quote:

ORIGINAL: SeverinVim
Who knows, maybe I'm wrong, but I doubt it. I was detecting a VERY needy, "submissive" vibe from her. I know, I know, submissive does not equal needy, blah blah blah, so offensive, but really.

By the way, it's crazy to think that I just met the woman and I was ready to pass judgment on her personality like that, right? How judgmental of me, huh?

It's nothing like reading someone's post online and making a slew of assumptions about them...

That's something completely different. ;-)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact
When you don't get that vibe, it doesn't mean the other person isn't Dominant. It does mean that person might not be the Dominant for you.

quote:

ORIGINAL: SeverinVim
I think that Dominant people are generally "control freaks"

quote:

ORIGINAL: TwoHeartsBeatOne
A funny thing happened on my way to discovering I am a Domme. And, I'm not alone. Many people who are now experiencing dominance actually began their BDSM journey as submissives or slaves....

quote:

ORIGINAL: JeffBC

quote:

ORIGINAL: TwoHeartsBeatOne
A funny thing happened on my way to discovering I am a Domme. And, I'm not alone. Many people who are now experiencing dominance actually began their BDSM journey as submissives or slaves....

What? You mean humans are complex and don't tend to fit into the nice, tidy little BDSM boxes very well? ~grin~

Yeah, I agree.

quote:

ORIGINAL: SeverinVim
I just think it would be better if someone could have a designation like this:
"Submissive Male interested in Dominating" or "Switch interested in submitting"
or "Switch female interested in dominating."

quote:

ORIGINAL: SeverinVim

Well, yeah, I came across a submissive woman masquerading as a Domme.

I don't think she knew it. I knew it (having met lots and lots of dominant women AND submissive women in my ten-plus years in the scene).

It wasn't my place to tell her, and I didn't say anything...but yeah, no offense but it sucks to meet someone expecting A and then receiving B.

And, she's failed at every attempt she's ever made at getting a submissive male to be hers. Again, I think I know why, but it's not my place to tell her. But I do think that she would be better suited finding a "switch" or a "Dominant" male.

I think if she gave serious thought to her needs and her personality, she would have saved herself (and many others) a lot of grief.

I wonder if you ever met her in person, or if this was just an online thing. Sorry to hear that things didn't work out, but...I think you are shoving too much blame in her direction. I seriously doubt that "every attempt she's ever made at getting a submissive male to be hers" is entirely her fault either. See, before finding someone compatible we have to kiss hundreds of toads, metaphorically speaking. It took me years to find the one I was looking for, and in the meantime I decided on Topping newbies and having several (what I knew would be) temporary relationships.

To some, I might come across as having a submissive personality. I was raised that way. LOL, a male friend of mine told me that if I don't want to conquer the world that I wasn't really a Dominant...maybe you think like him. I don't want to boss the world around, nor do I want to "act Dominant" around people who are not mine. What I'm saying is...it's possible that, like me, the "submissive woman passing herself off as Domme" just hasn't found the right person to be motivated yet. (Why act all Dommely, giving away free wank fodder, to men that cannot or will not meet our needs?)

The only one I own is my own slave, bo. When I am around other submissive males I treat them as any other human being, usually with kindness and courtesy and occasionally am also helpful. There is no need to act like a Princess/Queen/whatever, projecting some image.

Someone near my area had the same distainful attitude toward me that you have toward the Domme you are complaining about. All the ass kissing in the world couldn't hide the vibes I felt coming from him...with him, he disrespected Dommes who didn't hold down high powered jobs. I knew that he would feel that he was lowering himself, in a bad way, to be my submissive. Others didn't have that attitude, but HE did, and this is why I "failed" at making him mine. I had walked away because his attitude cooled off my interest.

That derisive attitude is not attractive. Even if you said nothing to her face, it might have made her spidey senses tingle. Btw, there are a lot of good reasons to "fail every attempt she's ever made at getting a submissive male". (Attempt? Does this mean that every answered first contact is an attempt, with a pass or fail grade?)
1) Incompatible emotional/sexual/kink needs that cannot be worked out.
2) Not every submissive male who writes is submissive.
3) Most are married and cheating, or have a significant other and is cheating.
4) Many guys who send us letters have a long line of wrecked relationships under their belt and seem to be lacking in basic social skills.
5) Have an entitlement attitude.
6) Distance, relocation issues, extended family and responsibilities for elder care or child visitation, etc.
7) No mutual sexual sparkage, and/or no D/s sparkage.
8) Substance abuse problems.
9) Physical or mental disabilities that the prospective Dominant doesn't feel she can handle.

That sentence I quoted...shows a contemptuous attitude that would make me disqualify the prospective "submissive". I would also warn my friends that if he talked with them...and "failed" to get him as their submissive...that all of their friends and many strangers would hear about what a failure they are as a Domme.

In our real time BDSM communities, I am known as CynthiaWVirginia. If you have been involved in your local BDSM community for the past ten years, if SeverinVim is not your scene name in r/t, surely others will know by your location and physical stats, and perhaps even your writing style, who you are and who you have been negotiating with recently. These posts of yours...do NOT make you look like a good prospect.

quote:

ORIGINAL: SeverinVim

1. Dominant

2. Switch

3. Submissive

This probably sounds obnoxious, but I think that women with major self-esteem issues should not be encouraged to hold themselves out as "Dommes." There should be another label for them, like "women interested in dominating men," or something to that effect.

It would be like me saying that I'm a "Dominant Male" if I ever feel the need to dominate a woman. The title of "Dominant Male" just wouldn't be true to my personality. Sometimes I may fantasize about dominating a woman, but that doesn't make me a "Dominant." I will still have a submissive personality.

Lots of submissive women are interested in dominating men, and a lot of men (and women) enjoy this. But there should be more truth in advertising. For example, if I know that it is a submissive woman looking to dominate me, I will approach the interaction much differently.

The difference? Submissive people (myself included) crave attention; we need a LOT of care. What do Dominants get in return? The control. Dominants generally crave the CONTROL. Yes, I'm aware that these are broad generalizations, but there is a lot of truth to them.

Incidentally the term "switch" doesn't exactly apply, either. Why? "Switch" implies that the person is capable of being "Dominant" and "Submissive." A lot of submissive people (myself included) are only capable of being one way, even when we "dominate" another person. In other words, we are dominating as a "submissive" would, not as a "Dominant" would (which is what a switch would be doing when he/she dominates another person).

Anyway, it may all sound rather confusing, but when you really think about it, it makes perfect sense.

People should take the time to figure out what they really are before advertising on these pages.