njlauren
Posts: 1577
Joined: 10/1/2011
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I'll try to be gentle with this, I generally try to assume someone is sincere. The "true" word is problematic, in that a lot of people have dealt with assholes who want to tell you that their way is the 'true' way and so forth (used to be a real joy with some of those claiming 'old guard' background, trained with sir so-so or lady rain-in-the pants.....with all due apologies those into leather and titles, I am talking poseurs, not the real deal, who generally have their own thing and leave it at that:)...I think sincere is prob a better term.
Okay, the profile, I am as sub as it goes, and it rubbed me the wrong way, for the reasons others have posted. Without knowing the poster, reading it as a disinterested person (since I am sub myself), it comes off more as a sex ad on craigslist by some wanker who thinks it will be hot to be 'done' by a domme like he saw in some video, rather than someone sincerely looking to explore. It just wasn't appealing, and I am not even a domme....
I tend to agree with others, that to find people it is often better to do it locally, but if you still are going to use this or other places, I would rephrase into something that seems more along the lines of D/s, BD/SM, rather then sex with a kinky twist, I think you would do better. Couple of thoughts:
1)You might be better doing it as a couple ad, and say what you are seeking. Explain who you are, a kinky couple, and what you are looking for. For example, you might say "We are a kink couple, bd/sm couple", etc, and say "She is a sub, seeking dominants to play with, the husband is sub curious, who is seeking a domme to explore this side of himself and possibly develop a D/s relationship. Potentially possible for the wife to be involved with the husband, and we are curious about the possibility of a LTR with the right person in a poly relationship" . I put this up as a sample, I don't know what you are looking for, but the idea is to explain what you are, who you are, and give someone something to indicate where you are with all this. With a couple, there is automatically a bit more weight to an ad IMO, rather then a single male sub looking for 'kinky sex' so to speak and without the 'uh huh, his wife knows, right' that comes with that, and it also opens you up to possibly finding more people, because now it looks a bit more obvious that you are a couple where both of you are open to outside people.....plus it makes it, coming from a couple, more likely that the wife is okay with hubby looking since a)she is part of the ad and b)she is looking, too...
What you are running into is that there are a lot of insincere people out there, or people who see a dominant woman as 'some kinky chick to have mind blowing sex with', and it is why I think you got some responses that were less than warm. It isn't about being right and proper (last thing anyone would accuse me of being with this stuff) and more about coming across as sincere and genuine in a land of fakes, frauds and wackos/wackjobs. Put it this way, if I was in the market to attract a dominant woman, I would try and make clear what I was looking for, what I thought I brought to the table, and also what I was hoping for (LTR? Play partner?) over the long term, and also to indicate that I was looking for someone to serve and eager to learn the special things that a domme wants out of her sub. I would also highlight other attributes I thought described myself, like a sense of humor, skills, interests, whatever, because especially if I was seeking a 'real' relationship (i.e not just domme/sub, but also romantically attached), I would need to let her know that there was more than just being sub.....those levels are what i think distinguishes an ad worth checking out to one that is like 'please!'. Kind of like the guys on here that see my profile, don't read it, and their e-mail is 'hi babe, how big is your d**k, wanna get together and show me"..yeah, going to really make me want to respond to them...*lol*.
I wish you luck, hopefully this helped.
< Message edited by njlauren -- 4/10/2013 8:39:50 PM >
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RE: Finding a True Domme - 
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