LadyHugs
Posts: 2299
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline
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Dear servantbitch, Ladies and Gentlemen;
I read your post and re-read it several more times and there are some areas of consideration to think upon.
Your post mentioned that you have emotional baggage as well as medical issues that you need to get fixed but, it seems to me that these two Owners were agreeable to help you 'fix' things. Unless these two Owners are professional mental and or medical trained; the lack of progress in such might be the source of the 'frustration.'
Many a professional who are qualified in health and or medical areas, other than dispensing drugs and such, often teach you how to become your own 'white knight' and fix things yourselves. And, they won't abandon you or let you flounder in the process. They teach you to help yourself and perhaps see a side of yourself you never knew before--especially the positives.
Adding to the the post's message, I also wanted to briefly touch on the Mistress having a baby. At times there are depression issues with Moms. So, you might be caught up into such depression issues as well as attempting to handle your own. So, if you do seek an outside professional dealing with mental/emotional issues, you really are in a position much like a "nanny" and or "governess." This might aid in expressing your situation to the professional.
Another area of consideration I wish to proffer, is that there might be a medicine that you are taking to which tampers with your emotional, mental and or medical situation. Might be, the chemicals in such drugs are triggering something against your own body. Perhaps a doctor might be able to look into such. At least by looking into the potential that it isn't you or them but, medicines would be a remedy that most might welcome.
If your negotiations clearly spelled out the S&M, the sex use and such, it might be that such areas were not addressed fully. Perhaps requesting a re-negotiation.
What is important in my mind's eye; is that each Owner, e.g. Master, Mistress, etc., are different in what they seek, how they train and what protocols they follow. What training you get there, will not always transfer to a new owner. In summary, you will want to understand that each new position that you consider, you will wish to consider carefully before you go into negotiations. However, what you learn from the present situation is priceless. And, no current Owner can predict and or assure, that they will find a future owner.
They might be able to introduce you both but, it really comes down to you both 'consenting' to the D/s relationship.
Respectfully submitted for consideration,
Lady Hugs
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RE: I know I need profession help, but humor me for now... - 
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