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MaamJay -> RE: Do you think a Dom would prefer me? (4/12/2013 8:50:48 PM)
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I think part of the problem in this discussion is NOT old timers being nasty, but in the new boy not acknowledging any wisdom in what any of us have said. A number of people have explained clearly and patiently why "real bdsmers" don't like to see the word abuse connected with what we do. Yet the logic behind this has not been accepted and acknowledged by the OP, even if he might internalise it as abuse for himself, he's going to win more friends if he doesn't say that word.
Similarly, he doesn't seem to have connected with the idea that every Domme is different in what She wants and how She operates within a relationship. There may be some out there for whom deflowering a virgin is the ultimate excitement, but as others have explained, it's a once-only thing. So that doesn't bode well for any lasting relationship! There seems to be many Dommes for whom non-sexual service is part of the relationship, whether it's done before or after play. So maybe thinking about what kinds of things he would be willing and able to do would be helpful, and we have gradually teased out some ideas there, for example, he would be willing to cook a meal. Good! We've also got him to look a bit deeper into types of play, which is why I'm going to pick up on this post from the OP, though the discussion moved on, this bit was overlooked it seems.
Sure, I have fantasies. Not going to lie about that, but I genuinely do wish to please a "master"
If she wants to piss on me, I accept. If she wants me to brush her hair, I'm up for it. If she wants to put a dildo in my butt, I'm out of there.
Now I admit I love to do anal play with boys. In the case of a virgin, this is part of deflowering him for Me. As others have pointed out, virgins are typically pretty hopeless in that, in My experience, they go off faster than I could say their names! Even if they are of 1 syllable. So I'm unlikely to get sexually satisfied by penetration ... assuming they last long enough to get it in anywhere useful! They are often not very skilled at oral sex, that takes some practice too, so offering their ass is one thing that I can get pleasure from at My pace. So for Me personally, a submissive who says If she wants to put a dildo in my butt, I'm out of there is off My list. BUT that wouldn't put him off every Domme's list. OP please take this on board ... WE DOMMES ARE ALL DIFFERENT. The skill is finding one where your limits and Hers are closely aligned.
And to do this, you need to think a lot further than the fantasies to what you really want, what you can offer and where your limits lie. For example, you were pretty glib about knife play being fine ... but many people consider that edge play. Exactly what is OK with knife play for you? Is it just being threatened? What if She cuts your underwear off with it? What if She runs the blunt edge over your body? What if She threatens to cut off your virgin dick? What if She uses the blade anywhere on you and makes patterns? What if She is into cutting and draws blood? What if She actually does cut off your dick? Or your balls? Or a finger? or ... do I make My point here?
People here are not trying to be nasty to you ... they are trying to make you think as part of the process of becoming educated about bdsm and in particular, where you might fit in. It would go a lot easier if instead of being immediately defensive, you first acknowledge the lesson you learn from each post, even if you then continue to expand on what you thought. Teachers love to feel that their words were not in vain!
Maam Jay aka violet[A]
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