RE: The D/s nomenclature is in need of serious updating

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RE: The D/s nomenclature is in need of serious updating - 4/16/2013 6:05:20 PM

Rawni

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RE: The D/s nomenclature is in need of serious updating - 4/16/2013 6:08:10 PM

angelikaJ

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quote:

ORIGINAL: SeverinVim

quote:

You might enjoy reading some non fiction books about BDSM.

Actually, you wouldn't even need to add a box. A person could create a profile, identify as a submissive and seek submissives...or identify as a Dominant and seek a Dominant.

1) I was not rude.
2) Most of the rest of us weren't either.
Your posting style is confusing.

I still do not understand what it is you are looking for; the statement quoted above in this post makes no sense to me.
Why would a submissive be seeking out a submissive or a dominant seek a dominant unless they wanted to specifically form a sub/sub couple or a dominant/dominant couple?

If you could explain why you think submissive women are trying to dominate men, perhaps I will understand you better.

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RE: The D/s nomenclature is in need of serious updating - 4/16/2013 6:13:51 PM

SeverinVim

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By that logic, I guess I should just identify as a "Dominant male," then, because I "feel" like it. Great way to get submissive women, right? Who cares that I'm really submissive...after all, how dare anyone "dictate" how I should write my profile......

Please.

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RE: The D/s nomenclature is in need of serious updating - 4/16/2013 6:18:40 PM

SeverinVim

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Angelika, plenty of people are interested in "experimenting"

For example, I'm a submissive male, but I've dominated women many times. Sometimes I found that I enjoyed it, sometimes it felt unnatural. Irrespective of the way I felt about it, I was always a submissive male.

Similarly, a submissive woman might be interested in playing with another submissive woman, or with a submissive man. It's not that she's being dishonest to want such a thing. And there's nothing wrong with it, either. I think it's pretty cool, actually (or I wouldn't have done it myself).

All I'm saying is, if you FEEL as though you have a submissive personality but are interested in seeking out another submissive, don't hide the fact that you're a submissive. There is nothing wrong with it. Just indicate it on your profile. For example: "Submissive Male" seeking "Submissive Female," etc. I, for one, would respect that man MORE than if he assumed the role of a "Dominant Male." Same goes for women, too. Truth in advertising, again.

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RE: The D/s nomenclature is in need of serious updating - 4/16/2013 6:19:22 PM

LadyPact

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quote:

ORIGINAL: SeverinVim
By that logic, I guess I should just identify as a "Dominant male," then, because I "feel" like it. Great way to get submissive women, right? Who cares that I'm really submissive...after all, how dare anyone "dictate" how I should write my profile......

Please.

I'm trying not to be rude, but you are making it *very* difficult.

Nobody cares what you put in your profile. It's going to be what *you* choose to put in it, just like everybody else is going to choose what to put in theirs. If you want to put in things like 'submissive male who likes to top during scenes' that is completely your right. Just like it's everybody's right to put in or write what they want, even if it isn't phrased the way you like it.

Edited for crappy phrasing.

< Message edited by LadyPact -- 4/16/2013 6:36:44 PM >

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RE: The D/s nomenclature is in need of serious updating - 4/16/2013 6:25:24 PM

Rawni

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Advertising? How about just communicating when you find a point of interest or are you looking for a checked box to lessen your work in seeking partners? If we only have to check boxes to have truth and leave our 'advertising' to checked boxes... that is very sad. So you have to do a little work... wouldn't you do a little work before you found the right amount or types of boxes checked, to get to anything passed 'advertising'?

I may have sixty boxes checked that matches what someone seeks... and still be a total bitch they wouldn't want to be with. I can check all sorts of boxes that indicate what I am about and still have a lifetime of things for someone to learn about me.

You can claim to be submissive... doesn't mean I would find you to be so.

Nothing beats communication. Hell, there are a lot of married or attached people that wouldn't check a box on that. Human interaction takes a bit of time, energy and focus. Why get so focused on how people define themselves by way of titles and boxes?

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RE: The D/s nomenclature is in need of serious updating - 4/16/2013 6:32:05 PM

littlewonder

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quote:

Submissive people (myself included) crave attention; we need a LOT of care. What do Dominants get in return? The control. Dominants generally crave the CONTROL. Yes, I'm aware that these are broad generalizations, but there is a lot of truth to them.

wwwhhhoooaaa...hold on Nelly!

I'm a slave and the very last thing on earth I crave is attention. That may be true for YOU but it certainly is not true of all. I do everything in my power to get away from attention. It's something very uncomfortable to me.

And not all subs fantasize about domming someone. Again, it's the last thing on earth I would ever fantasize about and never have and doubt I ever will.

As for the rest of your rant....yeah ok. It's the same rant we hear here all the time...everyone is a fake. Everyone is a liar. No one is real, yadda, yadda, yadda.

How about stop looking at women as a fetish delivery system and as a human woman first.

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RE: The D/s nomenclature is in need of serious updating - 4/16/2013 6:32:32 PM

angelikaJ

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quote:

ORIGINAL: SeverinVim

Angelika, plenty of people are interested in "experimenting"

For example, I'm a submissive male, but I've dominated women many times. Sometimes I found that I enjoyed it, sometimes it felt unnatural. Irrespective of the way I felt about it, I was always a submissive male.

Similarly, a submissive woman might be interested in playing with another submissive woman, or with a submissive man. It's not that she's being dishonest to want such a thing. And there's nothing wrong with it, either. I think it's pretty cool, actually (or I wouldn't have done it myself).

All I'm saying is, if you FEEL as though you have a submissive personality but are interested in seeking out another submissive, don't hide the fact that you're a submissive. There is nothing wrong with it. Just indicate it on your profile. For example: "Submissive Male" seeking "Submissive Female," etc. I, for one, would respect that man MORE than if he assumed the role of a "Dominant Male." Same goes for women, too. Truth in advertising, again.

You are not explaining the source of your frustration: are you finding many profiles that are untruthful in what they are seeking?
Without giving names (as that is against the rules), can you give an example of what you mean?

quote:

Submissive people (myself included) crave attention; we need a LOT of care.

Are you not finding people who are willing to give you enough attention and care?

Your profile is completely blank as far as text goes.
This is not meant as an attack.
Most people seeking skip blank profiles.

Please try to explain what your actual issue is.
It will be easier to answer.

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RE: The D/s nomenclature is in need of serious updating - 4/16/2013 6:40:17 PM

SeverinVim

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Well, yeah, I came across a submissive woman masquerading as a Domme.

I don't think she knew it. I knew it (having met lots and lots of dominant women AND submissive women in my ten-plus years in the scene).

It wasn't my place to tell her, and I didn't say anything...but yeah, no offense but it sucks to meet someone expecting A and then receiving B.

And, she's failed at every attempt she's ever made at getting a submissive male to be hers. Again, I think I know why, but it's not my place to tell her. But I do think that she would be better suited finding a "switch" or a "Dominant" male.

I think if she gave serious thought to her needs and her personality, she would have saved herself (and many others) a lot of grief.

< Message edited by SeverinVim -- 4/16/2013 6:41:20 PM >

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RE: The D/s nomenclature is in need of serious updating - 4/16/2013 6:42:50 PM

UllrsIshtar

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quote:

ORIGINAL: SeverinVim

Well, yeah, I came across a submissive woman masquerading as a Domme.

What exactly made you think this?

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RE: The D/s nomenclature is in need of serious updating - 4/16/2013 6:43:12 PM

Rawni

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Oh dear powers that be, now you're a match maker based on your take of what a dominant/submissive is and what they should do, also based on your evaluation?

When you are made ruler of the world... I hope they advertise that... as I hope to be on another planet.

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RE: The D/s nomenclature is in need of serious updating - 4/16/2013 6:45:18 PM

SeverinVim

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quote:

ORIGINAL: UllrsIshtar

quote:

ORIGINAL: SeverinVim

Well, yeah, I came across a submissive woman masquerading as a Domme.

What exactly made you think this?

Because she didn't seek control. Instead, she was seeking someone to provide control and stability to her life.

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RE: The D/s nomenclature is in need of serious updating - 4/16/2013 6:46:09 PM

littlewonder

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and she told you this word for word or you read that into her words to you specifically???

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RE: The D/s nomenclature is in need of serious updating - 4/16/2013 6:51:10 PM

LafayetteLady

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So you assume she was something other than what she said, and now you believe you have enough experience and knowledge to speak for all of the kinky folks on all the sites? Wow. I would be impressed if I gave a shit about your opinion.

I would imagine the idea that the two of you weren't compatible is just too far fetched for you to consider. Or perhaps that what you are calling "stability" and "control" could have simply been tasks she wanted to assign to you that didn't get you off.

Funny, but at this point I'm seriously leaning towards the latter options.

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RE: The D/s nomenclature is in need of serious updating - 4/16/2013 6:51:21 PM

SeekingTrinity

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~FRing it~

Oh, if only every single person on the planet paid attention to the memo you sent out declaring yourself Grand Exalted Poohbah of BDSM. If only we all reported to the classification depot as ordered so you could properly classify and then cram us all into the narrow little boxes you so carefully labeled! Damned bunch of disobedient kinksters!

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RE: The D/s nomenclature is in need of serious updating - 4/16/2013 6:51:47 PM

SeverinVim

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quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

and she told you this word for word or you read that into her words to you specifically???

Who knows, maybe I'm wrong, but I doubt it. I was detecting a VERY needy, "submissive" vibe from her. I know, I know, submissive does not equal needy, blah blah blah, so offensive, but really.

By the way, it's crazy to think that I just met the woman and I was ready to pass judgment on her personality like that, right? How judgmental of me, huh?

It's nothing like reading someone's post online and making a slew of assumptions about them...

That's something completely different. ;-)

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RE: The D/s nomenclature is in need of serious updating - 4/16/2013 6:53:02 PM

littlewonder

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so basically she told you nothing. It's just a feeling you got online. Gotchya

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RE: The D/s nomenclature is in need of serious updating - 4/16/2013 6:54:50 PM

angelikaJ

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You encountered one possibly confused person and because of this you want to re-write titles?

I can understand feeling frustrated when someone you are interested in turns out not to be a match.

Wanting to vent is normal.

It seems to me that your approach was a bit over the top in relation to your experience and you would have saved a lot of time if you had just explained the situation from the beginning.

Hinting is not a very effective form of communication.

quote:

Submissive people (myself included) crave attention; we need a LOT of care.

How did that come into play?

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RE: The D/s nomenclature is in need of serious updating - 4/16/2013 6:55:29 PM

SeverinVim

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quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

so basically she told you nothing. It's just a feeling you got online. Gotchya

Basically she told me nothing. Exactly. --rolls eyes--

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RE: The D/s nomenclature is in need of serious updating - 4/16/2013 6:58:41 PM

Rawni

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You know OP... there are times in everyone's life, that they may evolve, may face life challenges, may change in ways that might not fit your manner of evaluation on whom and what they are. Should a dom ever cry? Does a man cry? Do dominants need to be strong at all times? Can they get down time? Should a submissive be weaker? Dumber?

You categorize people without a realistic view of a whole person, you will find yourself very lonely.

So you got butt hurt because you didn't get butt hurt. She is one woman that most likely wouldn't have wanted you either... as you are too submissive and couldn't be a backbone when a domina down needed one. (Maybe) Move on... you don't have to go trying to change websites and other people. Geez... get over yourself.

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