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RE: Humiliation - what is the interest? - 4/25/2013 2:00:06 PM   
NiceButMeanGirl


Posts: 2756
Joined: 11/4/2011
From: Bellingham, WA U.S.A.
Status: offline 		I don't humiliate a sub normally. The only way way I'd try it is if he was begging me to. Even then, I think I'd suck at it because I'm not into it.

This guy just wrote to me on here and said "Hi Miss, I have a small penis." Of course, you know he was looking for small penis humiliation and I just wrote back to him and said "That's okay, size isn't everything." I never heard from him after that. haha

NBMG

< Message edited by NiceButMeanGirl -- 4/25/2013 2:08:24 PM >

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RE: Humiliation - what is the interest? - 4/26/2013 9:39:53 PM   
AAkasha


Posts: 4429
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline
It's tricky to explain because the word "humiliation" can trigger a lot of feelings and emotions for people, and often they are negative.

As a femdom, I'm attracted to authentic vulnerability in a man - especially when I create that in him. That's my drug - that's my "high" - that's what gets me hot, makes me feel lust, or a rush.

If I "shame" a man, in a playful way, or make him feel uneasy or humiliated, that's a really, really sometimes edgy kind of vulnerability. Ego is a very delicate thing for some men. Also, I love the physical expressions associated with shame - blushing, flushed cheeks, biting of lip, lowering of eyes, squirming. When a man is ashamed about something, he appears incredibly, intensely vulnerable. If I am in charge of making him feel this way, it's a very intense kind of erotic rush.

Like anything though, it can be taken to extremes - and whether or not that is appropriate, or still arousing (for either party) honestly depends on chemistry, connection, mutual understanding and circumstances. Just as "hair pulling" and "scratching" and "light biting" can be as much pain play as two people need to get off on what they consider "S&M," other couples may gravitate toward heavy flogging - that's their level of intensity when it comes to pain.

When a man says to me, "What's your favorite style of humiliating a man?" there honestly is no answer. I don't care about the acts - they are irrelevant. It's the reaction. I can have a man in tow who is terrified to accompany me into a lingerie store, and the mere experience of coming alongside me has him shaking with vibes that are electric to me. Take another man, and he could care less about being in such a store. But that man may be one that is affected deeply by being spoken to about his body in a certain way while facing a mirror, and the way he shakes as a result makes me really, really hot.

It's a very individual experience, for sure.

Akasha

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RE: Humiliation - what is the interest? - 5/5/2013 1:39:13 AM   
Rattenkonig


Posts: 25
Joined: 2/22/2013
Status: offline 		It depends on the person. I like small degrees of humiliation, subtle psychological things. I don't want someone yelling at me and calling me names.

Physical humiliation can be fun and not such a turn off. Tasks that make you feel a little silly and make your cheeks turn red.

My advice is to think about different things you find humiliating or embarrassing. Think about what you'd like to try, what your willing to experiment with, and what you have no interest in and talk to your Dom about it.

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Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Humiliation - what is the interest? - 5/6/2013 2:45:15 PM   
Dombutsane


Posts: 2
Joined: 10/31/2007
Status: offline 		There are rarely easy answers. As many others have said, communication with your dominant is necessary. Isn't it always? Humiliation can mean drastically different things to different people. I would suggest that you find out specifics. If you can endure what your dominant wants without any permanent mental or emotional issues, then endure it for them and you may be surprised to find there's something in it of value or pleasure to you. Perhaps not, but at least you served to your dominant's pleasure, which IS part of your nature as sub, yes? However, if you believe strongly that what your dominant has in mind will cause lasting mental and emotional issues, then you have the responsibility to make your dominant aware of this. I have faith that nearly any dominant who knew serious issues were a likely result, would not be interested in subjecting their sub to the kink cause. In that case, perhaps your dominant could have their needs met with another sub so both of you are satisfied? Just a thought.

< Message edited by Dombutsane -- 5/6/2013 2:48:21 PM >

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RE: Humiliation - what is the interest? - 5/6/2013 5:33:15 PM   
CharmingKitty


Posts: 103
Joined: 6/2/2012
Status: offline 		I do not understand humiliation entirely, but I do understand... embarrassment?
I don't like it when there is a cruel intention behind what is happening, but if it's part of the process of being a slave or dog or whatever then it is fine. Considering the case of someone who has not been mentally abused or such a thing... Or perhaps someone who as a child was put on a pedestal or expected to over achieve. They might like to be humiliated.
On the other hand I can understand the desire to humiliate.

(in reply to Betafishtester)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Humiliation - what is the interest? - 5/8/2013 8:08:30 AM   
Greta75


Posts: 9968
Joined: 2/6/2011
Status: offline 		Not every sub is into humiliation. We are all different and derive pleasure from different things. Humiliation is just not your pleasure trigger and that is okay.

I am into humiliation myself, and I can't explain it and I don't know where it comes from. I learnt about it in an unfortunate way when I was molested as a child by a passing stranger, and I felt so ashamed and humiliated by the incident, but the more I thought about what happened, the more I fantasied about it and got super turn on by what happened, but I realise even before that incident, I had sexual fantasies of humiliating incidents that just was pleasurable thinking about it. It simply makes me ooze. It also makes play very fun because a dom do not even have to lay a hand on me and starts verbally humiliating me, and I'd start dripping, and that itself humiliates me and gets me dripping more.

I got massive insecure weight issues, thus, humiliation about my weight is a hard limit, I've been told I'm fat all my life by friends, teachers, parents, relatives, and I am not even fat, I was a size 6 and 49kg, 5'3 but so many people telling you are fat your whole life in a country of size 0 girls does grate on you. I was just out with another size 0 girlfriend today, she's bloody 39kg and she's complaining she's fat and starving herself. Making me feel guilty about eating. So I think I am touchy about it is because I believe I am fat but I hope it's not true. Yet it's what people keep telling me that I am, thus I cannot deal with it in humiliation play. My x-dom accidentally said "fat ass" once, and I broke into tears and refuse to continue play. But he actually loves my ass, cuz it's one of my better assets, that I have an ass.

On the other hand, I have no issues being called slut, whore, cum bucket, fuck toy, any of those terms during play, because, I don't know, it's like, I know I am not those things thus it does not hurt me, and I know my dom doesn't really feel that way about me. And it's kinda fun when it doesn't hurt.



< Message edited by Greta75 -- 5/8/2013 8:22:16 AM >

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RE: Humiliation - what is the interest? - 5/8/2013 10:01:15 AM   
WCME


Posts: 18
Joined: 5/14/2012
Status: offline 		The short answer is that some people just love being degraded. Here's the long answer, at least where I'm concerned:

Everyone's opinion of what's humiliating is likely to be different. As a popular example, some people think being spanked during punishment is humiliating. I can kinda see where they're coming from, but it's not very humiliating to me.

However, if a domme were to beat my ass just because she's bored or wants to amuse herself, that would be closer to humiliation.

To me, humiliation is all about mental and/or physical anguish that serves no productive purpose. It's one level of submission to suffer because you deserve it. It's another level of submission to suffer just because someone feels like making you do so for their own pleasure or amusement.

Cuckolding is another good example. A cuckold is in a relationship with someone who steps out on them whenever they please, but their significant other isn't having revenge sex for a real or perceived slight. They're fucking someone else right under their cuck's nose (and in some cases in front of their face) just because they can. It's purely for the dominant partner's enjoyment and the cucks feelings or anguish over the situation aren't even a consideration.

It's that, dare I say, deeper level of subjugation inherent in humiliation that provides the "interest", as you put it. And of course, there are consequences.

I've been in a few D/s LTR's and none of them have provided the humiliation I desire, which is why I ended them. Outside of cuckolding (which isn't my thing), it's hard for a dominant with any level of feeling for their submissive to genuinely want to humiliate him or her. Or to put it more bluntly, no one wants to shit in your mouth on Tuesday then kiss you on Wednesday.

It doesn't really work for the sub in most cases, either. It's hard to feel genuinely humiliated by someone you otherwise have a typical romantic relationship with. If I really want to feel like I'm beneath a domme in a humiliating way on Wednesday, I can't be fucking her after a romantic dinner on Tuesday. Would you let someone you see as beneath you into your bed? Probably not...and that's the point.

Hopefully that sheds some light.







< Message edited by WCME -- 5/8/2013 10:02:52 AM >

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RE: Humiliation - what is the interest? - 5/9/2013 4:54:29 PM   
HarryVanWinkle


Posts: 1720
Joined: 5/8/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Betafishtester

Please describe to me, if humiliation is something you enjoy or seek, what is the attraction? what is the mental connection? just, why?



I don't think the "why" of this is any more answerable than the "why" of any other fetish. If it turns you on, it turns you on. If you find it unacceptable, then it's a limit. You have every right to set limits, to say, "this is out of bounds."

If he cannot accept and live with your limits, then you and he have a compatibility problem.

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Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Humiliation - what is the interest? - 5/14/2013 8:06:41 AM   
mymymouth


Posts: 12
Joined: 5/5/2013
Status: offline 		Isn't humiliation or degradation even just in small amounts a big part of domination/submission?

If they aren't in any way at all being degraded then in what way are they being submissive? Aren't they in that case having the normal sex that they want? Where is the domination? It feels to me like a large part is telling them what you want them to do and finding out what is and isn't exactly what they had in mind. Them agreeing to do things that they aren't altogether opposed to doing but that they wouldn't agree to without having a dominant partner, is in a sense a little bit degrading no?

Then more humiliation might come depending on the pair up. But I definitely think it's there from the start.

When I'm on either side of it.

< Message edited by mymymouth -- 5/14/2013 8:15:04 AM >

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RE: Humiliation - what is the interest? - 5/14/2013 11:06:52 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		It may be an essential part of it for you, but it isn't for us.

Let's compare the slave to a car. If the car was an old beater he was planning to junk anyway, he wouldn't bother changing the oil.

But if it's the car of his dreams, isn't he going to take great care with it? Checking the tire pressure and adding air even if just a pound or two low. Using the higher priced synthetic oil recommended for a new car instead of basic Valvolene. Getting it detailed when it stops being shiny.

Yet he's still in charge of the car, no matter how high the level of care he gives it. The car doesn't decide it wants to go to the grocery store before the dry cleaner or the hardware store. The owner does.

Same here. I'm valuable to him. Humiliation equals mistreatment to me, therefore humiliating me would be equal to putting used oil in and not changing the filter. It wouldn't extend the life of this relationship.

YMMV

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RE: Humiliation - what is the interest? - 5/14/2013 1:39:48 PM   
sexyred1


Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: WCME


I've been in a few D/s LTR's and none of them have provided the humiliation I desire, which is why I ended them. Outside of cuckolding (which isn't my thing), it's hard for a dominant with any level of feeling for their submissive to genuinely want to humiliate him or her. Or to put it more bluntly, no one wants to shit in your mouth on Tuesday then kiss you on Wednesday.

It doesn't really work for the sub in most cases, either. It's hard to feel genuinely humiliated by someone you otherwise have a typical romantic relationship with. If I really want to feel like I'm beneath a domme in a humiliating way on Wednesday, I can't be fucking her after a romantic dinner on Tuesday. Would you let someone you see as beneath you into your bed? Probably not...and that's the point.




I really disagree with all of that. You are making many generalizations here, not the least of which is that healthy couples cannot combine a loving, healthy relationship with kink such as humiliation. Why can't you be humiliated on Wednesday and then just fuck after a romantic dinner on Thursday? Huh?

For me, that is the ideal; having someone in my life that I can do all things with, every day of the week, in no particular order. It sounds as if you need to specifically compartmentalize what you are doing with a partner and keep it all separate, but that is the antithesis of what I do.

< Message edited by sexyred1 -- 5/14/2013 1:40:43 PM >

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RE: Humiliation - what is the interest? - 5/14/2013 7:19:03 PM   
NuevaVida


Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: mymymouth

Isn't humiliation or degradation even just in small amounts a big part of domination/submission?

If they aren't in any way at all being degraded then in what way are they being submissive? Aren't they in that case having the normal sex that they want? Where is the domination? It feels to me like a large part is telling them what you want them to do and finding out what is and isn't exactly what they had in mind. Them agreeing to do things that they aren't altogether opposed to doing but that they wouldn't agree to without having a dominant partner, is in a sense a little bit degrading no?

Then more humiliation might come depending on the pair up. But I definitely think it's there from the start.

When I'm on either side of it.

Humiliation and degradation is a very tiny aspect of our relationship - almost non-existent. I am being submissive to him in that I defer all things in my life to him. For example, tomorrow I was invited to a lifestyle discussion group dinner. They are discussing a topic that is very difficult for me. The Mister has decided I will not attend, since he is unable to attend with me.

When I cook, clean, do laundry, and take care of his day to day needs, I am not humiliated to degraded; it's an expression of my love.

When he wakes me at 5AM to get me to the gym, it is not humiliating.

When he wants to beat my ass for fun, it's not humiliating, it's hot.

And the examples continue.

Dominance/Submission is not limited to sex here.

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RE: Humiliation - what is the interest? - 5/15/2013 7:38:24 AM   
MsEloquence


Posts: 72
Joined: 5/7/2013
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: mymymouth

Isn't humiliation or degradation even just in small amounts a big part of domination/submission?

If they aren't in any way at all being degraded then in what way are they being submissive? Aren't they in that case having the normal sex that they want? Where is the domination?


The short answer is no, neither humiliation nor degradation are necessary.

Not all domination is sexual. Nor is all submission.

The domination lies in arranging your world to your satisfaction. From my perspective, my partner's happiness in my world is a good thing!




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RE: Humiliation - what is the interest? - 5/17/2013 9:02:17 PM   
njlauren


Posts: 1577
Joined: 10/1/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: mymymouth

Isn't humiliation or degradation even just in small amounts a big part of domination/submission?

If they aren't in any way at all being degraded then in what way are they being submissive? Aren't they in that case having the normal sex that they want? Where is the domination? It feels to me like a large part is telling them what you want them to do and finding out what is and isn't exactly what they had in mind. Them agreeing to do things that they aren't altogether opposed to doing but that they wouldn't agree to without having a dominant partner, is in a sense a little bit degrading no?

Then more humiliation might come depending on the pair up. But I definitely think it's there from the start.

When I'm on either side of it.


It doesn't have to be, submission isn't necessarily about degradation or humiliation, it depends on the relationship. There can be teasing, of course, but a lot of D/s relationships rely on mutual respect in the roles, the sub doesn't seek to be humiliated and the dom/me doesn't get anything out of doing that....there are relationships with the 'cruel' dom/me humiliating the sub, cuckold relationships, sissy subs and so forth, but they aren't even the majority IME, not by a long shot.

(in reply to mymymouth)
Profile   Post #: 34
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