MistressOfGa
Posts: 2929
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quote:
But no, i've this little girl who i have to be here for. For the first time in my life, i regret having her. Because if i didnt have her, i could go off and finish the destruction of me.
You said you are not having suicidal thoughts? In fact you said "Don't be rediculous" when it was mentioned that you are. Suggestion, instead of sitting there on your great big pitty party chair, take your girl to a relative and go and get yourself help. You say you will fuck her up "one day", try this day, if you do not go and get some help.
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This is not a "today" thing. It is not a yesterday thing. Its a long process in the making. Its life. It is my life. It is what i have struggled against for so long.
You are right, this has been happening for a long long time. I can't count the number of posts you have made about your "Master" who wouldnt get off the couch to find a job, who didnt pay a lick of attention to you, who spent hours on the computer, who neglected you, period. You act surprised that he didnt love you. C'mon, he has been screaming it at you for years.
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He never loved me. This man i called Master. i allowed myself to be fooled, because i so wanted what love, comfort, safety. i so wanted what everyone else seemed to get. What gets ripped away from me time and time again, leaving me broke.
I'm sorry you are just now realizing this fact. You wanted love, comfort and safety? According to you, he never gave you any of these things.
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i figured out his passwords and i read his emails. Emails.. oh god.. those emails.
He played me. He played me well. i oddly do not even want to seek some sort of vengence for myself.
I will tell you what I told Mew, you had no right, no business at all going through his emails. He broke up with you, what right did that give you to snoop through his personal emails? Pandora's box.
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Every one fucking beats me - i can never wim
As ReflectiveSoul said so often, you are responsible for your own feelings. I say this, if everyone beats you, then you allow everyone to beat you. If you never win, then you have chosen to never win.
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It's probably best to consider him a complete shit and just move on.
Excellent advice. I agree.
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A beautiful little girl that i will probably one day fuck her over.", please rest assured, we all fuck over our children in one way or another. It is just another part of life --- I have even heard it said it is our job to fuck them over so they can grow!
If someone knows that they are going to "fuck over" their child, then they should seek help and stop themselves from doing it. If one thinks that the child will be better off without them, then love them enough to let them go. No excuse for fucking over someone that can't defend themselves against a mother who is so filled with pity and rage that they cant think past themselves, or their own pain. I know, I had the same type of mother.
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Yeah anyways. Dont give pity - or sympathy. i dont want words of care. Just beat on me, k? i deserve it i really do. i KNOW better then to fall into this trap. i knew better then to trust him Yet i allowed it. i allowed all of it. i allowed to be treated like i did. i allowed his lies. i allowed it period.
Yes, you did allow it. That much you did get right.
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i dont NEED ANY FUCKING PITY or sympathy. So stop it please. just tell me - i told you so. Your a fucking stupid bitch.
No, I won't call you any names nor will I give you any pity or sympathy. You are responsible for how you are feeling right now. Because of your inability or your refusal to make healthy choices, you are where you are right now. I am not saying that you deserve to be hurting, but I do think that you got some really fantastic advice here about 8 months ago, and you chose to ignore it, even though you asked for the advice. Many people have tried to reach out and help you here. We all learn from our mistakes, I hope you take this as a life lesson and know that the next time something seems to good to be true, it usually is.
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because it never occured me that he never loved me. God he'd look me in the eyes with such sincerity and tell me he loved me.
Riotgirl..I think it did occur to you that he didnt love you. You just didnt want to see it.
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call me what you like. attention seeker, drama queen, retard, deserving. i dont care. i wrote it cos i was in shock and lost and didnt know what to do. Yay me. i'm a collarme loser. No worries. i'm like out of here when this is done. No more of my emotions, no more of my rants.. no more of my annoying posts. Yall should count yourselves lucky and atleast give me this one last time to work through something. I mean hell, you get so much in return
You are bound and determined to have people call you names. You are not alone here, there are many who have put themselves out there to get stomped on and hurt. It is LIFE and it is happening as I type this. The only thing you can do, is get out of his email box and move on. Take your little one to the park, play with her, get your mind off of you and on to her.
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p.s and i'm not having suicidal thoughts. Dont be ridiculous
Your posts give every indication that you are having suicidal thoughts. Wishing you were dead, wishing that you would of succeeded your suicide attempt at age 19. These are suggestions of suicidal thoughts.
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Ok... so you ask to be chastised and then get upset when that wish is granted.
you're off base
How is she off base? You got exactly what you came here and asked for.
I dont think anyone has posted any negative comments. I think that all of us have posted what we feel. Maybe you didnt come here looking for responses, but you posted on a public board and we are posting back to you on that same public forum.
I hope that you take care of you. Your little one depends on you to take care of her. Take some of this energy that you are using for anger and rage and turn it into something positive that benefits you and your child.
Good luck to you, Riotgirl. I do hope you can move past this and allow those who love you to comfort you and help give you the strength to take care of those who really need you the most. You and your girl.
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RE: Played - to unconcievable depths - 
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