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Greta75 -> puzzled (4/8/2013 7:33:50 PM)

I had a real troubling play recently. I thought we covered all grounds and discussed both our preferences and found alot of common ground.

Usually when I get spank, I'd grit it, keep silent unless the doms wants counting or something right? Or if he hits really hard, I may say "ouch" or something.

But the dom said I was suppose to be verbal and say stuffs when he spank me, but he was unable to explain what was I suppose to say. He didn't give any instruction to count or anything and he spanked silently too.

Anyway, he said he requires a sub to be verbal when getting spanked, what the hell does that mean? He won't explain even though I've asked him. Anybody can shed light?

And his conclusion was I didn't enjoy spanking. But it's crazy because I love spanking and was enjoying it.



LadyPact -> RE: puzzled (4/8/2013 7:38:00 PM)

Two thoughts come to mind.......

One is that he wants you to vocalize how much you love the spanking, beg to hit harder, it turns you on, yadda, yadda.

The other is that he wants you to play pretend about how much you want it to stop, 'please, please, don't' kind of thing.

Is he a role play type person?



Greta75 -> RE: puzzled (4/8/2013 7:43:17 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact
Is he a role play type person?


His main kink was spanking that was clear to me, he had lots of different props to spank with. What would being a role play person signify?



lizi -> RE: puzzled (4/8/2013 7:45:08 PM)

I'm thinking something along the noises that people may make during sex to show their enjoyment? Like Oooooh, Aaaaaah, Yes, Oh God that feels so good; that type of thing.



NuevaVida -> RE: puzzled (4/8/2013 7:45:56 PM)

Hard to know what he means without asking him.

For us, any kind of play is an interaction and very verbal. Often times I get kinda silly or smart-assy (playfully) when he's whopping me, and it makes him laugh. Or sometimes if he's really whacking me hard, I'll cry and get all pathetic, and it gets him in a zone (feeding his sadistic enjoyment). For us it's another form of communicating and bonding.



LadyPact -> RE: puzzled (4/8/2013 7:46:51 PM)

Some spankers like to incorporate role play into their spanking sessions. Maybe he is the type that wants you to pretend to be bad or whatever.

Maybe he's just used to folks who are more vocal with their 'ow' or 'that hurts' type of stuff.

Just shots in the dark, but that was what I thought of when I read your post.



Greta75 -> RE: puzzled (4/8/2013 7:59:35 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: lizi

I'm thinking something along the noises that people may make during sex to show their enjoyment? Like Oooooh, Aaaaaah, Yes, Oh God that feels so good; that type of thing.

I guess..., I wouldn't be able to do that, because spanking doesn't feel good while being spanked, for me, I'm really feeling the full extent of the pain and gritting the pain, enduring not to cry out my safe word, just trying to take it. The feel good usually comes when the spanking stops. So that's what I enjoy about it
I guess maybe that's what he means. I didn't enjoy spanking in the way, where I am getting pleasure while being spank. There is pleasure, it's erotic to me, but also just alot of effort being focus on gritting the pain.



Greta75 -> RE: puzzled (4/8/2013 8:00:51 PM)


quote:

Maybe he is the type that wants you to pretend to be bad or whatever.

What would a sub say if he wanted me to pretend to be bad?



Focus50 -> RE: puzzled (4/8/2013 9:39:11 PM)

Lol, I'm quite puzzled myself...!

When I was first starting, it seemed the thing to do to have my sub count strokes. But I soon found a better time was had by just letting her slide blissfully off into beckoning sub-space rather than having her struggle to obey. Found I enjoyed myself more without the distractions of her mumblings (trying to count), too.

Maybe these:
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

Two thoughts come to mind.......

One is that he wants you to vocalize how much you love the spanking, beg to hit harder, it turns you on, yadda, yadda.

The other is that he wants you to play pretend about how much you want it to stop, 'please, please, don't' kind of thing.



In a nutshell, he wants his ego stroked like some kinda frat-boy hazing or initiation etc. It'd certainly fit his immature attitude toward communicating with you.

Your instincts should be telling you to look elsewhere. Whether or not you're a good listener....

Focus.



Focus50 -> RE: puzzled (4/8/2013 9:58:50 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Greta75


quote:

Maybe he is the type that wants you to pretend to be bad or whatever.

What would a sub say if he wanted me to pretend to be bad?


This "pretend to be bad" business is, IMO, a reflection of an inexperienced or insecure dominant.
That rather than have the confidence to simply tell his sub he's in the mood to spank her so "grab your ankles, baby" etc, he needs to contrive a reason to "punish" her, instead. IE, he's got some sorta societal guilt complex going on that requires an external justification to spank, first.

It's sooo cliché as to be vanilla, or even embarrassing. And usually ends up teaching the sub to be manipulative; a form of deceit. To me it really is a simple concept - I wanna spank; you're the sub and designated spankee, so drop 'em and assume whatever position I decide...!

Focus.



EligibleOwner -> RE: puzzled (4/9/2013 3:01:43 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Greta75
But the dom said I was suppose to be verbal and say stuffs when he spank me, but he was unable to explain what was I suppose to say. He didn't give any instruction to count or anything and he spanked silently too.

Anyway, he said he requires a sub to be verbal when getting spanked, what the hell does that mean? He won't explain even though I've asked him. Anybody can shed light?


Very puzzling, and very frustrating no doubt. I wonder too whether he's more interested in "role play" or sexual play than actual punishment. I don't see why it should matter all that much to him (as opposed to just really interesting him) whether or how you "enjoy" spanking, for instance: it seems to me that he could work with you one way if you do, and another if you don't. And anyway, "enjoying" means different things when it comes to spanking of course. It's a pity if he's not interested in what you say about your feelings after a spanking, for instance. That's real and deep in a way that "sexy noises" of any kind aren't.

But the bottom line here is that, if he wants to give you an instruction (which is fair enough) then it needs to be clear enough for you to comply with. If he wants you to sing God Save The Queen while he's spanking you, he should say so. He's not communicating well enough with you.

If you want this man you need to get him to understand that you want to obey, but need clearer instructions. You could pick a time to raise this respectfully, or write to him about it. It's reasonable for you to expect him to listen, think about it and do something about it.



DarkSteven -> RE: puzzled (4/9/2013 3:27:17 AM)

The guy has a willing woman who wants to please him. If he can't open his mouth and make his wishes known, he's not a Dom, and he's going to have a frustrated sub.

Much as I hate to say this, you'll need to train him to be a Dom. You'll need to ask him how you can please him at times. With luck, he'll figure out he can ask for stuff instead of expecting you to do the work.



LafayetteLady -> RE: puzzled (4/9/2013 4:21:54 AM)

So he was a just a play partner or someone you played with and hoped to build more with? If it was a play partner, you tell him that he needs to tell you more clearly what he wants or you simply won't be playing anymore.

If he was someone you hoped to build into more than a play partner, you explain that you don't understand what he wants, and ask for clearer instructions. If you are smart, you also reconsider whether you want to go further with him.



Greta75 -> RE: puzzled (4/9/2013 4:50:23 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LafayetteLady

So he was a just a play partner or someone you played with and hoped to build more with? If it was a play partner, you tell him that he needs to tell you more clearly what he wants or you simply won't be playing anymore.



He was looking for a committed long term relationship, and so was I. We were playing to see if we will suit in play. As that was utmost important to both of us. I mean, for me, if I just wanted a vanilla man who suits me and give up bdsm forever, that's really easy for me, to find a man like that. But finding one who matches me sexually is what is difficult.
We are definitely not going further as it's clear we don't match sexually. Quite a pity cuz intellectually, we really connected.



Greta75 -> RE: puzzled (4/9/2013 4:55:24 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Focus50
To me it really is a simple concept - I wanna spank; you're the sub and designated spankee, so drop 'em and assume whatever position I decide...!

This is exactly the way I view spanking too. He shouldn't need a reason to spank, except he feels like doing it at that moment. And I simply accede.



JeffBC -> RE: puzzled (4/9/2013 7:40:58 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Greta75
And his conclusion was I didn't enjoy spanking. But it's crazy because I love spanking and was enjoying it.

So then..... this guy thinks you're a liar?

I mean... how does that conversation go? When you say, "No, I enjoy being spanked" what does he say next? I ask because the moment I started believing Carol would lie to my face over trivial shit like that is the moment our marriage would be done with. Your position in the spanking was perfectly comprehensible to me and I'm not a sadist or a masochist. But just general life experience clarifies how you might enjoy being spanked and need to grit your way through the pain at the same time.



Greta75 -> RE: puzzled (4/9/2013 8:00:28 AM)

On of the things we discuss before play was that he likes to spank, and I like to receive. And we were mostly talking about what I fear most being spanked with and what I enjoy most being spanked with. And his favourite spanking tools, things like that. Thus we both thought, great..., a match. Nothing was mentioned about his need for "verbal stimulation from me" when he spanks me and frankly I never thought to ask that as this is the first time I've heard of a dom wants a sub to voluntarily talk so much during spanking. I've never met anybody who requires this that I just never thought of asking if that was required. Now I know.

Then right after the session that didn't work. He was just like, this is not working, and I asked why? And he said, well, you're suppose to say stuffs. And I was like, woah, but you never told me that was a requirement, and because I don't usually say stuffs, what stuffs do you want me to say. Then he said, his previous sub was very verbal when she was spanked and she says alot of things that excites him when she's being spanked, and I asked him like what? And he just couldn't answer.

Then when I went home, he smsed me and said, "I really enjoyed talking to you but it's too bad you don't enjoy spanking."

I didn't reply his text because it's seriously WTF?




EligibleOwner -> RE: puzzled (4/9/2013 8:37:10 AM)

Yes, it does sound odd.



BitaTruble -> RE: puzzled (4/9/2013 9:20:12 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Greta75


Usually when I get spank, I'd grit it, keep silent unless the doms wants counting or something right?

What are you doing to create and return energy during your spanking? You say you are enjoying it but it reads as if you're just enduring it and then you enjoy what comes 'after' the actual spanking itself.

Just something to think about and it's cool if that's how it is because there are loads of dominants who would 'love' that you'd endure something for them even if it doesn't float your boat in the moment.

Hang in there.. you'll figure it all out.





BlkTallFullfig -> RE: puzzled (4/9/2013 12:58:44 PM)

I guess it's like having sex with a man, and remaining totally quiet throughout.
I don't particularly care if a boy speaks during a spanking, but have had fun with it, when one would say "thank you Ma'am, or please spank me some more Ma'am, ouch," or attempting to wiggle away. All these things make it fun, and increases the rush for me. M



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