RE: Donate or keep for play

RE: Donate or keep for play (Full Version)

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SDFemDom4cuck -> RE: Donate or keep for play (4/27/2013 9:50:14 PM)
I never thought the day would come that I would agree so completely with Rawni but I do. You nailed it completely. LadyPact I really find this distasteful. Even if clip claimed he wouldn't be around anymore you had to have realized many people who have shared in your journey over the years would see it and make the connection. I haven't posted in years and I knew who it was referring to immediately. To have such little respect for someone who spent years in service to you truly is mindboggling to me. It sadly is now out there for all to see and really doesn't reflect well on how you handle the ending of a relationship. I find it pretty tacky that you are more concerned about the $ value of a collar than the feelings of the person that served you for so many years. smh JMO as to the OT if it means so little to you except monetarily then sell the thing. Personally I cleanse by fire and burn the tangible memories I don't want hanging around.

UllrsIshtar -> RE: Donate or keep for play (4/27/2013 10:38:20 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SDFemDom4cuck I find it pretty tacky that you are more concerned about the $ value of a collar than the feelings of the person that served you for so many years. Sorry, but depending on what happened, and how it ended, and how people behaved, it's very possible to have more feelings left for a piece of leather than for the person who used to wear it.

littleclip -> RE: Donate or keep for play (4/27/2013 11:17:54 PM)
funds have been paid so it is no longer a out of pocket expense to the one that commisioned the work. if it is unwanted or can not be used again than i would like to have it for the memories it holds for me. if that is not possible than it should be destroyed so no lingering issues

DarkSteven -> RE: Donate or keep for play (4/27/2013 11:27:04 PM)
Look, I have no idea how the relationship ended, and don't want to know. It's none of my business. I'm certainly not going to impute anything, and it wouldn't be my place to criticize even if I did have the facts, which I don't.

Marini -> RE: Donate or keep for play (4/28/2013 7:59:03 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: littleclip funds have been paid so it is no longer a out of pocket expense to the one that commisioned the work. if it is unwanted or can not be used again than i would like to have it for the memories it holds for me. if that is not possible than it should be destroyed so no lingering issues Hi clip, Sometimes my sarcasm/joke detector does not work. Maybe, you are kidding here. This could be your way of just joking/or playing around. If that is not the case, Please let pride take you by the hand and at least walk away from this thread. I also agree that it should be destroyed, like thrown into this week's trash can. Good luck and take care

TheLilSquaw -> RE: Donate or keep for play (4/28/2013 9:22:29 AM)
Grief is a very personal thing. How each of us grieves the end of a relationship is very different. To some of you because LP isn't crying into her pancake batter she is cold and doesn't respect the history there. Did any of you stop to think that PERHAPS LP grieved the end of this relationship before she removed the collar? That doing so simply gave her closure? But because her grieving process was / is different than yours some of you have lost respect for her? I find that funny. Some of you also jump on her because she asked a kink related question on the forum because clip also posts here and because anyone who has posted here has shared their journey. To those people I ask, so should LP not ever post a question about an M/s relationship or her opinion about them or share her experiences HERE? After all wont people always connect LP and clip? Isn't the original question one that EVERYONE who ends a relationship faces? I know I have in the past.

littleclip -> RE: Donate or keep for play (4/28/2013 9:35:52 AM)
not joking money sent quote: ORIGINAL: Marini quote: ORIGINAL: littleclip funds have been paid so it is no longer a out of pocket expense to the one that commisioned the work. if it is unwanted or can not be used again than i would like to have it for the memories it holds for me. if that is not possible than it should be destroyed so no lingering issues Hi clip, Sometimes my sarcasm/joke detector does not work. Maybe, you are kidding here. This could be your way of just joking/or playing around. If that is not the case, Please let pride take you by the hand and at least walk away from this thread. I also agree that it should be destroyed, like thrown into this week's trash can. Good luck and take care

KnightofMists -> RE: Donate or keep for play (4/28/2013 9:39:52 AM)
quote: I am fully against saving it for the next dynamic. That's just outright tacky to Me. It's not some kind of heirloom. It's also not a keepsake. I'm not sticking it in a box somewhere or wanting to preserve it in relation to positive memories. It's just not that to Me, so those options are out. Nor is it of any significant monetary value either. I share your approach to the M owning the collar unlike the common practice of a husband giving a ring to his wife. Incidentally... My two slaves each have diamond rings... I own them. If for some unimaginable event should occur and the relationships end The rings would be sold the collars destroyed. It's that simple. In addition, I have had a previous M/s dynamic end... The collar was destroyed... We never reach the stage of her earning a ring so there was none to sell. On the side topic of this thread.... This whole thread is rather tacky in its approach. Granted its a good question... But the question could of been posed without all the commentary... Something like... "What is your opinion on the ownership of a collar and what would happen to the collar if the relationship should end?" Just my three cents

JstAnotherSub -> RE: Donate or keep for play (4/28/2013 9:41:50 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: TheLilSquaw Grief is a very personal thing. How each of us grieves the end of a relationship is very different. To some of you because LP isn't crying into her pancake batter she is cold and doesn't respect the history there. Did any of you stop to think that PERHAPS LP grieved the end of this relationship before she removed the collar? That doing so simply gave her closure? But because her grieving process was / is different than yours some of you have lost respect for her? I find that funny. Some of you also jump on her because she asked a kink related question on the forum because clip also posts here and because anyone who has posted here has shared their journey. To those people I ask, so should LP not ever post a question about an M/s relationship or her opinion about them or share her experiences HERE? After all wont people always connect LP and clip? Isn't the original question one that EVERYONE who ends a relationship faces? I know I have in the past. Just as LP has every right to feel as she does, so do I have every right to feel as I do. It is not funny in the least, it is quite sad in fact. I have no idea why they broke up and clip may have done something that is horrid and inexcusable. I still find this to be in very poor taste, it saddens me to see clip still so connected to her that he is begging for that collar on here, and it did change my opinion of LP that she chose to post this so soon after the formal break up. I am sure she cares not one bit about my opinion, because her opinion is all that does and should matter to her. I have no idea why you would concern your self with how others see this situation.

SDFemDom4cuck -> RE: Donate or keep for play (4/28/2013 10:22:14 AM)
I believe that if you are going to splash every detail of a relationship all over a forum board as the two people involved have here for years then you open yourself up to the opinions of others both positive and negative. I've had relationships that started here on CM and not all have ended well. Those that have known me over the years know I don't spew my personal details regardless of the outcome. I may have told a funny self depreciating story or twenty but I've never made a former sub feel like a collar meant more to me than their service did regardless of how the relationship ended. Respect is earned rather than autonomically expected because I call myself a Domme. How we treat others, regardless of which end of the whip we touch, speaks volumes to me about who anyone is as a person.

NuevaVida -> RE: Donate or keep for play (4/28/2013 10:26:43 AM)
The question might have been posed more generically but I'm not going to publicly roast a person for having different judgment than I. Particularly someone who has been so supportive of so many of us over the years. I think people had just grown fond of clip over the years and were surprised to realize the collar in question was the one he wore. I can totally relate to feeling nothing after a relationship. Sometimes things happen between people that just shuts off emotions. There's a reason I threw my $350 collar into the bathroom garbage. There's a reason I never visited my ex husband in the hospital when he tried to kill himself. I simply didn't care. Sometimes life is just like that. I wish LP and clip the best in moving forward.

littleclip -> RE: Donate or keep for play (4/28/2013 10:41:16 AM)
yes i was hurt to see she posted that she was out of pocket on the collar, $125 was sent now she is not i will not have it thought that i left any with money owing

tazzygirl -> RE: Donate or keep for play (4/28/2013 10:45:25 AM)
I will address only the collar.... a symbol of ownership.... of a relationship. There is no longer a relationship. But the idea of using that as a play collar is, to me, like using a wedding ring for jewelry after the marriage is over. While you can, its just tacky. But that is only my opinion. I do agree that the collar remains with the dominant unless they desire to give it to the submissive. Too often I have seen girls hang on to collars, wear them after the relationship is over, and wind up unwilling to move on.

tazzygirl -> RE: Donate or keep for play (4/28/2013 10:47:54 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: littleclip yes i was hurt to see she posted that she was out of pocket on the collar, $125 was sent now she is not i will not have it thought that i left any with money owing That wasnt your bill. She decided to have it reworked, the collar is hers, it was her bill.

Rawni -> RE: Donate or keep for play (4/28/2013 10:55:38 AM)
Clip, the thing is, you know the leather lifestyle and from what LadyPact said, the collar belongs to the dominant and they own it. You have sentimental value to it, but she owns it. She decides what to do with it. Period. In her use of it and any expense of its repair, it is all up to her. You don't owe anything because it was used or needed repair because it was used. Would some of us do something different? Maybe so. However, if LadyPact goes by this leather view of it, she would have known, in my opinion what to do with it. It wouldn't have been an issue. Thus my thinking this wasn't very nice to do. However, the collar in her view is hers to do with what she wants and you used it... maybe with deep and wonderful feelings and intent... which would be expected, but that was the lifestyle you agreed to and lived. A response to this thread after all you have gone through is understandable, however trying to force the issue or work it publicly isn't helpful. In fact, if you are really trying to get that collar... the way you are going about it and knowing LadyPact... that will never happen by force or manipulation. You may have lost a lot. You may be suffering a lot. You may think there is no future in all that you found joy in because of this break up, but if it was that meaningful to you, you may one day wish to have another relationship. Think... stop feeling so much that you cannot wisely think about the ramifications this will have. Try to do things in a way where you will have less regrets and stop reacting so much to the moment or the future will have things you must heal, modify and repair. Think. Stop. Even a meaningful something isn't worth losing what you are losing in your attempts to get what you want right here in this moment. You have been through the break up of a marriage I assume, you have been in the battlefield. You have many reasons to be off your game and I do hope that you find your way to some inner peace, but please, stop making this harder for yourself and if you cannot, please go to the VA center and talk to someone. Please.

BitaTruble -> RE: Donate or keep for play (4/28/2013 11:16:19 AM)
Personally, I'm a fan of utter destruction.. preferably by fire, but ultimately feel that collars belong to Masters.. and slaves simply wear them for the time they are allowed to do so or until they choose a different path for themselves. In this case, with the work being as it is, I would consider donating it to Leather Archives with before and after pictures of the restoration if you have it. I wouldn't try to sell it or reuse it for play. My collar (pretty old now actually) has my blood, sweat and tear stains all over it. Why someone else would want to put that on their neck is a little beyond my ability to comprehend. It's just a little icky for me. My vote.. death by fire or donation to the Leather Archives.

UllrsIshtar -> RE: Donate or keep for play (4/28/2013 2:00:42 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: BitaTruble donation to the Leather Archives. I think that's the best idea suggested in the whole thread.

LadyPact -> RE: Donate or keep for play (4/28/2013 3:17:50 PM)
I may live to regret this. I do want to thank everyone for their comments, both positive and negative. It is not that I don't appreciate your comments. I do. Both the good and the bad. I'm sorry, but I do disagree about the point about it being too soon. It's been over a month since the dynamic ended and it's time to decide what to do with the item. I hear what some of you have said about waiting a respectful amount of time. OK. I could have waited six months or a year to pose the question or decide what to do with it, but I don't have any intention of holding onto it for that length of time. Just because an item holds a sentimental value to a person other than the owner is not necessarily a reason for the owner to keep it in their possession. Even if I had waited for a longer period to post the question, it would not have prevented all of the comments that came on this thread. My posts on this site are generally experienced based. If you think about it, that means that every post that I write regarding kink, BDSM, authority dynamics, or any of the other posts that I contribute are about a "former" or current partner of one type or another. There was a mention of automatic association. For some people, that's honestly going to click in their heads and there isn't much I can do about that. The only help that I can provide for you on that matter is to remind you that the dynamic that recently ended was not the only one I've ever had. If you fill in the blank when I say former, prior, or anything else related to past events, I'm not trying to be mean sounding, but that responsibility is ultimately yours. The only way I could have posed this question without automatic association would have been for Me to create an alternative account. Basically, that means I would have been lying to you. I've been Lady Pact since before the other individual came along and I'm going to be Lady Pact still. I've written posts in the past about the fact that this is My name, given to Me in Leather, and I'm not willing to give it up. It's been My scene name and screen name here for years and it's not changing. The collar is not, and was not, ever for sale during the course of this thread. If money was sent to Me as an assumption that the collar would be sent, that's not happening. (I do appreciate those who, even if they lost respect for Me during the course of this thread, at least knew that much about Me, so thank you.) I will turn that proposed purchase price and return it right back to the sender. In other news, I am changing My bank account. To those who offered opinions and suggestions, I am grateful. I have to admit that I was surprised at Myself that I hadn't thought about destruction by fire. I happen to like fire a great deal and I am very much drawn to flame. While I won't be using that in this particular case, I'm definitely putting that one in the file cabinet should a situation arise where the emotions are different. (ETA) I also learned through the course of this thread, a little more support for My suspicion that females seem to think more about the "ick" factor of a leather item that has been previously worn by another. While I might not be correct in that assumption, I do think I see that response more from women then I do men. I'd actually like to investigate that further because I'm interested to know if that is really the case. The thread absolutely did assist in My decision process, so I would like to thank all of the contributors.

littleclip -> RE: Donate or keep for play (4/28/2013 4:54:28 PM)
no expectation with regard to the collar was implied only that it was no longer out of pocket to the owner. the D/M owns the collar and choses what to do with it.

KnightofMists -> RE: Donate or keep for play (4/28/2013 5:08:21 PM)
quote: I'm sorry, but I do disagree about the point about it being too soon. . Shit. I am wondering took you so long... As far as the other partner... It's Your Collar! As it was My collar that I destroyed with 24 hours of the relationship ending! Frankly the only wait time is the length of time needed to make the decision! So took longer to make a decision! It must of been a prrrretty collar! ;) quote: Even if I had waited for a longer period to post the question, it would not have prevented all of the comments that came on this thread. Not all but some... Bt to me it wasn't time as the factor.. It was the ridiculous rational to the question... It made you look silly and you are far from silly. In fact I think the simplified question is actually a very valid question and clearly there is a lot here with different view points... Lol no big surprise there. just for clarity... My opinion is simple. I own the collar... Collar destroyed if relationship ends. (I cut it up into little bits ad put it in he trash. But throwing it in a nice camp fire is a cool idea like that)... Or if its significant monetary value sell the the thing.... AS soon as possible... Fuck wait time! It's time to move on with living!!! quote: The only way I could have posed this question without automatic association would have been for Me to create an alternative account. Yup your right... Of course I didn't clue in... Hell didn't even know the relationship ended...honestly... Can't say that it affects me in any way... Call me insensitive but I don't really care. I have a few close friends.. Their relationship end it affects me... They matter to me and are significant in my life... People here.. Well frankly we are mostly just fonts and pixels on the screen. I pretty sure you are putting the opinions shared here including mine in there proper place... For the most part the trash! I don't do the drama thing... I like the base question because I thing it's and important thing to realize... Especially understanding who owns the collar! I also think its important that M types know there course of action if he relationship should end.... Frankly... Considering your experience am surprised that this detail was missed.. But we definitely don't have all the answers and that is what the forums like this are good for, even us old hands can learn a thing or two... Sometimes we come across something that just didn't think about or even know where to begin. Final answer, Burn the fucking thing the sooner the better!

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