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I know I need profession help, but humor me for now..... - 6/23/2006 11:37:15 PM

servantbitch

Posts: 11
Joined: 8/27/2004
Status: offline

I am in a different situation than most people. I joined a Master and a Mistress, not knowing what all was expected of me, and what I was expected to do. I am now finding myself a little bitter at times. I am a service slave live-in, with little to no s/m, and definately no sex. Mistress isn't one to share, she just had a baby. I am feeling left out, lonely, and like my only purpose here is to clean, babysit, and be at there beck and call, mind you I still work a job outside the home. I want to comunicate with them, I just don't know how to with out sounding petty, immature, and jealous. I need some advice in how to change my negative thinking. I should state that I love my owners, they are wonderful people. I am here because I choose to be. I have issues that I am working on, medical and just emotional baggage type things. Mistress has said to me that that is why I was here to fix those things, and then they would help me find my "own" Master. I am so frustrated. Help me read between my own lines, and help figure out why I am doing this to this family....as well as myself.... what am I missing here...

sb cat

Post #: 1

RE: I know I need profession help, but humor me for now... - 6/23/2006 11:48:08 PM

wild1cfl

Posts: 567
Joined: 4/19/2004
Status: offline

I would hope that you would be able to sit down with your Master and Mistress and discuss these issues with them. What my wife and I try and do is set aside open discussion time with our slave so that she is able to express to us how she is feeling and what she likes about her position and what she does not like. I can understand why you would feel the way you do if all yo are doing is the vanilla type of chores and not getting any play time. It is very important in a D/s, M/s and BDSM type of relationship like this to find that time for play. I would equate it to a date night for a vanilla couple who recently had a baby.
When we had smaller children we had to make sure and arrange the time for our slave, this kept her happy and she was definitely much more willing to do the menial chores around the house if we kept her in rope all day or made even the smallest gesture to include something kinky every day. We would often just make sure she had a butt plug in her while she was cleaning, and when the children were smaller she would clean in the nude with one of us behind her with a crop or reaching around to twist her nipples every few minutes. It does not have to be alot but at least they should be doing something to keep you interested. I kow I would !!

_____________________________

Wild

My Falcon now is sharp, and passing empty; And, till she stoop, she shall not be full gorg'd, For then she never looks upon her lure. Another way i have to man my haggard, to make her come and know her keeper's call. Wm. Shakespeare

(in reply to servantbitch)

Post #: 2

RE: I know I need profession help, but humor me for now... - 6/24/2006 12:23:20 AM

BlkTallFullfig

Posts: 5585
Joined: 6/25/2004
Status: offline

Wow servantbitch,
I'm sorry you find youself in an uncomfortable situation.
You sound like you are doing what you signed up to do, serve; but did you know there would be no sex ever? Did you know that you were basically joining a family to be their slave? The best thing I can recommend, is that you ask permission to speak freely, and tell your owners exactly what you are thinking/feeling, as that will open the barriers to possibly getting your desires/needs met.

I don't think your masters are doing anything wrong if they told you beforehand this is what you were in for... It's extremely difficult to think about play/fun of that sort without consciencious planning by all parties when a new lil person arrives in a family. There's also the chance that things aren't going terribly well between hubby and wife (your co-masters), and in that case she would definitely limit your interaction with him.

It sounds to me like you are unhappy, working/slaving for them when there isn't enough intimacy or sex with them. It is my unprofessional opinion that you ought to get the professional help you say you need, and than decide what it is you would like in your life/future.
I have chat with people who say they wish to serve without strings, but it's not something I understand, and definitely not something I would enter into with another human being regardless of whether he called himself a sub or slave.
Wish you luck in resolution of this, M

_____________________________

a.k.a. SexyBossyBBW
""Touching was, and still is, and will always be, the true revolution" Nikki Giovanni

(in reply to servantbitch)

Post #: 3

RE: I know I need profession help, but humor me for now... - 6/24/2006 12:57:51 AM

cacodylic

Posts: 157
Joined: 3/6/2005
From: CA
Status: offline

I'm going to pretend you posted this on the "ask a [fellow] sub" forum and say that if you're not getting your wants and needs fulfilled, it's time to bail. Screw the discussion that won't lead anywhere, just move on.

(in reply to servantbitch)

Post #: 4

RE: I know I need profession help, but humor me for now... - 6/24/2006 1:04:41 AM

feastie

Posts: 1793
Joined: 6/4/2004
Status: offline

If you want intimacy and s/m in your relationship, why did you join a household as a service only slave?

_____________________________

Snarky and loving it.

Disclaimer: Any views expressed in any post are my opinions only. They may or may not be yours.

(in reply to cacodylic)

Post #: 5

RE: I know I need profession help, but humor me for now... - 6/24/2006 3:37:15 AM

LeatherBentOne

Posts: 469
Joined: 9/27/2005
Status: offline

Like someone said. Bail out. Get the help you need on your own before you enter any relationship for your own protection. Then, find out what is expected of you in your next relationship, take time to ponder if this is what you need rather than what you want, and move forward slowly, one step at a time. Good luck.

LeatherBentOne

(in reply to feastie)

Post #: 6

RE: I know I need profession help, but humor me for now... - 6/24/2006 6:04:29 AM

LadyMorgynn

Posts: 800
Joined: 11/25/2005
From: N. Carolina
Status: offline

It doesn't sound from what you say that they deceived you in any way. This is probably exactly what they were looking for. Unfortunately, this is why you find so many people here stressing to *communicate* before you jump in, and find out exactly what the terms of service are, and if *your* needs will be met, and that just because one is "Dom" and the other is "slave" does not mean that there is an automatic match.

It sounds like you should leave, and find another Master or Mistress to serve. It's unlikely that you can renegotiate the terms, because they want what they want, which is how things are now. Just tell it to them straight, like you told us. Then leave, and next time, TALK to a prospective Master/Mistress before you leap right in.

_____________________________

---
Lady Morgynn
www.farhorizons.net/LadyMorgynn

(in reply to servantbitch)

Post #: 7

RE: I know I need profession help, but humor me for now... - 6/24/2006 6:50:26 AM

JohnWarren

Posts: 3807
Joined: 3/18/2005
From: Delray Beach, FL
Status: offline

You aren't the first person to find out that the reality of a fantasy wasn't as much fun as the fantasy. It seems you have two options. You can negotiate another arrangment from your couple or you can leave.

Call it a learning experience

_____________________________

www.lovingdominant.org

(in reply to servantbitch)

Post #: 8

RE: I know I need profession help, but humor me for now... - 6/24/2006 6:52:11 AM

LadyMorgynn

Posts: 800
Joined: 11/25/2005
From: N. Carolina
Status: offline

Learning experiences should never be underrated, no matter how painful or unfortunate they are!

I should know <sigh>

quote:

ORIGINAL: JohnWarren

You aren't the first person to find out that the reality of a fantasy wasn't as much fun as the fantasy. It seems you have two options. You can negotiate another arrangment from your couple or you can leave.

Call it a learning experience

_____________________________

---
Lady Morgynn
www.farhorizons.net/LadyMorgynn

(in reply to JohnWarren)

Post #: 9

RE: I know I need profession help, but humor me for now... - 6/24/2006 3:10:54 PM

Proprietrix

Posts: 756
Joined: 7/15/2005
From: Ohio/West Virginia
Status: offline

Steps to a satisfying life:
Step one: Clearly define what you want.
Step two: Clearly define what it takes to get it.
Step three: Go get it.

Sounds like you are stuck on step one.

_____________________________

IMO, IMHO, YMMV, AFAIK, to me, I see it as, from my perspective, it's been my experience, I only speak for myself, (and all other disclaimers here).

(in reply to servantbitch)

Post #: 10

RE: I know I need profession help, but humor me for now... - 6/24/2006 5:13:56 PM

Misstoyou

Posts: 1149
Joined: 9/4/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Proprietrix

Steps to a satisfying life:
Step one: Clearly define what you want.
Step two: Clearly define what it takes to get it.
Step three: Go get it.

Sounds like you are stuck on step one.

I think step one is the hardest. Plus then there's the not allowing yourself to get distracted by all the other cool things when you're on step three. lol

_____________________________

~ Miss Marie

a.k.a. "mean Lady"

(in reply to Proprietrix)

Post #: 11

RE: I know I need profession help, but humor me for now... - 6/24/2006 9:58:23 PM

TeeGO

Posts: 451
Joined: 12/11/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Proprietrix

Steps to a satisfying life:
Step one: Clearly define what you want.
Step two: Clearly define what it takes to get it.
Step three: Go get it.

Sounds like you are stuck on step one.

I know I feel stuck on step one. Just when I feel comfortable with what I think I want, I get uncomfortable with the idea. I am glad to have been involved with Domme's on a lesser level than what I think I desire. But the flip side is that the relationships have not given me entirely what I think I crave thus I could be "soured" toward the level that I really need to be at. Is that a catch 22?

To the OP, believe me I know taking the big step is far from an easy thing to do. But if what your doing is not even a little satsifing, it is time to end it. I recently ended one of my relationships (yes I was involved with multiple Domme's) and it was very hard to do. But to move on sometimes you need to let go. I may have to do it again very soon as well.

_____________________________

Life is a mystery to be explored. An open mind is a portal to wondrous experiences!

(in reply to Proprietrix)

Post #: 12

RE: I know I need profession help, but humor me for now... - 6/25/2006 8:04:26 AM

Evanesce

Posts: 2325
Joined: 9/14/2005
Status: offline

quote:

I am in a different situation than most people. I joined a Master and a Mistress, not knowing what all was expected of me, and what I was expected to do. I am now finding myself a little bitter at times. I am a service slave live-in, with little to no s/m, and definately no sex. Mistress isn't one to share, she just had a baby. I am feeling left out, lonely, and like my only purpose here is to clean, babysit, and be at there beck and call, mind you I still work a job outside the home. I want to comunicate with them, I just don't know how to with out sounding petty, immature, and jealous. I need some advice in how to change my negative thinking.

Did you at least know going in that your role would be as a service slave? Did you know what a service slave was when you agreed to it? If the answers to these questions are Yes, then to change your negative thinking, you need to reaffirm to yourself that this is the life you asked for.

Unfortunately, a lot of people leap before they look, and wind up unhappy, just as you have. What I would recommend is that you sit down and make a list of the things you NEED (not want) in order to feel fulfilled in your life. Then go over that list and ask yourself if you're getting these things out of your current situation. If not, then your next step should be to discuss them with your owners, to see if you can't reach some agreement on how you should be handled as a slave, and work on being a better slave - while they work on being better owners.

If all that fails, and you're still unhappy, then it's time to leave.

_____________________________

Denise

Give a slave what he truly needs, and he will do what you want.

"There's never a hero in a battle of ego." - Big & Rich

(in reply to servantbitch)

Post #: 13

RE: I know I need profession help, but humor me for now... - 6/25/2006 8:12:02 AM

iliv2servher

Posts: 228
Joined: 5/17/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: feastie

If you want intimacy and s/m in your relationship, why did you join a household as a service only slave?

I do not see where she wrote that she joined the household as a service only slave. But it does sound like the negotiation process that preceeded the actual live-in situation did not include enough specifics about her job description.

There are a lot of couples who simply want a service only person, without any emotional or physical contact whatsoever. These people consider a service submissive to be just that. And they are probably correct in assuming that a service submissive/slave is only there for one reason.

(in reply to feastie)

Post #: 14

RE: I know I need profession help, but humor me for now... - 6/25/2006 8:47:31 AM

servantbitch

Posts: 11
Joined: 8/27/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Evanesce

Did you at least know going in that your role would be as a service slave? Did you know what a service slave was when you agreed to it? If the answers to these questions are Yes, then to change your negative thinking, you need to reaffirm to yourself that this is the life you asked for.

I think that you are correct. I just need to figure out how to do that for myself....

quote:

Unfortunately, a lot of people leap before they look, and wind up unhappy, just as you have. What I would recommend is that you sit down and make a list of the things you NEED (not want) in order to feel fulfilled in your life. Then go over that list and ask yourself if you're getting these things out of your current situation. If not, then your next step should be to discuss them with your owners, to see if you can't reach some agreement on how you should be handled as a slave, and work on being a better slave - while they work on being better owners.

I thank you for your insight Evanece. I do agree lists are always a neccessity. I will try this thank you again....

sb cat

(in reply to Evanesce)

Post #: 15

RE: I know I need profession help, but humor me for now... - 6/26/2006 1:12:19 AM

lokisgodhi

Posts: 69
Status: offline

Hi Cat:

How long have you been there? What progress with your issues have they helped you make since you've been there? How much time do you have for yourself? Are you allowed activities, friends, dating, outside the house besides? Where do you see yourself in five years? We need a bit more details if we're to help. Your post is a bit cryptic.

(in reply to servantbitch)

Post #: 16

RE: I know I need profession help, but humor me for now... - 6/26/2006 9:26:16 AM

lisa1978

Posts: 224
Joined: 5/19/2006
From: Kansas City
Status: offline

I will be like others here... Did you know that you would be basically a service servant or was the whole life servant/BDSM/sex was suppose to be involved?

If you knew it was going to be strongly service then you basically got what you thought. If it is not working for you then you need to move on?

If it was suppose to be way more than service, and since your post and where you posted it, the Mistress just had a baby maybe she is just going through things and you need to be more upfront with her and have patience. Is her husband suppose to be dominant to you?

There is also a possibilty that they are a couple looking for a free maid, cook and errand person and use D/s as a way to get it. Before I get flamed, most couples are not that, but there are some couples that look for free labor on these sites and try to disguise it as D/s.

_____________________________

It hurts sometimes more than we can bear. If we could live without passion, maybe we'd know some kind of peace. But we would be hollow. Empty rooms, shuttered and dank. Without passion, we'd be truly dead.

(in reply to lokisgodhi)

Post #: 17

RE: I know I need profession help, but humor me for now... - 6/26/2006 9:43:52 AM

LordTemporal

Posts: 12
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

I see a lot of people telling this sub/slave to leave..and I see a lot of people saying to define what she seeks, before she goes looking for it...what I don't see is the following advice.

It is the submissives place to question the dom/domme/couple...clearly and completely...to ask, hundreds if not thousands of detailed questions...to determine what her duties are...to determine what is expected of her, to define exactly what her daily and general duties will consist of...not just her domestic...but her sexual and interpersonal duties will be. If you are going to uproot your life, your very existance to go live with a couple...it is YOUR responsibility to know what you are getting into. If you don't do your own homework, don't expect the dominant couple to do it for you. At this point, you are lucky that you are in service to what appear to be non-crazies...but imagine if you had used the same lackadaisical attitude, and the other party had been a predator, a serial killer...or even worse...a democrat...shudders...lol

Sub, if you don't do your homework...don't expect to get what you seek...and if you dont know what you seek...you have to determine that first.

LT

(in reply to lisa1978)

Post #: 18

RE: I know I need profession help, but humor me for now... - 6/26/2006 9:54:34 AM

thetammyjo

Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline

You know, people change, we all change, and perhaps when you joined them what they had to offer you sounded great. As you work through your own stuff though you will increase the rate at which you change -- that's a good thing in the long run but it will make your current relationships tricky.

If you are starting to feel bitter as you say then I think this is a serious problem. Next to jealousy, I think bitterness is an emotion that can undermine positive things beyond repair if not dealt with thoroughly and beginning as soon as possible.

The remedy is the same for bitterness as it is for jealousy -- figuring out what is contributing to the feelings and then working on changing those contributing factors.

Your feelings are your feelings, they are reactions to a current situation and to your past. You can't stop them, you can't chose them, as my therapist reaffirmed on Saturday, but you can recognize them, try to analyse them, and learn to chose your actions better.

The problem is that doing that on your own is near impossible because you can't get the distance you need to figure things out objectively and those contributing factors will feed into your recognition and your analysis. Those nearest to you are also likely to not be terribly helpful because it may be them or your relationshis that are part of the contributing factors.

I think you said what you need to do in the title of your post. You do need objective, professional help. It does not mean you are sick or weak or afraid, in fact, I suggest it means quite the opposite.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to servantbitch)

Post #: 19

RE: I know I need profession help, but humor me for now... - 6/28/2006 2:11:10 PM

marshastoy

Posts: 5
Joined: 6/27/2006
Status: offline

Since she has admitted you are only there temporarily until you get your own Master, it sounds like you are only there to help around the house while the baby takes their time. And thats not what you want. It was unfair of these guys to put you in that position. You need to find a Master/Mistress that will appreciate you, treat you like you are theirs and take you into a life you want to live. Get out now.

Marshas toy

(in reply to thetammyjo)

Post #: 20

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