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sansa -> RE: setting them free (4/15/2013 12:17:04 AM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: LadyPact
quote:
ORIGINAL: JeffBC
Well, it'll hurt in proportion to the value of the relationship. So if the ending didn't hurt then....
Not to distract from the thread, but I can't quite say that I agree. Should it 'hurt' a person in a Domestic Violence situation to leave it? Should it 'hurt' if a person ends a toxic relationship? If a person is detrimental to your life, it shouldn't hurt to remove them.
Greetings, Lady Pact,
sansa feels she should say something here and hopes it is not viewed as disrespectful, as she does not mean it to be.
Nine and a half years ago, sansa left an abusive relationship with her ex husband. It was a relationship that ended up dissolving one night at the county fair with her 18 month old and 2 month old in tow. At the time, she was already uncertain about staying, but the incident that happened that night changed everything for her immediately. He told her if he hurt her she wouldn't be able to call the police on him if she was dead in a ditch somewhere. she remembers the words as if they were yesterday and she remembers the terrified look on her 18 month old's face as her daddy was screaming at her mommy on the way home from the fair that night.
Should it have been satisfactory immediately to her when she left him at the house and went to her parents that night?
Should it have been satisfactory immediately to her when she called the police on him the next morning to have him arrested?
Yes, perhaps it should have. But do you know how sansa actually felt? she felt as though she were the betrayer in the relationship. she felt as though she was the one who was doing wrong. she felt as though she was overreacting and maybe there wasn't much to be really worried about after all. It wasn't until weeks later that the hurt dissolved and she started to get angry over how she'd been treated that she started feeling the satisfaction of knowing she'd removed her abuser from her and her childrens lives. But, yes, she was hurt. she was very hurt that the relationship with the father of her children was falling apart and she was not yet to the point she was ready to see that she was better off without him. she was very hurt that he'd treated her the way he did when all she did was love him with all of her heart and give him two beautiful babies as evidence of her love for him.
Again, she means no disrespect in saying all of the above, she only wishes to submit her own experience as evidence that yes, ending an abusive relationship Does hurt just as much as ending a non-abusive relationship does. Perhaps it even hurt sansa more. she went through that relationship serving him with just as much heart and love and care as she would serve a Master today, even though she didn't at the time know what the M/s lifestyle was. she just knew that making him happy and pleasing him and serving him satisfied her and it hurt so much when he would hurt her, whether it be physically or emotionally, but she stayed through all the hurt, loved him through all the hurt, until it clicked that day that he might actually harm her and if he did, she wouldn't be there for her babies anymore. They're so very much more important to her than anyone else and she knew she had to leave, no matter how much it hurt to do so.
For the OP: in sansa's opinion, it should always hurt. It doesn't matter the circumstances of the parting, there should be at least a tiny bit of regret that it had to happen, and yes, regret can be viewed as a form of hurt. sansa hopes You will be able to move past Your grieving period soon so You may find someone who may better suit Your needs and desires.
Well wishes to A/all,
sansa
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