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what feeds your submission - 4/14/2013 8:46:28 PM   
LPslittleclip


Posts: 1163
Joined: 9/29/2007
Status: offline 		i have been in the lifestyle for 9 years now and i know i am a service oriented sub. but now i have found the part that has fed my submission is not the act of the service but the gratitiude that nourishes it. the activity helps as i am hyper and need ways to expend the energy it is the small thank you or smile of thanks or any  graciousness that makes the ember of my submission blaze intensly within me.

my question is what part of your submission that feeds you? is it the act the reward or all of it?

now that i know what it is that feeds mine i can better serve and become a slave of a worthy dominate
little_clip
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: what feeds your submission - 4/15/2013 3:45:49 AM   
HisPet21


Posts: 395
Status: offline 		His happiness fuels my submission. I love my dom, and knowing that I am making his life a little easier drives me to submit. I think that I, too, am service oriented. Most decision making between us is democratic and I even get to make final decisions on tricky issue when it is clear that I am more educated on the topic. He really only puts his foot down when no compromise can be made (which is rare). So, the only aspect of our dynamic that is reinforced daily is service. And I love serving!

(in reply to LPslittleclip)
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RE: what feeds your submission - 4/15/2013 5:24:10 AM   
AngelSub2Kneel


Posts: 16
Joined: 4/8/2013
Status: offline 		I with you as well on the service part, it satisfies me knowing He is happy and taken care of first and the little things and seeing and showing His gratitude is better than anything else in the world.

(in reply to LPslittleclip)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: what feeds your submission - 4/15/2013 6:22:46 AM   
JeffBC


Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LPslittleclip
my question is what part of your submission that feeds you? is it the act the reward or all of it?

This is always a fascinating question when it comes to Carol. If I remember I'll have her post on this thread. But my answer regarding her would be something like, "She doesn't relate to her submission in this way." Or maybe "she doesn't submit in this way". The part of Carol that submits is so intrinsic to her personality that it cannot be separated out as a separate thing which "feeds her" (or does anything else really). The question is like saying, "What about my IQ feeds me?" I dunno.... it's just the way I am.

That all being said, she's a pleaser and a follower at heart so what gives her security is finding a healthy leader to please in any context... work, home, etc.

_____________________________

I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd

(in reply to LPslittleclip)
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RE: what feeds your submission - 4/15/2013 8:32:05 AM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline 		I can never answer these questions. I think I must approach my submission differently and I tend to not analyze it.

I've been in relationships where I was the dominant partner. (vanilla, not D/s) I was miserable in those relationships. What makes me happy is being in a relationship with a strong leader. What makes him happy is being in a relationship with a loyal partner that is willing to follow his lead without fighting him every step of the way.

All the other stuff is just the icing on the cake.



_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to JeffBC)
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RE: what feeds your submission - 4/15/2013 9:29:11 AM   
Lucifyre


Posts: 1067
Joined: 3/27/2012
Status: offline 		Force.
Being the type of person that I am, He has to bring me to a place of submission in order for me to be able to get to it. Submission is not something I am able to draw out of myself on my own. I am not service oriented, or pleasing oriented or any of the other things you would expect. What trips that trigger for me is force.
Handful of hair and pushing me to my knees kind of force. The stern look or tone of voice of "you WILL comply" kind of force. The fire on my skin from cane strokes kind of force. I just don't get there on my own.
That said, once He applies His version of force, I have no problem staying there until He "releases" me from it.

fucking brain fog today. I dunno if I can even explain it.

Luci

_____________________________

"Batteries? OMG, Bitch Please! My Shit plugs in!"
I do this because it fucking feels good.
I like girls who like girls
The thing about standards is: There are SO many to choose from.

(in reply to OsideGirl)
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RE: what feeds your submission - 4/15/2013 12:32:01 PM   
littleone35


Posts: 2828
Joined: 2/17/2005
Status: offline 		Master fuels my submission husr being wih him and wanted to make his smile and be happier fules me.

Matt's lirrleone

(in reply to Lucifyre)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: what feeds your submission - 4/15/2013 2:47:47 PM   
peppermint


Posts: 5169
Joined: 10/18/2005
From: Montana
Status: offline 		I read your question yesterday and have thought about it.  I can't think of anything that feeds my submissive.  It's just the way I'm wired. 

_____________________________

We are stardust, we are golden, and we got to get ourselves back to the garden.

Yes, I am crazy about feathered creatures. I have a dozen chickens, 3 ducks, 5 geese, and 2 parakeets.

Revise that number. Just got 14 new chicks and 5 turkeys.

(in reply to LPslittleclip)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: what feeds your submission - 4/15/2013 5:47:35 PM   
SubvsSlave


Posts: 201
Joined: 4/6/2011
Status: offline 		I'm with Luci. She described it brilliantly. His force brings out the submission in me. The further he pulls me in to my submission the longer I stay there.

(in reply to peppermint)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: what feeds your submission - 4/15/2013 6:05:25 PM   
kiwisub12


Posts: 4742
Joined: 1/11/2006
Status: offline 		When i was in an overt Dominant/submissive relationship, the thing i loved about it (besides Himself) was the absolute peace of not having to worry or think about what would make him happy. I already knew - he had told me, and given me rules and regulations that if i followed lead to him being happy with me.

(in reply to SubvsSlave)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: what feeds your submission - 4/15/2013 7:21:09 PM   
LPslittleclip


Posts: 1163
Joined: 9/29/2007
Status: offline 		thank all of you that responded. yes i do enjoy serving but with out the reinforcement of seing it recived as pleasing it is very hard for me to continue to serve and remain happy myself. it need not be a bit thing just a smile nod or any accknoledgement at all that shows that my service has been recived. its kind of like pavlovs dog experiment where the dog was given diffrent stimulus before feeding and it would trigger the salivation. like many of you have noted there is some reinforcement of reciving the service that is felt like a smile or way of knowing the service pleased or in some way made the Doms life easier or better in anyway. i know i have alot of energy and am generaly a happy person, i feel that there should be more expression of the D/s in the life just feeling it once a week or less is too astuere for me with my adhd i seem to function better with more often . just a look or a instruction a gesture of some sort  any outward sign of my Dom recognizing my submission.
little_clip

(in reply to kiwisub12)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: what feeds your submission - 4/15/2013 11:02:29 PM   
RaspberryLemon


Posts: 422
Joined: 7/18/2011
Status: offline 		What drives me to submit is having a good leader that I respect and care for--then it just falls into place. It makes me happy to be owned and led by someone I trust and love and respect.

What feeds my happiness bysubmitting is simply that I like to please him and make him happy, and I like to feel that he appreciates me. And praise (a smile, a thanks, a "good girl," being petted on the head, etc.) is the biggest indication of those things.

(in reply to LPslittleclip)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: what feeds your submission - 4/16/2013 10:39:00 AM   
LPslittleclip


Posts: 1163
Joined: 9/29/2007
Status: offline 		yes that is exactly what drives mine the joy and happiness that is returned by way of the gestures like those. a smile nod pat on the head ect. when those are absent my submission is stressed and i want to do more to please and just end up feeling worse. the thing that attracted me to LP was the delight that showed in Her eyes when i did things for Her.

(in reply to RaspberryLemon)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: what feeds your submission - 4/16/2013 11:24:57 AM   
peppermint


Posts: 5169
Joined: 10/18/2005
From: Montana
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LPslittleclip

yes that is exactly what drives mine the joy and happiness that is returned by way of the gestures like those. a smile nod pat on the head ect. when those are absent my submission is stressed and i want to do more to please and just end up feeling worse. the thing that attracted me to LP was the delight that showed in Her eyes when i did things for Her.


One of the most important things I learned years ago when I was having a bad time in my life and was horribly unhappy is that no one should count on another person to make them happy.  I serve because it is what I enjoy doing.  Whether I get a smile or a thank you has no bearing on what I do or who I am or the enjoyment I get from doing it. 

Edited to add:

So you would say my own happiness drives me to serve. 

< Message edited by peppermint -- 4/16/2013 11:26:01 AM >

_____________________________

We are stardust, we are golden, and we got to get ourselves back to the garden.

Yes, I am crazy about feathered creatures. I have a dozen chickens, 3 ducks, 5 geese, and 2 parakeets.

Revise that number. Just got 14 new chicks and 5 turkeys.

(in reply to LPslittleclip)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: what feeds your submission - 4/16/2013 2:25:19 PM   
HisPet21


Posts: 395
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: peppermint

quote:

ORIGINAL: LPslittleclip

yes that is exactly what drives mine the joy and happiness that is returned by way of the gestures like those. a smile nod pat on the head ect. when those are absent my submission is stressed and i want to do more to please and just end up feeling worse. the thing that attracted me to LP was the delight that showed in Her eyes when i did things for Her.


One of the most important things I learned years ago when I was having a bad time in my life and was horribly unhappy is that no one should count on another person to make them happy.  I serve because it is what I enjoy doing.  Whether I get a smile or a thank you has no bearing on what I do or who I am or the enjoyment I get from doing it. 

Edited to add:

So you would say my own happiness drives me to serve. 


I don't think what Clip is describing is in any way unhealthy and I am right on board with him. What satisfies me isn't the act of serving in and of itself. I don't wake up in the morning and think, "You know what I would love to do today? Make somebody tea and hand it to them!" Instead, I think, "You know what I would love to do today? Make my boyfriend smile, because I love him and want him to be happy." And, as it turns out, waking him up with a hot cup of tea helps me take care of that second scenario. I wouldn't be satisfied or happy in a relationship where I served and it had no emotional impact on my dominant. If I cleaned the house, gave him a bj, and cooked dinner, only to find him completely apathetic to it all, I would chalk it up to incompatibility and move on to someone else. But getting joy out of others' happiness is not the same thing as being dependent on someone else in order to be happy. It just means you have to find someone who appreciates your hard work and feeds off of your love language the same way you feed of of theirs.

God, I hope that made sense...

(in reply to peppermint)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: what feeds your submission - 4/16/2013 8:10:24 PM   
peppermint


Posts: 5169
Joined: 10/18/2005
From: Montana
Status: offline 		I never said what OP has is unhealthy.  It works for him and that's fantastic.  It works for you and that's great.  It does not work for me.  I was merely answering the question that was asked. 

_____________________________

We are stardust, we are golden, and we got to get ourselves back to the garden.

Yes, I am crazy about feathered creatures. I have a dozen chickens, 3 ducks, 5 geese, and 2 parakeets.

Revise that number. Just got 14 new chicks and 5 turkeys.

(in reply to HisPet21)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: what feeds your submission - 4/16/2013 10:35:08 PM   
JeffBC


Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LPslittleclip
thank all of you that responded. yes i do enjoy serving but with out the reinforcement of seing it recived as pleasing it is very hard for me to continue to serve and remain happy myself.

I think this is probably true of anyone doing anything. I'd have a really hard time leading, for instance, if those I was leading were indifferent to me and my efforts. What you are describing is certainly true of Carol. It's just that she doesn't really see herself as "serving" or "submitting". None of this is a conscious or active effort on her part.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Peppermint
no one should count on another person to make them happy.

Perhaps not but I've been counting on Carol to make me happy for almost two decades now and it's working out so far. We defy this conventional "wisdom" and instead go the way of interdependence. Her happiness is my job. My happiness is her job. Thus we are one.

_____________________________

I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd

(in reply to LPslittleclip)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: what feeds your submission - 4/17/2013 8:23:43 AM   
aiyah


Posts: 5
Joined: 4/15/2013
Status: offline 		that forceful tone, heavy touch, stern look = instant submission. but like any appetite it requires more than one thing to truely satisfy the hunger. its how helpless He lets me feel while @ the same time making me feel protected. Its being able to explore myself w/out fear of judgement. The intensity of which ever emotion my Daddy wants me to feel just fills my whole being until all i can see is Him. His happiness is my pleasure. My Daddy feeds my submission.

(in reply to Lucifyre)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: what feeds your submission - 4/17/2013 9:09:51 AM   
sexyred1


Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Lucifyre

Force.
Being the type of person that I am, He has to bring me to a place of submission in order for me to be able to get to it. Submission is not something I am able to draw out of myself on my own. I am not service oriented, or pleasing oriented or any of the other things you would expect. What trips that trigger for me is force.
Handful of hair and pushing me to my knees kind of force. The stern look or tone of voice of "you WILL comply" kind of force. The fire on my skin from cane strokes kind of force. I just don't get there on my own.
That said, once He applies His version of force, I have no problem staying there until He "releases" me from it.

fucking brain fog today. I dunno if I can even explain it.

Luci


This was interesting to me, as I feel sort of the same way. But for me, the above describes sexual submission.

After much thinking on this, I do not think I have ever met anyone who inspired my submission in all aspects of day to day life, as I am not submissive in the general world and the men I have been in relationships with did not make my decisions for me.

However, I am all about being loyal, supportive and making my partner happy, which I believe is just a product of being in a good relationship. I expect him to do the same with me.

(in reply to Lucifyre)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: what feeds your submission - 4/17/2013 12:02:32 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		I don't think anybody enjoys working without thanks. Even if at the end of the year your boss reviews you, and tells you that you deserve a raise, you still would have worked harder and not burn out as easily if during the year, he'd mention that he appreciates you covering for a sick coworker or staying after hours repeatedly to get a major project done.

It's why parents have second kids, because occasionally the first will end a bad day with a fierce hug and a picture labeled Best Mom.

I'm more likely to call it positive reinforcement than gratitude though, but that's just semantics. A 'good girl' or 'that's my baby' can help me hold on when I'm otherwise going to lose it.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to sexyred1)
Profile   Post #: 20
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