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[Poll]

How much kink?

Love me. Tell me how to love you. I'm happy.

7% (5)

Some creativity is cool but no need for whips & chains

12% (8)

I need some light bondage/sadism

38% (24)

Hurt me baby!

30% (19)

We'll need tarps to control blood spatter

9% (6)

What? No Ambulance?

1% (1)

Total Votes : 63

(last vote on : 5/17/2013 11:49:27 PM)
(Poll will run till: -- )

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How much kink? - 4/12/2013 2:11:12 PM

JeffBC

Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
Status: offline

OK, so another thread got me to thinking about a long standing assumption of mine that may or may not be even remotely accurate. In short, I've always assumed that if I wanted to add a third or (god forbid) replace Carol then I'd need to go shopping in the vanilla world. My thinking there was pretty straight-forward. While I'm certainly willing to assume the leadership role in my marriage I'm not into BDSM and so I would not be able to satisfy the sexual desires of you crazy kinksters.

But reading that other thread a lot of people seemed to assert that a sub who wasn't a masochist was just fine. By extension, a master who's not a sadist ought to work out too. So I thought I should probably check my work and this is the right place to do it. So how much "creative sexuality" do you seek?

Of course I can't stop anyone from responding but ideally I'd get poll responses from female subs (I suspect the demographics really do differ here).

_____________________________

I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd

Post #: 1

RE: How much kink? - 4/12/2013 2:48:32 PM

Lucifyre

Posts: 1067
Joined: 3/27/2012
Status: offline

While I'm not into blood or any other kinds of bodily fluids forced or otherwise, I do need a certain level of pain in my *activities* (whether sexual or not)
AND there is a big huge difference between good, keep going kind of pain and omg fucking make it stop right now hard limit kind of pain. As in, spank/flog/cane/paddle me and I get hot, but if I slam my shin into the coffee table Luci is gonna be one pissed off imp for a few hours or punch me and you better motherfucking run.
It's not that I couldn't have a relationship with someone who wasn't ableto give me the pain I crave, I just wouldn't be interested. Prior to my relationship with Mr, I ran the gammut of types of vanilla guys, from the really nice guy who would have done anything for me (damn if I knew then what I know now right?) to the asshole that liked to frequently make my face black and blue to everything in between (yes I *dated* a lot*)
The one I fell for and will spend the rest of my life with is the one that hurts me in such a loving way and I couldn't ever imagine having any other type of relationship going forward.

Luci

_____________________________

"Batteries? OMG, Bitch Please! My Shit plugs in!"
I do this because it fucking feels good.
I like girls who like girls
The thing about standards is: There are SO many to choose from.

(in reply to JeffBC)

Post #: 2

RE: How much kink? - 4/12/2013 2:58:25 PM

ResidentSadist

Posts: 12580
Joined: 2/11/2007
From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
Status: offline

Lots of kink, a double helping for me please. There is a quite a bit of overlap between my Masterism and my sadism, although they are independent of each other, they work well as complimentary flavors. For example, "have you had your spankings yet today" is a term of affection to a sexual masochist whom is also orgasmic when spanked. I spank her because:

* as Master I own her and have the right to use her as I please. In turn she feels owned and closer to me when she gets used.
* as a sadist, spanking her is hot. She has the most wonderfully spankable ass and just loves it when I spank her!
* as her lover, spanking makes her cum and having frequent orgasmic sex is good relationship stuff for both of us.
* as her caregiver, owner, a daddy role so to speak, it is not he spanking that counts but how often I attend to it . . . like a duty that pays homage to our relationship. It lets her know I how much and how often I care about her state of mind.

So it is a mix of pain, duty, erotic pleasure, nurturing, romantic emotions and respect for each other that we dutifully partake in the "have you had your spankings today" ritual. That is just a small part of our world in which creative sexuality plays a very big role.

Could we do the same tings without kink . . . why yes, and we do express our passions, love and respect in simple non-BDSM terms all the time. literally, all the time. Not a day goes by that we don't exchange communication about how much we feel for each other. But neither of us would give up the BDSM leather aspects, the M/s or the sadism and masochism.

_____________________________

-=BDSM Book List=- Reading is Fundamental !!!
I give good thread.

(in reply to JeffBC)

Post #: 3

RE: How much kink? - 4/12/2013 3:25:59 PM

theshytype

Posts: 1600
Status: offline

It was a choice of light sadism to hurt me. I voted light because, for the right person, I really don't need much. Of course, I always want more. I don't get what I want all the time and sometimes that short wait makes it even more exciting with all of the anticipation. I could survive in a relationship without any, but just surviving isn't a preference. Whether it is a little or a lot, it's that extra something that makes me feel closer to him. That, and it just plain feels good.

(in reply to JeffBC)

Post #: 4

RE: How much kink? - 4/12/2013 3:29:13 PM

UllrsIshtar

Posts: 3693
Joined: 7/28/2012
Status: offline

My option wasn't available so I selected the 4th which applies to my current relationship.

My option would have been: "it depends on the guy".

_____________________________

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I am the dirt you created
I am your sinner
And your whore
But let me tell you something baby
You love me for everything you hate me for

(in reply to theshytype)

Post #: 5

RE: How much kink? - 4/12/2013 4:06:32 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

Jeff, I was so proud of you.....

Right until the point that you directed this to female subs.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to UllrsIshtar)

Post #: 6

RE: How much kink? - 4/12/2013 4:11:36 PM

kalikshama

Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline

I have recently learned that fear play gets me off as much as pain and it doesn't hurt, lol.

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(in reply to JeffBC)

Post #: 7

RE: How much kink? - 4/12/2013 4:16:10 PM

Lucifyre

Posts: 1067
Joined: 3/27/2012
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: kalikshama

I have recently learned that fear play gets me off as much as pain and it doesn't hurt, lol.

damn I wish that worked for me. I ain't skeered of Mr though so He couldn't make it work if He tried. Even cracking the new whip in my ear didn't shake me and that little bastard HURTS!

Luci

_____________________________

"Batteries? OMG, Bitch Please! My Shit plugs in!"
I do this because it fucking feels good.
I like girls who like girls
The thing about standards is: There are SO many to choose from.

(in reply to kalikshama)

Post #: 8

RE: How much kink? - 4/12/2013 4:27:36 PM

TieMeInKnottss

Posts: 1944
Joined: 9/6/2012
Status: offline

Oddly enough..I have been thinking a lot on this topic. I had never had an interest in impact play but have recently become more..desiring of pain. I think it may have to do with significant problems in my vanilla life... I think I am trying to anesthesize myself..Anyway, I guess I will let you know after I attend Dungeon 101 at The Crucible. Up until now, I have always prefered the mental aspect of D/s to the S&M stuff.

(in reply to Lucifyre)

Post #: 9

RE: How much kink? - 4/12/2013 4:56:50 PM

leonine

Posts: 409
Joined: 11/3/2009
From: [email protected]
Status: offline

There are subs who want wholly mental domination, and wouldn't understand you if you threatened them with a spanking for discipline. Trouble is, most of them won't be on a forum like this.

_____________________________

Leo9

Gonna pack in my hand, pick up on a piece of land and build myself a cabin in the woods.
It's there I'm gonna stay, until there comes a day when this old world starts a-changing for the good.
- James Taylor

(in reply to TieMeInKnottss)

Post #: 10

RE: How much kink? - 4/12/2013 5:05:59 PM

sexyred1

Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline

I love the mental aspects alot. I like a bit of pain, but I could never be with a hardcore sadist.

There is a fine line between what we fantasize about (for me, my fantasies are far more violent than I would like in real life) and what you actually do.

It also depends on the man.

In my last relationship, I was able to go so much farther into pain aspects than I ever thought possible, simply because he turned me on so much.

Could I be happy in a totally vanilla situation? Maybe, but I would always have my fantasies and needs, so I doubt it.

(in reply to leonine)

Post #: 11

RE: How much kink? - 4/12/2013 5:15:49 PM

BlkTallFullfig

Posts: 5585
Joined: 6/25/2004
Status: offline

I could go with either 3 or 4, but I've learned that with the right person, I tend to go further.

For myself, BDSM is not a necessity. D/s is a need. Within a D/s relationship, I've never met a person who isn't open to my wanting some experimentation, playfulness sexually or even not directly sexual. I'm certainly not the right counterpart for the person who needs lots of kink, but I call myself somewhat kink flexible within a good D/s relationship dynamic. M

_____________________________

a.k.a. SexyBossyBBW
""Touching was, and still is, and will always be, the true revolution" Nikki Giovanni

(in reply to JeffBC)

Post #: 12

RE: How much kink? - 4/12/2013 5:32:11 PM

kiwisub12

Posts: 4742
Joined: 1/11/2006
Status: offline

When i first started, i couldn't see ever doing without the pain play. Now, i could give the pain up, but would HAVE to have the Dominant relationship. I guess my attitude has changed a bit over time.

(in reply to BlkTallFullfig)

Post #: 13

RE: How much kink? - 4/12/2013 5:49:16 PM

peppermint

Posts: 5171
Joined: 10/18/2005
From: Montana
Status: offline

I don't need any creative sexuality. I find him sexy all the time.

I tend to be a mashochist and he promised to beat me every week. Circumstances of life have prevented that for the past few years except for a couple minutes here and there. He just hasn't got the stamina. I have found it easy to live without the weekly beatings as long as we can still be together.

_____________________________

We are stardust, we are golden, and we got to get ourselves back to the garden.

Yes, I am crazy about feathered creatures. I have a dozen chickens, 3 ducks, 5 geese, and 2 parakeets.

Revise that number. Just got 14 new chicks and 5 turkeys.

(in reply to JeffBC)

Post #: 14

RE: How much kink? - 4/12/2013 6:02:45 PM

LittleGirlHeart

Posts: 1427
Joined: 4/4/2013
Status: offline

I would not be happy, happy nor be with someone who wasn't into bdsm.

quote:

ORIGINAL: JeffBC

OK, so another thread got me to thinking about a long standing assumption of mine that may or may not be even remotely accurate. In short, I've always assumed that if I wanted to add a third or (god forbid) replace Carol then I'd need to go shopping in the vanilla world. My thinking there was pretty straight-forward. While I'm certainly willing to assume the leadership role in my marriage I'm not into BDSM and so I would not be able to satisfy the sexual desires of you crazy kinksters.

But reading that other thread a lot of people seemed to assert that a sub who wasn't a masochist was just fine. By extension, a master who's not a sadist ought to work out too. So I thought I should probably check my work and this is the right place to do it. So how much "creative sexuality" do you seek?

Of course I can't stop anyone from responding but ideally I'd get poll responses from female subs (I suspect the demographics really do differ here).

(in reply to JeffBC)

Post #: 15

RE: How much kink? - 4/12/2013 7:02:07 PM

Lilly425

Posts: 19
Joined: 11/3/2012
Status: offline

My desires in a D/s relationship is more mental than physical. I do enjoy a bit of physical domination but could do without impact play, humiliation or other kinks that many subs seem to enjoy. However, as in any relationship, some compromise is necessary and I'm willing to flex a little to meet his needs/desires provided that my own are being met (and that it isn't anything I'm morally or physically opposed to). It's all about finding someone compatible.

(in reply to LittleGirlHeart)

Post #: 16

RE: How much kink? - 4/12/2013 7:28:58 PM

NuevaVida

Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
Status: offline

I selected "light."

The last man I was with was a pretty damn sadistic. With him, the selection would have been "tarps" for sure, and there were a couple of times I should have seen a doctor (for some of those I did, for some I did not).

But I've wimpified, and I'm ok with that. At the beginning of my relationship with the Mister I did crave a whole lot more, but I'm thinking it's because it's what I was used to. Our play now is pretty mild with an occasional "more than mild", and I don't crave more. I'm so fulfilled internally...I'm happy with the whole package. I guess my needs have just changed. Or maybe they weren't really needs back then to begin with.

_____________________________

Live Simply. Love Generously. Care Deeply. Speak Kindly.

(in reply to JeffBC)

Post #: 17

RE: How much kink? - 4/12/2013 8:04:53 PM

JeffBC

Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact
Jeff, I was so proud of you.....

Right until the point that you directed this to female subs.

Awww, come on. Can't I be selfish just this once? Or is it that you feel I'm wrong about there probably being differences?

_____________________________

I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 18

RE: How much kink? - 4/12/2013 9:43:07 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: JeffBC
Awww, come on. Can't I be selfish just this once? Or is it that you feel I'm wrong about there probably being differences?

Bah! You know I'm just giving you crap.

<Begin eyeroll.> You get to be selfish every day of your life. Dress it up the way you like, but you're still sitting in the catbird seat *and* you swallowed the canary. <End with a smirk.>

I just thought this was a question that worked well from all sides. As I said on the other thread, this should be way up there on the compatibility scale. I might even go so far to say in the top five, depending on the poly factor. For monogamous folks, I figure you'd better get it up there on the scale of importance.

Me? I'm the 'get the tarp out' type. It's just where I am right now. Give up needles and whips for the sake of a singular partner? I just don't see it. I'm kink optional and I'd turn this corner today if MP and I decided it was best for the marriage, but I wouldn't enter such an agreement with someone new. Since I've got the play option, I'm going to do the things that I enjoy. What I enjoy these days really is sadism. Shoot Me.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to JeffBC)

Post #: 19

RE: How much kink? - 4/12/2013 10:01:17 PM

kallisto

Posts: 1185
Status: offline

I didn't vote because for me, it really depends on the guy and the relationship. I am submissive .. I can't/won't be with a man where I have to be the dominant one in the relationship. But for all the other "creative" aspects, it depends. My first D/s relationship was with my husband who thoroughly enjoyed inflicting pain and I enjoyed receiving it. But he was Dom and I was sub (mentally and emotionally) FIRST ... the "physical creativity" came second. He pushed me farther than I ever thought I would go. I've been in relationships since he died where there was not near the physical side, but the mental aspect of the relationship was there. So I know I can do without the physical side of the relationship being intense .... although to have them both ... welll that's like having your cake and eating it too.

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 20

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