stop doing that.  Now if I pontificate I will just look like a self important ass. 

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Any advice for someone new to BDSM? - 6/23/2006 9:59:15 AM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline 		Jesus H. Christ; LA.  You must be able to type, cut and paste, and think at the speed of sound.

Admiringly,
Ron  

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30


(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Any advice for someone new to BDSM? - 6/23/2006 10:07:08 AM   
CrappyDom


Posts: 1883
Joined: 4/11/2006
From: Sacramento
Status: offline 		Tail,

Isn't that SO hot?

(in reply to mnottertail)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Any advice for someone new to BDSM? - 6/23/2006 10:09:56 AM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline 		Crap,

Makes me want her for more than her kink.....................LOL!

(can you imagine using her as a electronic daytrading slut?)

< Message edited by mnottertail -- 6/23/2006 10:13:40 AM >

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30


(in reply to CrappyDom)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Any advice for someone new to BDSM? - 6/23/2006 10:15:27 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CrappyDom
LA,

You HAVE to stop doing that.  Now if I pontificate I will just look like a self important ass. 

I'm sure you'll still have plenty of opportunities.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to CrappyDom)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Any advice for someone new to BDSM? - 6/23/2006 10:17:32 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: mnottertail

Jesus H. Christ; LA.  You must be able to type, cut and paste, and think at the speed of sound.

Admiringly,
Ron  

ROFL I was just telling my partner last night that if my replacement at work doesn't touch type then they will have to get a new keyboard.  I tend to go through keyboards quickly in terms of rubbing the lettering off. 

This list was actually created in response to a thread a long time ago asking for a sort of "dump thread" where we'd give ALL of our advice to newbies for a resource.  There have been about 4 more threads since then asking the same question and I haven't added them to the "master list."

So I just have to bring up the old list, copy and paste.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to mnottertail)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Any advice for someone new to BDSM? - 6/23/2006 10:18:32 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: mnottertail
Crap,

Makes me want her for more than her kink.....................LOL!

(can you imagine using her as a electronic daytrading slut?)

Ha I do love being used and made useful

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to mnottertail)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Any advice for someone new to BDSM? - 6/23/2006 11:59:24 AM   
Tamerofwild1s


Posts: 1765
Joined: 12/5/2004
Status: offline 		WELLLLLLllllllll ... since LA took care of everything I can go back to laughing and having fun ....
 
she is such a pleathora of knowledge
 
in all honesty . take your time .. don't push your own limits without being completely comfortable ... remember the one your dealing wqith is trusting you with what your doing to her ... so keep an eye on signs she maybe ready for a break .. and by all means before playing with her .. have an indepth conversation about her own limits . a simple crying may not be a sign to stop but a sign to push a bit further ..... and give her a safeword to use . this will help in determining when enough is enough. Good Luck and I wish the best for you

_____________________________

A building get torched. All that is left is ashes. I used to think that it is true about everything - family, friends, feelings - but now I know that sometimes if love proves real, and two people are meant to be together, nothing can keep them apart ~

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Any advice for someone new to BDSM? - 6/23/2006 1:22:15 PM   
windchymes


Posts: 9410
Joined: 4/18/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CrappyDom

LA,

You HAVE to stop doing that.  Now if I pontificate I will just look like a self important ass. 


Wow, gotta love that.  Bless you.  You are truly evolved and enlightened!

_____________________________

You know it's going to be a GOOD blow job when she puts a Breathe Right strip on first.

Pick-up artists and garbage men should trade names.

(in reply to CrappyDom)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Any advice for someone new to BDSM? - 6/23/2006 1:23:32 PM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline 		Awwww...and I'm so honored that my advice post was the first one listed.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to Tamerofwild1s)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Any advice for someone new to BDSM? - 6/23/2006 4:46:05 PM   
Kinkypupper


Posts: 713
Joined: 9/26/2004
From: Portland oregon
Status: offline 		First question if you are not into bdsm how did you end up with a enthusiastic sub. ? Also how do you know you are indeed a "Dom" type ??
best suggestion goto http://castlerealm.com/   and do some reading.
Find the local bdsm group near you and goto a Munch or two.
Ask questions.  Do not take all websites at face value.

Phil

_____________________________

Phil Moulton
A Sensual Touch
Locopony Racing
Portland Oregon

(in reply to Tinman42)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Any advice for someone new to BDSM? - 6/27/2006 12:24:09 PM   
Lisa21068


Posts: 6
Joined: 6/24/2006
Status: offline 		Hi,

Feel the same way, except i am a submissive female new to this.  can relate totally.

Good luck to you.

Lisa

(in reply to Tinman42)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Any advice for someone new to BDSM? - 6/27/2006 3:54:14 PM   
VandalHeart


Posts: 1333
Joined: 9/12/2004
Status: offline 		And here I thought I might be usefull for once...oh well.  Back to being superfluous!  YAY!!!

_____________________________

I ask for so little. Just let me rule you, and you can have everything that you want. Just fear me, love me, do as I say, and I will be your slave.
--King Jarenth of the Goblins, Labyrinth

(in reply to Lisa21068)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Any advice for someone new to BDSM? - 6/27/2006 10:01:42 PM   
hizgeorgiapeach


Posts: 1672
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Kinkypupper

First question if you are not into bdsm how did you end up with a enthusiastic sub. ? Also how do you know you are indeed a "Dom" type ??
best suggestion goto http://castlerealm.com/   and do some reading.
Find the local bdsm group near you and goto a Munch or two.
Ask questions.  Do not take all websites at face value.

Phil


Oh dear ghods NO - any place but castlerealm fantasy land!  Read the posts here in the CM forums.  Try looking at Steel-Door.com and Sexuality.org and Cuffs.com.  But NOT castle "i wanna live in a fantasy with rose colored glasses where everything is always romance and wonderful" realm.

_____________________________

Rhi
Light travels faster than sound, which is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
Essential Scentsations

(in reply to Kinkypupper)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Any advice for someone new to BDSM? - 6/28/2006 3:54:06 AM   
feastie


Posts: 1793
Joined: 6/4/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: hizgeorgiapeach

quote:

ORIGINAL: Kinkypupper

First question if you are not into bdsm how did you end up with a enthusiastic sub. ? Also how do you know you are indeed a "Dom" type ??
best suggestion goto http://castlerealm.com/   and do some reading.
Find the local bdsm group near you and goto a Munch or two.
Ask questions.  Do not take all websites at face value.

Phil


Oh dear ghods NO - any place but castlerealm fantasy land!  Read the posts here in the CM forums.  Try looking at Steel-Door.com and Sexuality.org and Cuffs.com.  But NOT castle "i wanna live in a fantasy with rose colored glasses where everything is always romance and wonderful" realm.


There's nothing wrong with reading castlerealm, especially for a newbie.  It does have its place.  Some people enjoy some romance along with their BDSM.  However, all the other stuff should be read too. 

www.castlerealm.com
www.submissiveloving.com
www.steel-door.com
www.cuffs.com
www.sexuality.org
www.leatherviews.com

Books:

A Loving Dominant
Different Loving
Screw the Roses, Send Me the Thorns
Partners in Power
The Bottoming Book

Clue...don't read just the stuff marked dominant if you're a dominant...read the submissive stuff too...same goes for submissives.

Find your local group...usually BDSM followed by the name of your town or nearest large city will in the search window will pull something up.

Finally, be yourself. 

_____________________________

Snarky and loving it.

Disclaimer: Any views expressed in any post are my opinions only. They may or may not be yours.

(in reply to hizgeorgiapeach)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Any advice for someone new to BDSM? - 6/28/2006 6:29:55 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: feastie
There's nothing wrong with reading castlerealm, especially for a newbie.  It does have its place.  Some people enjoy some romance along with their BDSM.  However, all the other stuff should be read too. 

Thanks, and I agree.  I used to be the moderator of the CastleRealm forums when they existed in their last incarnation and it was very useful to people.  CastleRealm itself is actually a nice site.  It just gets used for target practice because it's so popular and because people use it poorly.

But trust me, the same over romantic illusions in newbies would still exist even if CastleRealm weren't around.  And I think it's a good resource if used properly.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to feastie)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Any advice for someone new to BDSM? - 6/28/2006 4:40:24 PM   
feastie


Posts: 1793
Joined: 6/4/2004
Status: offline 		Castlerealm is where I experienced my personal epiphany.  I hadn't really heard of BDSM, of D/s until I started chatting.  At the time, it was completely offensive to me.  But, one thing lead to another and I found myself reading the subSpace section and something just clicked.  I recognized myself and my attitudes about my personal relationships with men and it just flabbergasted me.  I honestly believed that everyone in the world was compelled to please their partner, to make them happy.  I hadn't realized that there was this huge piece of my personal puzzle that had been missing.  And suddenly, there it was.  I sat there and just bawled.  I mean howled.

So while I don't agree with every little thing that's there, I do find it does have a lot of value and I always include it in my list of things to read for newbies.

*smiles in warm remembrance*

_____________________________

Snarky and loving it.

Disclaimer: Any views expressed in any post are my opinions only. They may or may not be yours.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Any advice for someone new to BDSM? - 6/28/2006 6:57:30 PM   
skaterboy


Posts: 58
Joined: 6/27/2006
Status: offline 		I'm new on this site too, but I was told in a Forrest Gump accent...when I said I was going to join the site......Ruuuun, Skaaaater...Ruuuuun.
and I diiiid and I'm still runnin...perhaps you should run too?
Clears out your head, allows you to break a sweat and wonder, what the hell you are getting in to?
I wish you the best...but, my advice is "run."
Vanilla is so much easier...trust me!

(in reply to feastie)
Profile   Post #: 20
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